JEVA woke up in an unfamiliar place. She held her head remembering what happened and what brings her here in this place. She squeezed her eyes and shook her head a little. She felt more dizzy because of the room color she can't think properly. Ano ba kasi ang pumasok sa utak ng may-ari ng kwartong ito at pininturahan ito ng kulay rainbow? Nagiging lollipop ang paningin niya sa kwarto. Yung malaking lollipop na hugis bilog na kulay rainbow. As in, buong silid kulay rainbow. Kahit ang kamang hinihigaan niya ay rainbow. Kahit ang ceiling kulay rainbow. She didn't see anything around. It's like an empty room. She can't see a door too. What kind of place is this? What am I doing here? How am I going to get myself out? Those are some of the question in her mind. She felt like she is a prisoner inside a very colorful world.
Nang biglang bumukas ang pinto. Wait! What?! There's actually a door? She was really surprised. Lalo na nang iniluwa nito si Jeron.
"Jeron?" - natatakang tinawag ang lalaki. Her lips formed 'O' when she remembered that she happened to run towards Jeron's arms after the incident inside her husband's condo. She pulled a face. Was it still appropriate to call him her husband knowing that she already broke up with him? But, their marriage is not yet annulled. Papayag kaya ito? Siguro, papayag nga ito dahil may girlfriend na yung tao. Bakit niya ako niloko? There's a lot of why's in Jeva's head. Anong wala sa akin? Anong kulang? Jeva still wanted to understand her husband in this kind of situation. Maybe his husband was just fooling around and doing these things because he wanted to surprise her. But, the other side of her heart tells that maybe she's really an ordinary girl trying to fit herself into someone. That maybe she's really no good for his career.
"You're awake." - Jeron pointed out when he saw her sitting on the bed looking to nowhere.
Jeva gave him a faint smile. "Yeah." - the latter sighed and looked at her worriedly.
"Are you okay?" - he asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." - she gave him an assuring smile.
Jeron snorted. "Bakit pa nga ba ako nagtanong? Halata namang hindi ka okay." - he said sarcastically. He stared at her intently. "What are you gonna to do now?"
She shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know. I left a letter for him and told him that I resigned as his wife."
He wheezed in surprised. "Resigned?" - hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya sa babae. "Ano sa tingin mo ang pagiging asawa niya, trabaho?" - napailing nalang ang lalaki sa kanyang tinuran. Habang ang isa ang natawa nalang nang marealize ang kanyang ginawa.
"No. But, taking care of my husband and understanding him is my responsibility. I resigned from my responsibility to him. May iba ng gagawa nun para sa kanya." - she said bitterly. "And, I just hope him well. Sana lang ay maging masaya siya sa bago niya ngayon."
"Yun lang?" - napalingon naman si Jeva sa lalaki dahil sa tanong nito. "Yun na yun? Ganun ganun na lang? You'll give up your husband because of that?" - Jeron asked.
"That woman is better than I am."
"No one is better than another. Note that." - he said. "Lahat ng tao ay pantay-pantay. No one is perfect, no one is greater than another. Maybe Suella is good in somethings but remember, that you are also best in something." - he tried to console her but what he said is actually true. Wala naman kasing mas better sa kahit sino. All of us will excel in our different fields.
"I doubt that." - she sighed and smiled bitterly. "That woman is gorgeous, sexy and famous. While, me? I'm just plain." - mariin niyang pinagdikit ang kanyang mga labi.
"You are beautiful, inside and out, you are sexy and I think that you can be as famous as she is kung gugustuhin mo. Baka nga mas sisikat ka pa kaysa sa kanya kung gugustuhin mo lang talaga. You are talented, you can play instruments and can sing well. You are intelligent. Doctor ka rin eh." - he said, trying to boost and at the same time give her confidence.
"Pero hindi pa ako specialista."
Jeron shrugged. "But, at least." - he walked towards her and leaned to pull her face up so that her lips would form a smile. "You are best in your own way. That's why I like you."
