Unedited
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She was only eighteen, and she had her whole life ahead of her. She was supposed to take my old pack places, raise their status within the werewolf community, make them fearless warriors and powerful allies.
She'd barely gotten started before she was ripped from me, ripped from her mate and her family, all because I angered some random rogue with an obsession with me.
The guilt has been eating me alive.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't bare the weight on my chest that's crushing me, making it difficult to breathe. I feel guilty still being here, my mate holding me, alive.
So I arranged everything as an apology to her. I took the weight from her parent's shoulders, planning her funeral and paying for it, making sure everything was covered. I don't know whether or not it helped me lift the world sized ball of guilt from deep inside my chest (it didn't) but it did help me focus my mind.
Sitting around and doing nothing was forcing me to think about what I witnessed in my father's old office, how I couldn't do anything to save her. How once again I let her down, but this time it cost her life.
I also arranged for Mark to be buried right beside her, his funeral at the exact same time as hers so they can leave for the moon together. I've prayed constantly for Luna to take good care of them, make their second life longer and better than their first one.
The rain is cold against my skin, but I stay sat like a statue, unmoving, my eyes glued to the pack members lowering my two best friend's coffins into the ground. It's torrentially pouring down, puddles soaking the grass around my feet and filling my shoes. My hair is stuck to my face, making my visibility difficult, not that I can see through the tears I'm trying so desperately not to shed.
I'm a Luna, I cannot show weakness in times of pack hardship. My old pack lost their alphas last week and no longer have anyone to turn to, and I'm the closest thing they have to any form of pack authority.
"Lola." My mate says gently, placing his large hand on my shoulder. "You can't stay out here forever, we have some things to sort out for crescent moon."
I shrug his hand from my shoulder and continue staring forward, avoiding his presence. He's been so patient with me, so caring, and all I've done is ignore his advances to look after myself, and to guide our pack without me. This isn't the first time today I've wanted to be alone, and I know that the responsibility is weighing down on him.
He's been more tired than usual, dark circles permanently underneath his eyes. He handled the workload by himself for four years, but now that I have separate responsibilities as a Luna, he's been taking those on too, which he didn't do before.
"Not now Kaden, please not now." I whisper, my fingers wringing together in my lap. "Please can I just be by myself and mourn my best friends."
He doesn't leave, only occupies the seat beside me. He stays with me whilst the minutes pass by, the rain drenching his already tight suit and matting his once perfectly styled hair to his head. Never letting go of my hands, not even when they go numb. I know that his go numb too because they're icy to touch, just like mine.
"Kaden you don't have to stay outside, you're freezing." I mutter, my eyes finally tearing away from the tombstones they've finally finished putting into place. They're coloured a black marble, the white writing neat and stark against the cold colour. "You don't need to stay."
"Yes I do." He growls, his icy eyes boring into my own. "I want to be here for you, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to. I need you to know I'm here for you, because sometimes I don't think you know that."
I smile bleakly, fresh tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. I lean forward and press my cold lips to his, clutching tightly to his hand like a lifeline. It's freezing, but real, and I need something to anchor my mind before it falls into the depths of darkness. Kaden's spare hand knots through my hair, stroking my cheek when I finally pull away. "I couldn't save her Kaden."
My dam finally breaks, water finally leaking through the cracks in the concrete facade I've been putting up over the last few days, and I cry onto Kaden's shoulder. "I couldn't save my best friend."
Crying makes a new wave of fresh, raw pain wash over my body, my heart hurting more than the first time. It spreads through my veins, crushing my persona and turning me into the eighteen year old girl that I should be. The one that is mourning the death of her support system, her moral and mental security, not the one that has to be strong for everyone else.
I scream into my mates shoulder, letting out everything I've been holding in until I have nothing left to give. His strong arms wrap tightly around my body and he pulls me closer than before, anchoring me to him, making me feel safe. His hands are soothingly rubbing circles on my back, not saying a word to me which I'm so grateful for.
I'm not in the mood for another person apologising to me, telling me that they're sorry for my loss. The words are hollow, and whilst they're trying to be nice it doesn't help me.
"Come on." He says once I've finally calmed down, pulling my head away from his shoulder. "There's the final matter we need to address. Are you sure you're ready for this?"
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands and smile weakly, nodding my head twice. "Yeah, I need to do this for her and Mark."
"You're so strong Lola, I don't think you understand your own resolve." Kaden kisses me again before standing up and offering me a hand. "Let's get this over and done with and then we can go home."
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For the second time in as many days, I find myself drinking the blood of my pack members.
I'm stood on the stage of the old pack amphitheater, every member of both my old pack and new rammed into the available space. There are so many wolves of all ages, pups and elders alike, that many members are being forced to stand.
It's nerve wracking when every pair of eyes in a space are on you. Thousands of gazes are on me, watching my every move. The reassuring parts of this are that Otis is standing at the foot of the stage in the front row sending reassuring looks my way, and that Kaden is stood beside me.
His large callous hand is wrapped around mine, which is part of the ritual but nevertheless comforting, and he smiles at me softly whenever I look at him.
"All you have to do is drink from the chalice Luna and this ceremony is finished." Otis says loudly, so that everyone in the crescent moon amphitheater can hear him. "That is when the two packs will become one."
