Chapter 50
The next morning, Zhao Heng awoke from her slumber, her body aching as if she had been in a fight. Her head was pounding like it was about to split open from her hangover.
Groaning, she sat up.
Hearing the commotion, Lin Mama rushed into the room with a bowl of honey water. She carefully brought it to Zhao Heng's lips and fed her sip by sip. "Here, My Lady, drink some water to soothe your throat," she urged.
Zhao Heng's throat felt like sandpaper, and she gratefully sipped the water from Lin Mama's hand. "How did I get back last night?" she asked, her head still throbbing.
Her memories of the previous evening were hazy, only extending up to the point where she had toasted Li Wenzhong.
While helping her into her robe, Lin Mama explained, "His Highness carried you back around midnight. You were so drunk you couldn't even stand, so he had to carry you back to your room."
Fragments of memories began to trickle back into her mind. She vaguely recalled rambling incoherently on His Highness's back, demanding that he pick hibiscus flowers for her...
The unsightly drunken state was fully displayed in front of him.
Zhao Heng buried herself in the blanket, not wanting to see anyone.
*
When An Xuzhi arrived at the Madam Bai residence, sh3 was instructing Hui-niang to change clothes for the seventh miss. The dress she was wearing was too thin.
The children of the main branch were almost all ready, and tonight they would all accompany their elders to the palace banquet.
"Fourth brother." The seventh miss, who was only six years old, was in her sweetest years, and when she saw An Xuzhi, she sweetly called out.
"You've arrived." Madam Bai smiled at An Xuzhi, "Once Yue'er changes her clothes, we can set off."
An Xuzhi nodded gently and replied to Bai in a mild tone, "Alright."
A maidservant led the seventh miss to the side room to change her clothes, and Madam Bai had a moment of free time to look at An Xuzhi with concern, "A Lin, have your official duties been keeping you very busy lately? You look so thin."
An Xuzhi admitted that he was a bit busy.
Madam Bai felt very sorry for him. She thought that An Xuzhi returning south would allow him to rest at home for a while, but unexpectedly, he had been busier these days, leaving early in the morning and returning late at night.
Several times she saw her husband pass by his courtyard in the evening, and the lights in the yard were always turned off.
He was getting thinner and thinner visibly, which pleased her as a grandmother as the younger generation was making progress. She didn't understand politics, but when it came to his official duties, he always had a plan from a young age.
Many things she asked about he wouldn't say, so she gave up asking and only said, "Work is important, but you also need to take care of your health. Don't be like your father, too busy to eat properly, and now he's suffering from illness."
An Xuzhi stood quietly on the side, respectfully responding, "Yes."
His respectful demeanor made Madam Bai hesitate to say anything further.
The family set out to the front of the mansion to board the carriage.
The residence of the main branch was still some distance away from the mansion gate. When they turned around the garden, they happened to run into the An Qinghan sisters.
The two sisters paid their respects to their elders with full etiquette.
An Xuzhi stood to the side, waiting for them to finish their formalities before bowing to the two sisters, "Little aunts."
An Qinghan glanced at An Xuzhi and said with a smile, "Little Silang is quite busy now. We went to Daiyueju a few times to look for you, but you were never there."
"There have been some matters on my hands recently, and I've been rarely at the residence," An Xuzhi replied.
An Qinghan said, "Nothing serious, just wanted to let you know that the tea you brought us from Jiangnan last time was delicious."
Madam Bai listened to their conversation with some surprise. Didn't An Xuzhi bring back some small trinkets last time? How did it turn into tea?
An Qinghan noticed the box in An Xuzhi's hands and asked him, "Are you bringing a gift to the palace?"
An Xuzhi lowered his head, his gaze falling on the brocade box in his arms, and replied, "It's a congratulatory gift for Lady Liangyuan, as I wasn't in the capital when His Highness granted her title. I heard she's organizing tonight's banquet, so I gave her a delicate glass lamp."
"Little Silang is always so thoughtful," An Qinghan praised him with a smile.
An Xuzhi withdrew his gaze and looked ahead at the rows of lanterns on the roadside, lost in thought.
He wasn't thoughtful at all.
Why didn't he arrange for a couple of maidservants for Grandma before leaving?
She was already so old...
Why didn't he tell Aheng that if something urgent happened, she could mention his name to seek help from His Highness?
