Chapter 21: Chapter 21

I am now regretting coming for lunch with Mason. I have so many thoughts running through my head. Too much on my

plate. Too many things wrong with my world right now.

Mason goes to order us lunch after he dropped the bomb about Matthew and his ex-girlfriend, Cece. The food court is busy at this time of the day, so I remain at my seat to make sure we won’t lose the table. What I really feel like doing is to kick Mason in the fvcking mouth and leave him to bleed to death.

The only thing that’s stopping me now is that stupid free lunch he promised me earlier.

I want to see Matthew right away to get things about his ex-girlfriend cleared up, but I don’t want to sound desperate or clingy and scare him off. I have a rule against texting a guy first. I broke that rule today. I’m texting him.

Penny: Hey?

I get my reply just a few seconds later.

Matthew: Hi, Penny. How are you?

Penny: Good. What’s up?

Matthew: Nothing much. Forgot to bring lunch, so

brown goo from the cafeteria for lunch. Yay!

Is that a joke? I’m not too sure. So, I type: Wow, brown goo.

Yummm! Want to meet up for green goo later?

Sheesh…does that sound desperate? Green goo? Seriously, Penny? What’s that? I delete that. I fiddle around trying to think of the right thing to say to ask a guy out. I never had this kinda problem with men before. Oh, Penny…just grow a pair and do it already!

Penny: Do you want to hang out sometime?

Eeekk…There!

Matthew: Yes, sure. I’d like that.

Yesss!!!!

Matthew: When are you free?

NOW!!! Right now! Right now!!!

Penny: Whenever. I have one more class for today,

then I’m done.

Matthew: Great. I’m not too far away from campus.

School is out at 3.30 pm.

Penny: Club Espresso Degree at four?

Matthew: Sounds great

YESSSS!!!!

I think I sounded cool there. I slid the phone into my pocket just as Mason make it back with my pepperoni pizza, a foot long chili cheese dog, fried chicken, fries, brownies with yummy chocolate chunks and a can of Dr Pepper. Yeah, so I wish I’ve ordered more.

“Remind me not to offer you free lunch again,” says Mason, eyeing me lifting the foot long chili cheese dog to my mouth.

“What? I didn’t have breakfast this morning,” I scowl at him.

Okay, so I totally would still eat like this even if I had breakfast.

“Thanks for lunch,” I mumble through a mouthful of the warm yummy meat, buns, and gooey cheese goodness. I really wish I’ve ordered more. He definitely should be paying more for being such a jerk, sucky friend, and a blabbermouth.

It’s fifteen minutes after four and I’m sitting by myself at a table at Club Espresso Degree, a popular cafe on campus. I’m sipping my mango sunrise smoothie while looking around.

Matthew is late and I’m a bit pissed. Fifteen minutes! No guys ever made me wait. Like ever.

A group of four guys a couple of tables over is talking about me.

I can hear them. Bless my werewolf hearing. They’re giving me a ten and calling me a walking wet dream. They’re egging and daring one guy to come over and ask for my number. They keep glancing at me and I try not to smirk.

Don’t come over, bud or I’m going have to shoot you down.

Save yourself from the embarrassment and save me from the trouble.

I sigh. It’s nice to have my ego stroked by strangers when the men that I really wanted the attention from aren’t giving me any. At least I know I’m not hideous. Still, not what I truly wanted.

I’m contemplating leaving when Matthew comes barrelling in.

His eyes anxiously looking around the cafe. When he spotted me, he quickly walks over. I can hear his heartbeat beating fast.

He must have run from his car to the cafe.

I’m fuming. Twenty minutes late!

“Thank goodness you’re still here,” he says after catching his breaths as he sits on a chair right across from me. “I’m sorry I’m late. I had to deal with some stuff after school today,” he adds, looking guilty and apologetic.

His white button-up shirt looks wrinkled and a bit crooked with a few buttons undone. His dark brown hair is windblown though still flops to one side. How can I stay mad when he looks so cute like that? Besides, he probably had to deal with his students.

“Okay, but just for that you’re buying your own smoothie,” I tell him.

He bought himself a sandwich and a can of pop.

We talk about our day and I bring up the topic of his new living arrangement, giving him the opening and the chance to talk about Cece. So far he’s not taking the bait.

“So…where were you living before you moved into the

apartment?” I ask him, not giving up on my attempt at

subtlety.

“Not far from my new apartment…just five minutes up the street,” he answers, taking a bite out of his club sandwich.

Oh, I give up! I’m done pussyfooting around. I realize now how much I hate subtleties. I don’t have the patience. I have the subtlety of a walrus. Simply put, I suck at it. Big time. “Mason told me about your girlfriend.” There! I’m subtle like a walrus.

I’m awesome like that.

He starts coughing when his sandwich went the wrong way and he quickly reaches for his soda. He takes a big gulp of his drink then raises his dark blue eyes to me.

“He did?” he asks. “Mason told you about Cece?”

“Your cousin has a big mouth. Yeah he did,” I confirm.

“Oh,” he says, looking away.

