Chapter 16: 16

Word Count: 2296

~Avila

My footsteps are silent as I pass through the house.

I shouldn't even be doing this.

After seeing the rebellion mark in that book and realising Emerick sports one on the top of his hand, I vowed I would never see him again.

Yet, when I read the note he left for me on my bedside table this morning, I felt tempted the entire day to meet him where he requested. And now, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I can't help myself. I need to know more about him.

Heaving the tall library doors open, I slip inside. It's dead silent in here. I weave through the towering shelves, inhaling the smell of old books and leather.

I find Emerick staring out the single, large curved window that takes up half the wall on the north side of the library. It dwarfs him, the blue tinted moonlight draped over his figure.

He turns as I approach.

"This is so dangerous," I hiss, glancing over my shoulder. I know no one followed me, but if we did get caught, it would be bad.

"No one will come in here at this hour," he assures me, tilting his head to the side.

I shift uncomfortably. I've always been a little afraid in his presence, but this feels different. Knowing he's a rebel, someone who wants terrible things to befall my reign, makes this interaction all the more terrifying.

"How did you even get in?" I question.

"I have my ways." He smiles knowingly. "How are you?"

I tug out a chair tucked under the reading table, slumping into it. I'm considering getting straight to the point and interrogating him on his rebel marking, but I'm going to hold off.

First, I want to see what he has to say to me.

"Stressed. I met my father, and my supposed friends," I admit, brushing my cool fingertips over my temples. "And the world knows I'm alive again."

"So I heard." He paces in front of me, his big black boots causing the wood to creak uneasily.

"What are people saying?" I ask tentatively.

He drags his gaze over me, those harsh black eyes softening a little. "They are confused, but mostly grateful."

I drop my head into my hands, digging my fingers into the roots of my hair. The revelation of my 'recovery', as it has been branded, has spread like wildfire throughout the territory. Roel has purposefully kept people's reactions from me so as not to overwhelm me.

"Are any of them wondering if dark magic is what cured me?" I whisper hoarsely.

Emerick hesitates enough to confirm my biggest fear.

"Ugh great," I groan, tipping my head back.

How am I supposed to rule over these people now? All of this puts into question how fit I am for the throne, and now no one is going to trust me again. They will spend my entire reign wondering whether I'm part of some dark curse.

"I'm also having a ton of flashbacks. Just to add to it all." I smooth my hair back, trying to calm myself. I'm not about to start having a breakdown in front of a rebellion member.

Emerick pulls a chair in front of me, sitting in it.

"What of?"

"My life. My parents fighting, me and Vade fighting...I feel like I'm going insane." I shouldn't be divulging this to him, but it feels good to have someone outside of this place hear it.

"You're not. I'm here for you," he assures me gently.

He reaches for my hands, but I pull back, catching a flash of that vivid tattoo. I can't let all this emotion overwhelm me. I didn't come down here for this comfort.

"I'm sorry, I'm making this all about me." I clear my throat, forcing a tight smile. "How are you?"

He pulls back a little, rubbing his face. His stress becomes obvious in the tightness of his jaw, the way he wrings his hands.

"You know this group I mentioned I am a part of?"

I do now.

"The one you house in your complex?" I keep my voice light, unassuming. Right now he thinks I'm clueless, that I know nothing about his secret.

"Yes, well their main objective has shifted again, and I'm scrambling." He looks out the window, deep in thought.

My eyes narrow slightly.

"What is this group?"

"It's complicated," he excuses carefully. "I'm stressed, but seeing you reminds me of why I came to this part of the Territory in the first place."

He offers me a smile, reaching out for my hand again. This time I let him take it, trying to maintain the façade.

His hands are warm, his stare hot.

"You evade many of my questions, you know..." I murmur.

"I don't want to burden you with more problems. You need to concentrate on regaining control of your life, and falling in love with me again." He reaches out, brushing his fingers against my cheeks.

My blood chills. Love? I'm unsure if I'll ever speak to him again after this meeting.

"What if I can't fall in love with you again?"

"You will. Trust me," he insists. "Now, follow me."

With his hand in mine, he pulls me up to stand. Nerves swirl in my stomach, hoping he's not going to lead me out of here and into a trap.

"Where to?"

He pulls me down an aisle crawling with shadows. He scans each shelf with narrow eyes as we walk, taking his time to read the spines.

"I'm pointing out all your favourite books before you..." he breaks off, grimacing a little.

"Died. You can say it," I deadpan.

"Yeah, that." He clears his throat uncomfortably. He plucks a book from the shelf, dusts it off, then hands it to me. "You loved the mystery in this one. Something about death always fascinated you."

I take it carefully, examining the cover. It doesn't appear to be familiar, although the mystery aspect does sound interesting. Still, I have my doubts.

"Hmm." I flip through some pages. "My tastes have a tendency to be different, though."

He keeps walking, concentration cutting through his expression. Were I not slightly terrified of him right now, I would find this attractive.

"I doubt this has changed." He pulls another one, takes a glance at the back before handing it to me. "Take this one. You liked the sex scenes."

My mouth falls open as I look it over. The cover is black, the print on the front gold. I don't dare open, afraid of what I'm going to find written amongst the pages.

