THERE WAS something deep inside of me that was always empty. No matter what, there was a feeling that I was incomplete. And I didn't know what to do to make myself whole. All of my relationships never came close to filling that void. No man's love, or my love for a man seemed to be the answer.
It never clickedâI never had that moment where I felt content, that my journey ended thereâwhere I wasn't expecting anything more.
"Alyssa," I heard a constant echo of my name, "Alyssa, please wake up," it was a beautiful voiceâa voice that made my body shake out of my unconscious state, "darling," her eyes met mine, as tears streamed down her hot, pink cheeks.
"Whatâwhat happened?" I tried to sit up, but the shocking pain in my back prevented me.
Delia helped me to sit up, and I realized that I was in a hospital room. I placed my hand against the back of my head, as a striking pain intensified.
"Everything's okay. You're going to be okay," I looked into her sad eyes with my narrowed ones.
"What happened?" I closed my eyes. Everything in my mind was blurry up until that moment.
"You were in an accident," she placed her hand in mine and sighed, "we're at the Charles Bennett Hospital."
I immediately placed both of my hands over my stomach. The feeling of panic ran through my entire body, as the memory of my bean recollected.
"I..." I swallowed, "I need a doctor, Iâ"
"The baby's safe," the blood drained from my cheeks. Both relief and worry washed over me in one instant. I felt no reason to question her, but I feared her reaction. I tried to sit up again, but she stopped me. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, and she brushed her thumbs across them, and kissed my forehead.
"Alyssa, oh my god," we were startled, as my mother rushed into the room. Delia pulled away, but didn't move an inch.
"Mom, I," I leaned my head back, "I'm okay," I inhaled a deep breath. The doctor walked in alongside my father.
"You must be Delia," my mother hugged her. I was surprised. How do they know each other?
"We spoke over the phone," Delia seemed to always be able to read my mind. My mom leaned in to give me a hug.
"How are you feeling, honey? I'm sorry we took so long."
"I wouldn't have noticed if you were early or not, I just opened my eyes."
"If it wasn't for Delia, we wouldn't have known anything. I can't believe you still haven't put me as your emergency contact."
"Mom, I don't have one. Not for the longest time."
"Exactly why it should be me. God knows that you don't keep a man for more than a few months."
I looked at my dad in need of being rescued, but as usual, he was always oblivious. I then looked at Delia, and she seemed to notice my pleading eyes.
"May I?" The doctor approached me, and checked my eyes with a little flashlight. Everyone took a step back, as he instructed me to follow the direction of the light, "you're in good shape."
He placed the flashlight into his pocket, and stepped back, "really?" I asked.
"Yes. You don't have a concussion, and all of your bones are in place," he clasped his hands in front of him, "let's just say, you're lucky. You do have some bruises, but the IV's helping with the pain. If you need a higher dosage, just let me know."
"You're sure everything's okay?" My mom questioned, "God's always on our side," she looked above her, and closed her eyes in prayer.
"Oh, and the baby is as healthy as can be. I'm sure that's what's on your mind right now," the doctor mentioned. I pressed my lips together, and inhaled an extremely deep breath, "we'll keep you in for observation until tomorrow morning, then you'll be free to go."
"The what?" My mother rushed to my side.
"You're pregnant?" My father placed his hand beneath his chin.
"Alyssa, answer me," my mom demanded. I felt extremely overwhelmed. I searched for Delia's eyes, but she was standing at the end of the room, that glimmer in her eyes weaker than they'd ever been. At least she's still here, I think I love her for that.
"Yes, I am," it was like the words coming from my lips made it real. It is real. Delia looked at me with so much pain in her eyes. She sucked in a breath, and headed for the door, "Delia, it'sâ"
She walked out, before I could continue. My mom placed her hand on my shoulder, bringing my attention back to them, "how far along?" My dad asked. He smiled at meâa smile so genuine.
"Who's the father? Please, please, please, let it be Ricky, God?" My mom was looking at the ceiling again. I felt like a stone wall collapsed on top of me. And a rush of anxiety ran through my veins.
"Can you stop? This is not the time to be swooning about a man that I'd never give my daughter's hand to," my eyes darted to my dad's. He placed his hand in mine, and for the first time in a long time, I felt as though he was on my side, "I mean," he placed his other hand at the back of his neck, "unless he is?"
"No!" I hurt myself by saying it so loud. I streaked and secured my palm against the roundness of my stomach.
"Fine, I'll stop. But I still want to know who the father is," my mom said.
"That's not important," my father interjected, "what's important is that you and the baby are safe."
I kept on hoping that Delia would walk back through those doors, even though I knew it wasn't going to happen. She probably thought that I betrayed her. And in some way, I did. Because I didn't tell her the truth.