Chapter 29: chapter 29

S A N M A Y I The sound of war was a constant hum in my ears, a reminder that the world around me was crumbling to dust. Even now, standing at the edge of the forest, looking out at the gathering armies of Amaravati and the rebellion, I could hear it in the rustle of the trees, in the distant drumbeats of soldiers preparing for the final battle.I had known this moment was coming. I had known it would come the day I first laid eyes on him—Ranajay, the prince, the man who had destroyed my world and yet somehow still haunted the deepest parts of my heart. Now, he stood on the other side of the battlefield, the royal banner of Amaravati high above his head, as if the very flag itself were a declaration of everything we had lost.My heart hammered in my chest, the rhythm of it matching the pounding of hooves as they prepared for war. Yet there was something else—a tremor, a churning inside me, a realization that had taken me far too long to reach.I had fallen in love with him.The thought struck me like a blow to the chest, and for a moment, I almost felt the breath leave my body. How could it be? How could I possibly allow myself to care for him, after everything that had happened? After all that he had done? The memories of my burning village, of the innocent lives lost, flooded back to me with a vengeance. There was no forgetting that, no erasing the ghosts of the past.But that was the thing, wasn’t it? The past was always with us. No matter how far we ran, no matter how much we tried to escape, it was there. It was in every decision, every breath we took. It had shaped me, shaped him, and shaped the world we now lived in. There was no denying it. We were both children of it.I turned my gaze toward the battle preparations once again. My people were ready. The rebellion was on the cusp of victory, but I knew that in that victory lay a terrible cost. Lives would be lost, families torn apart, the very land itself scarred by the war we had waged. And if we won, what would we have left to rebuild? What would I have left?"You’re quiet today," a voice said, pulling me from my thoughts.I glanced over to see my trusted ally, Dara, watching me closely. He was a man of few words, a soldier in the truest sense of the word. He had fought alongside me from the beginning, his loyalty as unyielding as the mountains that lined the horizon."I was just thinking," I said softly, trying to keep my voice steady. "About what comes next."Dara nodded, his eyes scanning the horizon. "After today, there will be no going back."I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his words settle over me like a stone. There had been no going back for a long time now. The moment I had decided to join the rebellion, to take up arms against the throne, I had crossed a line that could never be uncrossed. There was no undoing what had been done.But even now, with the battle at hand, I found myself torn between what I had always known and what I had started to feel. Could I fight this war, this battle for vengeance, and still be true to myself? Could I destroy him, destroy everything he stood for, and not lose a part of who I was?I wanted to say no. I wanted to claim that there was no place for love in war, no place for tenderness in a world that had shown me nothing but cruelty. But the truth was more complicated than that.I looked out at the campfires burning in the distance, the soldiers preparing for what would likely be a bloodbath."Will we win?" I asked, the question hanging in the air between us.Dara didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he looked at me, his eyes sharp and knowing. "You’re not asking about the war," he said. "You’re asking if you can live with the choice you’ll have to make."His words hit me with the force of a hammer. I wasn’t asking about the war, was I? I was asking about my own heart. About the choice I had made, the choice I had avoided until now. I had thought that by throwing myself into the fight, by focusing on the cause, I could bury everything else—my grief, my anger, my longing. But the truth was that it had only been festering beneath the surface, like a wound that never healed.I was in love with Ranajay. And that love was now the very thing that could destroy me."What happens if we win?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.Dara’s expression softened, as if he understood exactly what I meant. "Then we rebuild," he said simply. "But first, you’ll have to decide what you want to rebuild. The kingdom, or yourself?"I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. The kingdom, or myself? How could I possibly choose between the two? I had fought for this cause, for this rebellion, for so long. How could I now turn my back on it? On my people? On my family, who had been lost in this war?But the answer came to me slowly, like the dawn creeping over the horizon, soft and uncertain.I had to choose myself. Because if I didn’t, I would lose everything—not just the war, but the very essence of who I was. The love I had for Ranajay was not a weakness. It was a part of me, a part that had always been there, buried beneath the weight of my anger and my grief.The war was never about Amaravati or the rebellion. It had always been about me, about what I could forgive, and what I could live with.I turned to face Dara, a sense of clarity filling me. "I’m ready," I said, the words strange but true. "For whatever comes next."The battle raged on, just beyond the edge of the forest, and I knew that in this moment, I stood on the precipice of something that would change everything. The lines between right and wrong had blurred long ago, but now I had to choose which path I would walk.And as the first horn sounded from the camp, signaling the start of the final conflict, I knew that the choice I made would not just determine the outcome of the war—it would determine the very future of my soul.I took a deep breath and stepped forward. There was no turning back now.