Chapter 40
Cassian groaned as Arwen threaded her fingers through his hair, the backs of her thighs aching as they pressed against his shoulders. He gripped them hard, his large fingers indenting right through her muscle. She shifted her legs around. "A little to the left." He readjusted his grip but obeyed and moved across. Arwen bit her lip as she grinned towards the ceiling, one arm stretched overhead. "Perfect."
"When you said you had something fun in mind," he grunted, "I thought you meant for the both of us."
"Oh, you can have your drink when I'm done," she told him.
Footsteps warned them of more than one new presence making their way into what was previously the empty cabin. Cassian twisted around, taking Arwen along with him. Rhysand entered his family's cabin first, Mor and Azriel a step behind him. Arwen's lips parted before resettling into a grin. She swayed her hanging feet on either side of Cassian as she held his head. She threw her other arm back to gesture to the hanging lights. "Ta-da."
Rhysand smiled, his brows lifting as he examined the decorated sitting room. It was a late effort considering that it was the eve of Winter Solstice, but they had all been preoccupied until now. "So this is what she swindled you into," he mused with a ring of laughter. "And here I thought you were the only one of us to be able to say no to her."
Mor made a quiet 'humph' and said, "I expected more resilience from you, General."
"Yeah, well, I got tricked," Cassian groused.
Arwen grinned, leaning over his head to speak closer to his ear. "I believe that's what swindled means."
He scoffed below her. "Why are you still on me? Get off, get off." Cassian rolled his shoulders, one of her thighs slipping off him. Arwen let out a sound between a laugh and a shriek, and clawed at his jacket but he kept shaking her. His laughter sounded throughout her family's second home as she landed with a thud on the floor.
Her lungs shook with his. "Ow, you prick." Arwen rubbed the back of her head as she stood back on her feet. Giving a smile across her shoulder to the others to ensure they knew of her and Cassian's good nature, she set off to the kitchen in search of something that would cure her aching backside.
Chatter ensued in her wake, hearty and loudâjust the way it should be. Arwen smiled to herself at the thought as she gazed over Rhysand's personal wine collection. Her finger ran over the waxed corks when a second form entered behind her. Arwen glanced over her shoulder. "Do you want one?" she asked Azriel.
He came to her side, settling one hand on her back, the other at her stomach. "I might indulge tonight," he said, and her smile grew as he nuzzled his nose into her hairline near her temple. "That moron didn't hurt you, did he?"
Arwen snorted. "Only my pride." She plucked a label she recognised as Cassian's favoured and a tall glass to pour it into. "How did your gift shopping go?" Of course, he had left it until the last minute. She was well aware of his aversion to gifts so they agreed between themselves to stick to something small.
Azriel loosened his hold on her so she could walk to the bench but trailed alongside. "Mor likes shoes, doesn't she?"
She smothered a chuckle behind pinched lips but the humour still shot through her. "Yes, I think you're safe there," she told him. With a small wave of her hand, the wine's stopper disappeared, and she generously filled the glass. "Did Rhys get all his work finished? I hate it when he brings it to these things."
Rhysand had been invited to a meeting in the Dawn Court come spring. With tensions between Day and Night always fickle, it was a chance to solidify relationships between the solar courts. Rhysand had been drafting up the documents he would need, stealing Mor to help him. He had asked Arwen, but she took one look at what work needed to be done and feigned not understanding what was written. A pebble of guilt still sat in her for that, but she helped see to the more regular work that he dismissed in his new concentration.
"Mor forced him to leave it," Azriel informed her.
"Good." Arwen passed him a softened look and plucked the wineglass from the counter, careening around him to head back to the sitting room. The roaring fire battled the bite of winter. The hanging lights and small ornaments hung from the rafters sparkled with the type of beauty that only came around once a year.
She moved up to Cassian's side as he talked with Mor and Rhysand, slipping the drink in front of his chest. "As owed," she sang. Cassian snatched it, staring forward. But a creeping smile came and he gave her hip a slight bump. Arwen chuckled and rested the side of her head against his arm. Azriel rejoined them, quietly examining her and Cassian's efforts in decorating the cabin. "Where's Amren?"
"Out of the city," Rhysand answered. "Said she'd be back by tonight but not to stay up for her." Arwen rounded her mouth in a silent show of understanding and sighed in contentment. Azriel joined their small party, content to stand between Cassian and Rhysand.
Azriel remained the Azriel she knew. The shows of his affection for her grew in the weeks since Windhaven, but only in the seclusion of privacy. Arwen didn't mind it. She got to enjoy it all in his shadows instead.
They ate a hearty meal that night around a single, candle-lit table. Cassian and Mor moved on to playing a card game by the foot of the fire. Arwen sank onto the lounge, head tipped on the armrest and gleefully watched Mor cheat her way to victory. Rhysand enjoyed himself on his own wine and Azriel joined as he said he would.
