Unedited
âââðºâââ
As much as it pains me to say it, even if only inside my head, this news really isn't the good news that Kaden promised me. I'm eighteen for god's sake, I can barely take care of myself. I am in no way ready to dedicate my life to raising a pup when I have so many more serious things to worry about.
Like a psychotic rogue witch that is hell bent on ruining my life, and apparently he's decided he wants to dabble in the art of attempted murder every so often. The target for his recent murdering obsession being me of course.
As well as the killer witch possessing my friend acting as a very large baby barrier, myself and Kaden are still far too up and down with our emotions, falling out and storming away from one another. We're not mentally mature enough to raise a child, and we're definitely not stable enough to provide the proper family that this pup needs. We have just started to work each other out, and we've only just begun to click as a couple, and I feel like I'm being pushed into the deep end with this one and I definitely feel like I'm drowning.
But I can never tell Kaden this, because the light in his eyes when he looks at me is something I could never bring myself to take away, because if I did I know he could never forgive me.
Or at least he wouldn't forgive me for a long time.
However, he has listened to me when I said I didn't want to tell the pack due to the ongoing threats towards me, because it wouldn't be beneficial for word of this to spread, it would make the target painted across this pack a hell of a lot bigger, and a hell of a lot more visible.
The only problem with reminding him I'm under threat is the fact he now makes me accompany him everywhere. I leave for the office with him every day, I take my lunch break with him, I go to meetings with him. He stands outside the door whenever I go to the toilet, and if it's impossible for him to follow me somewhere, say I beg him to let me out whilst he's buried in paperwork, he has me shadowed by multiple guards.
It's driving me insane. He's taken away my freedom because he's scared of letting me out of his sight, and I'm so close to exploding on him in such a large fashion that he'll fall out with me and sulk for ages.
He won't even let me see Olivia, which I know is a slightly strange request, since it was her body that this rogue psycho harboured and tried to kill me with. But, she's my best friend in this place, and I know that she feels undescribably guilty for what happened, even though none of it was her fault.
I haven't been able to speak to her for two weeks now because Kaden has made me cut contact with her, and by all accounts he's severed her mind link to me, according to Jasper and Viola. Viola told me over herbal tea that he had stormed in here and ordered a block to be put on our mindlink, which almost made me smash the delicate China cup over the back of his head.
Jasper has been more than helpful, passing messages back and forth between us, especially after he found out Viola couldn't go against Kaden's orders and remove the block in my head, even if I was the one who asked her to do it. He knows that my mate is going way beyond what can be considered protective, and he's stepping into possessive territory that is going to end with me falling out with him, as I continue to say.
Luckily, Kaden's beta is one of the few people he trusts me to be around without needing extra security, or him attached to my hip, so I've been 'allowed' as Kaden says, which makes me want to punch him in his chiselled face because he's being a controlling asshole.
And breathe.
So now, myself and Jasper are sat in the back of the coffee shop in one of the booths by the back wall, away from the windows, and near the rear exit for a quick escape. Kaden's psychotic rules not mine. I'd want nothing more than to be able to sit near the window so I can watch the pack continuing life like normal, something I'm not able to do.
I sigh heavily from my nose, stirring my coffee absentmindedly, my mind running through multiple scenarios of the possible outcomes after I kill Kaden in his sleep.
"You can stop mentally killing him now." Jasper chuckles, taking a sip from his cappuccino. "It's just us two today, he's not even deployed hidden guards."
"This is getting out of hand." I groan outwardly, a small grin slipping past my upset appearance nonetheless at Jasper's words. I have no idea how he convinced Kaden not to send guards.
Knowing my mate, he's probably said that there aren't any here, but I bet that Jack the barista has an earpiece in.
"Are you still wanting to go behind Kaden's back with this?" Jasper asks me, taking a long sip from the straw of his iced mocha. "When he finds out about what you've done he's going to flip."
"He won't flip for long, I'm carrying his pup remember." I say with a slight bitterness, wincing at the fact I'm pregnant.
Jasper noticed this, and his brow furrows, his eyes darkening. "You don't want it do you?"
I snap my eyes up from the table to see his boring into my own, but there's no accusation or betrayal behind his words. It was merely a question, one that he's curious to find the answer of. "Well?"
I feel ashamed of my answer, so I allow my gaze to fall to my hands, my fingers twisting around each other with guilt. "I'm not ready to be a parent Jasper, and Kaden sure as hell isn't mature enough to be a father."
