Livianaâs POV
Itâs been a few days since I asked Luan for âspaceâ. I rarely see him at school and when I do, heâs gone in a blink of an eye.
Amaris has been awfully quiet about the situation. She seems sullen but doesnât complain.
Weâve dealt with the rogue problem smoothly with the other Alphas this time so itâs a bit peaceful in the pack now.
âYouâre really deep in thought huhâ El came in.
âDo you want to talk about it?â he asked. I sighed.
El went inside my office and shut the door.
âYou arenât the open type of person, Livi. I understand that. But you need to be able to talk about how you feel every now and then. It doesnât even have to be with me. Just find someone, please. You canât keep everything bottled up insideâ he said. I gave him a small smile before taking a deep breath.
âBlake confessed to me the last time they went hereâ I told him and he just stood there.
âHe made me choose between him and Luanâ I continued and his brows furrowed.
âHe did what?!â he said in a low growl.
I stared at him for a moment before sighing.
âKeep calm, El. I wonât continue what Iâm saying if you act like youâre ready to attack Blake after our conversationâ I said. He huffed in frustration and took a deep calming breath.
Once he calmed down a bit, he met my eyes.
âWhy would he do that?â he asked in disbelief.
I couldnât answer him.
I wasnât sure what the answer to that question was.
El sighed.
âI knew he had feelings for you but I never knew heâd be stupid enough to do something so idioticâ he said and my brows furrowed.
âYou also knew?â I asked him. He nodded.
âYes, Livi. I know because we used to compete over you since we were kidsâ he said which made me even more confused.
âWhat do you mean?â I said. He took a deep breath before looking at me straight in my eyes.
âI liked you since we were kids too, Livi. But since I know that it wonât work out for us since we have destined mates for us, I knew my limits. I guess since Blake didnât know that, his feelings got too deepâ he said with a sight.
I just looked at him baffled.
El liked me too?
When did that happen?
How clueless can I be?
What in the actual fck is this?
âDonât worry, Livi. When I found out that you already found your mate, I already gave up my feelings for youâ he assured me but that didnât really help.
How did I not know about the feelings of the guys around me?
I guess Katie was right.
Iâm extremely densed.
âAnyway, what did you after he asked you that?â he said changing the topic.
âWell, one, I didnât choose. And then two, I talked to Luan and asked him for some space while I tried to think over what Iâm supposed to doâ I told him.
âYou asked Luan for space? And he said yes?â he asked with wide eyes. I nodded remembering that afternoon I told him about it.
Till now, I still feel regret in doing it.
Because if Iâm being honest, I miss him.
Every day that I canât see him properly.
Every day that I canât smell his scent close to me.
I miss him and it scares me.
It scares me that this feelings are getting out of hand.
But I still want him.
I want him more than ever.
âThatâs veryâ¦mature of himâ El chuckled and I did too.
âSo, whatâs your plan now?â he asked me.
âI donât know yetâ I said as I looked out the window of my office.
âWhatever youâll do, just know that you have people who support you, Livi. Alwaysâ El said and I gave him a small smile.
âThank you, Elâ I said and he gave me a small smile.
âIâll go now so you can have more time to yourselfâ he said and I nodded in agreement before he left the room.
I stayed in my office for a while and sorted out some files then went back to my room since it was already late and I still had class tomorrow.
These past few days, I havenât gotten much sleep.
I always end up just staring at the ceiling while memories of my mate flooded through me.
I missed him so much and itâs driving me crazy.
That was not a good sign.
Iâm not supposed to like someone so much that I canât get them out of my mind.
If that happens, it will be hard.
I took a cold shower before heading off to bed and like any other night, I stared at the ceiling and Luan popped in my mind.
âYou miss him tooâ I heard Amaris.
I didnât reply to her.
If I do, sheâs going to keep pushing me to her and I donât know what will happen if she succeeds in doing so.
âLiviana, why are you holding yourself back?â she asked.
âI need to focus on the pack, Amarisâ I told her.
âYouâre lyingâ she said.
âItâs not just about the pack anymore, Liviana. Youâre scaredâ she continued.