“So, is it over now between you two?”

“Uh, yeah…I moved out,” he replies. That doesn’t sound convincing enough to me.

“Look, Matthew. I know we just met yesterday, but I like you.”

“You do?” he asks. His face breaks into a big smile. “Wow…”

“Yeah…but, I don’t want to be stepping on anyone’s toes. If you’re already in a relationship, I need to know.” So that I could tie her up to a boulder rock and drop her into the ocean and she could get eaten by the fishies. Preferably by a great white shark.

His smile dims and he seems to be conflicted. He rubs both hands over his face, then he pushes them through his hair. It’s funny how his hair flops back to one side as soon as he pulls his fingers out. It’s freaking endearing.

“Wow,” he says again. “I never thought I’d find myself in this situation.”

He goes quiet for a few seconds as if he’s contemplating what to say next.

“I’ve never been with anyone else except for Cece. I never thought another girl would be interested in me,” he says. I highly doubt it. He’s so cute, I bet hundreds of girls are interested. “Especially a girl like you,” he adds.

A girl like me? What does he mean a girl like me? “What’s wrong with a girl like me?” I scowl at him.

“I didn’t mean anything bad,” he quickly answers, raising his both hands up. “I mean you’re beautiful…I mean, okay, you’re more than that,” he says. “I’m very attracted to you. I thought of you a lot last night and today..” His cheeks and his ears are turning beet red. His eyes are looking elsewhere but at me. He looks like he wants to run out of the cafe right now.

“Well, I’m attracted to you too, Matthew,” I tell him point blank. His eyes light up and there’s that smile again.

“So…Cece?” I remind him.

“Oh, yeah…right,” he says. “Cece’s my first girlfriend. She’s my first everything,” now his whole face turns red. “We’ve been together for a long time…almost seven years now.”

“So I guess you’re getting back together again sometime in the future, huh?” Please don’t break my heart.

“I don’t know, Penny. We’ve been doing this for a while now.

On and off again. It’s not healthy,” he sighs. “Sometimes I think we’ve taken each other for granted. Our last fight was the worst. She wouldn’t let me move out, but I need space.”

He grows quiet for a while as if contemplating whether he should go on. “She came after school today to talk. That’s why I was a bit late. I’m sorry, but she just showed up…I can’t just leave. I’m really glad to be here with you now, though.”

Swell! Just swell.

I reach home around seven pm. I think I’m anxious to find out if I’m coming back to an empty house. I strained my ears and I can hear their quiet voices as soon as I step out of the car. The conversation stops as soon as I turn the antique copper knob of the big heavy front doors.

My footsteps seem to echo throughout the house.

All of them are sitting around in the great room, quiet and unmoving. Unearthly stunningly beautiful looking, all of them.

They look like perfect statues, it’s unnerving.

I happen to glance at our formal dining area. The destroyed dining table has been replaced by a new solid one. A huge array of brightly colored fresh exotic flowers in a big white ceramic bowl sits in the middle of it. A grand, gleaming crystal chandelier is hanging low in place of the broken one. It looks as if last night never happened.

“Hey,” I start. All of them turn their heads around to look at me. That’s when I notice that Darius and Eva aren’t here.

“I think us girls need to talk to our sister,” announces Genesis.

Her voice sounds clipped and authoritative for once. At first, I wasn’t sure to whom she was addressing to, but the men quietly get up and leave.

Only Serena remain seated on the sofa next to her. I move to take a chair across from them, but she moves to create a space between the two of them and indicates that I should sit there.

As soon as I sit next o her, I notice her slightly red and puffy eyelids. She had been crying. Oh, Genesis…

“I’m sorry for last night,” she says. She takes a deep breath and continues, “I should be more supportive of you. I should be happy for you.”

That sounded very rehearsed. It doesn’t sound like she really means it, so I reply sharply, “Yes, you should. You’re my best friend, I thought you’d be more supportive.”

“Well, excuse me,” she snaps back. “Leaving my parents, my sister, Reese, and River was hard, but I thought I still had you.

You’re not just my best friend, you’re my sister. You’re almost a part of the pack. I thought I was going to have you for as long as I live. We were supposed to die together. I knew that you might find your mate one day, but then again I didn’t. I didn’t see it coming. I’m sorry I got upset. I can’t help it. I wanted to be with you forever. It was selfish of me, okay?”

We’re both grow quiet after her outburst. Her bottom lip quivers, but she continues, “I thought things were going smoothly with you and Darius. I really didn’t see it coming. I’m sorry.”

“Things weren’t going smoothly between Darius and me.”

“Why didn’t you talk to us, Penny?” she asks. “I felt like I was slowly losing you these last few weeks. You didn’t spend much time with us anymore. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought I should give you some space. I thought you’ll come back to us. Maybe I should’ve said something. I should’ve interfered…it’s all my fault.”

I hang my head in guilt. It’s not her fault. I wanted to keep things to myself. I’d been too busy trying to forget and prove to myself that I don’t need Darius, especially lately. I’d been out partying every weekend like there’s no tomorrow since we moved here. So determined to forget about Darius by drinking and seeing other guys, I turned down their invitations to do things together. I know I hardly spend time with them

anymore.

