When she told me I hate youâ¦
I knew exactly what she meant.
She was just afraid of saying it.
And to be truthful, I didnât want to say it, either.
Not because I was afraid of saying the wordsâ¦
But because I was afraid of what her reaction might be.
Sheâd told me how sheâd run away from relationships in the past. It made sense, given her parentsâ deaths.
If she never got close to anyone⦠then she didnât have to lose them.
So I didnât say what I really wanted to say⦠which was, I love you.
She didnât want to say I love you for whatever reasons she hadâ¦
And I didnât say it because I didnât want to scare her away.
So we said it with our actions. With our bodies.
And Lucia said it with her tone of voice whenever she whispered, I hate you.
In retrospect, I wish Iâd taken the leap and said I love you when I had the chanceâ¦
Because just a few days later, that chance was gone.