Chapter 6: Gone

SERAPHINA

The words being spoken to me were just a blur, like white noise in the background. I was wondering how our last interaction had ended in a fight yet again, trying to figure out how to navigate through the hell that had become my life.

How was I supposed to get through today, the day I was to bury my husband, my rock, my other half? Everything felt hazy and gray, like I was stuck in a dream. The nightmares were more intense than ever, especially in the two weeks following the investigation into his murder.

“We’ll start tonight after the funeral. I just have to take Cynthia to her checkup once it’s over and drive her home. I don’t know if there will be any clear results for the next few days, especially if the Manus Nigra or the Shadow Paw covens were involved,” Elis Ashwin announced, as if to try and soothe my ever-racing pulse. Marcus grimaced.

I had known the human investigation would be fruitless. The real investigation, the one that would yield results, was about to begin as the coven took over.

Evelyn scoffed, rolling her eyes, which made Elis twitch. It was as if she were publicly outing that there was more he and the coven could be doing. Evelyn and he were not exactly at odds, but he had seemed eager to make her leave.

Her knowledge seemed to threaten his own when it came to spell work, despite the lack of talent making her a threat in his eyes. Elis didn’t have a choice but to put up with Evelyn while in my home, her contract keeping her on retainer for me for another six months.

I kept replaying the events of that night in my mind, as well as what Elish had said over the last few days. A part of me kept going back to the red stain on Aleksandr’s cuff, while also not fully believing it wasn’t the Umbra Aurorae Coven themselves that did away with Jack.

It had been far too convenient to cast a large spell requiring a lot of energy from him, leaving him at his most vulnerable state, for him to suddenly be ended. Especially within an hour or two of being in that particular room and his body still present in the club, or at least what had remained of it. His heart had been ripped out and was still missing.

Everything about it felt heavily orchestrated, no matter what the human police might be trying to tell me in order to avoid national headlines, let alone doing their jobs.

I fiddled with the ring on my finger. My anxiety spiked at the thought of coming face to face with his potential killer at the funeral. Even if it wasn’t Aleksandr, any one of Jack’s rivals could have done it. I assumed I wasn’t already facing the killer in my day-to-day.

The thought was a chilling one.

The more I delved into Jack’s finances, the more I realized that there were several partners who had a bone to pick with him. Josh Cunnings, Garrick Eyak, Nethaniel Chen, and the notorious Aleksandr Vasiliev were all dangerously attractive men that my foolish husband had gotten involved with.

They all had ties to the occult, and their issues ran deeper than I had initially thought. It was hard to picture Jack in a bad light, especially the one being painted the further and further I dug into his personal records.

They were involved in blood, drugs, guns, and both human and ~inhuman~ trafficking. The sight of some of the pictures in Jack’s documents made my stomach churn. There was information about coven members that even they weren’t aware of.

Jack Blair was a paradox, a monster and a saint all rolled into one. I wished I had the power to ensure his soul was tormented for eternity, yet I felt like I should join him for supporting him blindly.

I felt like I deserved a worse hell than the one I was already living. I was stepping into his shoes and making decisions that now affected the very people he had lorded over. Actual lives that were considered property of Jack Blair’s widow, a fact that left a very bitter taste in my mouth.

I knew it was also grief that was making me feel this way, slipping into shoes I had never wanted. The best way to cope was to channel my anger into something useful. Something I felt like might yield actual results.

I wanted to confront Aleksandr. I needed closure, to know how Jack died and who killed him. I needed peace of mind while I tried to decide my next move. Aleksandr had hurt him before, and I was sure he would admit to it again.

“Seraphina, if you’re not ready, we can postpone the funeral,” Dr. Marcus said, sighing. My heart rate was sitting at a solid 105 while I sat, my anxiety seeming to never cease despite my statue-like stillness.

The hard choices seemed harder every day. Yesterday, Damien had executed two men in my office in front of me, making me wonder about our cleaners as I stared at the carpet in front of me.

Who had I become? How could anyone sit here calmly?

“I’m fine,” I replied, pulling myself back to reality as I addressed everyone. Part of me wanted to flee the room, but a darker part of me wore the guilt like a shroud. Jack’s black widow; that’s what Damien had called me yesterday as if to praise me. Even more deadly than the snake I had married.

“There’s no postponing it. The guests are already there.”

“We can’t start the rites until we publicly put his body to rest,” Elis agreed thoughtfully.

“I know I’ll feel better once that’s started,” Evelyn replied smartly.

“I think Seraphina will feel better once the killer is ~found~. I know I’ll sleep better at night,” Damien said, checking his watch as he walked back into the room. He seemed as anxious about the funeral as everyone else.

I would have felt the same way if I wasn’t already numb.

“We need to leave in fifteen minutes. You’ll be in car three, ma’am,” he added.

“Thank you, Damien,” I replied, giving him a weak smile. He returned it with a gentle nod.

As he headed out into the hallway, Lilith brushed past him, her cheeks rosy from the cold. I saw him give her a look, one full of displeasure, disliking her about as much as Jack had.

She and Evelyn had been two of my main supports. Supports that weren’t fully aware of the dark world I now walked. Evelyn had some idea; her harder exterior making her perfect for any and all of it.

Lilith, though, was an ex-stripper for Jack, and more importantly, too soft to know what went on behind the scenes. Hell. Even these days, I was starting to think it was too much for me.

Leaving to a place with blue skies, flowers year-round, all of it was starting to sound appealing even as Lilith wrapped her arms around me. Her familiar scent begged me to stay in the here and now.

“Sorry I’m so late. I was trying to finish my shift up and then this old broad slammed on her brakes. As if no one knows how to drive in the snow up here. What an idiot.” She scoffed, pushing back her inky black hair.

“You’re just in time actually. Damien just gave us the fifteen-minute mark.”

“I haven’t exactly cleared you for leaving,” Marcus said in a disapproving tone. “I’d feel better if you took something for your nerves. Maybe a light dose of lorazepam?”

“A light sedative could ease the nerves during times of distress,” Elis agreed gently, like a doting grandfather.

“Sedative.” Lilith scoffed, crossing her arms, sharing a similar look of distaste with Evelyn. “That sounds smart, dope up Jack’s widow before she gives his eulogy. You men, I swear to the great Greek gods.”

“You really have to specify which gods?” I asked, a small smile cracking on my face.

“Hello. Mixed company. What do you witches even worship anyways? Gaia? The moon and stars? The great almighty sun?”

Elis was all too happy to be wrapped up in a subject like this, already eager to spread the word of the wandering sage he once was. “Now that you ask, it’s really quite simple. Pagans and witches worship all gods, and none. It’s very spiritual in its essence of how each god is a different face for humanity. That’s why when we invoke certain gods we might feel closest to, we are in fact invoking the spirit of—”

“You did that on purpose,” Marcus muttered under his breath as he removed the blood pressure cuff.

I shrugged an arm as Elis leaned into the conversation with Lilith, an overly eager look on his face as he went into how each religion had transcended one another.

“He likes to talk. I’m tired of talking.”

“You could always skip the eulogy,” Marcus supplied again, making me shake my head immediately.

“It would be better to go,” I replied, already checking my wrist for the time once more.

Not bothering to add that the only reason I wanted to go was pretty simple. It wasn’t to put my husband at rest. His goal was to look his killer in the eye.