Chapter 118
Mor visited first. Arwen's cousin perched on the armchair in the sitting room with an unrelenting grin, the blond hair tumbling down her shoulders only adding to the glow she radiated. Azriel, the second Mor entered, had drawn back into himself and Arwen lamented to see it happen before her very eyes. He still sat next to her, holding her hand. But the day before he wouldn't have settled until she was on his lap.
She stroked her thumb over the backs of his knuckles. "How is Elain taking to living at the House?"
"Oh, I wouldn't know," Mor said. "Cassian could tell you, but I hear you two still haven't spoken."
It had been over a month now. The separation felt strange and most of her anger had extinguished over that time, though a few embers of bitterness remained.
"Arwen was talking about hosting dinner here," Azriel said, his gaze settled on her, though his words were meant for Mor. He sensed her discomfort. "Despite my best efforts to entertain her, she's lonely without everybody else around."
Arwen sent him a knowing smile. "I'm not lonely, I just haven't seen my family in weeks. I miss them." Rhys had eventually reached out to her mind not long after Cassian's short visit but it wasn't the same as seeing him in person.
"Are you sure you're up for that, Az?" Mor inquired, her tone devious. "Or was three weeks alone with your mate not enough?"
To save Azriel from answering, Arwen snorted and brought her bare feet to the lounge, tucking her knees to her chest, his hand hidden away in her lap. "I was thinking tomorrow night. It'll give me time to get everything I need. Just depends on if everybody is able to come."
Mor looked away thoughtfully. "I assume so. Varian is visiting as well. Which means that either both he and Amren will come or neither."
Arwen hummed and glanced to Azriel for confirmation that he would be up for helping her play host. His smile was near invisible but her eyes were trained to find it. "Spread the word then," she declared. "Arrive when you feel like it, but dinner will be served just after dark."
~
Arwen's face was pulled in a permanent wince as she combed her hair. It had been tied in buns for the past few days and even washing it and adding oils hadn't made the process of de-knotting any easier. She watched the bedroom door open in the mirror over the vanity she sat at, Azriel slipping in. He met her gaze through the reflection and seemed to question whether he should take the comb away from her, offer help, or remain silent.
"Do you know how to braid?" she asked.
He blinked out of his trance and walked closer. "I'm familiar with the process."
"I want a braid but once I finish brushing my damn hair, I think my arms are going to fall off." And she still had hours of cooking to do. Azriel had offered to help her but she knew with the expectation of having guests she'd be nippy and asked him to simply tidy the house up since they had barely bothered recently.
Azriel chuckled as she winced out another tangled mess. Once she had finished, he stood at her back and meticulously divided her hair into three sections, confirming the style she wanted.
She tapped her nails on the vanity. "Are you looking forward to tonight?"
He didn't look up from her hair. "That feels like a double-edge question."
"It's just me here, Az. You can tell me the truth."
He sighed. "I'm not sure. Mor, Feyre, AmrenâI'll be fine around them."
She raised a brow. "Rhys? He is my brother."
His throat bobbed as he reached the near end of her hair. He was incredibly gentle, the tugs on her roots soft and almost affectionate in some strange way. Her hair had grown long, now brushing her hip bones when she let it loose. "The jealousy isn't just sexual. It's not even jealousy really. It's the threat that another male could take you away, family or not, that makes it difficult. It's there with females as well, but not as strong."
"I'm sorry." She turned in the seat. "I know we spoke about hosting tonight, but I shouldn't have made plans until I knew you would be comfortable."
"I will be fine." Azriel sent her a sharp smirk as if that alone would wash her concern away. He bent down and kissed her before rising again. "I believe I have a maid's apron to adorn. Do you have a dusting feather for me to borrow?"
Arwen laughed and imagined him looking dainty, bent over and fluffing feathers over bookshelves. "Just make sure everything is tidy please. And that certain scents have evaporated. Especially in the dining room."
His smirk returned and she knew he shared the same thought. The same memory.
Arwen set to work in the kitchen, listening to Azriel whistle as he wandered around the town house, edging furniture back into place and placing books back onto their shelves. By the time she had finished, the meat on a low, sizzling heat, most of her family had arrived. Azriel sat firmly on the armchair, and she made a point to go directly to his side and sit on the cushioned arm.
