Chapter 35: Going It Alone

JAMIE

I sat on the couch, my blush-colored woolen throw wrapped around me for comfort.

But nothing could really stop the chaos going on inside my mind.

It’s been days since I’ve seen Mason. Days of sitting at home mulling over it all.

And what good is it to me?

He didn’t call. He didn’t text.

But neither did I.

I didn’t want to make the first move. It was on his terms if he wanted this to work.

How can he have me in his bed night after night, have me spend my days with him and him alone, and expect me not to get attached?

He’s being plain selfish.

“You look like you’re in need of this.”

Carmen handed me a warm mug and I took it between my hands. The smell of the instant coffee awakened me a bit. I hadn’t been sleeping well.

“How are you feeling?”

“As bad as I look I’m guessing,” I joked, trying to make light of the situation.

But Carmen knows when I’m putting on a front.

“I knew it was going to end in disaster, but I slept with him anyway.”

We all knew I’d more than just slept with Mason Knight. I’d been stupid enough to fall in love.

Carmen sat down next to me, placing a rectangular cushion on her lap.

“You couldn’t have known that it would end like this. It was clear he was changing. I think he just needed a bit more time.”

I rolled my eyes with attitude. Not at Carmen, just at the mention of time.

“Time is not something I can give him anymore. He’s either in or he’s out.”

~Don’t cry, Jamie! Be strong!~

“Maybe you should tell him.” Carmen sighed audibly. “I know you don’t want to see him, but he deserves to know. You can do this without him.”

“I’m scared,” I murmured. “He isn’t ready for something like this. To care about anyone but himself.”

Carmen pulled me closer to her, wrapping her arms around me just as I had done for her many times.

“I’m here for you, love. I can drive you over if you like.”

I knew it was the right decision, but sometimes the right decision is the hardest one.

Seeing Mason again was going to be heart-wrenching, but I couldn’t avoid it.

***

I stood in the elevator of steel walls, my legs shaking. I was that nervous.

~Damn it, Jamie, today of all days you wear a dress. Giving him easy access.~

At least I had wool tights on underneath. Not as easy access as usual.

Harry answered the intercom when I rang Mason’s apartment. Patrick at the front desk used his special elevator key and rode up with me.

I wondered why Harry answered.

Maybe the two of them are talking about business—or, quite possibly, Penelope.

“Most likely business,” I said out loud, instead of keeping my inside thoughts exactly where they should stay.

Patrick glanced in my direction. “I’m sorry, miss?”

“Nothing.” I mustered a smile. “I was just thinking out loud.”

Like a total idiot.

The elevator doors opened and I stepped out and looked back at the man. “Thank you, Patrick.”

I received a simple nod in return before the doors closed.

I turned with a sigh and glanced around the apartment I’d become so familiar with.

The dark tones I’ve grown to love, the tones of Mason Knight himself.

Exactly how he was feeling on the inside.

Sad, really.

Time to face the music.

The apartment, I noticed, was silent. I walked over and stood between the kitchen and living room.

“Hello!” I called out. Could they be in Mason’s home office?

The door opened and Harry came down the hallway.

“I’m sorry, Jamie, I didn’t hear the elevator. I was just grabbing some things from the office.”

He looked out of sorts, definitely not his usual jovial self.

“That’s all right, I just came by to talk to Mason. Is he home?”

I looked behind him, thinking he would walk out of the office any second.

“Er, well—he’s not home.”

Harry rubbed the peppered stubble on his face.

“He’s gone, sweetheart.”

Gone? What does that mean?

To work? An expensive bar, perhaps?

But I had a fear inside telling me it was much worse than that.

My brows knitted together. “Gone where? I—don’t understand.”

~Please, I beg of you, tell me that he’ll be back in thirty minutes with that usual pissed-off expression on his face.~

“I don’t know, sweetheart. Come sit, let’s talk.”

I followed Harry to the kitchen island, where I sat on a stool and he stood at the other side.

“Would you care for something to drink?”

The least of my worries right now is staying hydrated.

I shook my head. “I just want to know what’s going on. Please.”

He looked down at the marble.

“Mason called last night and said he was leaving. He only wanted to tell me where all his documents were, to make sure that I could hold up the business alone.”

“He didn’t say where he was going?”

I was trembling and my heart was pounding.

“I mean, maybe he wanted some time alone and he’s gone on holiday…”

This can’t be happening.

Harry gave me a weak smile.

