|| 12 Years Ago ||
Noel Whickman stood in front of me on our first day in primary school, looking down at me since he was on of the tallers in our class -more evident considering I was sitting indian style on the graveyard. I hesitaintly smiled, not really feeling like it but my mother always told me to be nice. He narrowed his eyes towards the toy in my hands.
"Give me that."
I frowned.
"What?"
"Are you deaf?" he rudely snapped making me jump up my feet. "Give me that."
"No! I've already given you the others." I hugged the doll closer to my chest. " This is for me." But that didn't stop him and within five seconds I landed forcefully on my back and tears blurred my vision. Noel was smiling maliciously with the toy in his hands.
"Cheater!" I cried in a shaky voice. "That was mine!"
"Oh, is the little girl crying?" he mocked me and I felt even worst. Ugly, fat tears flowed down my cheeks and I wiped them with the back of my hand, ashamed.
Suddenly Brett Ryder was by his side. He was in my class too and was also the son of one of my mummy's best friends. I'd seen him every now and then in our parents greetings but the only time I tried to smile at him and be nice he frowned and walked away. Now, either way, he looked utterly pissed and the next second he shoved Noel to the groud as well, causing him to cry out.
"Leave her alone." Brett spat picking the toy from Noel's feet. "Don't ever pushed her again, understant?"
"What's wrong with you?!" he glared back the auburn boy and struggled to get up again, gracelessly. "I'm telling my mum!"
"Who's the little girl now?" smiled Brett and I found it impossible to tear my gaze from that amazing sight. He looked so sure, so beautiful... especially compared ro a spoiled boy like Noel, whose face flushed incontrolably in rage and embarrasment. My five-year-old self couldn't help but admired him. Noel glared us some more before saying a very bad word and storming away.
Brett gave me back the doll and it took me a second to snap out my trance and grinned widely at him, wiping the last remaining tears.
"Thank you." he smiled back. "Wanna play with me?" Brett nodded and sat beside me. "Here. I'll be Fiona, you could be Tina, or Tom, or Grace. Who do you prefer?"
"Tom."
"Fine. But you gotta know Tom is sick right now. He got a huge boo-boo on his arm after Noel stepped on him and he only had one shoe since Rebecca lost the other one when she borrowed him earlier. It's okay, tho, I just pretend he's injured there...Oh, and he's married to Grace. This is Grace. They're Fiona's parents. My parents." I kept explaining pointing the dolls as I talk.
Brett furrowed his brows, nodding at my rambling and absently bouncing Tom around, grinning back at me. He was the very first friend I ever got, and after we played together for the first time we just somehow became an unbreakable pack.
At least thats's what everyone- including myself- thought.
|| Present ||
Too caught up in my own world, I bumped into someone's chest and almost fell but instead I just clashed against the lockers causing some giggled around by some of the students passing by.
"Well, well. Little freak finally by herself, that's more like it."
Oh shit.
I looked up to Noel's mocking face. Great. You would had thought him and Brett would hate eatch other knowing how they got introduced, but the truth is that they bonded with those harsh treatments. They mutual love for soccer kinda help them get along. Needless to say he was more than glad to join my group of bullies. Besides Brett and Jade, Noel was my greatest tormentor, and he actually enjoyed my suffer.
Yeah, remember when I said that 'most' of them play the innocent card? Noel was 'the other part' of them. He was kinda sadistic and openly demonstrate how bad he loathed me. I didn't know the reason, but he was my first hater; back from the very start. But well, by now I'd get used to it.
What he meant by 'finally by myself' was that ever since the semester had started in the beginning of the week, Brett seemed to appeared everytime I turned a corner. Two of my classes, on the hallways, even in my free period. We happened to share the same free period and he decided to spend his bothering me. Right, he hadn't openly done anything yet, but it was just a matter of time. He was trying to get me relaxed so when he come out with whatever it was he was planning it hit me double hard.
Anticipation was killing me. And I hated it.
"What?" he teased. "Cat got your tongue?"
Most like it.