"Welcome to the club," Rhysand said to Azriel, he and Feyre in a similar position on the opposing armchair. "Mated life. It's glorious for about a few weeks." Feyre playfully twisted his ear. "I tease," he said, more to appease his own mate than assure Arwen's. Azriel's arm which had fit around the back of her waist tightened around her. "It's hard to imagine life before it." The adoration in her brother's eyes could not be mistaken or falsified.
"Ah, the invisible chains of mateship," Mor sang to herself, already on a second wine of the night. "I much prefer the freedom of choosing new company each time." Varian flinched as she swung an arm out.
'It is almost painstaking to watch.'
Arwen looked at her brother. 'Watch what?'
'How restrained he is keeping himself.'
She looked down at Azriel. His eyes flickered about constantly, a strained smile sitting on his lips that she was sure there only by habit now. His arm around her was tensed and his other hand, rested on the opposing arm of the chair, was furled. 'I shouldn't have put him in this position.'
'Nobody will taunt him. Not tonight at least.'
Arwen squeezed Azriel's shoulders at another knock on the front door. She didn't think about who was left to arrive until she had already swung it open and stood face-to-face with Cassian. Standing there, frozen, she could only stare at him. Cassian had dressed up for the night, no leathers in sight other than the small gauntlets holding his siphons that gleamed against the moonlight. The ends of his hair almost hid away the collar of his shirt though half of it had been tied back to a bun at the back of his head.
"I wasn't sure if I was invited but Mor insisted I was," he said.
Arwen broke from her trance and stepped to the side. "Of course you are," she said softly.
He smiled tightly and stepped into the house. "Elain didn't wish to join," he told her, crossing his arms and pausing only a step into the foyer. "Apparently dining with the male you've taken fancy to after being kicked out of his home for his actual lover doesn't make an appeasing invitation."
She loathed the words 'kicked out' but knew that Cassian was just being himself, making taunts of situations that didn't need it. "Perhaps for the best then. Tonight is hard on Az but I might have clawed her eyes out myself."
He laughed and bowed his head. "Don't doubt it. I do love it when you're feisty." The tension between them remained thick. "We should talk so this isn't hanging over our heads all night."
Resting her hands on her hips, Arwen shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment of thought. "I don't want your apologies and I don't want to give my own. We will never see eye to eye on what happened in Hewn City so perhaps it's just best to leave it as a disagreement. I can move on."
He nodded thoughtfully. "I want to tell you why I was so angry, at least. You don't have to agree with it, but..." He rubbed at his mouth and watched her for a moment, but Arwen remained still, open to hearing what he had to say. Cassian's voice went raw. "I made that oath to Rhys because I've already lost you once, sweetheart. And then nearly lost you a second time. It's not that I think you're not capable of the things you are, but I feel that grief again every time that you're in danger. Every time I can't control the situation. And it hurts the way... The way it did that moment I realised you were dead, right in front of me. Rhys and Az... I don't fucking know how, but they've learnt to deal with it. I haven't and it's bloody unbearable."
Arwen nose stung as she blinked away the watery mess brimming in her eyes for the tenderness that he spoke with, searing right through to her blood and bones. She needed only to take a step forward for him to know what she wanted, bending down to her height and winding his arms around her waist. Burying her face into his neck, Arwen soaked in all that she had missed, feeling his muscles move against her. "I just wanted your trust."
"You have it," he whispered. "Always have."
Remembering that she still had the entire night ahead of her and falling into a blabbering mess would only ruin her kohl-lined eyes, she pulled away and straightened the bodice of her dress. Her eyes caught on her own bare wrists. Touching it, she swallowed. "I lost your bracelet," she confessed before correcting herself with a sniff. "Threw it in a fireplace."
Cassian stood tall over her, his thumbs hooked over his belt. "The guilt must be killing you." The amusement in his tone was as clear as the starlit sky was that night.
Arwen wanted to smack his arm but he was right. Guilt had gnawed at her like its favourite snack. "I don't like not having something there from you. I was wondering if you would want to go into the city with me so we could pick something out?"
Replacing the bracelet wouldn't be like replacing a broken plate. It would never fit quite right with the rest, what it should have been. It was also in poor taste to ask, but she could no longer bare the emptiness, feeling like she had lost a piece of him.
