We got to spend a little time in the room before he was sent to the NICU. Something about his skin coloring and labs, so Hayden went with him to go see him in the tiny islet. Rose came back up and sat with me in the room, talking quietly.
"Four and a half pounds! That's so tiny! I bet his fingers and toes,"
"Here," I showed her photos that a nurse had taken for me. "We have a few photos before they took him. I don't think he'll be there long but tomorrow morning they said I can wheel down there and go visit without a nurse following me. As long as I feel okay."
"Dasha," she swiped through and smiled. "He's beautiful. I'm so happy for you... by the way, I can leave if you want to sleep. Your eyes are just drooping and I can't imagine,"
"I'm staying awake for another hour I hope. But I'm sure I look like hell," I smiled and stood up slowly to go use the restroom. "Can you hand me that bag? The unit gave me some stuff to wear and I feel like changing."
"Yeah," she gave me the striped bag while I waddled slowly with Rose's help to the restroom and sat down.
"I just need new pants on. It's like... well I'll spare you the details but I'd take my cycle over this right now."
Rose helped pull my hair back and stood by the sink in case I needed something while I changed slowly. Every movement was methodical while I tested to see how well my body could change positions. Yes Hayden could've been here for this, but he was going to be dealing with it at home soon enough. Rose didn't care and I appreciated having a friend just talk me through it.
"I'm good from here, you can go sit out there," I shooed her away while just resting on the toilet. Lord it felt good to move my legs after laying in the bed for hours.
"Hey Rose? Can you grab me a lemonade from downstairs? I think there's a vending machine if the kitchen isn't open."
"Yeah, I'll be right back." She unzipped her purse to grab her wallet I assumed and walked out.
My parents and Hayden's parents had asked only once how everything was as they knew we all needed rest and would update again in the morning. No doubt we would be seeing them shortly once being able to go home. Whenever that was.
Darina had texted Hayden and said Sam's mom had offered for her, Sean and Rose to stay with them while we were in the hospital. It was relieving to know she had made a friend before college and that they were being well taken care of. The only question was how long were we going to be here?
Grabbing the pump they gave me for breastfeeding, I attempted to pump some ounces for Ryder. My breasts felt like they were going to explode if I didn't release some of this milk.
"The stuff no one tells you during pregnancy," I sighed and watched Golden Girls on TV.
Rose returned about fifteen minutes later with a couple of bottles, including one for herself. "I may head out soon if that's okay? I know you need rest as does everyone else."
"Absolutely. Thank you for coming up here," I leaned into her side hug.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world Dash. Get some rest, momma," she blew me a kiss before stepping out.
Finishing up the episode I was on, I turned off the pump and swigged half of my first bottle of lemonade down. Talk about being dehydrated. I wanted nothing more than to go lay down in a warm bath or our bed back home, but that wouldn't happen for at least another two days or so it sounded like.
I called the nurses' station and asked if a cot could be rolled into the room for Hayden whenever he returned. They assured me someone would be in shortly with one while I turned to one side and shut the lights out.
Thinking back to when I first had found out I was pregnant to now... man time had flown. And now we were parents, to a teeny tiny baby.
Sitting up, I flipped the light back on and decided to go see Ryder before I went to bed. Right as I was about to hit the call light Hayden came in and smiled. "Hey sweetheart, whatcha doing?"
"How is he? Can I,"
"I'll grab a wheelchair and take you." He smiled and turned the corner for a minute before returning and holding his hand out for me. "Do you feel steady to stand?"
Grabbing his hand, I took a few steps to the chair and sat down as slowly as possible while grimacing. Ouch. "Ready."
I immediately recognized him when we made it into the room and saw him in the second islet. There were only five babies in the NICU currently from the monitors steadily watching their heart rates.
"How is he?" I put my hand on the glass while Hayden stroked my hair. "He's doing good. They've been giving him "light therapy" essentially and will check his labs to see how he looks. But he's healthy and has very strong lungs, the nurses told me." Hayden chuckled while I looked at my son sleeping soundly. His legs would kick every few minutes while he slept in a onesie the nurses had dressed him in.
"He's beautiful." I couldn't tear my gaze away from him while we watched for a little while.
"I promise to bring you back in the morning baby, let's get some rest okay? I can only imagine how exhausted you are."
"It was worth it."
"That it was my love," he kissed the top of my head and took me back to my room. "I'm going to shower, unless you need the bathroom?"
"No," I laid myself back down slowly. "I kinda cleaned up earlier."
"Alright sweetheart." Hayden grabbed his duffel and took some stuff in with him while I left a smaller light on for him. God was I tired.
The light from the TV said nearly five as I rubbed my eyes wearily. At least sleep had helped reorient me, but I had to pee and pump as soon as possible. Trying to be extremely quiet, I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth once I was done. For a moment I debated pumping in the bathroom but that didn't sound as comfortable as just sitting on the bed.