Grandma accidentally fell off a cliff and died, Aheng was missing. Everything, all of it, was all because of his lack of thoughtfulness.
After knowing her for so many years, he naturally understood what Grandma meant to Zhao Heng. How desperate must she have been at that time?
Chen Po Zi from the Washing Department was executed for her crimes, and most of the people in the Washing Department had been replaced... Aheng had been following Chen Po Zi since entering the palace, was she implicated by her?
Where was she now?
A sharp knife stirred violently in his chest, piercing his bloody heart, almost breaking into pieces.
He fiercely closed his eyes, holding back the hot tears.
*
Ning Wanzhi had been squatting at the palace gate for the entire afternoon. She had been in a hurry when she left and even forgot to bring the herbal incense to ward off mosquitoes, getting bitten by several mosquitoes due to the Mid-Autumn season.
The mosquitoes at this time of the year were venomous, leaving large welts whenever they bit. She lowered her head to scratch the itch, and the sound of carriage wheels passing over the stone slabs on the palace road could be heard.
"Little Silang." Ning Wanzhi leaned on the side of the carriage, watching An Xu Zhi slowly dismount from the carriage, waving her arm to call him over.
An Qinghan chuckled lightly.
An Xuzhi snapped back to reality, somewhat embarrassed as he turned to Madam Bai. Madam Bai took the seventh miss's hand and nodded at him, saying, "Go on, we will enter the palace first."
An Xuzhi then walked over to Ning Wanzhi.
The warm golden sunset spread on the path beneath An Xuzhi's feet, and Ning Wanzhi looked down, focusing on the warm orange light on the ground as his tall figure walked along the path of light.
She watched him approach with wide eyes, the sunset's golden light shining on the golden cloak he wore.
The snow-white canopy, the silver threads embroidered with bamboo branches on his robes, shimmering with silver light in the setting sun.
He was originally an extremely gentle person, always wearing a faint smile on his face, nurturing the hearts of others.
But now, his lips were slightly downturned, his pale and lean face carrying a chilling air of snow, under the blaze of the sun, resembling the needles of falling snow.
"Little Ning." He stood before her in the sunlight, his voice cold and calm as he called her.
Ning Wanzhi's pupils shrank, and for some reason, seeing him in this state, her eyes inexplicably started to sting. Meeting his gaze, she saw a deep pain hidden in his clear and transparent eyes.
Her voice tightened as she asked him, "Little Silang, what's happened to you?"
Standing under the sunlight, An Xuzhi's shadow fell silently. He looked at the frowning younger sister before him, forced a faint smile through the bitterness, and with a dry throat, he replied, "Little Ning, I'm fine."
The young girl looked up, her moist eyes bright and gentle, her fair cheeks reddened by the setting sun. She widened her eyes and said, "You're lying."
"My official duties have been quite tiring, so I'm a bit weary. A few days of rest will do me good," he turned his face aside, his eyelashes fluttered, a hint of a smile on his lips, but his half-lowered eyes lacked any sparkle.
Ning Wanzhi held onto her dress tightly, after a long silence, she looked up at the person in front of her with a smile, "Father said, no matter how busy you are, you must eat well and get enough rest."
He nodded in agreement.
Ning Wanzhi stared at the shadow on the ground for a moment, then pulled out the purse embroidered by Zhao Heng from her sleeve, hesitantly handed it to him, "Little Silang, this is for you."
An Xuzhi glanced at it, a look of confusion flashing in his cold eyes.
Ning Wanzhi spoke softly, sounding a bit nervous, "I embroidered it myself for you."
An Xuzhi remained silent, but he noticed her trembling hand, and the bamboo leaves on the purse seemed to sway as well.
Feeling his gaze on the purse, Ning Wanzhi felt guilty and confessed honestly, "I don't have such good skills, Aunt Liangyuan helped me make it."
An Xuzhi stood still in the thick shadow.
Ning Wanzhi didn't understand and looked up, meeting his eyes, which were as cold and unchanging as the snow on a high mountain peak.
"You..." She looked at him for a moment and then at the purse in her hand, "Don't you like it?"
"Little Ning," An Xu Zhi calmly said, "Gifts like this shouldn't be given lightly."
Objects that are carried every day often carry ambiguous emotions, and should be treated with caution.
"Why?" Ning Wanzhi blinked.