Nanlaki ang mata ni Jeva dahil sa biglaang pagconfess ng lalaki. "Je--"
"I know." - he nods. "I know that you are married and that you love your husband who happened to be my friend. I know." - patango-tango pa siya habang sinasabi ang mga salitang iyon. "But, what can I do? That's how I feel." - he smiled.
"Jeron, I can't reciprocate your feelings." - she said as she bowed her head.
Mapaklang napatawa si Jeron. "Wala pa nga akong ginagawa busted na ako." - he stood up properly. "Don't worry I know my place." - he smiled.
"I can find someone better than I am."
Jeron tsked. "I told you that there's no better person than another." - he soughed. "What if I wanted that someone to be you?" - sabi niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ng babae.
"W-what?" - This is so awkward. Ipinagdarasal ni Jeva na sana lamunin na lang siya ng kamang kinauupuan niya.
Jeron chuckled. "I'm just kidding."
Nakahinga ng maluwag si Jeva. "Wag kang magbiro ng ganun." - she took a deep breath. "You are a good man, Jeron."
"Am I?"
She nods. "I'm sure you can find someone to love you as much as you love her."
"What if I want that someone to be you?" - Napabukas-sara naman ang bibig ni Jeva dahil inulit na naman nito ang kanyang sinabi. Pekeng napatawa si Jeron bago nagsalita ulit. "Kidding again."
Jeva smiled at him and the room became so quiet. Awkward.
"You know what?" Napatitig naman si Jeva sa lalaki ng bigla itong magsalita ulit. "If I will meet someone that I will love with my all, I won't let her experience what you experienced. I promise that."
Mas lalong napangiti si Jeva sa lalaki. "She must be very lucky."
"Oo nga eh. Sana ikaw na lang yun. At sana ako na lang ang asawa mo. Hindi pa ka sana nasasaktan ngayon." - he joked.
Jeron really likes Jeva. Kung hindi niya lang kaibigan ang asawa nito siguradong aagawin niya ito sa lalaki. Any man will be so lucky to have Jeva as his wife.
"Wrong." - napatitig ang lalaki dahil sa sinabi ni Jeva. "Pain is the twin of love. Hindi mo masasabing mahal mo ang isang tao kung hindi ka masasaktan."
"I know. But, I will do my very best for her not to feel any pain. Hindi ko ata kayang makitang nasasaktan ang taong mahal ko. Mas gugustuhin ko pang ako-in na lang ang sakit." - he said heartily.
Jeva stared and smiled at him unconsciously. She is sure that the woman that this man will love, will be very lucky.
"Anyways, what's with the rainbow color?" - she said, referring to the room's color.
"Huh?" - napakamot ng batok si Jeron nahihiyang ngumiti sa babae. "Corny ba? Favorite color ko yan eh." - he gave him an awkward smile.
"Of course not." - she chuckled. "I just don't think that someone like you loves rainbows."
"'Cause, why not?" - he raised his brow. "Rainbow for me, means a new beginning. There's always a new beginning on different things." - napatango naman si Jeva sa sinabi nito.
Jeron let Jeva stayed for a couple of hours. Pinag-almusal at pinaligo niya muna ang babae bago ito hinayaang umalis sa kanyang bahay. Jeva doesn't want to stay longer inside other man's house. She doesn't want to add fuel on the fire. He is also a famous bachelor slash singer-actor. Dala-dala ng konsensya niya kung masisira ang pangalan ng lalaki dahil sa kanya at kahit na sinabi pa ng lalaki na wala itong pakialam. She also doesn't want to bring chaos between her husband and his friend.
Matagal ng magkaibigan ang dalawa tapos sisirain niya lang? Jeva is not so cruel to do that.
Umuwi siya sa bahay nila ng kanyang asawa and at nagulat siya sa kanyang nadatnan. Parang dinaanan ng tsunami ang kanilang bahay sa sobrang kalat at sa dami ng basag na mga gamit.
