Chapter 35: chapter 35

S A N M A Y IThe night felt colder than usual as I stood at the edge of the camp, staring into the flickering flames of the dying fire. The smoke twisted in the wind like ghosts that refused to leave this earth, carrying with it the smell of damp earth and ash. It was a smell I had long grown accustomed to, but tonight, it felt different—heavy, suffocating, like the weight of the world had settled over me.The rebellion was growing stronger, yes, but the cost was becoming unbearable. Every victory brought with it a loss, and every loss seemed to chip away at the resolve I had spent years building. My mission, my cause, was all that had kept me going for so long. It had been my sole focus. But now, after what had just transpired, I wasn't sure what I was fighting for anymore.I had always trusted the members of the resistance—at least, I had believed I could. But trust, I was learning, was a fragile thing. Too fragile. And there, in the quiet of the night, I felt it shatter into pieces.A messenger arrived just hours before, breathless and frantic, delivering news that struck like a bolt of lightning. The traitor was someone I had known well, someone I had trusted with the most delicate of information. Vahan, one of our commanders, had betrayed us to the royal forces. The truth came crashing down with such force that it nearly knocked the breath from my chest.I had always believed that the greatest threat to the resistance lay in the might of Amaravati’s armies, in the political machinations of the royal family, in the cold, calculated moves of those like Nandini. But now, I knew better. The greatest threat was something far more insidious—a betrayal from within.Vahan’s treachery had led to the capture of half our scouts. In the aftermath, our hidden supply caches had been raided, and several of our trusted men and women had been taken. There was no longer any question about it—this war was no longer just about freeing a kingdom. It was about survival.I was alone in my thoughts when I heard the familiar sound of footsteps behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. The sound of his boots crunching the gravel, the silence that stretched between us before he spoke—Ranajay.“What happened?” His voice was low, but his presence was unmistakable, drawing me into a space that felt far too close.I straightened, my back to him, unwilling to look into those eyes that had once held so much trust. There was no more trust between us—not anymore. Not after everything that had happened.“Vahan betrayed us,” I said, my voice flat, lacking the strength it should have carried. “He gave them everything. Our plans, our people, everything.”I could hear the shift in his breathing, the subtle hitch of a man who had once seen his world built on firm foundations, now watching it crumble. “How many did we lose?”“Too many,” I replied, bitterness lacing the word. “Our forces are stretched too thin. We can’t afford another mistake.”He fell silent for a moment, the crackling of the fire the only sound that filled the heavy space between us. Then, without warning, he spoke again, his tone hesitant but insistent. “What will you do now?”My hands clenched into fists at my sides. I didn’t want to face him, didn’t want to hear his voice, but it was too late. He had already pierced the veil I had wrapped myself in.“I’m not sure,” I said, turning to face him at last, my gaze meeting his, but not with the fire I once held. Now, it was tempered with a coldness that had settled into my bones. “But we can’t stop. Not now. The people are counting on us.”He studied me for a long time, his dark eyes searching mine as though trying to read something I no longer wanted to reveal. His presence, though familiar, felt like a foreign weight now—a reminder of everything I could never forget. The things we had done, the things we could never undo.“I don’t know if we can keep fighting like this,” I continued, my voice wavering despite my best efforts. “We’re losing people. And I don’t know how much longer we can hold on.”Ranajay stepped closer, the distance between us shrinking, until I could almost feel the heat of his body. I wanted to pull away, wanted to keep my distance, but the words he spoke next held me in place, like a hand on my shoulder that I couldn’t shake off.“I can help,” he said simply. “Not as a prince. Not as your enemy. But as someone who knows how to navigate this world. I can help you. We can still stop this—together.”The words hung in the air like a fragile thread, too thin to hold onto but too strong to ignore. I couldn’t tell if it was the exhaustion or the desperation that had brought him here. But I could see the truth in his eyes—a truth I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge for so long.“You think you can help me after everything?” I asked, my voice sharp, though the words felt too easy to say. “After everything your family has done to my people?”“I know what my family has done,” he replied quietly, his gaze never leaving mine. “And I don’t stand with them anymore. You think I wanted to be trapped in this world? You think I wanted any of this? I’m as much a prisoner as you are.”I recoiled, not from his words, but from the truth that threatened to unravel everything I had built my hatred upon. If I listened too closely, if I allowed myself to understand, I might begin to see him as more than just the man who had once destroyed everything I loved.But that was not possible. Not now.I turned away from him, focusing on the flickering flames once more, willing myself to ignore the ache in my chest. The ache that came from something deeper than just betrayal. The ache that came from the unspoken understanding that, despite everything, I still cared.“We don’t have time for this,” I said, more to myself than to him. “We have to keep moving forward. The rebellion needs to survive. That’s all that matters now.”“And you?” he asked, his voice softer than I wanted it to be.I swallowed hard, forcing back the emotions that threatened to overtake me. “I’ll survive,” I said, my voice steady, though I knew it wasn’t true. “I’ll make sure of it.”As the silence stretched between us, I could feel the pull of his presence, his unwavering determination that matched my own. But in that moment, I knew that I couldn’t let him back into my heart—not now, not when the stakes were so high. There was too much at risk. Too much lost already.“I have to go,” I said, turning toward the darkness, away from the warmth of the fire and away from the dangerous allure of his offer. “There’s nothing more to say.”He didn’t follow. He didn’t try to stop me.Instead, he stood in the dark, watching me as I disappeared into the night, knowing that we were both caught in a game that neither of us could win.And in that knowledge, I felt something I had not felt in a long time: fear. Fear of losing myself, of losing everything that had kept me going. The weight of the world was pressing down on me, and I didn’t know how much longer I could carry it.The rebellion was not the only battle I had left to fight. The heart, after all, can be the fiercest battlefield of all.