An Xuzhi's long eyelashes drooped as he turned his head, "In the future, when you meet someone you like, give this purse to them."
"I like you," Ning Wazhi blinked earnestly.
An Xuzhi, pale and thin lately, with his long eyelashes hanging down, deep shadows under his eyes exuding a cool and withered aura.
He smiled faintly, shaking off some of the snow-like frost, "You're just a child."
Being treated like a child by someone you like can be quite hurtful. She retorted, "I came of age earlier this year."
"Even if you're almost sixteen, can't I still think of you as a child?" Ning Wanzhi looked up at him.
A girl comes of age at fifteen, then she can talk about marriage. Little Silang always said he was still a kid and refused to accept her affection.
Now that she was grown, why did he still see himself as a child?
An Xuzhi looked at her with lowered eyes.
"Little Ning."
The birds in the sky sang as they flew overhead, casting shadows on her face as she tilted her head.
"In my eyes, you will always be a child, just like Xiao Liu, Xiao Qi, and others," he said slowly.
Ning Wanzhi understood, she stared at the swaying tree shadows, feeling a bit sad as she lowered her head, gripping the purse tightly in her hand, before finally looking up and asking him, "Little Silang, if you don't like me, is it because you like someone else?"
An Xuzhi's hand in his sleeve clenched quietly, before he answered after a moment, "Yes."
"I should have known." Ning Wanzhi's heart felt desolate, gazing into his eyes as if etching his face into her heart, she looked at him with red eyes and said, "The person you like must be very good, the cream of the crop in terms of talent, looks, temperament, and family background. Unlike me, just a wild and unruly girl that refuses to be disciplined."
An Xuzhi closed his eyes, the soft and delicate face of Zhao Heng appearing in his mind. He shook his head slowly, "I like her, regardless of her talents, looks, temperament, or family background."
"Then why are you so unhappy?" Ning Wanzhi sniffed, holding back her tears, "Is it because, like me, the person you like doesn't like you back?"
She could see it, from the moment he got off the carriage and walked towards her, she could see his desolation and loneliness.
Her brother and sister-in-law loved each other deeply, her brother always looking radiant and full of joy.
Unlike him, so lonely.
An Xuzhi didn't answer her, instead he said, "Little Ning, one day you'll meet someone who admires your innocence, tolerates your carelessness, understands your whimsical nature, and unconditionally loves everything about you."
Ning Wanzhi nodded, her eyes blankly fixed on the purse in her hand, a bit flustered as she hurriedly put the purse back in her sleeve.
"I understand," she stood dejectedly, and after a while, she smiled quietly, "So, can we still be good friends in the future?"
He smiled and replied slowly, "Yes."
Ning Wanzhi tilted her head back to prevent tears from falling, and said indifferently, "Then I don't like you anymore. Let's just be good friends from now on."
"Very good friends," Ning Wanzhi added.
An Xuzhi also agreed, "Yes."
After finishing her words, Ning Wanzhi said, "Then I'll leave now."
"Okay," he nodded.
Ning Wanzhi smiled and waved at him, then turned and walked away quickly.
An Xuzhi stood in the sunset, watching her take a few steps, her shoulders beginning to shake, then she raised her sleeve to wipe her face vigorously.
An Xuzhi's heart was filled with a mix of emotions for a moment, he furrowed his brows and waved to Chang Liu, who was standing by the carriage.
"Go quietly follow Miss Ning and make sure she gets home safely," he sighed.
An Xuzhi arrived at the Snow Garden when most of the people had already gathered, the hall was lively with laughter and chatter. As soon as he entered, the Empress beckoned to him, "A Lin, come here."
"Greetings to Her Majesty and His Majesty," An Xuzhi walked to the front.
"I heard Little Ning at the palace gate kept you delayed?" The Empress looked at the elegant man, unable to hide her smile.
An Xuzhi changed the subject.
Seeing his reluctance to talk about that, the Empress stopped and asked him about some official matters.
After exchanging pleasantries, An Xuzhi approached Li Wenjian and mentioned, "I heard that His Highness granted a title to Liangyuan while I was away."
Li Wenjian leaned back in his chair, his slender fingers like bamboo branches lightly placed on the brocade fabric as he replied with a smile, "Yes."
Soon after, he added, "According to seniority, you should address her as 'Aunt.'"
"The affairs of the Eastern Palace are busy, Aunt must be quite tired," An Xuzhi said.
