Wise men speak because they have something to say: fools because they have to say something - Plato.
Ashley's POV
I've been biting my nails the entire ride to school. It feels so awkward and I feel so bad. Literally! I mean a normal sane person wouldn't still pick me up for school after what I did, but he did anyways. That's the more reason why I feel awful. I promise, cross my heart that I didn't mean to ignore him to that extent, yet I still did. Right! I didn't mean to, honestly, and I tried to call or text him but I ended up chickening out literally anytime I tried to, guilt constantly chanting in the back of my head and weighing heavy on my chest. It was just too much of a cross to carry that I ended up scribbling down my pent up frustration into a journal I haven't touched in ages, my mind's library.
Okay so back to the pressing issue. Truth is, I missed him, so bad and when my eyes finally set on him, my stomach did that flip thingy that it usually does, only this time around it was intense than before. I guess the butterflies in my tummy got confused and started moving about in my tummy. Silly butterflies! Do y'all know what? It worsened when he smiled at me, shooting me that dashing smile of his, and it does its possible best to make me melt like a puddle, finding it difficult to come back up without a sweet ache. As a gentlemen he would forever remain and never stop being, he opened the front door of his car for me to get in. I almost cried out and the ache in my chest got worse. How dare I hurt him? What audacity?!!
Gosh! I'm so stupid sometimes. What more could I ask for in a boyfriend? How could I have such a good boyfriend yet hurt him in such a manner? Cam's absolutely right, if I don't right this wrong I might end up loosing him. He wasn't the one at fault, tried his best to talk to me about that thing he had no control over and there I was- doing literally nothing but hurting him. He doesn't deserve me, one bit. This might come off as stupid but I think I should resolve everything with him and then break up with him. I can't continue hurting him like this, he doesn't deserve a silly girlfriend who doesn't trust him or his action, an insecured girlfriend like me. I just hope breaking up with him wouldn't hurt him. I'm just trying to make things right. He'd move on, right?! He's got to. He needs a better person, a better girlfriend.
The car comes to a halt. Finally! School, here we are. I need to do this, now. I quickly send a text to Yvie who was in the backseat. 'I want to talk to him now', my text read. I guess she got it, because immediately she stares at me in the mirror and I nod my head slightly.
She gets down from the car first.
"See you guys." And with that she leaves. I quickly send her a 'Thank You'
Grayson opens his door about to step out too when I stopped him by grabbing his hand. He turns to looks at me, a puzzled look crossing his features. "I want us to talk." He nods his head and shuts the door.
Twisting my fingers together in my lap, I let out a harsh nervous breath.
"Are you sure you want to talk?" He slightly raises a brow at me.
Am I?!
"Y-yeah." I nod my vigorously. I don't trust myself to this another time. It's now or never.
"It's okay if you're not ready." Oh no! You're not talking me out of this. I'm gonna do this today and be done with.
I let out a sigh, "No. It's been long due anyways."
"Ok-kay?" He visibly gulps as he stares at me, lips slightly quivering.
"F-first of all, I want to say sorry." I mutter and pain flashes through his eyes, the hurt that's been locked up behind his smile resurfaces. It passes through his features like lightning but I was swift enough to grasp it. The pain, it was evident in his blue orbs, same ones I adore but at this moment I didn't like the pain and hurt I was seeing in them, it was my least favorite at the moment.
My hand moves on its own accord and grasp his. I squeeze it lightly.
"I'm so sorry. I know I haven't been the best girlfriend to you. You have been an amazing person yet all I've done is hurt you with my actions." He squeezes my hands in return. "The reason why I've been acting up and being childish...."
He cuts me off, "You're not childish."
"I am," I scoff, "Don't try to make me feel better. Thanks, but no need. If I wasn't childish, I would have come straight up to you, when I saw something I didn't like instead of ignoring you, for something you had no control over. You know," I chuckle humorlessly, "I was angry and acting up because b-because I-I-I was j-jealous." I admit. His expression immediately shifts into that of confusion and I could literally see the wheels turn in his head as he tries to wrap his head around the nonsense- yet truth- I just sputtered.
"Jealous?" he asks, a frown on his-clears my throat-lips. You get it? Ooops, lest I forget, got carried away for a second, lost in la laland.
I nod my head to answer his question, "I was jealous when I saw you and Anne together, laughing without a care in the world. I was jealous okay? I didn't mean to ignore you." I frown and stare at my lap like I would my ice cream. Was it my favorite thing at the moment? Hell Yes!! That's what embarrassment does to you.
