Chapter 17: An Alpha’s Desire

GARRICK

I watched the young cubs play, a game of tag in full swing.

A pang of longing hit me as I wondered if I’d ever have kids of my own. The thought felt heavier than it used to, especially as my brother popped open a beer next to me.

He took a long, satisfying gulp, a reward after the off-key birthday song and obligatory family photos.

“You shouldn’t look so glum watching kids play. Aren’t you planning on having some of your own soon? You did tell her you’re a wolf, didn’t you?”

“I wish it were that simple, Jasper.”

“Can’t be that bad. What could the Moon Goddess possibly do to you that would make you feel anything but blessed?”

I tried to hide my discomfort at his unwavering loyalty. It was just a side effect of being a lycan, among other changes in my brother.

Despite our differing views on the best ways of serving the Moon Goddess and the Earth, we were still brothers.

I didn’t hesitate to share my thoughts with him, especially in the safety of my own home.

A place where being overheard shouldn’t be a problem among my pack, under my leadership as their alpha.

“Her womb’s a war zone,” I replied, popping open a beer of my own as my thoughts drifted back to Seraphina.

Her long, warm, dark hair that smelled like tea tree and lavender, mixed with her intoxicating feminine scent.

Her deep, ocean-blue eyes that could drown a man, her sun-kissed skin glowing naturally, and her sweet lips that would curve up at the smallest joys.

The strain on her face growing as she tried to fill her late husband’s shoes.

“How do you know? Maybe there’s a bigger, divine reason. Maybe you’ll adopt. Maybe your swimmers are the only ones that can get through since you’re her fated, you just have to seal the mate bond.

“Or maybe you’re meant to adopt. Why are you so hung up on it? Why isn’t she here yet?”

A growl rose in my throat. My inner wolf was equally annoyed by the barrage of questions.

We felt defensive about our slow progress with our mate, but the courting had only just begun.

“Her husband just died. I have to take it slow.”

“She’s just starting to accept that I’m a werewolf, let alone the…world we live in.”

Jasper’s eyes narrowed, his jaw clenching. “Don’t tell me it’s Jack Blair’s widow, the recluse you had to meet with?”

I took a deep swig of my beer. My silence answered his question.

“Holy shit, Jack Blair’s widow is your mate!” Jasper exclaimed, shaking his head. “When did you know? Did you know when Jack was alive?”

“Of course I knew, but I’m not about to steal another man’s wife, Jasper.”

“Well he’s dead now, so it’s a done deal. If she turns too, she’ll be stronger for it. So maybe that’s the Goddess’s plan to the baby issue if there really is one.”

“I’m also the alpha. You don’t understand the responsibilities that come with that title, Jasper,” I stressed.

“I’m a lycan, I think I understand my responsibilities pretty clearly. If the Moon Goddess gave me a mate, I would fuck her senseless and mark her right away. I wouldn’t even consider ~sleeping~ with another woman just to have a kid,” he growled pointedly, giving me a look. “~Or~ sneaking around to find out all her dirty little secrets to try to make me not want to mate with her.”

“She’s a gift from heaven, and those don’t usually come more than once for most of our kind. So, man up and get with the program.” His words were heavy with disapproval and resentment.

The difference between being a lycan and a wolf was clear in this aspect on the Moon Goddess. How could I trust in one goddess with my fate when we had proof there was so much more?

What about the pack alphas that failed to provide an heir and the ruin that sometimes followed? Even mated?

What master plan did the Goddess have there?

How could you blindly follow a divine plan when you had no idea if that plan actually helped you, or if you were just a pawn? My wolf and I had seen darkness, and we had seen lights brighter than the northern auroras.

The world was full of colors and shades in between, as well as gods one could choose to serve. It wasn’t as black and white as a lycan might think.

“You would have been a better choice for alpha,” I said, the thought of other gods feeling like a betrayal to my own pack. It was always my go-to response when I was at a loss for words.

Jasper, as usual, grinned and clapped me on the back. “No, all that mess was meant for you, my man. I was meant for bigger and better things, three years before your wolf ever tried to bite my biceps off.”

I chuckled, remembering how he had shifted in response to my first transformation and had been surprisingly gentle with his beating. Even so, it had wounded my wolf’s ego so much that for a while, it was hard not to attack him on the spot.