Arwen was the first to retreat to the bath, the cabin's magic keeping the water constantly hot. Her fingers pruned and she nearly fell asleep once or twice. Emerging, her legs wobbled. But it felt good. Rhysand caught her in the hall back to her bedroom. "Let's go to the rooftop," he said.
She frowned. "It's freezing out there. And I just had a warm bath."
He pursed his lips and held out his hand. A blanket appeared; thick and warm. But it didn't convince her. Rhysand tipped his head, holding out his other hand where a second blanket appeared.
"Fine," she huffed and took the blankets. He winnowed them to the gently sloped roof and they bundled themselves under the thick material. Snow swathed the land as far as the eye could see. Arwen could still hear talking from inside.
"Are you going to talk to the stars tonight?"
Arwen peeked over at her brother. Rhysand watched her calmly. Almost curiously. She looked back to the stars that hung over them in the same way the lights inside watched over her family. "I don't feel like it."
"Why not?"
She burrowed her brows as she glanced back at him. "I just don't. You can talk to them, I won't judge."
"I already have," he replied. Her frown deepened as he continued looking at her. Searching for something? "Are you okay?"
She hiccupped a laugh. "What? I'm fine."
Rhysand nodded and drew his knees under his linked arms. Arwen settled her chin on her blanketed ones, eyes turning to the trees. "Mor and Cassian have a bet, you know?" His smile grew as she looked back at him, her curiosity peaked. "About how long it will be until you and Az accept the bond."
Arwen laughed into the blanket, planting her nose between her covered knees before lifting it to ask, "What's their wagers?"
Rhysand quipped a small smirk. "Mor thinks five months. She's going off on how you like to take your time with these sorts of things. And Cassian... He thinks Azriel won't be able to keep his hands to himself and has placed fifty gold marks on less than a month from now."
She tipped her head and contemplated their assumptions. "I don't feel insulted, so I'll take that as a good sign." Narrowing her eyes, she glared in accusation. "Why are you telling me?"
Rhysand licked his lips and chuckled. "Because I have a wager of three months and I'd like to win." Arwen broke out into unrestrained laughter, tipping her head back and letting the nipping breeze take her neck. He stretched an arm across her, holding her far side as she continued to laugh, keeping her from throwing herself off the roof. "If you let me win this, I'll buy you whatever you want for Solstice."
"It's tomorrow," she bellowed.
He shot her a cunning smirk. "You should know I have my ways."
Arwen settled again. "I don't know, Rhys. I could buy myself anything without doing your bidding."
"Yes, but when I give it to you, it becomes far more invaluable."
She chewed on her cheek, slowly shaking her head at him. The conniving thing was using her love of gifts against her. He knew she'd treasure a jar of sand if he gave it to her. Rolling her lips she told him, "It's not up to me. You should have invited Azriel up here instead."
"You better have a say in it," he cut in sharply.
Arwen shot him a placating smile. "We're... Figuring ourselves out first. He's spent the past ten years fighting it. And we're still..." She coughed and pursed her lips. "We're figuring it out."
"That's good." He nodded and let his shoulders slump. "Mates are..." Rhysand sighed and looked to the stars. "Precious. Especially when you find one that you can love." Arwen hummed in agreement, setting her chin back down on her knees. Minutes had silence lapsed when his warm hand ran across the side of her head, guiding her hair away from her face. Arwen continued staring ahead, ignoring the stroke of his thumb to her cheekbone. "Are you sure you're okay?"
She made a tiny nod. "I'm fine, Rhys. What's there not to be fine about?"
His hand remained at her face and when she could no longer stand the feeling of his gaze piercing her temple, she cocked her head, temple pressing to her knee, and stared back. It all felt like a perfect puzzle, each piece cut and placed in precision, making a beautiful pattern. All of it smooth and wonderous, like the laughter coming from the cabin below her feet. Except there, right down in the lower corner where nobody thinks to look, one of the puzzle pieces was flaking. And Arwen hid that piece with her hand so even if he prodded through her mind, it was shrouded. Everything should be perfect. The one thing that was not, was herâso she smothered it. Arwen wouldn't be selfish and spend this time worrying about herself because when that happened, others got hurt. Azriel hurt.
"That's what I'm trying to figure out," he whispered.
Arwen turned her head back straight and stayed quiet until the cold crept its way through the layers. She used it as an excuse to return inside. After the lights throughout the cabin were extinguished, even the hung faelights, Arwen left her room. She knocked gently on Azriel's door.
"Come in." Turning the silver knob, she peered in. Azriel lay on his bed, one leg stretched out, the other tented towards the ceiling. He wore plain black slacks and a matching cotton shirt. "Arwen," he called in mild surprise.
"Can I sit with you?"
He paused, but then nodded so she headed towards his bed. Arwen crawled onto it, sitting down and leaning against the pillows stacked at the headboard. She shimmed her feet under the duvet to keep them warm. Azriel had nothing before him, but the curtains of his window remained drawn open, revealing the undisturbed view of the forest in the distance, beyond the snowy field. His bedroom here was small. At least in comparison to that in the House of Wind where he spent most of his nights. The bed took up most of the room, suited for his wings to spread free.