Genesis places her fingers on her eyebrows as if she’s having a headache. “Anyway, I’m sorry for losing it…again. I should be happy for you. I mean, I will be happy for you. All of us will, once we get over our selfish and possessive needs to keep you with us,” she continues. “We just need some time to get used to the idea that you’re not part of the pack and that we’re losing you forever.”

Her voice breaks at the end and I know she’s trying hard not to burst out into tears again.

“We can always see each other… sometimes..” Even as I’m saying those words, I know they’re not true. They’re just words.

“Penny, humans aren’t even aware that we exist,” she says after taking another deep breath. “I know you will go where your mate goes. You’ll be living among the humans. You won’t be part of our pack. Where we’re going, you won’t be coming.”

I’m very aware of that. At any given moments the lycans would be up and gone. I’ll never see them again, especially when Caspian or Constantine is crowned king. We know that could happen at any moment. It’s something we never talked about but totally understood. It wouldn’t be too long before they would be all be summoned back to Banehallow Palace. No humans ever set foot there.

Humans aren’t meant to be in a lycan world. Fae are known to kidnap and keep humans as their playthings. Lycans tend to stay away from humans. It’s an act of kindness.

Lycans are known as monsters for a reason. Lycans don’t play by human rules. Lycan’s world is violent. The lycans appear so

cultured, refined, and sophisticated, but their beautiful appearances are a front for a very scary barbaric animal residing inside, not too far from the surface. It’s the survival of the fittest and the most powerful.

The pack is as strong as its members. The extermination of a member could mean the destruction of a whole pack. Lycan packs are small, therefore each pack member has to be strong.

It makes sense that the erasthais turn into lycans. A human in a lycan pack wouldn’t last long. He would be the target of the enemy.

I’m not really a member of their pack yet, but I’m with them and treated as one. Right now as a werewolf, I am their weakest link and I’m still at least twice as strong as a full grown male human. I would be a fool not to know that extra safety precautions were taken for my benefit every time we visited Russia. They are all so protective of me.

The thought of never seeing them again hurts. So much. The thought of never seeing Darius again is ripping a hole in my heart no matter how much I try to deny it.

“Matthew wants me. Darius doesn’t.”

“You and Darius should have a good talk, Penny,” Serena finally pipes in.

“He clammed up every time I wanted to talk. He never wanted to talk. He never explains anything to me. He keeps everything to himself,” I exclaim frustratedly. “Anyway, it’s too late for that. I have Matthew now. I’m over it. I’ve moved on. It’s over now.”

“Is it?” asks Serena softly.

“Our connection will go away one day. He doesn’t want me.

He…he rather mate with another lycan,” I answer. “Besides, he has all those other women.”

“Oh, you silly girl. This silliness has gone long enough. Do you even understand fully what erasthai means? Your connection to each other will never go away. An unmated lycan never let his erasthai go,” she says. “Except for a very sick one,” she adds bitterly. I know she’s talking about Milan. That bitch let rogues maul her human mate.

Right now Serena sounds so much like a grandmother. If it’s not for her youthful stunning appearance, she would totally remind me of my abuela.

“Tell me something, Penny. How does it feel when you let another male other than your erasthai or mate touched you sexually? Did you like it?” She doesn’t give me a chance to answer as she continues, “If you hated it, then he would’ve hated other female’s touches a lot more than you do. Whatever you feel for him, double that…or even triple that.”

“He wanted nothing to do with me for over three years now,” I mumble back stubbornly. What does she want me to do?

Serena tilt my face up with a finger under my chin. “I know, sweetie,” she says softly. “He’s so stubborn. All lycans are, but your Darius…I could kick him in the nuts.”

Both Genesis and I are staring at Serena with our mouths open.

Huh! We never heard her say that. Serena’s lips twitch as she looks at both our expressions.

She takes a deep breath and her expression grows sober again.

“If you’re sure that’s what you want, then we will support you.

If the human makes you happy, then we’ll be happy for you.”

“Yes, we will,” echoes Genesis. Her thick eyelashes are covering her eyes as she’s staring at her folded hands on her lap. I can’t really tell what she’s really thinking, but her tone of voice is still not very convincing. Suddenly her eyes light up. “You know what? I think we should invite your mate over. We should all meet him,” she says.

What??? No way. “Seriously?” My lycan family never allow humans near our sanctuary. Too much at stake.

Serena looks at her warily, then something passes between them and suddenly Serena nods her head. “Yes, I think that’s a great idea,” she agrees. “As a matter of fact, why don’t we invite all his friends over as well?”

“Yeah, after all, they’re going to be your…your…uh…new family soon,” suggests Genesis. The way she’s tripping over the word

“new family” and the distaste on her face as she said it shows that she’s not liking the idea at all.

I know it hurts her, but she’s making an effort. Besides, I do think that it’s a good idea. Once they see what a sweet person Matthew is, they’ll like him. I’m sure of it.