I stand in front of that house for the second time in my life. I still feel intimidated.
My mate left earlier today, taking her whole family, plus Raphael's brother with her. I still don't quite get how they can be brothers considering that Raphael was adopted at an early age and Sam is so much younger. But I don't dare ask. I know it's not something I can't ask my mate about, since this is Raphael's life, but I'm not close enough to Raphael to just ask him either.
I sigh.
Looking up at the house again, I feel as if I want to turn back and just go home.
There's honestly nothing, absolutely nothing, that makes me want to be here. I'm doing this for my mate and her alone.
I sigh again.
Mum always mentions how sighing makes people age quicker. I decide that for today (and just maybe the whole weekend) I'm going to ignore that rule.
I didn't bring much, just some other clothes to change into, some assignments I should get on top of and my phone. Sleepovers aren't my thing. And sleepovers with Raphael are definitely not my thing.
The ringing of my phone pulls me out of my day dreaming. I dig in my bag until I find it and smile when I see my mate's name flash on the screen.
'Hi.' I say, suddenly unbelievably happy.
'Hi.' she laughs back, 'Are you at the house already?'
So she's just making sure I don't back out then. Fair enough. I don't necessarily appreciate it but I do get it. I did almost decide to just not turn up.
'Yup. Was just about to go in.' I say.
'Good. I hope this works.' she says, before wishing me luck and hanging up.
This whole thing has sort of been suspicious from the moment I thought longer than two seconds about it. There's just no way the whole alpha family just decides to up and leave for a weekend, especially taking Sam with them. The longer I think about it, the more this seems like a set up.
Another sigh leaves my lips before I finally do take the first step into the house.
It's eerily quite, no sound at all. In contrast, my own steps echo weirdly through the empty hallway.
I leave my jacket and shoes by the door, at one of the hooks, before walking in further.
It's such an odd feeling to just enter someone else's house. My mate did tell me to just go in since Raphael probably either won't be home yet or not hear me.
"Raphael?" I decide to call to see if he is home. There's no answer. I call again, with the same result.
I settle on him not being here and randomly explore the ground floor. I don't dare go upstairs yet, not brave enough to venture further than what is instantly accessible and also the area most guests would spend time in. Turns out the ground floor is mainly one whole spacious room that comprises kitchen, living room and eating area. There's just two other little rooms, the office I was in last time with mum and a bathroom.
I end up on one of the comfortable looking sofas and take out one of my assignments to start work on that but it soon becomes clear that there's no way for me to concentrate enough at all.
So after half an hour of trying to get some words from a book into my head and reading over the same sentence thousands of times, I give up.
Instead, I head to the kitchen to check what kind of food they have. If I'm being forced to stay here, I'm making myself something to eat.
I'm not a master chef, but I can make edible food and right now, I'm so thankful to mum for teaching me the basics.
I get started on some basic pasta, whip up some sauce and cut some veggies for a simple starter plate. I know, fancy.
When I finish and sit there, eating my pasta in this giant room, I just feel alone. It's an awful feeling. At home, even when I'm by myself, it never feels this empty. And food should always be shared.
So I end up throwing all the food away. I feel bad, because I'm usually not one to waste food at all, but I almost felt sick trying to eat it now.
I'm bored.
I just sort of move through the house, play some games on my phone, look at pictures hanging places, but time just does not seem to pass. And not for the first time tonight I wonder when Raphael is supposed to come home. Even his company is better than none at all.
That's when I hear the faint sound of a violin. It's not a discernible song and if my ears aren't completely getting this wrong, the instrument is probably been tuned.
I stay absolutely still, trying not to make any sound, just so I can hear better.
There's silence again, followed by an intro I know all too well. I smile as I listen. It's In Bloom by Nirvana, one of my absolute favourite bands.
It's weird to hear the song with just the violin, but it's seriously good stuff - right until there's an obviously wrong note and the song abruptly stops.
Then starts from top again. I smile. Someone's practicing.
I slowly get up, deciding to figure out where it comes from.
The sound takes me upstairs and it takes a while to just get past the stairs, since they creak slightly whenever I put weight on them.
I end up on the first floor, in front of the second to last door. It's open and, conveniently, Raphael is facing away from me when I take a peak.
Just then he makes another mistake and swears like a sailor. I almost can't hold in the laugh and then turn away to be hidden by the wall.
I stand there for a while, just listening to him practicing. Finally, I decide to sit down.
He plays several Nirvana songs, some of them in different versions too.
Every time he makes a mistake, he swears as if he doesn't know anything else and every single time I have to cover my mouth with my hands to not laugh out loud.
It's quite astonishing that someone with such foul language can play such a delicate instrument so well.
After listening for a bit, I realise that he doesn't just play the songs as they are, he changes them slightly, mixing the tracks of different instruments on the original to get his own violin track. It's quite interesting and the longer I listen, the more I pick out certain parts that are familiar and some that aren't.
He plays quite a lot of Nirvana songs, but sticks with Smells Like Teen Spirit and Something In The Way the longest, and then moves on to some stuff I don't know. It sounds very indie, but then I don't actually know that much about music apart from what I like and don't like.
It's strangely relaxing to just sit there and listen.
It's by no means perfect, hell, the longer it goes on, the more mistakes me makes. He's obviously getting more frustrated by the minute. Sometimes, the violin has tuning issues and he needs to retune it too. That's probably ultimately what makes me realise that I've been sitting here for quite a while.
I decide to not make myself known and just quietly disappear. Unbeknownst to him, we have spent time together and it has actually calmed me down, so maybe I can get some work done now.
But before I can stand up, I hear someone clearing their throat behind me.
I halfway turn around and look upwards, straight into Raphael's eyes.
He doesn't have his violin with him anymore and just stands there with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
'You're good?' I try, forcing a smile on my face. I'm not sure how he feels about me sitting here and listening to him like a weirdo.
'It relaxes me.' he chooses to answer and loses the tense stand. His arms swing at his sides now. He doesn't look mad either and I'm almost suspicious.
I chuckle at his words though. 'Didn't sound too relaxing to me.'
He turns slightly pink at that, probably remembering all the swearing he did just a while ago.
'You like Nirvana?' he then chooses to ask.
I smile, this time completely genuine.
'Yeah. Yeah, I do.'