Chapter 34: CHAPTER 34

Chapter 34

MATTEO

My eyes are sunken into my skull, my lips parched, my skin and body malnourished, and my hair a mess.

Sweat trickles down my forehead and I swallow my spit in an attempt to wet my uncomfortably dried throat. My eyes dart around and every sound coming from anyone is filtered out as I lose myself while solely focusing on my father’s coffin as it lowers into the ground.

My mother is an obvious mess but she’s holding her head high as expected of her but mostly for Julia. If she breaks, what would my sweet

little sister do?

I gasp as I’m being forced to return back to reality when a firm arm grips my shoulder. “Did you hear me?” Augusto asks with his brows creased together.

“Hardly,” I straighten my back as I run my fingers through my disheveled hair.

“The nurse taking care of Mirabella called to inform that her fingers twitched and the electrocardiograph machine was picking up on a stronger and a more stable heartbeat. So, I’m hurrying off to the hospital. Would you like to come? Or would you rather take care of things

around here?!

My heart picks up its pace, pounding recklessly against my throat. “Of course. Of course i’d love to come.” I gesture Alessio, “I’m sure Alessio, Dean and Maxwell can handle things around here. Pablo will come with me.”

It has been two weeks, two weeks since my whole world fell apart for the second time in one lifetime. Two weeks since my father passed and two weeks since my wife has been surviving with the help of machines.

I never left her side, not once. I lived with her in her private hospital ward and watched her suffer. She wasn’t awake but I couldn’t help but wonder what her unconsciousness felt whenever a needle poked her, or whenever some tubes are shoved down her throat, vagina and ass.

But I’m happy that I stayed by her side, well, until today seeing that I’m obligated to be present for my father’s funeral as the first son of my family, The Don of the Denaro famiglia and The Godfather of Italy.

About thirty minutes later and we’re all rushing into Mirabella’s room. My mother and Julia joined Pablo and I despite my protests. Mother said and I quote, “I’d rather have my focus on the living than on the dead.”

Crazy woman. But I know she’s still malicious toward my father for dying and leaving her behind. My mother and Julia are seated on the couch while I stand by the door, Pablo decided earlier to stand outside and give us the privacy we require as a family.

“If you’re awake, move your fingers.” The doctor speaks in a slight whisper and I gasp when Mirabella’s fingers move. The doctor nods and begins disconnecting most of the machines attached to her.

“I’m going to take off your ventilator now and I need you not to panic. It might seem as though you’re unable to breathe at first but I need you to stay in control. I need you to inhale and exhale each breath at a controlled pace; one at a time. Move a finger if you understand me.” Mirabella moves her index finger and the doctor nods.

It takes about five minutes after the ventilator was removed before Mirabella is able to take back control of the pace at which she inhales and

exhales each breath.

Her eyes open and they move rapidly as it searching for something until they land on me. She keeps her eyes steady on mine and I return the gesture; I keep my eyes heavy on hers as tears brim my eyes.

The doctor inspects her eyes and nods his approval to the nurse who scribbles a few things on paper. He puts four fingers up and asks, “how many fingers am holding up?”

Chapter 34

Mirabella rips her gaze off me and looks at the doctor, her lips part and she searches for her words but nothing comes out. She sighs frustratedly followed by a wince as she continues trying to get a word out; still nothing.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion and the doctor looks at me in defeat before looking back at Mirabella. “Don’t worry yourself about the words for now, gesture me with your fingers” Mirabella shuts her eyes in understanding and tears slide down the side of her face as she puts four fingers up.

“Do you recognize these people?” He asks as he gestures my mother and Julia to come forward and they do. Mirabella nods enthusiastically and a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips but she’s quick to rip her gaze off them, returning it at me with so much expectation glistening

In her immaculate orbs

I don’t understand the look in her eyes or the expression on her face and my confusion has me rooted in one spot. Unable to move forward or backward, just standing there and looking at her with all the love my eyes are able to express.

The doctor turns to grab something but Mirabella grips his wrist, causing him to turn around to face her, giving her his full attention. “M- my.. More tears slide down her face as she winces from the pain that follows each word she forces out of her mouth.

I will my legs to move forward because I want to hold her and comfort her. I take calculated steps forward as I continue wondering the Importance of whatever my wife desires to know that she’s forcing the words out amidst the pain.