I feel the ball of frustration in my chest tighten, and if I don't tell anyone how I feel, I'm going to explode. I don't even have Shiva anymore to talk about this with, even though she'd be more on Kaden's side than my own.
So I tell Jasper everything. I tell him how Kaden blew up on me at a simple mistake on my part and punched through a wall, how he storms out on me when he starts an argument, how possessive he is. I tell him how he makes me feel trapped, and if it wasn't for the mate bond that made me feel things for him that I can't even explain, I probably wouldn't be with him.
Jasper doesn't interrupt me, nor does he argue with me about my statements. He sits there and he listens, his fingers threaded together on top of the table, his body leant forward as he engages with what I'm saying.
"I feel like at the moment we're in a toxic patch." I say quietly, my cheeks feeling wet at the stray tears that slip from the corners of my eyes. "We're so bad for each the right now, we can barely hold a conversation. But when it's good it's good, you know?"
Jasper smiles sadly, placing his large hand over my own, caressing the skin on my knuckles with the rough pad of his thumb. "Have you tried speaking to Kaden about this? I remember when I was go by through something similar to this with Yasmin. We had to talk about it before anything got better."
I shake my head slightly, my eyes looking into his hazel ones. "I feel like when I bring this up he's going to be immature and storm out."
Despite Jasper being three years older than me, his words hold wisdom far older than his age. I know he's right, every word that comes from his mouth is what I need to hear, what slaps me around the face and wakes me up from whatever hole I've crawled into to sit by myself. "You've got to believe he's mature enough to try, Lola." He says softly, a small smile on his face. "He deserves that much."
I squeeze his hand softly but firmly, a small smile making its way past my emotional wall and onto my lips. "I know."
âââðºâââ
When I open the door to our house, I can smell the burning scent of acrylic and wet paint. It's acrid to my nose, so strong that I can't smell anything but paint, no scents of other wolves, I can barely catch Kaden's natural smell.
I throw my keys into the bowl by the door, catching sight of my pale lilac eyes in the small mirror on the wall. Despite Viola's best attempts, she couldn't turn my eyes back to their normal brown colour. I don't mind them anymore, but my eyes still freak out the humans that occasionally pass through the territory. I get whispered about, I hear what they say because of my wolf hearing, well I used to. One of the more frequent sayings was that I look like I have the mother of dragons' eyes, which is an immense compliment because Emilia Clarke is HOT.
I don't have any of the powers I used to have, no super strength, hearing, eyesight. I'm human and I'm vulnerable and I hate it. I think that's another reason why Kaden is so wary of letting me out of his sight, he doesn't think I'm capable of protecting myself.
Maybe I can't protect myself like I used to be able to, but I don't think he realises the amount of training my father put me through. I've trained in my fighting styles than I can count on my finger, I know more ways to kill a person than letters in the alphabet, and that's just with my bare hands.
I didn't realise it at the time, I thought my dad was training me to be an alpha, but instead he was training me to be weapon, a killer. A part of my brain switches off when I fight, something I put down to Shiva's aggression, as my need for blood increased when she would lend me power.
I shake my head, not knowing anything else about Shiva. How I remember her lending me power is weird, because I have no memories of her doing so.
I press the palms of my hands into my eyes and rub them, my eyelids feeling weary. I slip off my shoes and kick them towards the shoe rack, figuring I'll speak to Kaden before I go to bed, because if he gets too worked up I'll just go to sleep.
I follow the scent of paint into the spare room to find my mate with his back to me, paintbrush in his hands as he stands on his tiptoes to reach the top corner of the room. I watch as his back muscles ripple as he stretches to paint the wall, the light blue paint dribbling down the handle of the paintbrush and onto his hands.
"Ahem." I cough lightly, not daring to lean on the doorframe in case he's painted it. "You seem to have occupied yourself whilst I've been with Jasper. What're you doing?"
He turns around, an eyebrow raised in my direction as he wipes his brow with the back of his paint covered hand. A smile breaks across his face as he put the brush back in the pot of paint, and he crosses the room and plants a brief kiss on my lips. "Hey, how was your lunch?"
