It's a tense few hours and the fact that we don't hear any news at all doesn't make it any better. We tried sleeping, which we couldn't, made food we struggled to keep down and eventually just settled to pacing.
'Should we go meet them?' I ask, more to myself than to Raph really, but I get an answer anyway.
'It's too dangerous, we don't know why those rogues suddenly disappeared.'
'Should we go to the pack house then?' This time, he only raises an eyebrow, asking a silent question. I know it's stupid to ask, we'd just drive everyone up the wall and those little spies would figure us out in no time.
I sigh and keep walking. There's not a massive amount of space in here, but I know if I'm out there I'll run to where they are right now. I'm excited, but there's so many worries in my head, I can barely keep up. This little rescue mission, as we've come to call it, could potentially have massive negative repercussions for our new pack and Alpha Marc's relations to other packs in general. We also have no idea how our former Alpha will react to this at all, or his pack members that apparently don't listen to him, for that matter. There's also the worry whether they'd even be able to leave their land in the first place and if they do, how far they'll get. No one knows what happened to those rogues. I suddenly wish I hadn't insisted. I should have waited for the Alpha's judgement and his decision, instead I pushed the issue and now I feel guilty. I also made Raph a promise I'm suddenly not too sure if I can keep and it's almost tearing me apart.
'Can you stop pacing? You're making me nervous.' Raph interrupts my train of thought. I stop in the middle of the room and look at him. All this time I couldn't quite understand how he was keeping so calm, but now I can see how tense he really is. His hands are fisting the bed spread he's sitting on like his life depends on him and I can see him concentrating on his breathing. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows furrowed above them.
'I'm sorry.' I say quietly and kneel in front of him. My hands automatically reach for his face, gently rubbing my thumbs over his cheeks and simultaneously trying to calm myself down a bit. My eyes are closed, just like his and I concentrate on his controlled breaths to match my own to. Eventually I feel his hands cover mine in a strong grip and him shifting until I feel his forehead touch mine.
'I love you.' he whispers. I slowly open my eyes, almost caught off guard by the emotional energy I can feel coming from him, only to see him already having his eyes trained on mine. His face is entirely serious and all he does is stare at me with his hands firmly holding my wrists.
'I love you.' he repeats, his eyes not even wavering a little bit. It's so overwhelming I almost want to avert my eyes, but I don't find the strength to even do that as he holds them captive.
'You are everything to me, Donovan, everything. I love you.'
At this point, I have a few tears running down my face, and I know it's because somehow, a giant mountain of stress just fell off my shoulders. I can't form words, nor can I think clearly and I can't even move. All that's left is looking into Raph's eyes and understanding the silent gratitude and love in his eyes that no doubt is reflected in my own as well.
I don't know how long we sit there like this, but eventually he pulls me up to straddle him. It's a little difficult with his baby bump, but I somehow manage to get onto his lap like he wants me to. I lean my head onto his shoulder and peer down to where out little baby is resting.
'I love you too.' I finally say, placing a little kiss to his neck.
'Thank you for giving us a baby to love, too.' I add. At this he pulls me to him, almost crushing me in the process, but I can only chuckle at it.
We sit like this way too long to not be uncomfortable for him, but he never complains, instead his hands caress my neck and my back, while my hands comfortably rest on his baby bump.
We're interrupted by a mental announcement by the Alpha.
They have passed onto rogue territory.
It's brief and to the point, and it gets my heart beating faster. This is already half the mission done. Now they just need to get onto our land safely and we'll have them back. Instead of going insane again like I have done for the past few hours, I lie down together with Raph, relieving him of having to bear my weight on his legs and making us both more comfortable. My one hand stays on the baby bump, not wanting to let go and needing the distraction. Neither of us say anything, but I'm staring at my mate again like it's the last time. Yet again, I struggle to understand how I deserve to end up with a person like him in my life.
Suddenly, I shoot upright. My eyes are wide like saucers, alternating between watching my mate and his baby bump.
'What..' I must look hilarious with my mouth wide open as well, because Raph simply starts laughing, rather than help relieve my confusion.
Eventually, he sobers up and smiles at me lovingly. His hand reaches up and softly pushes my jaw up to close my mouth. And just in that moment, it happens again and this time, I can't help but smile as well.
'It kicks!' I whisper shout excitedly. Truth to be told, I'm not quite sure why I find the need to suddenly lower my voice, but it feels like the right thing to do as I'm looking at Raph and our baby with awestruck eyes.
Raph quietly hums and nods, pulling me back down to lie with him again. I let him, but give him a big smooch just before I roll off him.
He laughs, while my hand is still softly caressing where I felt the baby kick earlier.
It's about 45 minutes after the first announcement that Marc communicates with us again.
They're about to enter our lands. Guards, take note, Whoever is available at the house, get the rooms ready.
