Rowan
The sun shone so bright outside, it was a shame I had to remain confined within the four walls of the asylum. I took a deep breath as I turned another page of the classic 'Pride and Prejudice'. I had read the novel over a zillion times and yet here I was reading it all over again due to the limited collection of novels in the library. Next activity on my daily schedule was watching a bit of television, which also meant interacting with the other ward mates. That took up a lot of patience and energy and I being deprived of it, choose to remain aloof. As if on cue, Megan padded her way towards me with a bright smile. "Good Morning, Row."
"Morning Meg." I responded.
This doesn't have to be good.
"Dr Olesen would like to reschedule the timing for your session. If you're not busy then you may visit her right now."
"Oh, sure. At her disposal. I'll be right there in a few minutes." Meg smiled all too knowingly; she knew how great I was at intended sarcasm.
I trotted back to my ward room, pulled on a clean shirt, sprayed a bit of deodorant and made my way towards Dr Olesen's office. I knocked once and when given the permission to enter, I walked in. Dr Olesen was a very career devoted woman in her mid forties. She would normally tie her strawberry blond hair in a high pony tail which made her look ten years younger, today she had tied in a tight bun. She smiled politely at me, indicating me towards the seat. "How are you doing this morning, Rowan?" I like the Danish drone in her accent.
I settled down in the plush seat. "Was feeling better before I walked into this room. Don't misunderstand me, but it would have been nicer to see your beautiful face outside of the asylum, probably the Italian restaurant down the road. So, what do you say? Wanna go out for a quick date?"
Dr Olesen chuckled, "always the charmer, aren't you?"
She opened a yellow manila folder and began leafing through it. "I watched your little footage from a few nights ago. Anything you want to tell me about that?"
"What footage?" I tried acting dumb, although I knew what she was talking about.
"You made a call to your family that night and spoke to someone, now Meg tells me no one answered the phone therefore you made another call the next day but the second call is not what I'm concerned about. I want to know what it is that the first call trigged inside you. Why did your emotions go haywire? Now, boy, you try to deny that but I have valid proof."
I was pretty relieved Meg was in charge of the telephone. This woman had seen through the entire 'nobody answered my phone' plan which was my killer idea for making two calls in a week.
"It was Alana." I confessed since lying to this woman wouldn't work.
She nodded, "she is the woman you love, am I right? So talking to her should make you feel better. Why did you have an opposite reaction? What were you thinking at that time?"
"I...I don't know." Fuck! This day was going worse than I expected. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, then I'm afraid I might not be able to help you in anyway." Dr Olesen frowned at me. "You're wrong to assume I'm here to judge you, Rowan, because I'm only here to help. What you discuss with me is going to remain between the two of us. Don't make this difficult for yourself and me."
It was so much easier to depict the real definition. Sofia didn't take bull-shit from anybody.
"I was feeling really hollow that night and I decided to make a call. I thought listening to her voice would help but it didn't. It just made me feel worse."
"Why?" Sofia asked.
"Every time I talk to her, I'm reminded of the awful things I put her through. Alana has the ability to pull all the wrong strings inside me by saying the right things. She tried so hard to put up a brave front but I knew she was crying. I know I screwed up and she had every right to yell at me and tell me to fuck off but she didn't. On the contrary, Alana told me she loved me."
"Are you angry at yourself?" Sofia had a skill of being intimidating in a good way. Sometimes, I saw myself in her. An exact mirror version. She might be daunting but she was softer on the inside. Never did she look at me with pity or sympathy. Her perspective said I was an equal and I admired her for that.
"Disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself because I failed everyone. I failed my parents, my brother, Alana and..."
"And what, Rowan?"
"And Minnie." I said. I was once again on verge of tears. "I'm her father, but I've done nothing worthy of that title. I don't want Minnie to grow up and hate me."
Sofia listened to me attentively, like a priest listening to a confession.
"So when are you planning to get married?"
I contemplated if the question was part of the therapy interaction or was it just a question asked out of curiosity; nevertheless I ended up answering truthfully. "Not planned yet. I mean, I have given it a thought, but I'm not sure how she'd react to it and I don't want to pressurize her. Alana is in her second year of university, you know. The girl is ambitious. She is kind of like a kid."
"Well, doesn't she think it's about time to tie the knot, considering you guys have a daughter together."
Wait. What?
"Alana is not Minnie's mother." I explained and watched her expressions change to realization. I continued to tell her about the situation.
After a momentary pause she said. "Would you like to discuss it with me?"
I shook my head. I needed anti-depressants. "Maybe some other time."
"When you do have these panic attacks again, I suggest you count backward from ten. It will help you keep yourself in check and your nerves will stay calm." She continued, her eyes meeting my gaze head on, "So tell me, what are your hobbies? What's leisure for you?"
This should be easy, right? WRONG! This woman could ask a very simple question and take a turn on the wrong intersection. So far, I could not sense the hidden agenda behind the question.
"I read books. I like to write and I..."
"What do you write about?"
"Just anything, it doesn't necessarily have to be a dairy entry. I just write poems. Not really reading worthy."
Sofia grinned. "Interesting. I want you to do what you're doing and I'd like to read those poems the next time we have our little interactions if I'm not asking too much."
Fuck! Hadn't seen that one coming.
"I'll see if I can."
"I want to." She seemed pleased, "And don't be stupid enough to dump it in the fire place or something. I'll know what you are up to. I've been working in this faculty for twenty years for a reason. "
I felt a twitch of sympathy for Sofia's husband and children. It was a given who ran the show at her house.
I nodded. When was the last time I'd been ordered to do something? I couldn't remember.
