Chapter 19: Never Never: Chapter 19

I must have drifted off. I hear a soft beep and then the sound of metal sliding against metal. My eyes snap open and instinctually I press myself harder against the wall. I can’t believe I fell asleep. They had to have drugged me.

They. I’m about to find out who they are.

The door opens and my breathing gets faster as I squirm against the wall. A foot, plain white tennis shoes, and then…the smiling face of a woman. She comes in humming, kicking the door closed behind her. I relax a little. She looks like a nurse, dressed in pale yellow scrubs. Her hair is dark and pulled back in a low ponytail. She’s older, maybe in her forties. For a brief second I wonder how old I am. My hand travels up to my face, as if I could feel my age on my skin.

“Hello,” she says cheerfully. She hasn’t looked at me yet. She’s busying herself with the tray of food.

I wrap my arms tighter around my knees. She sets a tray down on a little table next to the bed and glances up for the first time.

“I brought your lunch. Are you hungry?”

Lunch? I wonder what happened to breakfast.

When I still don’t answer, she smiles and lifts the lid off one of the plates as if to tempt me.

“It’s spaghetti today,” she says. “You like spaghetti.”

Today? Like, how many days have I been here? I want to ask her, but my tongue is frozen in fear.

“You’re confused. That’s okay. You’re safe here,” she says.

Funny, I don’t feel safe.

She offers me a paper cup. I stare at it.

“You have to take your meds,” she says, shaking the cup. I can hear the rattling of more than one pill inside. I am being drugged.

“What’s it for?” I startle at the sound of my voice. Raspy. I haven’t used it in a while, or I’ve been screaming a lot.

She smiles again. “The usual, silly.” She frowns down at me, suddenly serious. “We know what happens when you don’t take your medication, Sammy. You don’t want to go down that path again.”

Sammy!

I want to cry because I have a name! I reach for the cup. I don’t know what she means, but I don’t want to go down that path again. That path is probably why I’m here.

“Where am I?” I ask. There are three pills: one white, one blue, one brown.

She cocks her head to the side as she hands me a plastic cup of water. “You’re in the Saint Bartholomew hospital. Don’t you remember?”

I stare at her. Am I supposed to? If I ask her questions, she may think I’m crazy, and by the looks of things, I may already be crazy. I don’t want to make things worse, but—

She sighs. “Look, I’m trying really hard with you, kid. But you have to do better this time. We can’t have any more incidents.”

I’m a kid. I cause incidents. That must be why I’m locked up here.

I tilt the cup ’til I feel the pills on my tongue. She hands me the water and I drink it. I’m thirsty.

“Eat up,” she says, clapping her hands together. I pull the tray toward me. I am very hungry.

“Would you like to watch some television?”

I nod. She’s really nice. And I would like to watch television. She pulls a remote control out of her pocket and switches it on. The show is about a family. They are all sitting around a table having dinner. Where is my family?

I’m starting to feel sleepy again.