He cuts out after that and Raph and I look at each other with big smiles. Without thinking twice, we jump up, racing towards where they would cross the border. We don't bother shifting, there's no point now.
By the time we're halfway there, there's something bothering me and while I can't put my finger on what it is, I can't shake the feeling. I quickly peak at Raph, but he seems completely fine and I decide to just keep my senses sharp just in case. But even with that, I can't thwart the immense joy and excitement spreading in my belly.
Before we even see anything, we hear someone's voice clear from where we are.
'Ah, and here they are. And I didn't even have to call time like I thought.'
But it's too late and we run past the last few trees separating us from the group we now face. It's all I can do to grab Raph's arm before he runs off, because the scene in front of seems to have come straight out of a nightmare.
In front of us a female rogue is holding my mother at knifepoint, another male rogue behind her holding Sam in the same position. Too many wolves from what I assume is their convoy lie dead or severely injured on the forest floor, surrounded by even more rogues. And a few feet next to us stand the Alpha and a couple of other wolves from the pack. And after another quick sweep I notice how Clarissa is missing and I'm not even sure whether I should be relieved she's not among the dead or worried because I have to assume the worst either way.
But my immediate concern is my family being threatened. My mother gives me a calm, determined, but apologetic look, while Sam is clearly terrified, even if he's trying to hide it. The Alpha has a scary look on his face, clearly angry, but all I can manage to feel is fear. Fear for everything I've ever held dear and for everything that defines my life for what it is. I can feel my breath quickening and my hands starting to shake. And at this point I can't even quite tell if it's because of this profound fear or because I'm angry. Because I am, I'm absolutely furious. The look on the female rogue's face is fuelling it even more. She looks so sure of herself, so confident, so in control and it sickens me. For the first time in my life, I truly want to hurt someone. I can't explain where this sudden urge comes from, not really, but I want to kill this woman and some small part of myself is sickened by this. I was never one for violence, even if I was raised a fighter, but here I am, imagining all the ways in which I could rip her apart for destroying this day for me. For us.
All this flashes through my head so quickly, no one even spoke yet, but before anyone could even react to our presence, Raph already ripped his arm from my grasp. Faster than even the female rogue could compute he had my mother ripped out of her hands, pushing her my way, before heading straight for Sam. But the female rogue also recovered faster than expected, snatching Raph back by his throat and replacing my mother's position with my mate.
I instinctively grab mum and put her behind me, but my sole attention is on Raph. His eyes tell me that he clearly didn't think and only now realises how stupid he was. I don't even notice mum shake off my arm and coming around to stand next to me. Raph's breath quickens and a quick look downwards immediately alerts me to his panic. The baby.
'Ah, my darling son, even comes right to me without asking. Shame I lost the lady, but hey.' the female rogue now says and it's only then when it clicks. This is the rogue Raph met previously, the one who is apparently his mother. This only makes my rage intensify. She is supposed to be family.
'Let him go.' I say quietly, but she still hears me. One of her eyebrows slants up and slowly a sick grin takes over her features.
'And why would I do that? I went through all the trouble to give him away so he could be raised and then to come back to get him and now you want me to let him go? I don't think so. How about you and your mum talk about the good old times when daddy was still alive and mind your own business.'
Without even looking my hand finds my mother's. While I don't doubt her for a second, I don't want to take any risks, not now. My eye quickly flicker to Sam and then straight back to the female rogue.
'Oh, you want the boy too? How greedy' she tsks, 'have him then, who even needs a weak human child when I have all my strong, grown up children right here with me.' At her words, one of her hands goes to caress my mate's hair like you would to your own young pup and I want to throw up. I can feel Raph's terror from here. I try to reassure him with a smile, but I'm not sure it works. The smile I get in return is wavering and I see the one hand he has on his belly shaking.
'Don't you worry about that baby, son. We'll get rid of that together once it's born.' his so-called mother says casually while she waves a lazy hand to the side, letting one of her apparent sons to let go of Sam. Once free, he immediately runs to me and when I push him behind myself and mum, he actually stays. Through this whole exchange none of the pack wolves have said anything and a quick glance to them tells me that they're simply being careful not to repeat Raph's mistake and are probably also waiting for reinforcements.
'Don't struggle, son, there's no point. It won't change what's gonna happen. You'll come with me, whether you want to or not, you'll give birth, we'll get rid of it and eventually you'll learn to follow me, like all your brothers and sisters did.'
'Don't touch my baby!' Raph tells her with fire in his eyes, a clear challenge. His neck is craned at an awkward angle to be able to see her but he doesn't back down at the stare battle that's going on. Eventually, this sick smile comes back onto her face, before she relaxes slightly.
'Is that so?' she asks with an eery calm.
The next thing I see is the glare of the reflected sunlight on her blade as she lifts it and plunges it straight into my mate's belly.