Chapter 33: chapter 33

S A N M A Y I The air hung heavy with the promise of rain as I stood at the edge of the camp, staring into the darkening horizon. The war was no longer just about the battle for Amaravati—it had become something far more personal. And no matter how hard I tried to push it away, the truth remained inescapable: I was caught in a battle of hearts, one that seemed to have no victor.The camp was quiet, the usual murmur of soldiers subdued as they prepared for another day of conflict. My fingers clenched around the hilt of my sword, and I took a deep breath. I had to stay focused. The rebellion, the cause, had to remain my priority. But the weight in my chest was suffocating. Every night, every moment away from the fight, I was haunted by the same question: What if I was wrong?I had convinced myself that Ranajay was the enemy—the man responsible for the destruction of my home, the prince who had chosen his loyalty to his father over the lives of the people I loved. But that was before I knew the truth about my father’s dealings. That was before I realized how much of this war was built on lies, how much of my hatred was fueled by a vendetta that had been manipulated by those I had trusted the most.I turned away from the horizon, my heart aching as the realization settled in. My world was no longer so clear-cut. The lines between right and wrong had blurred beyond recognition.“Sanmayi.”His voice was like a crack of thunder in the stillness of the night, and my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t need to turn to know who it was. I could feel him, as though the air itself shifted when he entered it.Ranajay.I didn’t answer him immediately. I couldn’t. What could I say? How could I explain the storm inside me? The betrayal I had once believed to be the sole cause of my rage now seemed like a twisted echo of the true war that raged within me.“Sanmayi,” he repeated, his voice more insistent now, stepping closer. “I need to speak to you.”I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable confrontation. But even in my deepest anger, there was still a part of me that wanted to hear him. To hear the man behind the mask, the man who had once been more than just a symbol of everything I despised.“Why are you here?” I finally asked, turning to face him. My words came out sharper than I intended, the raw edge of my frustration cutting through the tension between us.He didn’t flinch, didn’t look away. His dark eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of something—vulnerability, perhaps, or guilt. But it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.“I couldn’t let it end like this,” he said quietly, his gaze intense. “I can’t just walk away from you, Sanmayi. No matter how much I wish I could.”The words hung in the air, thick with the weight of everything unsaid between us. I took a step back, my mind reeling. Couldn’t walk away? What was he implying? After all that had happened, after everything he had done to my family, to my people—he thought he could simply say that? That he could make me believe it?“I’ve never asked you to,” I said, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to remain steady. “But it doesn’t matter what you want, Ranajay. You chose your side. And now, I’m fighting for mine.”He winced as though the words were a physical blow. But I couldn’t bring myself to soften them, not when everything inside me screamed for justice. Not when I had been living for so long with the desire for revenge.“I know I made mistakes,” he said, his voice thick with regret. “I know I hurt you, and I can’t undo that. But I’m not the man I was when this started. You have to believe me.”I shook my head, the emotions swirling within me threatening to drown me. Believe him? How could I, when his actions had caused me so much pain? How could I look past the blood of my people that stained his hands, the decisions he had made for the sake of his kingdom?“And what of my people, Ranajay?” I whispered, the words coming out raw and bitter. “What of the lives destroyed for your loyalty? For your kingdom?”His expression softened, and for a brief moment, I saw the man I had once known—the one who had looked at me with such warmth, such understanding. But that man was lost, buried beneath layers of duty and regret, a casualty of the war that had torn us apart.“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m just asking for a chance to show you that I’m more than the prince you think I am. More than the enemy you’ve made me out to be.”The silence between us stretched, and I felt the pull of his words like a magnet, a force I couldn’t deny. Every part of me wanted to scream at him, to push him away and remind him of everything he had taken from me. But another part—the part that had loved him once, the part that still felt the echo of that love deep within my bones—wanted to reach out, to find a way back to what we had lost.“You don’t get it, do you?” I said, my voice trembling as I tried to control the rising tide of emotion. “You can’t just fix this. You can’t undo what’s been done.”“I know,” he said, his voice raw now, vulnerable in a way I had never heard before. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to find a way to make it right.”The words hung in the air, and for a long moment, neither of us moved. We stood there, the battlefield looming around us, the war raging on in the distance. But in that moment, there was only us—two people caught in the midst of a storm they hadn’t created, struggling to find a way to breathe in a world that seemed determined to crush them both.I wanted to hate him. I wanted to turn away, to push him back into the place where he belonged: as my enemy, as the prince who had betrayed everything I held dear. But I couldn’t. Not when I saw the rawness in his eyes, the quiet desperation that mirrored my own.“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered, the words escaping before I could stop them.He stepped closer then, so close that I could feel the heat of his body, the tension between us palpable. “Then don’t do anything,” he said softly. “Just listen. Please, Sanmayi.”The air between us crackled with the intensity of everything we had never said, of everything we had been too afraid to confront. And in that moment, I understood. Love and hate were not opposites. They were two sides of the same coin, and both had a hold on me. Both had shaped who I was and who I would become.“I still care for you,” he said, his voice steady now, his words a quiet declaration that pierced through the chaos of my thoughts. “And no matter what happens, I always will.”The words settled around us like a heavy fog, and I closed my eyes, the weight of them pressing against my chest. I couldn’t deny it—not anymore. I couldn’t ignore the truth, no matter how much it hurt.“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” I said, my voice barely audible. “But I don’t know if I can forget you either.”His hand reached out, just a fraction of an inch from mine, and in that moment, I realized something. The battle we were fighting was not just for a kingdom, not just for revenge. It was a battle for our hearts, our souls, and the fragile threads of connection that still bound us.And in that moment, I knew we were both lost—caught between love and hate, between the past and the future, with no way to know which side would ultimately claim us.