The mention of 'Aunt' made Li Wen Jian inexplicably comforted, he smiled and said, "Indeed, it's tough. She's the one who organized tonight's banquet."
An Xuzhi glanced at the arrangements on the tables, each adorned with a flower basket according to each person's status, making the setting exceptionally elegant.
He took out the delicate glass palm lamp from the box and handed it to Li Wenjian, "With the joyous occasion, I wasn't in the capital at that time. This lamp is a gift for Uncle and Aunt, may you have a long and happy marriage and soon have children."
Today was a family feast for the An and Li families, so he didn't address him as His Highness but as Uncle.
Li Wenjian looked at the translucent lamp, the kind of delicate and exquisite object that Zhao Heng liked.
He said, "She's still in the kitchen, she'll be here soon. You can give it to her yourself."
Repeat what you just said to her.
"Lady Liangyuan has arrived," suddenly, the maid announced.
The curtains were drawn, revealing Zhao Heng carrying a basket of flowers, walking gracefully into the room.
Clusters of golden flowers nestled among the lush foliage, complementing the person with a serene and gentle smile, exuding a quiet beauty of time passing.
Zhao Heng passed through the hall, greeting the Emperor, the Empress, and the elders of the An family first, then carrying the flower basket towards Li Wenjian.
Turning around, her eyes unexpectedly met a figure standing next to Li Wenjian, tall and slender like a pine tree.
In the moment of eye contact, it felt like a vast distance separated them.
Zhao Heng stood still.
"Little Silang, weren't you going to give Sister A Heng the lamp?" Li Nanqi eagerly looked at the glass palm lamp in An Xuzhi's hand, it was truly beautiful, the size of a palm, with glass cover and inlaid with precious gemstones, truly enviable.
He should quickly give it to Sister A Heng, maybe she can play with it for a while.
The glass lamp in An Xu pzhi's hand fell to the ground with a crisp, echoing sound, attracting the attention of everyone in the hall.
The sound of the glass shattering brought Zhao Heng back to reality.
Her gaze shifted from An Xuzhi's surprised expression to his face, then slowly descending down, taking in his proud, slender neck, the gold-trimmed collar of his robe, the tassel of his jade pendant swaying at the waist...
And further down, his robe, his cloud boots, and the shattered pieces of glass at his feet.
Glass was fragile, and under the light of the lamp, the broken shards emitted dazzling light, sharp as a knife, blinding her momentarily.
Even if she was slow to react, she understood now.
Bai Yu was Little Silang.
She stood in the hall, feeling dreamlike, as if a piece of her heart had been cut out, leaving her feeling empty. A sour bitterness surged from deep within her like molten lava, forcing a faint smile as she greeted him, "Little Silang."
The silvery robe hung on him, although straight and tall, exuded a different kind of silent desolation.
An Xuzhi felt a sense of confusion at first, followed by a dizzying vertigo. The light from above cast his face in a ghostly white.
Under his feet, the shattered glass lamp seemed to emit a dense mist, shrouding everything, preventing him from seeing clearly or hearing anything.
Only her soft voice pierced through the thick fog and reached his soul.
He instinctively shook his head.
Surely he must have seen and heard wrong.
How could Sister A Heng be standing here, becoming the aunt he should respect and honor?
He wanted to brush away the fog to see her, so he took wide strides towards the direction where the voice came from.
But a voice in his heart coldly reminded him: Stop, you'll harm her by doing this! The Emperor, the Empress, and His Highness are in this hall, the An family is all here, they won't blame him, they'll only blame her!
The icy reminder was a sharp knife, picking at the flesh and blood in his heart, causing a piercing pain that constricted his every step.
In the end, he stopped five steps away from her.
His gaze gradually cleared, and under the lamplight, her gentle face slowly came into focus.
It felt like a towering mountain collapsing on him, weighing heavily on his spine, forcing him to bend deeply. He looked at her, into the flickering light in her eyes, the mist pooling in the corners of her eyes, and called out to her in a hoarse voice, "Aunt..."
Zhao Heng's gaze fell blankly on the embroidered bamboo patterns on his robe, feeling like fate was playing a cruel joke on her.
Her fingers slowly tightened, embracing the basket of flowers tightly, she walked to the side of the glass shards, softly saying, "Such a beautiful lamp, what a pity."