Cassian laid his hand on her shoulder, offering a comforting squeeze before drawing her back to him. "The moment I know Azriel won't cut off my cock for spending time with you, we'll go."
She laughed but sobered quickly. "We wouldn't want that, would we? I love you, Cass. I didn't mean what I saidâthat you weren't worthy of your position. You've earned it more than a hundred times over. You didn't deserve those accusations."
She expected something gruff and snarky in response, feeling his chest rise and hearing his lips part, but he stopped short. "I know you didn't. And I love you too princess," he said softly. He placed a hard kiss on her hairline.
They joined with the rest of their family, Arwen heading straight back to perch on the arm of the chair. Azriel looked as though he had been just about to search for her but sunk back into the seat at her hand on the back of his head.
Amren glanced at the window. "You said dinner would be at dark, girl. How much darker do you need it to be before we're eating?"
Arwen blinked and looked at the window, racking her mind for memory of what was cooking. With a yelp, she leapt from the chair. "The mince!" Her thundering footsteps rocked the house as she bounded down the hall, her family's laughter echoing in her wake.
Bundling a handtowel in each hand, she removed the pot from the low fire it had been sitting over. A dip and lick of her finger soothed her worry.
"Is everything all right?"
Arwen nodded over her shoulder to Rhysand who casually strode into the kitchen. "It's fine. Just forgot I had it on-ah!" She whipped his hand with one of the towels. "Don't stick your grubby fingers in it." Never mind she had just done the same thing.
Rhysand pouted and held his hand to his chest. "Just like Mother you are. In fact, I think she's said the exact same thing to me." She glared at first but the comparison brought a smile upon her cheeks. "Need any help? Azriel is ushering everybody into the dining room like a guard escorting his prisoners. I don't think he's used to playing host."
Arwen chuckled at the image of his stern nature attempting to be warm and welcoming. "No everything is good in here."
"I'll sort out the wine then."
"Of course you will. I have a stocktake of what is in there, Rhys!" she called as he wandered towards the cellar. "Don't you dare nip anything." He only waved at her over his shoulder. Arwen continued muttering to herself as she set up the plates, trying to recall where her favourite wines sat so she could check before he left. His return was nothing more than a dark shadow in her eyeâuntil the shadow squished her against something solid.
She laughed for what felt like the hundredth time that night at the rough embrace and returned it with her own strength. He went to pull away and reach again for the wine bottles he had left on the table, but she grabbed his hand. Rhysand looked back and for a moment, all she could do was stare at him.
Memories raced through Arwen's mindâones that she never wanted to think of again but knew still haunted him. Pulling him a step closer, she placed a hand on his cheek, lifting her other to join. Rhysand stared back at her, reading the map of her face and the thoughts in her eyes.
Nothing more was said between them as he bowed his head, resting his forehead against hers and for a long moment they just remained settled in what had become an almost forgotten tradition.
I bow to you as you bow to me.
~
The lights of the town house were low, but the spirits were high. Arwen lounged with Mor and Feyre, the sitting room chairs dragged close together. Amren had left with Varian after dinner. They drank and giggled and gossiped, edged by the wine into an ease that many people spent their lifetimes searching for. In the other corner of the room, Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian were talking about whatever fancied their interest. Her mate had grown more comfortable as the night wore on, the tension in his wings releasing through dinner and the ancient hardness in his jaw slipping away.
'You seem... Happier than you have been in a while.'
Arwen tilted her head that rested on the cushioned arm. 'There's much to be happy about.' She decided to stand and decided to join them. Feyre and Mor tailed her as she headed towards her brother, mate and.... Well, she'll keep his label as simply Cassian.
Delighting her, it was Azriel to pull her close, enveloping her in his arm to her side. Feyre matched with Rhys. Cassian pursed his lips, looking between the two pairs of mates, then gestured with his drink to Mor in offer.
"I'd rather the pigs, Cassian," she growled.
Arwen threw her head back and laughed until her lungs were empty.
And... That is it. The official story is over. I'd like to thank everybody who got this far, especially given that this was a first-draft story in that only minor grammar edits were done before posting. The comments were, of course, my favourite thing and I often go back to certain chapters to reread your reactions so you have all my love in that regard.
I have 1.5 extra chapters left -
A 1/2 chapter of a mini prequel book which I will post tomorrow as a new book.
And a bonus chapter that I honestly completely forgot I had written.