"You and Rhys disappeared for some time tonight," he mused quietly. "I was forced to endure Mor and Cassian's bickering alone."
"Oh, you poor thing," Arwen cooed. "It was bloody freezing out there, but I think Rhys just wanted to talk."
"Is that what you want now?" Azriel inquired. She looked across to him at the bluntness of the question. His lips parted before pressing together and he shook his head gently. "Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out... Why you're here. What you need from me."
Arwen was there because... Well, she hadn't really thought to find the reason in clarity. She had gotten ready for bed, braided her hair and washed her face a final time. But when she sat on the edge of her bed, her body felt unready for rest. "I can you leave you to your beauty rest, if that's what you want," she offered, curving her lips softly so she was sure there was no bite to her words. "I'm just here because I wanted to be."
Azriel peered down at his own lap and did not speak for a long moment. "I want you here too." Her chest tightened in delight. "I would like for you to stay here. For the night."
"Truly?" The word popped out of her before she even put thought into the offer. The only night they had spent together was that they shared in the cabin in Windhaven and that was on the lounge. They had both woken in pain and drowsy.
Azriel nodded.
"Alright." Arwen dug her legs in deeper underneath the duvet, no longer afraid of making herself too comfortable. "I'll warn you now, I'm a blanket thief." His laughter rang through her, warming her to the point where she wondered if she'd need the blanket. "You won't be laughing when you're shivering later tonight."
He calmed enough to smile at her, tipping his head. "I have a very tight grip. Besides, if I keep you close enough, I don't think I have reason to worry." Arwen felt her throat close, heat dusting the inside of her cheeks. "I did not realise how easy it is to make you blush."
"I didn't realise it was a goal of yours," she countered, ignoring that he was calling her out on her body's reaction to his words alone. Clenching her eyes momentarily, she re-opened them and asked, "How has it been feeling lately? The bond?"
"Good," said Azriel. He looked beyond her, down near the far edge of the bed on her left. "Seeing you today andâand listening to what it's telling me to do. It feels good, Arwen. Has it ever hurt you?"
Arwen thought on that question before she answered. "Some days, yeah," she confessed at a whisper. "Some days it hurt a lot and I think you know those days because I couldn't even look at you." She realised he had sat straighter and almost completely turned to look at her. "But it also felt amazing. The days you would come back after being away for sometimes weeks on end. When you were just around." Her mouth was running and she needed to halt it. Coughing, Arwen leant back against the headboard and set her gaze forward.
She only received a second's warning when his tanned skin moved in the far corner of her eye. His fingers raked through the side of her hair, pushing it over her pointed ear. Arwen let him turn her head at the slight pressure. His fingers tightened at the nape of her neck to hold her there as he leant forward and kissed her. It was heavy against her lips but sweet and slow.
With a tug on the back of her head, he tilted it back. Azriel traced his lips down the column of her neck and she laughed as he moved over sensitive skin. "Is the bond telling you to do this?" she asked.
His throaty chuckle followed, the breath spreading across her neck. "This and a lot more."
"And here I thought you invited me to stay for an innocent sleep over." At those words, he lifted from the dip in her neck and found her eyes. Arwen smiled and murmured, "I'm teasing." She guided him back to her mouth instead. Azriel moved closer, his arm stretching across to press into the far side of the bed and hovered above her. When a dark shadow passed over the still amber-hued room, she risked opening her eyes to see.
His wings.
Instead of comfortably resting against his back, where they always were until the seconds before flight, they were completely open. They spread out from either side of his back, gently hanging down on either side of him, and on either side of her. Not holding her between them, but soft and delicate like a blanket. Arwen had never seen such a display from him and as a half-Illyrian, understood what something like this meant, however simple the gesture to an outsider. Even Cassian wouldn't offer this to her. She just wished she had her own to reciprocate for him.
He leant back and gave a small frown, examining her in the same way Rhysand had done earlier. "You're tired," he murmured.
She blinked slowly then confessed the truth with a small nod. That unreadiness for rest had washed itself away the moment his scent came over her. Azriel said nothing more, moving away from her side and off the bed when the single light keeping the room awake was extinguished.
He lay back down on his side, offering a small space between them. Arwen turned onto her own side, waited a moment, then inched forwards. Her silent request passed between them and he opened his arm, inviting her into his hold. Arwen lay her head on his lower arm, burrowing under his chin. She hooked her arm under his and took a tight clutch on the back of his shirt, right between his wings. She felt the sharp catch in his breath, but also the way he melted into the touch. He matched her hold, his arm looping around her hips and with the strength of a warrior, held them to him.
"I won't be here when you wake," he whispered into her ear.
"I know. Snowbattle."
He kissed her ear and squeezed her. Then, the wing came back to stretch over them both. Arwen moved her leg up to sit over his hip and pulled him so close that there was no room left between them. Moments before sleep took her, Azriel lowered his mouth to her level again. "Defeat might be worth the sleep-in."