I gulped as I bit my lower l*p.
âThatâs not trueâ I lied.
âYouâre scared that youâll fall in love, arenât you?â she said and I closed my eyes and found myself in the forest facing Amaris who is a couple of feet away from me.
âEnough, Amarisâ I growled.
âWhy are you being like this, Liviana?!â she growled back at me then whimpered.
âWe both know that our mate will never hurt us! He loves us, Liviana! Why canât you just understand that? Why do you have to be so selfish?â she said.
I clenched my fists.
âMaybe he wonât. But how are you so sure that the people around him will do the same?â I said and just stared at me for a moment.
âHeâs the official prince of Lunar, Amaris. He is the heir to the throne. Do you think that it will be so easy for us to be with him? Specially now that we are both aware of who I amâ I said.
âYes, I am the only daughter of the former king. The former king who was chased after the council after falling in love with the princess of the enemy territory and keeping her by his side because he loved her so deeplyâ I continued as tears began to form my eyes.
âThe king who loved his mate so much that he risked it all just to be with her. Now, heâs in captivity somewhere while his mate is no longer alive nor dead and his only child is suffering from her so called fate that she didnât even want or ask forâ I said and tears streamed down my face.
âSo Iâm so sorry if Iâm so scared of falling in love with our mate, Amaris. You see, I donât have a very good impression of love because it was the reason why I donât have my parents anymore. Iâm so sorry that you think Iâm so selfish for not letting you be with our mate. Iâm so sorry that Iâm like this and Iâm so sorry that I donât know how to deal this situation the way you want me to handle itâ I said as I fell to my knees while sobbing.
âIâm not scared of falling in love, Amaris. Iâm terrified of itâ I said almost in a whisper.
Amaris whimpered as she approached me.
I broke down as she snuggled her body close to mine and I seeked comfort in her soft fur.
âIâm so sorry, Liviana. Iâm so sorryâ Amaris cooed as she rubbed her head on me trying to comfort me.
âIâm so sorry. I didnât mean for it to be like this. Iâm so sorryâ she kept apologizing as I continued to cry.
I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her as I buried my face on her fur.
I tried to calm myself.
This situation has really taken a toll on both Amaris and I.
I felt so tired that I fell asleep.
I opened my eyes and found myself in my room again.
I sat up and saw that it was already morning.
I went to the bathroom and showered then got ready for school.
I wasnât in the mood for breakfast so instead of going down to the living room, I went to my balcony and jumped down from there and got on my motorbike to drive to school.
I arrived school earlier than usual and I guess the world was telling me to do what I had to do when I saw Blake in the driveway.
I got off my motorbike and headed to Blakeâs car.
Our eyes met.
âCan we talk for a moment?â I asked him. He sighed but nodded then he followed me to the football field.
I took a deep breath before facing him.
âWhat do you want to talk about?â he asked. I just stared at him for a moment.
âYou made me choose between you and Luanâ I said and he nodded.
âYes, I didâ he said.
âI donât want to choose between the both of youâ I said.
âWhy? Is it because youâre scared of hurting one of us?â he said with a raised brow.
My jaw clenched.
âTell me honestly, Livi. Do you really like Luan?â he asked and I met his eyes.
I thought about it.
âI doâ I said and he sighed.
âThen, Iâll consider this your rejectionâ he said and forced a smile.
âI was wrong for making you choose between us, Livi. Iâm sorry for what I did. I guess I just couldnât accept the fact that I canât be with you. Iâm sorry and I really donât want to lose you. Can you forgive me and continue being friends with an i***t like me?â he asked hopeful. I bit my lower lio as I pounced on him to hug him.
âI guess thatâs a yesâ he chuckled as he hugged me back.
âIâm sorry for what I did, Livi. I just loved you so much and my feelings got the best of meâ he said apologetically. I gave him a small smile.
âI love you tooâ I said.
âBut not THAT type of loveâ I continued and he chuckled.
âI know and thatâs enough for meâ he said and gave me a k**s on the top of my head.
Itâs like something heavy was lifted out of my chest.
I felt relieved.