“My…b–b–aby” I freeze and my eyes widen.

“Can we talk?”

“Well the thing is uhm….the thing is……..I might-”

Her words repeat aloud in my cars and my jaw tense. Her baby? Is that what she just asked or am I hearing things?

I blink and blink again.

“I’m sorry. You lost it.” Comes the doctor’s reply that knocks me out completely.

Mirabella watches me intently as she sobs quietly. I try to move my legs forward but they’ve suddenly developed a mind of their own and instead of moving forward, they move backwards. My eyes dart from Mirabella to my mother and back to the doctor who’s carefully watching

“Isn’t that the dish you often made for mother when she was pregnant with Julia? What the fuck Ernesto Denaro, did you get my mother pregnant again? Are you trying to kill her?”

*This is not for your mother. It’s for Mirabella.”

“What? Mirabella is pregnant?”

“If Mirabella were to be pregnant, wouldn’t it be weird that I’d be the first to know?”

Father knew? He knew that Mirabella was pregnant?

It’s all my

my fault! She wanted to tell me and I couldn’t keep my loud mouth shut. Jesus.

I stumble backwards and I’m sure my eyes are reddened. “Matteo.” I hear Mirabella’s whispery voice and the wince that follows after Everyone seems to be moving their lips but I’m barely able to register the words coming out of their mouths.

“It’s not your fault.” Mirabella’s whispery voice that is followed by a whimper graces my ear again. I shake from whatever trance i drifted into but is to no avail

head in an attempt to wake up

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I hear the doctor warning Mirabella to stop talking before she does more damage to her throat but she doesn’t listen. She continues chanting my name like a mantra; like a call for help.

“I was wondering how sexy you’d look with my baby growing inside this stomach.”

Christ.

nning to God knows where with Pablo running behind me whilst calling out my name in confusion.

I bolt out the door, running to God

I don’t know how but I find myself in the hospital’s chapel, kneeling in front of the altar, bowing fully with my forehead slamming against the ground as I cry my soul out.

I haven’t prayed in a long time but I find myself praying for redemption, mostly because the only voice in my head at this moment is my grandfather’s voice screaming my uselessness in my face.

You’re nothing but their ruin!

All those who love or come in contact with you end up being ruined!

You’re a killer!

A bloodsucking murderer!

You don’t deserve love! You’ll never be loved! And even if you did find love, it’d be stripped from you as quickly as possible in the worst ways possible!

He was right.

Grandfather was right and this is my reality. First it was my family, then Bianca, then my father and now my child. And what’s worse is that I’m unaware of my wife’s condition.

Gesúl

I begin mumbling. “I know I’ve not been in your presence in a really long time but here I am. I am here surrendering my all to you but not for my sake. I’m giving up myself for the sake of my wife. Please help her heal. Please heal her heart. Please give her a chance at happiness because she deserves it. If I have to give my life up then I’m willing to do just that and more but please give my wife another chance at life.”

“Amen.” I feel someone kneel by my side and I cock my head to the side to find my mother in the same position as “That was so wrong of

you

Matteo, running away the way you did. How do you think she’d feel?”

“Mamma,..

rfault. They’re just things that are “I know and believe me I understand. You both had an argument and it’s normal, couples do that. You sent her out of the room but she could’ve gone into any of the million rooms in the mansion but she chose the garden and that was not your t beyond our control and this one is one of those things.” She interlocks her fingers with mine.

“Mirabella doesn’t blame you for what happened baby and you shouldn’t blame yourself either,hmm? Please go back in there and hold her hand, walk her through this because she needs you. She’s desperately yearning for you and it’s killing her that you’re not there.”

I abruptly stand on my feet and walk over to one of the seats in the chapel. “Do

“Do you fear

me mother?” I find myself asking

“What?” Her brows furrow.

“Rather than loving me, do you fear me instead?” We both hold our stare and I tut, “maybe I should rephrase the question. Do you resent me?”

Chapter 34

“Matteo…” Mother whispers as tears well in her eyes.

I shake my head and blow out hot breaths from my mouth. “I heard you that night, mother, I heard you loud and clear. If I had stayed home, I had been the responsible one, if I had obeyed a simple instruction then maybe Maria, Juan and Bianca would still be here…I heard it all.”