"What the heck?" - she murmured. She saw her husband lying on the floor with lots of empty bottles of beer. Something pinched her heart. Masakit na makita ang asawa niya sa ganitong sitwasyon. Masakit pero kailangan niyang panindigan ang naging desisyon. Hindi na niya kaya pang mas masira ang kanyang asawa. Mas gugustuhin niya siya na lang ang masaktan huwag lang ito. Wala naman siyang imahe na masisira.
She kneeled in front of her husband and caressed his hair. She took a step back when he suddenly opened his eyes. "S-sweetheart?" - namumugay ang mga mata nito. She smiled bitterly. Maybe this will be the last time she'll hear him call her sweetheart. Agad namang napabangon ang lalaki nang napagtanto nitong hindi siya nananaginip. He grabbed her shoulder and brought her closer to him as he gave her a tight hug. "I-it's you. Y-you came back." - she heard him sniffed. Bumibigat ang puso niya habang hinahayaan na umiyak ang lalaki sa kanyang balikat. "I knew you'll come back." - labis labis ang saya ng lalaki nang makitang muli ang asawa. But, sadly, Jeva is going to break his heart.
"I just came here to get my things." - she said coldly.
Champ stilled and dropped his jaw. "W-what?"
"You heard me." - she said firmly.
Mas lalong humigpit ang pagkakayakap ni Champ sa kanyang habang marahas umiiling. "No. No. No." - he chanted. "You can't leave. You can't. P-please don't."
Jeva clenched her teeth and took a deep breath as she squeezed her eyes. She can't stay here any longer baka magbago pa ang pasya niya. She can't bare seeing him like this pero mas okay na yun. Dahil alam niyang panandalian lang ito keysa naman habangbuhay na mawawala ang career ng lalaki dahil sa kanya.
"Let me go." - she tried her best not to sob.
"No, I can't. Please don't do this to me." - mahigpit ang pagkakayap niya sa babae.
Jeva put all her strength on her hands and pushed him away. "Don't do this to me, too! Just let me go, will you?!" - umiiyak na sigaw niya sa lalaki. She can no longer suppress her tears.
"Ask me anything. Wag lang ang bitawan ka." - he said hopelessly.
"That is what I want." - matigas na sabi niya pero panay lang ang iling ng huli. "Don't you know that I am doing this for your sake?! I don't want to ruin your career at hindi rin pwedeng dalawa kami sa buhay mo. Kaya ako na lang, ako na lang ang aalis!" - Jeva is very desperate to leave. Mahal niya ang asawa niya pero mas mahal niya ang kanyang anak. Maselan ang kanyang pagbubuntis at hindi niya hahayaang mawala ito sa kanya. Alam niya rin kasi na kung mananatili siya sa asawa niya hindi mawawala ang stress na nararamdaman niya.
"I don't care!" - napaigtad si Jeva dahil sa pagsigaw nito. "I don't care, if my career will be ruined. Just don't leave me. Just don't." - humagulhol na sabi nga lalaki.
"I'm sorry pero hindi na magbabago ang desisyon ko." With that, Champ dropped his knee.
"I'm begging you, please don't." - he begged desperately.
Don't beg. Por favor. Jeva's tears were like rivers. She looked away. She needs to be strong. "You can't stop me. I'm leaving." - she said and walked towards her room to gather her things.
Champ grabbed her arm and pinned her on the wall. She groaned but the latter doesn't care. His eyes were dark and raging. "I said, you will not leave me." - he said between his gritted teeth and forcely kissed his wife.
"You are my wife and will always be." - galit na sabi nito. "Ako lang ang magsasabi kung pwede kang umalis o hindi."
"Ano ang akala mo sa akin?! Laruan?! Hindi ako laruan, Vladimir!" - sigaw niya sa lalaki. "Hindi ako laruan na gagamitin mo o lalaruin mo kung gusto mo at itatapon lang kapag nagsawa ka na. Tao ako! Tao ako, Vladimir! Nasasaktan din ako at napapagod." - sigaw niya sa lalaki. Mas lalong nagdilim ang mga mata ng lalaki.