I lowered my face, avoiding Noel's mocking grimace and tried to walked pass him. Unfortunatelly, he didn't felt like letting it go so easily so his arm was suddenly stretched before me, palm against the near locker and blocking my path. My stomach churned and I gulped.
"Guess what?" he said in a mix of disgust and mockery that made me inwardly shudder, nothing good can come out of this. "Yesterday I went to that shitty taco restaurant and my least favorite waitress wasn't there." he faked a pout but I just shrugged, staring hard at my feet. "What? They've finally realized what a useless clumsy monkey you are and fire you?"
The disdain and racism in that comment was like a kick on my guts but I bit my inner cheek struggling to appear enough uninterested for him to let it go. Ever since New Year my shifts had changed, but its not like I would tell him something like that.
The TacoBell where I worked was pretty popular here and it wasn't rare for some of my classmates to attend on my labour hours. Thank God, most of them leave me alone and since there were a very strick policity on the local they couldn't actually messed with me, but everytime my turn matched with the cheer squad or the soccer team they would make everything possible to make me work double. Return they plates uncountable times, purposely dirty the tape, change their order on the roll... and basically made fun of me because I was productive and actually had a job.
Yeah, that mature they were.
They would eventually found out what hours I work now but I wanted to doubt their maliciousness went that far. Either way, I wasn't going to make things easier for them so I didn't respond Noel.
"I see." the dark tone in his voice got me tensing. Whatever that ever comes after that tone always ended bad for me. "In that case you won't mind if I-"
"Okay," I almost jumped out my skin when suddenly a gentle arm wrapped around my shoulders and guided me forward, pass Noel. "Why don't you leave her alone?"
I recognized the voice immediately. Hunter Jamerson. Aka Brett's best friend since kindergarten. I know what you're thinking, since everyone in his group hate me he must too, right?
Well, Hunter is the exception of that rule.
He aways got a smile ready and never made fun of me other than while joking among ourselves. When he witnessed something been done to me he usually stepped in, like he just did right now. Out of the popular group, there are the ones that loathed me -Brett, Jade, Noel-, the ones who didn't give a shit, and the ones that were actually nice -Hunter and her lovely two-year-girlfriend, Lydia Hammel.
Noel frowned at him as the player tugged me away the crowded hallway and my probably about to be next humiliation. "Way to ruin the fun, Jamerson."
"Fuck off, Whickman."
People's 'oooh' filled the hallway and I could sense his glare on the back of my neck. I couldn't begin to explain how grateful I was when Hunter didn't stop 'til we were way down the next corridor and only then he let go and smiled apologetically down at me, walking by my side.
"He's such a dick, ignore him."
I nodded. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it." he waved it off but stopped me when he noticed I was to turn towards the library and not the cafeteria. After Jade's little prank the other day I had to change my rutine and began eating in there. Norah and Macy knew something was wrong but I didn't want them to stress over my mess so I just tell them a lame excuse and urged them to keep going the cafeteria. The last thing I wanted would be for them to be screwed as well.
"I don't really felt that hungry." I mumbled, he didn't need to know I will discretly eat when Mr Gail won't be watching.
Hunter didn't buy it, tho.
"Was it for what happen the other day?" I gulped, shaking my head but his narrowing gaze indicated me he knew the truth. "Listen, Jade can get a bit carried away sometimes, and as I said Whickman is a douche, but you can seat with the rest of us." he proposed and the small hairs of my back crawled at the thought. 'The reast of us' mean half of the soccer team, which included Brett obviously. This time I shake my head harsher and he frowned. "We all aren't like that."
"I.. I know. You're always nice to me." I sent him a small thankful smile and he lifted one shoulder, dismissing it completely.
"I'm not the only one."
"Yes," I sighed tiredly. "You are."
He gave me a confused look, but before neither of us could say something else that buried me more in self pity I waved him goodbye and made my way upstairs in search for some peaceful time.