So instead, Jasper took it upon himself to train me in secret when he could sneak away from the main lycan hold. It was something his people would punish him for if they knew.

They might even show up here, making the idea of having Seraphina handy another bonus, since she packed an extra punch most witches didn’t. Lycans keeping family ties were rare, but once our father died, we had always been inseparable.

Thanks to his guidance, it wasn’t long before I was challenging those above me. The rigorous training and discipline led me to emit the beginnings of an alpha pheromone after a sparring match with two Gammas and the beta got out of hand.

Having a lycan to compete with pushed me to excel physically where others faltered. Faced with limited choices, I had to confront my new reality.

I could challenge the leadership, submit to become the next beta, or attempt to leave on my own, risking being hunted. With everyone’s attention on me, I didn’t have to think about what to do—I knew the answer.

If it weren’t for Jasper’s guidance during my youth, I wouldn’t have become alpha. Leadership skills weren’t innate to me, and I never truly desired the position.

Especially since both of us were supposed to be essentially runts, we had the chance to live somewhat normal human lives until a certain point. This made me wonder if Jasper’s human side felt as vulnerable and reminiscent of his youth as mine did.

“I still think you’d handle something like this with more grace,” I said.

“Perhaps, but the sooner she’s marked, the safer she’ll be from even our kind,” he replied nonchalantly as Laurie began signaling us to watch the gift opening.

I couldn’t agree with his words. Not if someone was genuinely trying to hunt down something belonging to Jack.

“Didn’t you mention she was a witch? The money alone is a godsend, the pack would be set for life. But the magic? You know what happened in the south with the New Moon Pack.”

“You mean how the other alphas along the coast were forced to submit to their pack? I could take down those brothers single-handedly,” I retorted, determined to keep whatever trickery was happening away from our pack.

Magic was off-limits. Even with Seraphina being my fated.

Jasper snorted. “You sound like a baby lycan. Those two wolves wiped out a rival clan of lycans in California. Five lycans in total, in their own territory, against three wolves and a cub.

“It only took two of them to defeat the four. The only reason the last one wasn’t killed by them is because he was killed by their mate for personally kidnapping their daughter, with a very clear warning sent to our headquarters. His severed head. Through a portal.”

He glanced over, noticing Laurie signaling us for the second time to join the gift opening. Jasper gave me a dirty look.

I shifted uncomfortably, not fully believing his story but knowing it must be true since it came from Jasper’s firsthand experience. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard about it.

“I want to invite her here. Let her meet the pack,” I admitted out loud, just to get it off my chest.

“That’s the spirit.”

“I’m also thinking of marking her the next time we get intimate. Just to get it over with.”

His response was a stony silence. “You mean…marking her without her consent?”

“She’s my mate,” I retorted defensively.

“She’s not property. That attitude alone will ruin any chance of romance. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen over and over with some big bad lycan who thinks he knows better. In the end, the more he destroys her, the more he punishes himself. Can you, maybe, not be an idiot?”

“Not all mate bonds involve romance,” I defended, though the words left a bitter taste in my mouth. Especially when it came to Seraphina. Romance, love, flowers—these were all things she deserved and more.

“Being she’s a witch though, wouldn’t she be strong enough to break your mate bond? Doesn’t she have a coven?”

~Break the mate bond?~ I was taken aback.

I hadn’t even considered that. The delicate transition from human to wolf, one that was almost guaranteed for most mates once they accepted their mark fully and the transition. That had been my primary concern, because it was dependent on their will to survive or their wolf to be retrieved at all.

But breaking the mate bond?

Just like that, this bond. This need to be with her. This connection.

Gone.

“She wouldn’t do that. I mean, I know she’s still grieving over her husband, but I think she’d be more understanding. Right?”

The thought made me anxious, ringing alarm bells in my mind. The idea of losing her was more terrifying than death itself.

Jasper gave me a skeptical look, one that was far from reassuring. A sense of dread settled in my stomach as I felt sweat gather in my palms.

I had to come up with something. I hoped my brother had the answers. “Maybe I should just tell her about our bond?”

“Maybe you should let her know, when you feel the moment’s right,” Jasper suggested, giving a slight nod before his hand moved to stroke his chin.

“But perhaps sooner rather than later? That might be best.”

His tone held a hint of amusement, but the worry threading through his words was anything but comforting. My nerves were frayed, my inner wolf starting to growl deep within me.