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I realized a while ago that I was selfish.
Only when it came to sex, though.
Jailyn liked to joke that I was a sex addict, but I took the test on Google and it said I had a relatively low risk. Some of the questions didn't apply to me at all, but the one that stuck out was 'Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?'", to which I answered truthfully, saying yes.
The person hurt wasn't anyone I was in a relationship with, or even necessarily close to, but I still felt bad when I sat with Ari and Jade and she pretended she wasn't hurt by Ariana and I's relationship.
"I think Jade mentioned that her job just let a couple people go?" Ari phrased the words as a question, waiting for Jade to confirm or deny what she'd said.
"Jailyn doesn't have her degree yet, does she?" When I shook my head, she gave me an apologetic glance, "Bachelor's degree just for entry-level."
"Oh. Ken, did you wanna apply then?"
Jade didn't necessarily dislike me and had I not overheard a conversation that wasn't meant for me, I wouldn't have been able to tell she had any ill feelings towards me at all.
But I did overhear a conversation, and now I knew Jade was jealous of us.
I understood, but I also didn't. There wasn't even an 'us' to be jealous of. We had sex, sex that Jade knew about, and that was it.
That's where the selfishness came into play. I knew how she felt, and while I wasn't sure if Ari knew, I could've told her that I'd be fine without our arrangement. Clearly, I haven't, and to be completely honest, I didn't see myself doing that anytime soon.
So yes, I was selfish, and no, I didn't want to work in the same space as Jade.
"I'm good." I politely declined, "The coffee thing is working out well for me."
She nodded and resumed typing, "The offer is always there."
The offer was never there because Jade never offered to begin with.
I let another half hour go by before I reached for my keys, "Well, I guess I'll see y'all later."
"Don't forget the bring the banana pudding tomorrow." Ari reminded me.
"What's tomorrow?"
Jade gave a slight laugh, "The birthday party?"
She was referring to Ariana's mother's party, but I thought it was next Saturday, not the upcoming one.
"You forgot to get a gift?" Ari asked, noticing the look on my face.
"I thought it was next week."
"It's tomorrow."
I let out a slow sigh, "I won't be able to make it."
"You have plans?" They both asked in disbelief.
"Damn." I laughed, "I know I don't have a life but don't do me like that."
Ari wasted little time in asking what the plans were, "Plans with Jai?" When I shook my head no, she went on to ask, "Who?"
"This dude who came into my job."
Jade's facial expression remained excited while Ari's morphed into something else, "Aw Ken." Jade beamed, "All this time and you finally found someone."
I didn't care for the 'all this time' part, but shrugged it off, "It's just a date."
Ariana remained silent.
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The next night found Jailyn watching with a smile as I sprayed perfume on my wrist, my dad's voice filling the background, "Don't forget to send the picture to Jailyn. And if he says no, leave, Kensley."
"Okay. Why everybody gotta be a serial killer?"
"Too much shit going on." He snapped, surprising me by actually sounding angry, "I'd tell you not to go at all but you won't listen."
My parents never made me feel as if I had to hide my sexuality from them, a reason why I was comfortable in who I was, even in high school. I didn't tell them about my preferences pertaining to sex, though, because that would just be awkward.
Whereas I'd told Elijah I had to get to know people before saying if they weren't shit, my dad automatically assumed you weren't. And after the incident at school, he swore everyone was out to take advantage of me.
I wouldn't have told him I was going for that exact reason, and Jailyn told him I was going for that exact reason.
"You know..." I began, looking to make sure the phone had hung up before I cursed her out, "This is for Jailyn you big fat-"
"I'm just looking out for you 'cause you act like you invincible."
"We're going to a public restaurant, and if the nigga wanna kill me a tag number not gone stop him. Now my dad gonna call me a thousand times unless I send his tag number."
Her face held zero signs of sympathy.
Shaking my head, I did a final inspection of my outfit. Rose gold satin material clung to my curves exactly as I wanted it to, and the cowl neck as well as open back of the midi dress revealed a respectable yet ample amount of skin. The shoes I chose were simple, a pair a clear heels.
"My friend so fine." Jailyn gushed happily.
I narrowed my eyes at her, "Don't try to be my friend after you snitched on me."
Elijah said he'd be here by 8, and at 8, our doorbell rang.
"Bitchhhh. I keep telling you that's a man. Nigga said 8 and meant it."
"Meant it. You think he was standing out there counting down the seconds? It's giving me Joe."
We'd spent a weekend or two binging the popular Netflix series.