I breathe shakily from my mouth, wrapping my slender fingers around the smooth stem of the chalice, the cold metal biting against my skin. The liquid is thick and dark, the moonlight making it silver.
Then I drink.
This time, it tastes like what reminds me of home. Mark's mums brownies, my dad's signature steaks at the summer barbecue, it even has a hint of Otis' eucalyptus salve he gives you for training burns. The drink is comforting, relaxing, makes me instantly feel at ease and like everything will be alright.
My hands seem to buzz with energy, the hairs on my arms standing on end and the air feeling thick around me. It's electric, my ears popping and my thick brown hair sticking out at odd angles.
I can't hear anything, only watch as Kaden takes a sip from the cup, his body having the exact same reaction as mine, and I watch as the entire amphitheater starts to open and close their mouths at the same time in a silent chant.
Torches start to alight, burning a bright white flame with it's edges tinted blue. They're alighting all across the rows and columns of seats, tinting the ancient stadium in a bath of blue light.
I look up to see the the grey and black clouds have cleared, revealing the pale moon in the sky. Kaden's eyes roll to the back of his head, his strong neck tensed along with his jaw. His grip on my hand is unchanged, his fingers interlaced with mine gently.
I watch in awe as his body is surrounded with a white light, like the moon is shining a spotlight on him and only him.
And then it's my turn.
I feel a numbness in my head that makes me feel dizzy, my eyes automatically closing and a small groan escaping my lips.
My blood feels like lightning through my veins, setting fire to my insides. I feel like a battery that's suddenly been recharged, power flowing through me like a river. My muscles are feeling stronger, and then my mind clears, and I can clearly hear the thoughts and feelings of my old pack. It's not as painful as joining Dawn Star, because the bond and love I had for my pack never left, so it wasn't hard to place me back into their waiting arms.
My gaze turns to Kaden once I realise he's no longer holding my hand, and I look to see that he's on his knees, his fingers buried in the sandy dirt the coats the stage. His eyes are clutched shut and his face is creased with the effort to hold in his obvious pain.
I drop to his side and run my hand along the length of his strong back, the cooled muscles instantly relaxing at my touch. I don't mind that my dress is collecting dust, the once midnight blue colour becoming a dark brown as the dirt sticks to the hem.
When his eyes open they aren't the endearing blue that makes my heart rate pick up when I see him, nor are they the thunderous grey I have become accustomed to.
They're all white, just like the moon goddess', no iris nor pupil to be seen. He's breathing heavily, his gaze latched to mine as he pulls his hands from inside the stone stage and picks himself up, the white not going away.
"Lola, your eyes." He whispers, his fingers running along my jawline and culling my cheek. "Your eyes, they're, they're purple."
I feel my brow furrow in confusion, my hands fumbling around my dress for my phone, only to realise that I don't have any pockets. Kaden passes me his phone and I open the camera to realise he isn't joking. They're a pale lilac in colour, almost white. The edges are a bright purple, and I watch as they widen before blinking rapidly.
"CrescentMoon, DawnStar, tonight your packs have been united, your old alpha returning with her mate." Otis begins, unaware of the revelation about my eyes. Kaden slips the phone back into the pocket of his suit pants and placed his hand on the small of my back, returning his attention back to Otis. "Tonight is monumental in our history, as no pack has ever owned more than half of this lake, half of this reserve. Our borders are now the size of the state of Alabama, and who says we need to stop there."
A chorus of approval sounds around the amphitheater, thousands of feet smashing against the old stone in a stampede of boots and trainers.
"Let's show the DawnStar pack a good and proper CrescentMoon welcome, and we'll continue the festivities well into the night."
Cheers in agreement call out, and when people start to head towards the tree line above the stage, Otis turns around and smiles at me, his teeth bared but it drops the second he stares into my eyes.
"Well that's never happened before." Otis mumbles, pulling out his medical bag and scanning my eyes with various pieces of equipment. His frown deepens, and he shoves his stuff back in his bag. He runs a hand over his beard before scratching his balding head. "Alpha Kaden you may have to speak to your seer about this, because I'm afraid my knowledge doesn't stretch to purple eyed Luna's. Your eyes however are normal
Kaden nods and shakes his hand strongly, thanking him before turning to me. I watch him with intrigue as the wind picks up and whips through his hair, tousling up the near black locks. The moon casts a light on him, almost like a spotlight. It highlights every sharp slope of his face, heightening the sharpness of his cheekbones and jaw and the softness of his lips.
His eyes are flickering between all white and his usual blue, and the second his lips pull into a smile, they return to normal. "Let's go home."
âââðºâââ
SUP GUYS!!
I KNOW THAT THIS UPDATE IS LIKE 12 HOURS LATER THAN MY USUAL MONDAY UPDATES, BUT TECHNICALLY IT IS STILL MONDAY SO SUCK IT UP PEOPLE!!
I kind of hate what I wrote in the chapter, but I finally merged the two packs, so you can all leave me alone now about it
*runs and hides in a corner curled up in a ball*
Anyways
If you liked the chapter more than I did please feel free to drop me a vote or a little comment below, add this book to your reading lists, shower me in love and affection and gifts...
I'm kidding hahaha
(I'm not)
Chapters from now will be irregular due to the amount of revision I have to do for my mocks, but I promise I'll update whenever I can.
Love you all,
Lauryn xoxo