Chapter 11: Concern

SERAPHINA

I was sprawled out on the ground, eyes shut tight. I was trying to soak up any hint of magic as I lay in the expansive greenhouse under the sun. The gentle sound of trickling fountains lulled me into a deep tranquility, surrounded by a sea of plants.

I felt my body descend even as my physical form felt still.

~Just breathe.~

I was trying to tap into the energy around me, to feel it seep into my skin, even if just for a fleeting moment. As I lay there, inhaling the scent of sage and sweetgrass, I felt a tug.

A tiny spark of energy trickled into my body, a droplet I eagerly lapped up.

What followed were the same horrors as I felt the vacuum pull anything I grasped with what felt like mere fingernails. Nightmares that bled into daydreams, disrupting my meditation. The attempt to part the veil and touch the energy was thwarted by the screams in my head.

~Let them come. Face them so I can part the veil.~

~Or so I thought.~

~Sharp teeth. The stench of foul breath on my neck as the cold grip of death surrounded me. Pain. Unbearable pain.~

I was trying to push past these feelings, the panic rising in my throat, threatening to choke me.

~Stay. Stay. Stay.~

I had to do something, anything. But I was supposed to stay. Why? My heart was pounding, trying to pull me back into my body. Pull me to my reality while I tried to stay away.

~The pain tore at my flesh as I struggled. I screamed until my voice was hoarse. Tears that burned, that lingered even after they stopped flowing. Glass tugging at my flesh through the mirror to the other side. To this side.~

~Less vibrant. Harder. Wrong.~

I yanked myself away with open eyes, my mind seeking refuge in the safer thoughts of the present. Not the terrifying images that made my pulse race and my palms sweat. The images from my subconscious clashed with the ones of my family and my core identity.

I was never sure which one was real or if I had just made it up.

It all waged war in my head as my eyelids began to fall once more, trying to retreat back into my trance. To block out the violent thoughts that played behind my eyelids.

The nightmares that haunted me at night.

It was as if the magic had been turned off.

As if my very willpower was up against an enormous wall of cement that was solidly in place. I took a deep, calming breath to clear my mind—only to growl in frustration as all I felt was myself. The amount of smoke tickling my senses in the worst ways, a sneeze building up through my nasal passages.

I opened my eyes as my phone alarm went off. My internal struggle as well as the amount of smoke making me dizzy as I covered my eyes with a hand.

~If only I could feel the way I did when I saved Garrick. To feel that surge of power and try to do something with it. Anything to feel like that again, even for a second.~

~The sound of footsteps alerted me to someone else’s presence. I picked myself up off the floor, trying to look composed.

“Damien,” I acknowledged, brushing off my legs as the greenhouse doors clicked open.

“Garrick is here to see you,” he informed me, pausing to look around curiously. “I told him you might not be up for visitors.”

“I think I’m done in here,” I said in acknowledgment. I wondered how Garrick was up and about after a gunshot wound so soon. “I’d like some food so perhaps a meeting in the dining room would be best.”

Damien nodded but didn’t move, his gaze fixed on one of the incense pots I was now extinguishing.

“Excuse me for asking, but isn’t all this smoke bad for the plants?” he asked.

I blinked, staring at Damien as his words sank in. He was right. Trying to reach for magic while suffocating my plants was counterproductive.

“You’re right, I should air it out. It just…felt wrong,” I admitted. I didn’t want to admit that I’d been trying to cast spells or touch the veil. I was already enough of a failure as a witch.

The fact that a novice was pointing out basic mistakes showed me just how out of touch I was. Or maybe it showed how desperate I was, throwing any basic training out the window in my quest for magic.

But Damien wasn’t just a novice—he was a normal human.

Which, in hindsight, made it even worse.

~Just how terrible am I as a witch? Could I even call myself that since I didn’t follow a particular god or goddess and only felt spiritual when it came to divine energy?~

The self-deprecating thought gnawed at me as I cracked one of the interior windows, venting it without letting the cold in.

Damien nodded, seemingly unfazed by my admission. He touched his earpiece.

“Send him to the dining room, alert them to warm the stoves.”

After releasing his ear, he looked me up and down but didn’t leave.

“Thank you,” I said. I grabbed a piece of rosemary to crush between my fingertips and smooth over my neck, hoping it would mask some of the smoky smell that encompassed me.

“I doubt that’ll help much. It reeks in here,” Damien mused, crossing his arms. “So, are you…leaving the underworld or just pretending to? I need to know if my men should be prepared for an attack. You haven’t exactly been…transparent.”

I jumped, shocked at the sudden questioning.

Damien had been Jack’s right-hand man, privy to all of Jack’s plans—except when he was forced to take care of me. Now I was his full-time responsibility. After Jack had died under his watch, it was hard for Damien not to want to know my every movement. He likely believed in his own faults in protecting Jack.

He hadn’t said it outright, but his guilt was evident in our interactions. He was more formal now, giving me space to grieve while trying to keep the staff in order. He didn’t pressure me to leave this illicit underworld, but promised to protect me if I chose to stay.

His lingering looks of concern were all too obvious, something I’d chalked up to grief until now. He’d been waiting patiently for me to make the first move, giving me the space to decide.

It seemed, though, he couldn’t stay silent any longer. That was understandable given the circumstances a few days ago.

“I’m not entirely sure yet, but I know I want to put an end to the trafficking of people and creatures. I don’t want to be linked to the flesh trade or slavery,” I said wearily. “We’ll need to be assertive and decisive in what the Blair enterprise will be involved in behind the scenes as well as in the face of the public if I stay. If I leave, I’ll have to sell off his entire empire.”

“Do we have the coven’s support?”

I paused for a moment, drumming my fingers on the glass table before responding. I knew he wouldn’t like my answer any more than I did.

“We do, but so far the communication goes that they haven’t had enough members present or that nothing’s come from what they have done so far; but the coven requires more and more money each phone call.”

“I can’t afford to cut their funding if one of the other local covens is involved, or an outsider that wanted Jack dead thinking he had the orb. Something that seems to be a growing trend.”

“Did Jack have the orb?”

I snorted, pushing my hair back with a heavy sigh. The smell of rosemary on my fingertips was soothing.

“Trust me. I would have known if Jack had pulled it off. The only way to get to it would be to get to the other side which would mean having to go through the mirror. No one has that kind of power.”

“I just have to be smart, and the Umbra Aurorae is the least of my concerns as far as supporting and protecting me if they stay on the bankroll. Even if I wanted to walk away from it all, I know I can’t. Jack’s legacy would follow me if I don’t tie up loose ends.”

“That starts with finding his killer.”

“You have my support, Ma’am,” Damien said. “I want to find his killer as much as you do, and I won’t rest easy until I know you’re safe.”

I smiled sweetly, inclining my head.

“Thank you.”

“It’s my job,” he replied gruffly, as if trying to hide his embarrassment. “As well as a reminder that you need to eat and have a guest waiting.”

“Indeed. Can you send someone in soon to close that?” I asked, pointing to the large window to vent.

Damien nodded, opening a door to lead the way to my exit.

“It will be taken care of.”