“Matteo…” Mother motions towards me with hot tears spewing from her eyes and I put my hand up to stop her.

“I understand mother and I don’t hold it against you. And I know you do not hate me but the truth is that you resent me, no matter how hard you try to move past whatever had happened, your resentment towards me will remain unchanged and that’s understandable.” I chew on my bottom lip.

“And the situation is the same with Mirabella. She might not hate me, she might understand that the situation was out of my control, she might desperately need me by her corner, but she’s never going to be able to forget the small part I played in this situation. She won’t forget the part that I had control over, the part where I should’ve kept my mouth shut and be a good listener, the part where I shouldn’t have been petty. She will never forget it and she’ll wake up some mornings and hate me. She’ll wake up some mornings and not be able to look me in the eye and I don’t want that.”

When

I jump on my feet. “When it’s certain that she’s fully recovered, I’m setting her free from me. She deserves better and I don’t want to be selfish and keep her for myself when I know that I’m unable to offer the happiness she deserves. Pablo will be in charge of taking care of her for

now.”

With that, I bolt out the door and head straight for the doctors office.

It’s been over an hour since I’ve been seated here in the doctor’s office but he’s nowhere to be seen. I lose my patience and decide to leave and that’s when he walks into his office. I’m quick to pull out my gun, aiming it at him, causing him to abruptly halt his movement with his arms thrown into the air in a surrender.

“Give me a good reason why my wife’s pregnancy was left out of the information given to me.” My voice comes out calm and cold; just the way I want it.

“She had asked that we keep it away from you” His answer comes

She

sout clipped.

e was unconscious when I brought her in. She can barely talk. Do I have to list out more reasons as to why I think you might be lying?” “She woke up mid–surgery and that was the only thing she kept saying. She kept on demanding that we kept it away from you. I’m sorry to have kept that important part of her health away from you.”

I’ve known Augusto the longest and I know he wouldn’t lie to me about such matter for no I offer him a tight nod as I put my gun away. reason and if i think about it without being biased, I’d see that he has nothing to gain by keeping that information away from me.

“Tell me how she’s doing.“I command.

“She’s okay,” he beams, heaving out a sigh of relief, “She’s in fact recovering very fast but she’d still need to undergo some more tests.” I nod. “A dermatologist and a plastic surgeon will be brought in to see how they can help get rid of her scars” I hum with a nod

“A physiotherapist will be brought in as well.” raise my brows in a questioning manner. “She might not be able to use her legs for a while.”

What?

“What?” My eyes widen and rage courses through my bloodstream.

“I’m sorry. But the good news is that it is not permanent. However, her ability to walk again solely depends on her from now moving forward.

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If she’s willing, if she wills her body and mind, I’m sure she’ll walk in no time. It just depends on her willingness.” He whispers the last part.

Inod. “What about her voice?”

He searches through his computer and a smile tugs at the comers of his lips, “she might experience slight pain if she tries using her voice for now but it’ll all disappear in a short while. One week, two weeks tops.”

I keep looking at him unable to say another word but I’m sure he understands that I’m silently asking if there’s anything else I need to know.

“Her vitals are good, she’s clean through and through, her uterus is in perfect condition although I’d advise you abstain from any sexual activities for now. After running some tests, we discovered that she’s unable to remember the events of that night in detail and that is a normal trauma response. So don’t go questioning her about details of the event.” He chuckles at the disgusting look I throw at him.

What does he take me for?

A heartless beast who doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings?

“She’ll need a psychotherapist,” he drawls and I nod in understanding.

“Will that be all?” I question.

“Yes.” I get up, heading for the door but stop when Augusto calls out my name. “Don’t fuck this up,” he starts and I turn around to face him with a hard look on my face.

“Don’t look at her any differently. I need you to understand that some nights will come when she might have panic attacks or nightmares. Some days will come when she loses her mind but do not make her feel like she’s not loved. Pamper her but don’t overdo it so she doesn’t feel as though you’re doing so out of pity. She’s still your wife regardless, do you understand?” I nod.

ry about me fucking it up because she’ll not even see my shadow.

There’s no need to worry

by far away from her because I know that the further away I am from her, the safer she will be

I’ll stay

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