"Nasasaktan ka?! Nasasaktan din naman ako. Hindi lang ikaw yung nasasaktan. Pagod ka na? Magpahinga ka, hindi yung iiwan mo ako!" - sigaw pabalik ni Champ sa asawa.
"Anong akala mo sa relasyon natin, joke? I'm fucking serious, Vladimir!"
"Do I look like I'm fooling around?" - he sarcastically said. "You're mine, Jeva Leyn. Mine alone."
"Vla--"
"Shut up!" - she roared. "Don't call me Vladimir."
"V-"
"I said, shut up! You are not other people. Don't call me Vladimir. You are my wife, so it's Champ for you." - he corrected her.
"I'll call you whatever, I want. After all, it's still part of your name." - pagmamatigas niya.
"Just do what I want."
"Ano bang pinuputok ng butsi mo?" - she raised her brow at him.
"Don't leave me."
She stilled. She almost forgot the reason she's here. She sighed and turned around. She bit her lip secretly. She needs to get out of this place as soon as possible. Marupok pa naman siya pagdating sa asawa niya.
She grabbed her clothes inside the closet and put them inside the suitcase.
"Hindi na ba talaga kita mapipigilan?" - Champ said hopefully.
"No."
Tahimik naman sa isang tabi si Champ. Nanlumo naman si Jeva. So, ganun na lang yun? Gustong sapakin ni Jeva ang sarili niya dahil gustong-gusto niyang pigilan siya ng asawa kahit alam naman niyang hindi magbabago ang isip niya.
Nagulat na lang siya nang bigla siyang buhatin ng asawa at marahas na inilapag sa kama. "Then, I'll make you stay."
Hindi mabasa ni Jeva kung ano ang nasa isip nang asawa. Hindi niya alam ang plano nito pero kinakabahan siya dahil walang emosyong ipinapakita ang mga mata nito.
"What are you to---"
Hindi natapos ang kanyang tanong dahil marahas siyang hinalikan ng lalaki. His kisses were harsh and painful. Tinutulak ni Jeva palayo ang lalaki sa kaniya pero hindi ito nagpatinag.
Champ tore her blouse. Umiiyak si Jeva begging him to stop but the latter didn't hear anything. He keeps doing what he was doing hanggang sa nawalan ng lakas si Jeva para itulak ang lalaki at hinayaan na lang nito sa kanyang ginagawa.
"Masaya ka na?" - she said with no emotion which made the latter stop. "Do whatever you want right now then, after that, I'll leave. Do whatever you please."
Champ threw himself away from his wife. Napasalampak siya sa sahig ng marealize niya ang kanyang ginawa. Pinukpok ni Champ ng ilang beses ang kanyang ulo. He can't believe that he hurt his wife.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." - he chanted while crying so hard.
"Lo siento, mi amor. Lo siento." - he said while hurting himself.
Hindi maiwasan ni Jeva ang maiyak. He's totally wrecked. She is trying to grip Champ's hands to stop him from hurting himself.
"If you are really sorry then, let me leave." - umiiyak na hiling na sa lalaki.
Champ hugged her waist while his knees were on the ground.
"Will you be happy if I'll let you leave?" - mabigat man sa kalooban niya pero siguro nga tama ang asawa niya. Siguro nga tama lang na pakawalan niya ito. Tama lang na hayaan niya itong umalis. Dahil kung mananatili pa ito hindi na niya alam kung ano pa ang mga bagay na magagawa niya at ang makapagbibigay ng sakit sa asawa niya. He can't let her suffer for more. He can't be selfish.
Tama rin naman kasi ang ama nito. Wala siyang nagawa para sa asawa. Siguro nga, ang pagpapalaya niya sa babae ang tanging bagay na magagawa niya rito. He can't hurt her more.
"Yes." - she answered but she wanted to say the latter. Of course, how can she be happy if she will lose the man that she loves?