Luckily no one bothered me the next hours, that if you exclude Jade's glare in the hallway and Brett constant bothering in Economy. He just wouldn't stop staring and using every excuse to do the most useless comments -some of them quite amusing, to my dismay- but I bit my lip and kept a neutral face. The building tension was beginning to creep me out. What was he doing? The hell was he waiting for to show his true self?
When we were told about our first project, in which we had to invent something that satisfy some kind of necessity and then we'll develope a whole business around it, my heart somersaulted. It really sounded good, an entertaining way to get the class involved and at the same time that we get to see how it work from inside. But with him, something as simple as chose one topic and investigate about it got me sweating cold.
Brett expression changed into a smug one, knowing this time I was forced to actually talk to him. Damn it. I couldn't avoid it any longer. As the rest of the partners around began talking, all that filled our desk was my frantic tapping with the pen as precious minutes pass.
I had to say something. I must say something. Remember the mark. Remember USC. You can do it. It's just someone with whom you got paired. Nothing less, nothing more. I inwardly nodded to myself, encouragingly; and finally turned to face him but in the moment my eyes met his piercing blue ones I felt a painfull tug in my stomach and words evaporated in my mouth.
Brett rose one brow as he saw me struggling with myself, a small voice in the back of my head screaming: abort mission. Abort mission!
Who was I fooling? I was a coward. I couldn't do it. My cheeks get warmer and I lowered my gaze once more, the pulse ringing in my ears. Are you fudging kidding? He's just a boy and you need the mark. How much would I let this pathetic fear control me? Just man up already.
"Okay." Brett scratched the back of his nape awkwardly. "So..."
"So," I cleared my throat, pressing my lids together for a second gathering strenght before slightly tilting my body towards his, pen prepared over the paper. "Do you got any idea of what you want us to do?" I wanted to pat myself for how calm that came out... far from what I was actually feeling.
For a second he looked surprised but he quickly covered it up. "Mm... I don't know?..."
I knitted my brows together at his response and something clicked in my mind. "Do you even know what this is about?" he gave me a guilty half-smile and I sighed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "We have to chose a product and do some research about it for tomorrow so we could work over it."
"A product?"
"We have to make something up." I explained quietly, drawing random patters on the side of my paper. "Something original."
"Mh. Well, I really don't care." he shrugged completely uninterested. Why doesn't that surprise me? "We can do whatever you want, Giggles."
His response got me squirming uncomfortable. I felt like he was passing me a lot of responsability and my chest clenched under that weight. "Oh, mm... Okay then I got a couple of ideas since she said she'll valorate it seems realistic and satisfy a necessity..." I hesitantly exposed him a couple of them that I'd written down as Mrs Goldin was talking earlier. Brett didn't seemed focused on the project, agreeing with each one without actually listening them. I sighed, frustrated. Couldn't he at least pretend he was working? I decided for the simplest one and asked if it was okay.
"Sure." he smirked, leaning back against his chair. "Fine by me."
I nodded, writing down the title. "Alright. Then I guess that's it. You'll do yours, I'll do mine and then we'll glue it." I clapped my hands together as a demonstrations. "Sounds good?"
Brett furrowed his brows. "Aren't we supposed to do this together?"
Hell no! I shook my head. "There's no need of that. Just do your thing, print it in Arial 12 and nobody'll know." I stated more confident than what I actually felt. Good, Alyson. Stand your ground and it'll be fine. "Oh, and put the titles in red."
"What if I don't want to?" Or maybe not. And just like that all my confidence was thrown out the window at Brett's firm voice. "Maybe I'll put them blue." he continued to mock me and rose one brow, amused. Jerk. "Such a beautiful color, isn't it?"
I shrank in my seat. Of course it would be his way. I seemed new, what was I thinking ordering him around? Silly me.
"O-okay. Then they'll be blue."
His smirk turned into a frown and my guts twitched painfully. What had I done now?
"I'm joking, Lys." he said serious. Oh, no! Why is he serious now? Would he do something to me? I knew he wouldn't be able to control himself much further. "You know that right?"
Know what?!