A chuckle leaves his lips. Dude was literally laughing at me for my silliness. Right!
He lifts up my chin with his fingers and tilts my head to look at him. "You know she used to be my friend right?" I nod. "You don't have to be jealous of her, not one bit. I don't even see her in that light. She's just my childhood ex-best friend, that's just it." He utters, a dead serious look on his face. "I don't know if you've noticed but I don't stare at anyone like I do you. I was only being nice to her."
"I know right?" I sing in a mock tone.
"I'm dead serious, you're the only I like, romantically. So you don't have to feel jealous or threatened by anyone, not even Anne. Or do you want me set some boundaries with her? Or perhaps limit how I relate with her?"
Aaaargh! Can he get even more nicer as a person? Why is he so good?
Should I say yes to his question?
I mean that's what I want right?
Right???!!!!!
Okay so now I'm not so sure anymore. The heck do I even want?
I bite my lip in thought, "Maybe?" I mutter after a few seconds.
"I presume that's a yes. If that's what you want, I'll do it, just so you don't get displeased. I don't want you to get jealous over nothing."
I smile inwardly, Yaaaay! "Thanks, but I DO NOT trust Anne. I doubt she'd stay away."
"And why don't you?" He asks, amusement on his face
"Uh, maybe because she's clinging to you. You're mine," Ooops! I didn't mean to say that. Maybe I did? "I m-mean you're my boyfriend and she's acting like a leech, not wanting to let go of you."
Laughter reverberates throughout the car. Okay so now I'm literally being crazy. Seee!! It's sounds funny to him.
"You know," a smile plays at the corner of his lips, "It's kinda cute seeing you all possessive. I like it."
"I'm not." I blush in denial.
"Oh you are."
"I'm j-just..."
"Just?" He wiggles his brow at me playfully. He lets out a chuckle, pinching my cheeks. I freeze immediately. Like he's never done that before. A smile climbs its way to my lips.
"You don't have to be jealous," The serious look returns, "I give you my word, cross my heart. I promise I'll limit my relation with her."
"Okay?!" I grin.
"So..." he cups my cheek, "you won't ignore me again?"
"I'll try not to. I don't trust myself not to. Sometimes I just act before I think, and with the way my mind works I can't promise you anything but I'll try. I didn't mean to ignore you. I felt so bad every night that I couldn't properly sleep"
"So why didn't you call me? Or send a text, I was very worried."
I sigh, "I didn't have the courage to call or text you."
Pain flashes in his eyes, "I thought I had done something really bad, something unforgivable. I was s-c-a-r-e-d you'd break up with me."
Okay, so maybe I wanted to but now I don't think so anymore. Can I cause him more pain than I already have? No, I can't.
He lets out a nervous breath and I shake my head, leaning in to his touch. "I won't break up with you." I smile a reassuring smile. He draws closer and joins our foreheads together, his hand slipping through my ginger locks. My eyes shut on its own accord at the feel of his hand in my hair.
"P-l-e-eease d-on't ignore me...." His voice wavers "...again like that. It was hell and torture not hearing your voice."
"I won't." My hand climbs his chest, shoulders, runs along his neck till it finally lands on his cheek. He pulls away and I open my eyes and stare into his blue eyes. I get drawn into them instantly, slowly drowning. He stares back with a deep emotion swirling in his eyes, with depth. That look, I've seen it over and over again. That strong and deep emotion that always appear in his eyes whenever he stares at me, it's all too familiar. A smile graciously taints his lips as he continues to stare at me, adoration evident in his form. Something in me ticks and I realize how stupid I've been all this while. I mean, how did I forget how he stares at me with so much adoration?
I need to do this!
He's going to enjoy it as much as I would.
"I missed you so much. So much that it hurts." He mutters. Immediately all the conflicting thoughts that was starting to make me close to rescinding my made-up mind vanishes as I connect my mouth with his. He responds immediately letting out a sound in his throat. That pretty much sounded like a groan of approval. He tilts my head in such a way that he could get better access. This time, the kiss wasn't slow and innocent like all the previous ones. It was better and still managed to give me all those silly playing butterflies in my tummy and more.
********
Heeeeey!!!! You guys!!!
I missed you.
Grayson and Ashley, sittting in the car K-I-S-......
Question for the day: What continent would you like to visit if given the opportunity to?
Vooooooote!!!!!
And add 'His Smile' to your reading lists. I would really appreciate it.