Hayden didn't stir when I turned the TV onto a local channel and began pumping. Perhaps Hannah could help direct me to where the NICU was. I knew it hadn't been too far when Hayden took me but I couldn't recall anything after passing out last night.
Thankfully Hannah peeked her head in about thirty minutes later and smiled as I capped off the bottle and motioned her over.
"Could you help me take this to the NICU? I wanted to see Ryder."
"Absolutely. Let me grab a wheelchair and I'll be right back okay?"
I waited and held the few ounces I had in the bottle for Ryder. It was a small feat but I was still proud.
I wasn't wrong that the way to the NICU was slightly different than what I remembered, and required a code or verification. Hannah gave the milk to the NICU nurse who was watching Ryder and let her get it ready before I could feed him.
"How is he?"
"Good! Waiting on his lab results to come back, but he's had light therapy on and off throughout the night. If he has to go home with something like this we'll educate you. Congratulations on him by the way, he's relatively healthy aside from needing this light therapy." She pulled back the islet and moved his lines around before placing him in my arms. "I'll put the bottle right here, so when you're ready you can feed him okay?"
"Thank you," I whispered and just took in his sweet face again. The dark curls were all over his head and his fingers were gripping tightly in my hand as he shifted.
"You're so perfect Ryder." I kissed his forehead before attempting to feed him.
Hannah assured me she would let Hayden know where I was if he woke before she left. I felt relief and sat back to enjoy this somewhat private moment. The nurse had pulled the divider around us to give us some privacy while they attended to the other babies in the unit. Monitors would beep but overall it wasn't super chaotic at the moment.
Ryder squirmed after finishing some ounces and I rearranged him, avoiding the IV lines to hopefully let him burp. I knew from my birthing classes that even small babies weren't completely "fragile" but he was so tiny...
The doctor rounded while I finished cuddling Ryder and talked with me for a few moments. He said Ryder's labs were slowly rising but he would be here for a few days just to ensure he was stable before discharging. It all made sense, I was just ready to bring my son home with me.
Mary greeted me cheerfully when I returned to my room and saw Hayden was in the bathroom.
"Good morning! Did you sleep well Dasha?"
"I did actually."
"Giving birth can do that to ya," she smiled and wrote her information back on the board. "I believe the number to dial for breakfast is on your menu. The dietary people aren't up here yet so you should be able to place an order and it'll get here shortly. You can order for your husband too if you want."
"Thank you. Is it possible to take one of those baths you mentioned yesterday? I can do it, I just need the stuff."
"Absolutely. I'll get the stuff or have Jenna, my nurse aid come in with some things for you okay? We'll change your sheets and stuff too while you're doing that."
"Sounds amazing. Do I need to stay around here for most of the day or can I spend time in the NICU?"
"Honestly after... nine or ten I shouldn't need anything from you. You're more than welcome to visit him whenever, just let me know in case I need to find ya!"
"Awesome, thanks Mary." I waited for Hayden to step out so I could get his food order and felt tears fill my eyes just seeing him.
"Everything okay love? Is Ryder okay?"
"He's perfect." I wiped my eyes. "I didn't want to wake you so I went to visit him and fed him. He's doing well, but will stay for a few days according to the doctor."
"Good," Hayden slipped a shirt on before coming over and kissing my forehead. "As soon as he's ready to go we'll be ready. I can't believe I'm a dad."
I pretended to be offended, "don't let Jasper and Bandit hear that."
Hayden laughed, "sorry love. Human dad. Though, I'm sure with the two of them I'm feeling rather prepared for a tiny human."
"I still feel somewhat guilty for cutting Darina's tour short."
"Don't be. I'm sure seeing her new nephew is going to be the highlight of the year, and then she'll remember everything regarding college. I'm going to go check on him and maybe see when she can come visit him when he's not under the lights. Are you okay with me leaving for a minute?"
"Yes, I'll order food and then probably do the bath the nurse had mentioned the other day."
"Alright. I'll be back but text me if you need something."
My stomach immediately growled while I glanced at the menu and decided on an omelette and cottage cheese. Guess I would still be craving some random things after delivering too.
A knock sounded as the girl I presumed to be Jenna opened the door and held many things in her arms. "Hi! Mary told me you were wanting a bath and a bed change. I can come back or I can do it now?"
"Now is fine, I can take this stuff." I held my arms out for the towels and items while she went over and stripped the bed. "It won't take me too long, but Mary wanted me to remind you that you can remain in the sitz bath for as long as you can tolerate it."
"Thank you. I definitely may need reminders for the next few days."
"It's what we're here for." She went back to piling up the dirty sheets while I closed the door to the bathroom. "I'll come back and check on you okay? Otherwise pull that cord if you need something."
"Thank you!" I set a timer on my phone, determined to sit and relax for a few minutes before trying to plan out the rest of the day. It could wait. For now.
**An update that was much needed! There's still more to come and a third book is being teased out. But I'll need a break before diving into another one. As much as I love these characters there's a lot of work to do and so many other stories I need to finish as well. Thoughts on how we like this one versus the first? Anything you want to see going forward?**