Chapter 36: : Chapter 36

meeting with Dario with nothing but more questions than when I arrived, my mind races with more thoughts than I can handle.

I walked out of there, no one showing me the way, and yet holding the weight of invisible eyes all over me as I left. I’m free to go, but the freedom I think I have is limited. Dario won’t just let me walk away, not now. A guy like me knows too much.

If there is indeed a new drug on the market that’s surpassed the quality of cocaine I’ve connected him with—which I find hard to believe—then it must already be out in the streets. Word gets around fast, but only by people buying and sampling said products.

I drive along the dimly lit roads, finding my way to a fast food spot to pick us up some tacos for dinner. Dinner. The fact that I can eat dinner while a man, who’s probably halfway to being buried six feet deep, never will, makes me sick to my stomach. I get the food, more for Han than me, and make the rest of the drive to her apartment. My mind is fucked up, craving that numbness again, where everything is just…simpler.

If Bran and Silas are co-conspiring, as Han says, then it only makes sense that they’re the ones who found a way to get around me and my supply. It couldn’t be more clear to me that Silas is insanely jealous. His need to feel worthy is unparalleled. To top it off, Han mentioned Bran was pissed about me stepping into his lane, removing his weak business that clearly wasn’t shit compared to my quality. But what makes me question everything is the realization that strikes into me like a bolt of electrical pain.

There were two times I’d sampled coke that I’d known for a fact wasn’t my own. With Sera, when she gave Han and me some at Sidney’s during the threesome, and then with Tarah, when we were at Bran’s with the other girls. Both experiences weren’t normal, neither hitting me with the same type of high I’m used to.

This coke is cut with something. Something bad. Something uncontrolled.

I immediately get nervous, thinking of the ramifications of two nobodies dying to be somebodies. All the college kids, people from out-of-town trying to have a good time, or just regular coke heads that are taking substances they think are the same drugs they’re used to, with no idea of what they’re walking into. These idiots are about to seriously harm someone, if not kill them.

Pulling out my phone on the way over to Han’s apartment, I text a person I didn’t think I’d be forced to contact every again. Tarah.

I throw the phone into the passenger seat of the car, frustrated that I even need to do this. I turn up the radio, lighting up a cigarette as I slouch back into the seat. The phone vibrates, the face lighting up into the seat. I take another long drag of my cigarette, blowing it out to calm myself before checking it.

I pull into Han’s parking lot, find an empty stall, and put the car in park. Sighing, I drag my hands down my face. I hate feeling like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m cheating on her just by texting this chick, but it’s how I feel. Grabbing my phone, I look over the messages again, feeling uneasy about the idea of her ever finding them. It’s not that I think she would. She’s not the type to go through a guy’s phone. Even so, I quickly click to delete them, just in case.

Opening her door, which for some odd reason is unlocked, I peek my head around it, seeing her tucked into her couch, lighting up a joint. She’s fucking adorable. Wearing a huge black My Chemical Romance t-shirt that drowns her little body with what looks to be just briefs or nothing underneath. It’s the thigh high socks covered in little marijuana leaves that gets me though.

After locking the door and placing the bag of tacos on her kitchen countertop, I walk straight over to Han. Leaning over her on the couch, I bring my lips inches from hers just as she’s about to exhale.

Placing both of my palms on the back of the couch behind her, I encase her as she tilts her head up, blowing the remnants of her inhale into my parted lips before I press mine against hers. She moans as she breathes the rest out through her little nose. The one now decorated with a nose ring that looks like an upside down crown. It’s gorgeous on her, like everything else.

She pulls back from my kiss with a grin, tightening her messy pigtail buns and scruffing up her bangs over her forehead before tapping her tongue ring playfully against her teeth.

“You’re like the girl of my dreams, but real. I can’t even believe you want me around you,” I whisper, staring straight into her eyes with mine wide like a psychopath.

She giggles, shaking her head at my nonsense.

“Want a hit?” she asks, her green eyes twinkling as she offers me the joint between her long black cat-like nails.

“Fuck yeah,” I say, settling into the seat next to her. Nothing sounds better than some bomb-ass weed after the shit I experienced an hour ago. I need the numbness.

I kick off my boots, settling back into the couch with my long legs spread out before me. She puts the joint between my lips, leaning over me as I inhale. Her lips find my ear. With her tongue tracing the shell, the ball of her tongue ring rolling along softly, she whispers my favorite phrase into my ear with her sweet, warm breath. “My lips were on it first.”

My dick is on high alert.

We smoke until it’s cashed, just chilling on the couch with by Black Sabbath playing in the background. It reminds me of my days as a robot. Just a short time ago, I was convinced I wasn’t a human at all, before I sunk into a deep, drugged-out slumber. The strange realization is just one more reason to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck it was that I took that night.

With Han now perched between my legs, I embrace the warm, calming feel of the weed hitting my system, reveling in the feel of her sweet ass planted firmly against my cock. She lays her head on my chest, one of my knees bent while I stretch my other leg out onto the floor before us. Her soft thigh rests over mine, my fingers lightly tracing the snake wrapped around it.

Curling her hand behind my head, Han softly plays with my hair, turning her head to look up at my face. ‘I missed you today.’