"Okay. I'll let you leave." - sabi niya at dahan-dahang ikinalas ang mga kamay na nakapulupot sa beywang ng asawa. Natigilan naman si Jeva sa sinabi ng lalaki. Hindi niya inakalang bibitawan nga siya nito. "I'll let you go if that'll keep you from pain and struggles that you suffered from me." - nanlulumong saad niya.
Jeva doesn't care about the pain and struggles as long as it is for her husband. Mas masakit na iwan niya ito. Mas masakit na malayo siya sa lalaki. Pero kailangan niyang gawin. Dahil iyon ang nararapat. Maybe they'll be better if they'll be apart from each other.
Jeva touched the necklace on her neck. She is still wearing it. She can't wear it anymore. She removed the necklace from her neck and handed it to the man.
Nanlaki ang mata ni Champ dahil sa ginawa niya.
"Take this."
"No." - umiling si Champ. "I can't take that."
"Take it. Throw it. Give it to other girl." - pamimilit ng babae.
"No. Pinagawa ko yan para sayo. I can't take that back. Keep it for me."
"I can't." - umiling si Jeva.
"If you can't. Ikaw na lang ang magtapon. Ibigay mo na lang sa iba. Wag mo lang isauli sa akin."
Jeva sighed and placed the necklace in the box near the box where their picture frame was located. Picture nila ito doon nasa JeCha Island during their vacation anniversary.
Champ let his wife take all her clothes. Nakasalampak pa rin siya sa sahig. He did not move. His tears were streaming down his face. He never thought that loving someone is as painful as this. His wife was his first love, his today's love and will be his future's love. He can't imagine loving another girl. If Jeva thinks that he already gave up, wrong. Because he will only let her cool down and bring her back in his arms. She only belongs to him. Only to him.
Jeva looked at her husband. Pinipiga ang kanyang puso nang makita ang estado ng asawa niya. I'm so sorry. She wanted to utter those words to him but she can't take back all the things that she said.
"Was it because of him?" - natigilan si Jeva sa tanong ng asawa.
"Him? Who's him?"
"Jeron. I saw you two at the party. Was it because of him?" - he asked.
"No." - she answered, hindi naman talaga kasali si Jeron sa nangyayari. "Whatever happened doesn't part of Jeron' concern."
"Okay." - yun lang ang nasabi niya. He doesn't want to argue anymore and he believes his wife. Alam niyang hindi siya kayang lokohin ng asawa niya at alam rin niyang hindi siya gagaguhin ng kaibigan.
"I'll go now."
"If you leave, just leave. Don't make it harder for me." - he said coldly.
Jeva nods as her tears streamed down her face. Mabilis na nilisan ni Jeva ang bahay habang hila-hila ang kanyang maleta. Good thing may taxi na dumaan kaya nakasakay agad siya at lumayo sa lugar na iyon. Pero, sadyang mapagbiro nga talaga ang tadhana dahil mapanakit rin ang kantang pinapatugtog ng taxi driver.
I was afraid this time would come
I wasn't prepared to face this kind of hurtin' from within
I have learned to live my life beside you
Maybe I'll just dream of you tonight
And if into my dream you'll come and touch me once again
I'll just keep on dreaming 'til my heartaches end
"What kind of joke is this? Hindi nakakatawa." - she murmured. Mas lalong bumigat ang dibdib ni Jeva dahil sa kantang ito at walanghiyang pumalahaw sa loob ng kotse. Nagtaka naman ang taxi driver sa kanya pero pinili nitong wag na lang magtanong.
Jeva dried her tears when she heard her phone ring. It was Kyza.
She cleared her throat before answering. "Hello?" - she tried her best not to let her voice cracked pero natigilan siya ng marinig ang kaibigan na umiiyak sa kabilang linya.
"What happened?" - nag-aalalang tanong niya. Kyza is a strong woman and so unlikely for her to cry.
"S-shylane..."
"What is with Shylane?" - kinakabahang tanong niya.
"W-we." - Kyza sobs.
At tuluyan ng gumuho ang mundo ni Jeva sa kanyang narinig.
"We l-lost her."