"Joe gave me big dick energy soooo do what you want with that information"
Coby was walking by, "The next song I write gone be about how y'all women be in whole relationships looking for another nigga."
"Keep it in the drafts, chief."
I'd pulled open the door by then, Elijah standing there tapping away at his phone. He looked up, and to his credit, tried to focus solely on my face, but his eyes quickly drifted down to my breasts, then slowly down and up again until they returned to their original place.
I agreed with Jai this time. He might as well have pulled his dick out.
"How did I not notice you the first time I saw you?"
"I was in a uniform. Everybody looks better outside of that." I replied as I closed the door behind me.
"I'd use a lot of words to describe you, and 'better' not one of 'em." He shook his head, and did the gaze that I wasn't sure if I hated or not yet, "Ain't no way you just stood there and said 'better'."
Is he about to beat my ass because I said better?
"I'm sorry." I laughed, "I won't say that word again."
"What word?"
"Bet-" I caught myself, "I see me telling you that you're not shit by the end of tonight."
He simply smiled and extended his arm for me to hold onto as we walked down the steps, "I thought it was gon' take a couple of these before you made your decision but you tryna write a nigga off already."
I liked his sense of humor, and it made me feel comfortable enough to ask my next question when we were walking towards his car.
"Can I write down your tag number?"
Elijah looked at me in surprise, which quickly turned to realization, "Go 'head."
"Thanks." I replied with an apologetic smile, "I'm just sending it to my friend."
"Nah, I understand. Be safe and allat."
Not to say I was particularly worried about him killing me, but his reaction made me feel better about whatever his intentions may have been. After I sent the number instead of a picture, I walked towards the passenger side where he was holding the door open for me.
He wants some pussy for 500, Alex.
Elijah slid into his seat, glancing over at me to see why I was snickering to myself, "What?"
Not wanting to tell him what I was thinking, I changed the direction of the conversation, "What accent is that?" I tried to say it the way he had, "Allat? Alllattt."
His laughter was infectious, "Alabama, and don't make a cousin joke or I'm putting you out."
"I just always associate Forrest Gump with Alabama. Have you ever been to Bubba Gump?"
".....I would've preferred it if you made the cousin joke."
I wasn't even sure if I was looking for a relationship, but I was looking to have good, consistent sex. It didn't have to be related to that lifestyle at all because Ari would continue to fill that void until I decided what I wanted.
Trying to be discrete about it, I took in Elijah's appearance, acknowledging how God took his time to sculpt a beautiful man. There was nothing about his features that were feminine, but beautiful was the only word I could think of to describe him.
He had a lean build and had to be at least 6 feet, as he was still taller than my 5'7 frame, and I was in heels. I'd never been particularly drawn to beards but his was immaculate. It drew your attention to the rest of his attributes, such as the softness of his eyes, or the rock-like sculpture that was his jaw.
The thought of his beard being between my legs made me forget that I was supposed to be being discrete, but I was reminded when Elijah turned to slightly look at me, "Kensley, I gave you like 2 minutes but it's starting to get weird now."
"I- I was looking out the window." I lied, staring straight ahead now, "This is a nice car. Nice view."
My embarrassment quadrupled when he didn't even pretend to hide his amusement at my lie, boisterous laughter filling the small space, "Yeah, it's a nice view."
It wasn't that far of a drive to Minett's, the upscale restaurant that Elijah had chosen, and the parking valet awaited us in front, smiling politely as he took Elijah's previous spot. Once inside, we were led to a table that wasn't entirely secluded but wasn't exactly close either.
As I expected from the car ride, our conversation flowed naturally.
"So you have a degree in political science... but you work in a coffee shop?" Elijah asked in disbelief.
"Not you shaming food service workers."
"I'm just tryna' get an understanding." He laughed, "I can't wrap my head around that."
"We can't all be lawyers, Sir."
I'd said it in a joking manner, but the remnants of his smile faded as a somewhat thoughtful look appeared, "Why don't people call you Kensley?"
"Um.., I don't know. I go by a lot of names. Ken, Kenny, Ken-dawg." I stopped and shrugged, "I let people pick."
"Ken-dawg?"
"It's really popular."
You'd think I was in a Colgate commercial from the permanent smile etched on my face, but it refused to leave, a result of how well I felt the night was going.
Had our relationship stayed that simple, a lot of heartbreak could have been prevented.
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kensley & jade? do you feel like she should let her thing w/ ari go or it's just sex?
i really love this book sm. thank you guys for giving it a chance ð