I raise my eyebrow and he grins guiltily, very aware of the fact I caught onto his deflection and avoidance of my question. He wraps his arms around my waist, and I try not to visibly cringe at the feeling of paint dribbling down the exposed skin on my back. "I figured that our little pup is gonna need somewhere to sleep, and seen as though our room isn't quite big enough for a crib, he could have his own room just across the hall."
"He?" I ask, trying to wriggle out of his embrace. "What makes you think it's a He?"
"I just know it is." He smiles softly, tightening his arms around my waist and kissing me softly on my nose. "Look, I know that we're not solid enough at the moment to raise him, and I know that you're having doubts about our animist to be parents..."
I open my mouth to interrupt him, to half heartedly lie about how I think we can do this, but the know it all look on his face has me closing my lips and letting him carry on.
"Lola, I can't count how many times I've told you that you're it for me. We've had a rocky past few weeks, and I know that I've been overbearing with you, but I'm so scared of losing you," He places his large hand on y flat stomach. "and of losing this piece of both of us, that I'm willing to try twice as hard to be what you deserve."
I smile at him, cupping his face in my hands. I take a deep breath, and fulfil my promise to Jasper about telling him everything. "I'm not going to lie to you Kaden, neither of us are ready to become parents. I'm eighteen and can barely look after myself. We're much too up and down with each other, we fight and then storm off instead of fixing our problems, and we're so hot and cold with one another that it's hard to keep track."
His eyes look to the ground, and I can feel him trying to pull away from me, sadness and frustration radiating off him like a nuclear bomb. "But," I say quickly to grab his attention, and force him look at me. "There's nobody else I can think of that I'd rather to this with. I want to do this with you, if you can promise me that you're not going to smother me, or keep me locked up in a room somewhere. I want freedom Kaden, but I'm not stupid about wanting to be by myself."
Kaden smiles at me, his teeth on full display. "Lola, you have my word we'll work together on this. We'll try for each other, and I promise to try and not be a smothering, controlling asshole, as your mind link has been constantly reminding me."
I can feel the blood rushing to my face, no doubt turning it the colour of a ripened tomato. I can't believe I forgot to block him from my mind, and the mate bond let's us know exactly what the other is thinking. Oh fûck. "Kaden..."
"It's fine." He laughs, pressing his forehead gently against mine, his eyes shining with the humour I love to see. "Frankly, gearing your opinion made me realise that I am being a bit of a psycho possessive. I'm going to Viola tomorrow to remove the block I put in your head between you and Olivia, it wasn't fair of me and I'm sorry for that."
"You don't say." I scoff cheekily, the deep grow erupting from deep within his chest sending shivers down my nerves, electrifying every cell in my body. "I'm sorry for being such a bîtch to you recently, and not talking to you about how I feel. We need to talk to each other if this is going to get better, we can't keep relying on the mate pull to make this better."
"I know." My mate whispers against my lips, pressing his knee between my legs. "But sometimes, listening to the mate pull is exactly what we need."
I shriek in surprise as his hands go to the backs of my thighs and he hoists me up, my legs wrapping around his waist so that I don't fall. He removes one hand from culling my ass to gently move a loose strand of dark hair from my eyes, a smile so soft on his face that my heart melts. "Seen as though we're talking to each other to work through things, can we work through things in the bedroom before I lose my mind."
I laugh but nod my head, leaning down and kissing him gently as he leads us from the unfinished bedroom, pulling the door shut behind him
âââðºâââ
Many apologies for being AWOL for over a month but I have exams in four weeks so I'm knuckling down with revision, and writing is unfortunately having to take a back seat.
Hopefully you liked this chapter, even though it's a bit shît. I had writers block with this, and personally find it rather boring to read, BUT i did get a little bit of KODA action up in here, something that hasn't been around in a while whilst the story has progressed.
I'm looking at about 10-15 more chapters before this book is complete, and depending on how I decide to end the book, there's a possibility of a sequel, but don't get your hopes up I'll see how things go.
ANYWHO, let me know what you guys thought, and don't forget to hit the star to show your support, as to reason lists or share with friends.
I love you all, especially @nadatw and @kalenaren because these two LEGENDS backed me up in the comments section last week when some girl started having ago at me because I don't edit my chapters before posting them, so this chapter is dedicated to the pair of you.
Especially after we made her delete her comment hahahahaha, love you both â¤ï¸
Anyways that's all for today, hopefully I'll get a new chapter up soon, so adios until then my lovely readers.
Love,
Lauryn xoxo