The more he stared right at me the more anxious I'd become. It's pathetic how easily he could tear my confidence apart.
That's 'cause it's none existent, duh.
"Just... Just pick a color and we'll g-go with it." my fist clenched when I stutter and I focused on the suddenly-very-interesting worksheed. I felt Brett's scowl even though I wasn't looking his way and forced myself to calm my pounding pulse.
"I was just-" he interrupted himself with a deep sigh and I still pretended to be writing. "Red's fine." he muttered finally and I sensed his annoyance crushing my chest from inside.
Why does he have to bother me if he'll end up giving in and-
Wait a second.
GIVING IN?!
It took me a couple of seconds to notice but when I did I felt like the bewilderest person in this world. Did Brett Ryder or did he not just let me get away with something? Right it was a stupid title color, but until that moment it'd been years since the last time I got something to say in decisions that included the both of us.
I glanced his way confused, almost expecting him to laughed at my face or mocked me some more, but instead I found him writing as well. His head rose and when our eyes met something happened to my insides. Something I hadn't allowed to happen with him since years ago.
And I didn't like it.
Brett opened his mouth just as the bell rang over our heads and I quickly bolted out the classroom, not giving him any chance to speak whatever he was about to say.
I was confused... beyond confused. It's been almost a week and he hadn't torment me openly yet. Not even sneered at me. Apart from the annoying and the soft mocks, he hadn't done anything and I didn't know how to feel about it.
Was he really doing all of this so I let my guard down? I didn't dared to believe this would last. Because it wouldn't, right? Or maybe this months away got him maturing... But then again there was Jade. It all made no sense. I bet he wanted me to felt comfortable with him so Jade come up with some of her wicked pranks and Noel recorded everything and then-
"Alyson!" Norah's call snapped me out my paranoid trance and I stopped in the hallway letting her catch up with me before moving again. She got this weird smile as she caught her breath and her eyes measured me.
"What?" I asked unsure. "There's something on my face?" I rose one hand there at the thought of having embarrassed myself in front of Brett the whole hour with something in my face. But my friend shook her head and intercepted my hand, lowering it back to my side.
"You're perfect," she reassured me, still looking me weirdly.
"Then why are you looking at me like this?"
"When were you to tell me about this Brett Ryder?" she said instead and my brows knitted together in confusion.
"What? I told you, Norah. Me and Macy did, remember? That friend I got that become Satan when he turned thirteen?"
But she didn't loose that smirk as she shook her head and looked at me knowingly. "He just coudn't stop looking at you." the knot in my chest only tightened at that.
"He was probably wondering what would be the best way to mess with me without Mrs Goldin noticing."
"You're so oblivious." she laughed and my scowl deepened. "He's crazy for you."
"Yeah! He's mental."
Norah shook her head.
"No, Alyson. He's crazyfor you. He likes you!"
What?!
I stared at her in shock but Norah just similed back.
"Oh, no. You're sick too. Maybe is it viric?"
"Please." she smacked my arm with her folder, rolling her eyes. "I'm dead serious here."
"Yeah, especially the 'dead' part if you really think he likes me in any way. He hates me, Norah! He spend his life making mine miserable!"
"That's not what it looks like from where I stand." she winked and I gaped at her, thanking that corridors still half empty due to our rush in geting out. Only God knows what would certain someone do if Norah's assumptions got to them. "It's between sad and adorable to see him following you around this whole week."
My eyes widened. The heck?!
"Just because he hasn't done anything bad this past week doesn't mean he isn't demonic." I hissed. "Let alone liking me!"
"Okay, okay!" she rose her hands in surrender. "Jeez, I was just speaking my mind."
I felt the sudden urge to cry but instead I just shook my head, feeling dejected 'cause some time ago I would had done anything for her words to be true. I dreamed for him to like me back the same way I liked him. For his heart to speed like mine whenever he smiled... Until it all turned sour.
I gulped, getting rid of the knot in my throat as we exited the builing side by side. "You don't know him, Nors. You don't know what he's done."
But I do.
__________________________________________
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