Chapter 32: chapter 32

I persistently insisted on seeing him to a physiatrist but she brushed aside all my advances. She wanted to have her ways of controlling him. The exorcist brother had influenced her completely. I came to an understanding of myself to wait till the customary rites get over. I had got to be patient to get on my way.A three days Akhand path was kept in the room where my father-in-law stayed last in isolation before hauling to a hospital. Very few immediate relatives arrived to pay their respects. On the final day, a large gathering was expected but only a few turned up. My husband preferred to stay alone in a room with me attending to him. He rarely went to the devotional room. I fed him meals with great force.I had to manage the house, the guests, the priests, the kitchen, my husband and everything. It was only God who bestowed strength and resilience within me. My eyes drooped inside due to lack of food, sleep and worry. My cheeks deflated with weakness. My hair started falling like anything. My lips went dry. I was surviving with the hope, "This too shall pass." I was least bothered about my appearance and look. The only thing that mattered was my husband's health. Time was slipping out of my hands. The spiritual presence of God within those days in my house kept me going. However, my husband suffered from bouts of gloom and anxiety attacks. The exorcist was also there to attend the programme but he was unable to quieten the troubled soul of my husband. If I said anything against the exorcist my husband showed signs of excessive concern for him. I sulked and sobbed silently at night because of the adamant attitude of my mother-in-law. I had taken her into confidence to utter, "Mother, please take him to the doctor. He needs urgent treatment otherwise things may become worse. Don't wait for formalities. He may suffer from aggravated health issues. He should present properly before the guests. What will they think if he remains untreated? Have you ever given thought to it? "She retorted proudly," Don't try to act like his mother. I know what is right for my son. I will not give my consent in taking him to a hospital, what if they admit him? Who will perform the ceremonial rites?"I could understand her motives and preferred to stay quiet until the antim ardaas and community langar. Till then I needed to control him to the best of my ability and stay calm waiting for the right moment. I started loving him more than ever. I didn't want to lose him. The entire world came tumbling down under my feet seeing him in that condition. On the last day of the gathering, some immediate relatives arrived from afar including his sisters. He was conducting well that day. He didn't cry on glaring at the garlanded picture of his father but he covered his mouth properly with the mask and asked everybody to follow his example. He talked about his father's bank account, and insurance to be settled in a worried tone. He talked as if he is going to die soon. When all the guests had departed my mother-in-law shoved a philosophy into his disturbed mind. She asserted, "Your father's soul had left the place at the time of the antim ardass. He had clasped your hand tightly till the convention passed. Then he made his way to the Gurudwara. He will not trouble anymore. All his desires have been fulfilled. His soul has been redeemed. No need to worry about it. He will reach the skies soon. " She was prophesying as if she was the maker of this Universe and her words were rigid like a path of stone.