It's a few days later that I hear a knock on the door I wasn't expecting. Against my better judgement, I hope it's Zach again.
Obviously I know that won't be the case, but I miss him already. Suddenly, the whole situation seems to swallow me up again completely. It's overwhelming and scary and I only now properly realise that it partly took Zach coming here for me to give in to Raph.
When I open the door, even more unexpectedly, Mary stands there.
As she so often does, she has her hands in fists digging into her sides as she stares at me with a focused and accusing look in her eyes.
'Hello?' I try, if only for the sake of actually saying something. When she doesn't actually respond, I try again.
'Long time no see?' It's true as well. I've not really seen her for ages. I've seen her in uni of course, but there were never any words exchanged, not even greetings.
'Damn right it's been a long time!' she then exclaims and just pushes past me.
She stomps into the living room to throw a 'Hey Miss B' at my mum and then lets herself into my room. For some reason, my mum and Mary have decided that calling her 'Miss B' is way cooler than just calling her by her actual name. I will never understand, but I've given up trying as well.
Hesitantly, I follow Mary to my room, earning myself a cheeky wink from mum as I do so. It's quite amazing how such a petite girl can intimidate a werewolf like me.
'Sit.' she says the moment I take a step into my room. Without saying anything, I simply sit down on my bed.
It's silent as she just stares at me from her position on my chair. She's sitting on it the wrong way around so she can lean her arms on the back of it, and, respectively, her chin on her arms.
Then, she slowly rolls closer until she's right in front of me, only to then proceed to lifting the chair's seat as high as it goes.
Now, she's just a few inches taller than me, which is probably what she intended anyway.
'Go on then.' she says, seemingly impatient and I must have a look of pure confusion on my face, because she just follows it up with a heavy sigh.
'Tell me what's been going on. I'm not blind. I can see everyone acting weird and it's getting on my nerves. I'm your friend, so I get to participate in the drama.' she goes on to explaining.
I'm tempted to just tell her how little right she actually has to know or be involved in any of this, but I hold back, swallow and fall back onto my bed.
In reality, maybe I should let her know. It would be one more person let in on the secret and maybe if I do it step by step, it might make a difference to Raph as well.
'Let me just call someone.' I say defeated as I get off my bed, grab my phone and tap on number one speed dial to call Raph as I leave my room.
'Hey beautiful.' is what he answers the phone with. I fake gag and just listen to him laugh in response.
'What's up?' he says then.
'Mary's here. Says she wants to know what's going on. I kind of want to tell her, but this isn't just my choice so...' I let my question trail off, hoping he understands where I'm coming from.
It takes him quite a while to answer, and I give him that time, to think.
'Sure. Tell her. Just make sure she understands not to blurt it around.' he finally agrees and honestly, I could dance right now. Being able to tell someone that maybe I wouldn't usually let in on secrets feels good. It feels like I can finally be myself.
So I thank him profusely, hang up and go straight back to my room.
During the next two hours, I fill Mary in to what's been happening. She's a good listener, because she never even reacts to anything. She just sits there, giving me her full attention right from when I begin to when I tell her we've arrived in present day.
As Raph was on the phone, she's now really quiet too, and for a lot longer than Raph was.
'I don't like it.' is what she says after what feels like hours. It makes me frown and, frankly, feel a bit disappointed. The happiness of telling someone gets washed away so quickly, it feels like an ugly, cold shower. I don't even know how to ask her what she's not happy for me. Instead I seem to just stare at her.
'It just doesn't seem like a very good place to be at. You're both pretending to be someone and like someone you obviously aren't and don't. She will figure it out eventually and when the happens, it'll be worse than just telling her straight out. You're deluding yourself if you think this can go anywhere from here on out. Raphael is as well. Both of you are just cowards.'
Her words hurt a lot more than I care to admit out loud, but reality slaps me in the face painfully after listening to her.
Of course she's right. I've known that all along, Raph has too. Knowing and understanding it was never the problem. The problem is finding the courage to actually take that step and face the consequences.
I don't really answer her, don't even look at her. I kind of feel the urge to see Raph. It almost feels like I might lose him if I don't. It's a kind of desperation that I've never felt before and it's completely ungrounded as well. There is nothing to threaten either him or me at this point, but it feels like he could be taken away any minute.
'You should talk to Raphael again. And even if you don't tell everyone, tell Sheila. She's not a heartless person, you know that. She'll understand.' Mary continues.
I just briefly look at her, but that one look is enough to figure out that she herself doesn't a hundred percent believe in what she just said.
'Please don't tell anyone.' I whisper, hoping she doesn't try to object.
'I won't', she responds with a tired sigh, 'but you should.'
I tense when her words register. It feels like an intrusion she's not entitled to. This is between Raph and I, not anyone else.
In my head I know that a lot of this defensive feeling comes from wanting to protect Raph, even from the blame she's pointing on him, but I can't help my heart beating faster and my angers showing on my face.
'The both of you should tell people, together. Neither of you can evade this much longer.'
The muscles on my face felt as if I was sneering at her, and from the way her eyes widen, I probably am. Understanding appears in her eyes and I think she gets what a mistake she just made. Blaming me is fine, but throwing my mate in when I already feel vulnerable about the situation is not a good idea.
'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just worried.'
'Get out.' I say to her, already feeling my canines pushing through. This rage is not directed at her at all, it's everything. It's having to watch Sheila touch my mate right in front of me, it's having to touch her right in front of my mate, it's people that talk about Sheila as our mate when clearly Raph and I are, it's not being able to be his when there's people around.
I can feel myself losing it, so I tell Mary once again to leave, but she doesn't move. She tries to calm me down with her hands stretched out, wide eyes and what she thinks to be a calming voice.
All it does is rile me up more. I'm not a backed up, scared animal. I'm furious and frustrated and I need to find some kind of way to vent.
When I tell her to leave the third time and she still doesn't, I move my body to the right and slam through the window. I can hear her scream, briefly feel the glass shards piercing my skin, but neither deters me.
Before my feet even touch the ground, my clothes are gone and it's my paws that carry me away from he house.
I run a long time, with no destination and even less care about who sees me. I'm lucky no one called animal control as I run through a few parts of the town. I can't find it in myself to care right now.
I settle into a steady running rhythm, the low patter of my paws on the pavement accompanying the stutter of my heart. Once I get away from the population and out into the woods, my paws make no sound at all. I can hear the rustling of the leaves when I brush past them, but otherwise I move soundlessly.
Soon, it starts to rain, but rather than slow me down, it makes me go even faster. The little water droplets pelt my fur as I go, almost feeling like a gentle massage on my skin underneath.
And the further I go, the faster I become. I feel free for the first time in a long while. I feel like leaving everything behind could be a permanent solution, so I do. I don't think straight, rather, I don't think at all, I just run.
I don't stop anywhere, don't look around anywhere. I don't pay attention to my stomach demanding attention, nor to my paws and muscles that start to hurt from not getting a break.
I pant and I feel faint, but I keep going, further and further until I don't know where I am, not even remotely, but that's fine. It simply means that it will take me longer to go back. I will have an excuse to stay away from it all, to forget.
And while I think that I also know exactly how much bullshit it is. I will never ever forget or leave them behind.
These people are my family, Raph is my mate.
So I slowly make my way back, having run of the build up of rage for now.