“I really wish that were the case, love. He’s putting the apartment up for sale and asked me to take care of the details. I don’t know where he is.”

“He could have boarded a flight, we could check…”

I was getting desperate. He couldn’t just do this. He couldn’t be gone.

“I have. My son has money and he knows how to use it. He doesn’t want to be found.”

Harry extended his arms across the countertop and took my hands in his.

“I don’t believe he plans to be back anytime soon. I’m sorry, Jamie.”

I don’t believe it either.

He really didn’t care for me at all, did he?

At this point my main goal isn’t to have him back and confessing his love for me.

My main goal is to tell him what I came here to tell him.

But I’m too late.

“I should go, then.” I stood and walked toward the door, not capable of forming the words to continue a conversation.

I was in this weird place in my mind, knowing what was in store for me and knowing I had to go it alone.

Harry followed me to the elevator, obviously concerned given how fast-paced he was walking.

“Are you all right? I know you two have become close over the past few weeks. He should have told you.”

“I’ll be fine, Harry. I just need a couple of days. Is that okay?”

He nodded, understanding my reasons perfectly, like he’d understood me from the first.

The elevator doors opened and I stepped in. “Goodbye, Harry.”

I rode down with Patrick, all the while trying to hold back my tears of rage.

“Are you well, miss?”

“Yes.” My tone was not at all convincing. I wiped my glistening eyes.

~Come on, Jamie, pull yourself together. Don’t break down in front of the security guy, for God’s sake.~

“I know Mr. Knight has gone. Working the desk six days a week, I know the ins and outs of this building. I think you should know that he was different with you. No one else ever came back a second time. That has to mean something.”

I smiled at him weakly. “Thank you for saying that.”

Then we stepped out of the elevator and I walked straight into the cold drizzle.

I pulled up the hood of my rain jacket and walked the streets. Water soaked my legs through my tights, right down into my ankle boots, but I didn’t care.

No one else ever came back a second time. That has to mean something.

But Patrick was wrong. It meant nothing at all.

***

I sat anxiously, legs crossed, hands fidgety. A bead of nervous sweat trickled down my spine.

I never usually mind places like this, but it was more the reason why I was here that it was unfamiliar ground.

It had been a couple of days since Mason left and there’d been no sign of him since. He could have been halfway around the world by now.

I didn’t know if Harry was looking for him. But like he’d said, Mason didn’t want to be found.

I needed to come to terms with the fact that he had no desire to be part of my life.

“Right, Miss Jamie Harris, I’ve got your results here…”

The doctor sat in his swivel chair in front of me.

“You are indeed pregnant. Just a couple of weeks, so it’s still early days.”

I nodded in agreement as he talked.

As I’d continued to be sick every so often, Eoin’s joking theory had popped into my mind. I’d come here to make certain of it.

“You’ve been on the contraceptive pill for a number of years now.”

He glanced down at my file.

“It looks like you didn’t pick up your last prescription. This was a planned pregnancy?”

I blushed. “No, not planned. I was caught up with work and I just forgot to swing by. It’s just me—there’s no one else.”

He’s going to see right through that excuse.

A daily pill, and I didn’t even remember to pick it up.

Telling the doctor that I was doing this alone was heartbreaking.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

He smiled lightly, trying to show understanding, but all I felt was pity.

“I can book you in for your twelve-week scan and checkup. For the meantime I recommend a balanced diet and that you take your folic acid daily.”

“Folic acid and a balanced diet. I can do that.”

We stood and shook hands.

“Congratulations, Miss Harris. The excitement will come once the shock settles.”

He gave me an encouraging smile.

“You have a good support system, you’re going to be fine.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

I shouldered my bag and quickly left the office. I’d never dashed so quickly in my life.

Once I reached my spot in the parking lot, I sat heavily in my seat and let out a deep sigh.

I’d better get used to this, telling people I’m doing this alone.

That’s just the way it is. I’m pregnant with a billionaire’s baby, and he doesn’t even know.

Oh God, there it is again!

I opened the door in a hurry and puked onto the concrete.

I don’t understand why it’s called morning sickness when it’s constant.

I eased back, trying to stem the nausea.

~You can do this, Jamie. You can do this without him, you can raise this baby alone.~

I placed my hands on my stomach. There were so many emotions, but the one that outweighed them all was the love I already had for my unborn child.

“It’s just me and you, baby,” I whispered.

^End of Book One!^