"Rowan, it's been half a month and I wouldn't say you're doing very well but I think talking about your emotions is an improvement. I will prescribe you a medication which I suggest you take only during emergencies."
"Thanks, Sofia."
"And also, I want you to make an effort of interacting with the patients here. When you find free time after your reading and writing, try the mini soccer table? Game of chess? Be a sport, Rowan, make some new friends. Making friends isn't rocket science. Don't isolate yourself so much. With time, I bet you will enjoy yourself here. Who knows maybe you'd even force us to make your stay here for an extended period of time."
I was convinced. This woman was fucking delusional.
I smiled in agreement trying to hide my discomfort. "I will try my best to live up to your expectations."
"Not my expectations. You shouldn't give a shit about what I think or what I want. You're doing this for yourself, Rowan. The fight isn't going to be easy and nor is it going to end. Your goal is simple. It's Survival."
"I will look forward to our next session." She said putting back her spectacles and scribing down in a manila file.
"Me too." I turned to her, "And Sofia?"
She looked up from the file, "Thanks."
She acknowledged me with a nod and a smile which told me I was dismissed. My stomach growled with the lack of breakfast I had in the morning. I jogged my way downstairs towards the lunch area, for once, glad to be told I was walking the right path for redemption. The old rotten road to the Dysfunction world would soon be closed. Forever.
***
Alana
I stared at the two pairs of keys on the dresser, wondering if I had the stomach of moving into Rowan's apartment and accepting the kind of independent life Rowan clearly wanted me to live. The answer was pretty straight. I wasn't doing this. I decided to live in the dorms while keeping a close eye on the apartment while the car remained parked in the dorm parking lot with a full tank. Rowan had taken the scholarship thing too seriously.
I spent my weekend cleaning up the apartment and watching some soap operas. I even connected the Play Station consoles and played a zombie slasher game. It did help me to take my mind off him but that didn't help to fill in that gap forming in my hollow chest. It just grew wider by the minute. I missed having Rowan around; I missed hearing him call out to me from the kitchen, yelling at me to maximize the distance for television viewing. The day ended in a bat of an eye.
The phone on the dresser never rang. Every single day, I spent a quality time staring at the phone, propelling it to ring. It never did. Being unemployed couldn't be more fun though, I had a lot of time on my hands. I even drove Rowan's huge car around and lurked around the mall staring at the cheerful people.
While I remained occupied in homework and fixing dinner on Friday, the phone rang. I did not recognize the number so I only assumed it was Rowan.
"Rowan." my heart sped up.
"Hi, baby girl. It's me." The voice on the other end sucked the air out of my lungs as I was blinded by tears.
"Dad?"
"Yes, baby. It's daddy." I couldn't seem to recall the last time I heard his voice. It had been what? Two months? I began to think he never cared. His voice came off as controlled, coupled with a mixture of tenderness but I wasn't going to let it fool me again this time. Rick Hayes was a well-established attorney in Ridgewell and sounding controlled was also part of his job. Something he was very good at.
After a good few seconds of silence, I asked, "What do you want, Dad?"
"What's that supposed to mean, Al? I wanted to talk to you." He explained.
"Talk about what?" I continued in the same icy tone. "Are you going to repeat the same thing Mom said to me? Are you going to tell me that I'm a whore for sleeping with the..."
"NO..baby, please." Dad had a weak voice, one that was filled with anguish. "I never believed a word of that. I knew you would not do something like that. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I truly am."
I didn't know what to say. I had been expecting to be blown off with a few other things like being disowned this time but apology was not one of them.
When I refused to answer he said, "I did not block your cards or cut off your financial recourses. You have to believe me; I didn't do that. I never would. Yes, I was disappointed about what I had heard from the dean's secretary and I agreed with the punishment your mother decided on but trust me, sweetheart, I had no clue the cards were still blocked. I thought she would let you use them after a week."
Whoa. Guess I underestimated my mother to be a mild villain. Boy, I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me she worked for the devil.
"Who told you the cards are still blocked?"
"Chez did. I'm thankful he told me or I wouldn't have known. He also told me about the scholarship your teacher is providing you."
I was relieved; Dad didn't use the word boyfriend but teacher.
"You can start using your debit cards again. But, Alana, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't appreciate the fact that you're dating a man who is nine years senior to you but you're free to do as you please. I don't have to approve of your relationship but baby; it doesn't mean I don't love you. You can choose to be with whoever the heck you want; I will always remain your daddy. Don't forget that."
"Daddy..." Those emotional walls inside me began to shake and that spark which was missing was back. I felt so much better knowing my father still cared.
"Just one more thing. After what your mother accused you of doing, I don't have a right to say this but will you forgive me?"
"It's alright, dad. I'm so glad you called." I said sincerely, "How is mom?"
"Let's not talk about her."
I lied down on the bed and blabbered on for another hour about nothing in particular. He told me about his work and how much stressed he'd been due to an important distinguished case he was working on. I was hit by a rock of euphoria when he promised to visit me in a week. He went on apologizing about his lack of knowledge about my situation.
"I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?" Dad said, "I love you."
"I love you too."
I wasn't feeling very jovial, but speaking to Dad had helped me so much in keeping my emotions in check. That hollow in my chest hadn't repaired yet, but it was in healing process. Without Rowan, the world seemed like a darker place. He was the only aid to my broken heart. I sat by the bay window, star gazing wondering if we were staring at the stars together.
***
A.N: Hey Guys! Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I know things get a little slow in this chapter, but it was very important to show Rowan's recovery. I assure you that things are going to get pretty intense in a few chapters, can't wait for you guys to read MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA*Evil laughter*, so anyway, if you enjoyed please vote and comment telling me what you think.