My lip pulls into a grin as I focus in on her beauty. Those little freckles on her nose are more present with the absence of makeup. I love that she feels this comfortable around me, but truthfully, I think she’s just comfortable in general. I’ve never felt like she was self-conscious about anything other than the complexities of her heart.

“I know. You’re practically obsessed with me,” I say with a straight face before her hand comes around to smack me.

“You dick,” she giggles, wiggling against me as I catch her wrist in my hand before she can.

“I’ll show you a dick,” I reply, locking her arm behind her back between us, holding her against me while wrapping my other hand up and around her neck.

“Kai,” she moans instantly when my fingers tighten just above the chained choker necklace she’s wearing, the sound reaching the tip of my dick.

“What do you want, babygirl?” I purr into her ear, and she presses her ass back into me. “Tell me what you need.”

I feel the roll of her throat as she swallows.

“Play with me,” she breathes. “Toy with me. Tease me. Mark me as yours.”

My eyes roll to the back of my head at her words. I press my hips up into her as my hand tightens around the sides of her neck. I find her earlobe sucking on the tip, holding the little black stud in her ear between my teeth.

“Don’t tempt me.” I say the words with a dangerous edge, nipping the earlobe. “I’ll carve my fucking name into your flesh if given the chance.”

She moans when I bite the skin beneath her ear, her free hand suddenly holding up a knife next to our heads. My knife. The same knife we played with before. I forgot I left it here. Probably a bad thing, considering the situation I was just in.

“Get on with it then,” she whispers, flipping the five-inch blade up.

“Don’t tease me, Han. You don’t know how crazy I am. What destruction I might actually be capable of.”

She turns her head to face me again, pinned with her back against my chest, the sweet smell of her shampooed hair just beneath my nose. She oozes sex even when she’s not trying.

“I think I know,” she says in a sexy, cracked tone.

Her eyes leave mine, looking at the blade.

“How long you been holding on to this?” I ask, nodding my head at the knife.

“Since you left,” she answers quickly, rubbing her thumb along the handle, almost admiring it with her touch as if they’d shared something together.

“And what have you done with it?” I question, my tone dark and serious.

Her breaths increase along with her heart rate beating profusely against my forearm. Her breasts rise and fall, encasing my pinned arm that’s resting over her t-shirt, her evident lack of a bra a welcomed discovery. I feel something beneath her shirt, like a chain hanging from the choker. She looks from the handle of the blade, turning up to face me again. The devilish smirk in her snake-like eyes does something strange to me. She pulls me down into her dark, dangerous realm.

“You wanna see what I did?” she whispers, the words seductively falling from her plump, wet lips. “I’ll show you everything, Kai.”

She presses forward until I release her. Standing before me, she pulls her shirt up and over her head. I’m still sitting back against the couch, watching in amazement as she reveals herself. A black lace thong covers her perfectly toned ass, paired with nothing but those thigh-high weed socks. I want to take a bite out of that ass. Tear into her flesh.

It’s not until she turns around do I see the mystery behind what was under her shirt.The silver choker necklace has a chain from the center, dragging along her tanned breast to the place where it connects to her nipple ring.

“This has to be the sexiest piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen.” I groan, staring at it through pained eyes.

I sit up and immediately cup her freed breast, making the chain dip against her chest as I lift the soft, perky flesh in my palm. She tilts her head to the side, blinking her eyes closed before shooting me a hooded gaze.

Holding the knife in her right hand, she puts her foot on the outside of my thigh on the couch, opening herself to me again. The knife starts at her shin, slowly dragging up the sock until it finally reaches the skin of her exposed thigh. It’s then that I see the little marks on the inside of her thigh. Tiny cuts, like three beautiful lines of coke, all lined up near her center.

My eyes blink up at hers with a dangerous glare, my lips parting at the sight. She’s darker than dark. More twisted than I ever could’ve hoped or imagined.

She had been cathartically cutting herself while masturbating with my knife.

Her gaze finds mine as the realization sinks in. Physically showing me just what I do to her.

This isn’t normal behavior. The fact that I fucking love it the way I do signifies that. No one else can ever satisfy her needs like I can. They wouldn’t understand the emotional release that comes with the sting of that sharp, beautiful pain we need to get off.

Brynn wouldn’t fuck the end of my knife, thinking about me. The thought almost makes me laugh out loud. Nah, not a chance in hell. But Han…fuck, Han. Han lives in a world all her own. The world that holds no constraints, no insecurities, only the utmost sexual freedom. She does what she wants and she flaunts it, owning those demons like a master of her trade.

Does she know I’m mentally unstable? Does she understand all the ways in which I’d do anything to tie her up and leave her in my sick and twisted web of pain and pleasure forever? Will she understand me when she sees just how far I’d be willing to take things? Is she aware of how out of my fucking mind I am for her? It’s a dangerous little concoction we got cooking over here.

I’m fucked up. Obsessive and wild. She’s insane. Savage and dangerous.

She’s my weakness. My soul breaking weakness that takes hold of me, making me powerless to the temptations of my mind. The addictive tendencies I have are nothing compared to the fixation I have with this woman.

We push each other to the ultimate undoing, finding freedom in our release from the chains of societal standards. Our venom, poisoning the bloodstreams of one another, until we find the perfect mix of toxic that keeps us inevitably mortal.

One thing is clear, our sex is the most passionate, primal kind. Littered with the symbolic demand for one another that will never submit.

And we’re just getting started.