There is every chance Emerick is lying about this, pulling random books off the shelf just to trigger something in me, but I get the feeling my liking for this book is especially true. I seemed to be quite comfortable in my sexuality.

"I'm not going to read this one. I don't think I would like it."

He gives me a long look, his stare devouring me. "The taste of what you liked in bed can't have changed."

I freeze, heat curling in my lower stomach. It's been far too easy to forget that Emerick and I were not just familiar with each other before, we were actually lovers. In every capacity...

"Did we sleep together?" I already know the answers deep down.

"Yes." He smiles wickedly. "Do you want more details?"

I turn away, looking at the endless stack of books on the shelf. Right now is not the time to look at his body, to wonder what it felt like on top of me or underneath me.

"Nope." I shake my head vigorously. "Absolutely not."

Emerick brushes past me, his shoulder bumping against mine. I follow him wordless, trying to shake that look he gave me out of my head.

We head down another aisle, and this time he doesn't struggle to find the exact book he wants. I take it from him, the book cloth worn and abrasive in my hand.

"This one always reminded you of something. I'm not sure what though." His voice is hard now, as he gestures for me to look at the back.

Turning it over, my eyes graze over the synopsis. It immediately becomes apparent what he is hinting at.

This book is about corrupted royalty. What it is doing in our family library is beyond me, but I get the feeling Emerick has something to do with it.

"Is this it?" I ask, examining the three books now stacked in my hands.

"Give them a read and let me know what you think." He winks, making it clear that there's only one of them he actually wants feedback on.

He turns to walk back down the aisle, but I snag his sleeve, pulling his attention back to me.

"Emerick..."

"Yeah?"

"What does that symbol on your hand mean?" I point to it. I'm not leaving here until I get the answers I want. If I know now, I can demand he never make contact with me again.

He glances at his hand, then back at me, his brows creasing together.

Tucking his hand behind his back, he smiles, stepping toward me.

"Anything you want it to be," he murmurs, reaching up to brush his thumb across my lips. "Can I kiss you?

I jerk away, taken aback by his distraction technique. Does he take me to be a fool? I'm not going to melt for him just because he's given me some books and offered me a kiss.

"I know what it means," I snap. "I know you are a member of the rebellion. I'm assuming it is the group you're telling me about."

He grimaces, sweeping his hands through his hair. "Oh. Shit."

"Yeah oh shit." I fold my arms over my chest. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Eventually. When I could trust that you wouldn't tell anyone," he admits. He steps forward, looking like he wants to console me, but I step back again, shaking my head defiantly.

It's not like I had much trust in him to begin with, but whatever was there has dissolved into nothingness.

"Did I know about this before I died?"

"Yes."

A knot gathers in my throat. "I didn't care?"

He tilts his head from side to side, debating what he wants to share with me. I'm trying not to fall over from this revelation. I knew I was keeping secrets, I just didn't realise they are so damning.

"Not exactly..."

Roel was warning me not to fall into old habits. Clearly he knows, or knew.

"Roel told me the rebellion is trying to dismantle the monarchy here. Is that true?" I try to keep my voice hushed so as not to rouse any of the guards that walk around, although it's becoming increasingly more difficult.

"To an extent," he admits.

"I cannot see you anymore." I wrap my arms around myself, finally feeling the chill of the night air through my night gown. "You need to leave."

"This isn't what you think it is. Trust me, I would never want to hurt you," he insists, advancing on me.

I shake my head, matching his steps back.

"You lied. You kept this from me." Betrayal bleeds from every word.

"Only to protect people I care about," he tells me, eerily calm despite what we are talking about. "You loved my involvement in the rebellion, knowing I have thoughts of my own that are important."

"But I am to be Queen."

"A good one, too." He finally stops walking toward me, rubbing his brow. "We just want to help you get there."

He's being purposefully cryptic and it's working, because I have no idea how this all ties together. He wants to dismantle the monarchy, yet he wants me to rule. I knew about this, and I kept it from my own mother and father.

"I'm confused." A dull ache is starting to gather between my temples. "But you hate the monarchy."

"Just the ones currently in power." He looks behind him, rolling his shoulders. He knows if he's caught speaking like this, he will be killed.

"My parents?" I sound breathless.

"None of this changes how I feel about you." His smile is tentative. "I'm in love with you, and I would never do anything to hurt you. That is why you were so involved in our cause, helping us find a way to get what we all want."

"And no one knows about this?"

He shakes his her fervently. "No one can know about this. Okay?"

"Why should I keep this secret for you?"

"Because you're going to wait and see why when you come to one of our meetings next week." He sweeps his hand through his midnight black hair. "You'll meet everyone, and you'll hear stories from your past. You'll learn to understand."

"I can't..."

"Yes you can, Avila," he insists, gentle but firm. "Don't you want to give this a chance? Me a chance?"

I step from foot to foot.

There has to be a reason I trusted Emerick. There has to be a reason I loved him. Whatever my involvement with the rebellion was, I must have thought it important enough to keep it from Roel, Crimson, Vade and my father.

If I go to this meeting, there is a good chance I'll find out more about myself, and why I thought the way I did.

"Fine," I concede with a huff. "Where will I meet you?"

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