Turning to the maid, she instructed, "Clean this up."
An Xuzhi felt as if there were a thousand pounds on his feet, each step was immensely difficult as he finally made his way to his seat.
Madam Bai said, "Why are you so careless, breaking the lamp is not good."
An Xuzhi kept his eyes down, not responding, just nodding numbly.
Seeing him lost and confused, Madam Bai couldn't bring herself to scold him. She held back the words on her lips and rolled up her sleeves to pick up a piece of fish for him, "Come on, eat something quickly."
"Okay."
Zhao Heng sat down next to Li Wenjian and placed the flower basket in front of him.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" Li Wenjian turned to her, noticing her pale complexion.
Zhao Heng took a slow breath, raising her hand to touch her face, the icy sensation confirming to her that this was all real, not just a dream.
It felt brutally real.
"Perhaps I drank too much last night, and I haven't fully recovered today. I'll go rest when I get back." Zhao Heng said weakly.
As soon as she finished speaking, Li Wenjian's hand reached for her forehead, then he withdrew it, chuckling, "I never knew you were so delicate, getting drunk from just one bowl of wine. I won't let you drink anymore in the future."
Zhao Heng picked up a bowl of lamb soup in front of her and mechanically scooped it into her mouth with a spoon, eating expressionlessly, bite by bite.
Li Wenjian knew that she was not picky about food, but she disliked the gaminess of lamb milk and wasn't fond of lamb milk soup.
Yet she kept eating, almost finishing the entire bowl.
He quietly watched her as she accidentally knocked over a wine cup on the table, spilling the liquid down in a line, dripping onto her shoes and wetting the embroidered peony on the shoe's surface.
She remained unaware.
Li Wenjian said nothing, reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, gently reminding her, "Don't eat your hair."
An Xuzhi kept reminding himself not to look up.
He knew that some things couldn't be hidden and would sneak out through his eyes. But he couldn't help it, knowing that Zhao Heng was just a few steps away from him, he couldn't resist.
Through the layers of light, he saw Li Wenjian gently tucking her hair behind her ear.
At that moment, a thousand knots tangled in his heart, leaving him feeling hollow.
This meal, Zhao Heng didn't taste anything.
She quietly ate, and after the banquet dispersed, she politely sent off the guests. She appeared composed as usual, but no one knew the turmoil in her heart. She dared not look up, always seeing hallucinations of Bai Yu's silver-white robe flickering before her eyes.
But she knew, and she could even be sure, that he would not, he would keep his distance from her.
He understood what it meant to publicly acknowledge her at that moment.
He was so kind to her, he wouldn't allow himself to be in such a difficult situation.
Likely, this meal was just like herself, unable to taste anything.
Zhao Heng never expected that they would have another chance to meet. She thought that when they parted under the osmanthus tree, they had bid farewell for this lifetime, never to meet again.
If she had known, she should have said a proper goodbye that day.
Now, in this close proximity, they didn't even have the chance to speak a word.
She truly regretted it.
After the banquet dispersed, Zhao Heng and Li Wenjian returned to Chengmwzing Hall together.
She couldn't sleep, so she had Lin Mama light a lamp in the study, sitting quietly writing under the light.
Writing could usually help calm her down quickly, but today her heart was in turmoil, every stroke of the pen crooked and irregular.
Finally, she stopped writing, looking at the cluster of lights on the desk, her gaze blankly fixed on the flickering flame.
She didn't even notice the footsteps outside.
Li Wen Jian approached her desk, holding a pair of sleeping shoes, until his silent figure overshadowed her, only then did she return to reality, "Your Highness."
Li Wenjian crouched in front of her, placing the shoes by her feet, then reached out to grasp her right foot.
In a panic, Zhao Heng pulled her foot back, feeling the delicate ankle in his palm, and forcefully recoiled.
"What are you thinking about, so lost in thought?" Li Wenjian moved to take off her shoes.
After the damp shoes and socks were removed, she realized that her feet had been soaked and wrinkled by the spilled wine.
Without a towel, Li Wenjian used a clean sock to gently wipe her small, round toes.
His touch was light, the palm of his hand slightly warm, and Zhao Heng felt a faint tingling sensation in her foot in his palm.
Her toes curled slightly.
After drying the water stains, Li Wenjian helped her put the shoes back on, then looked into her eyes calmly before whispering, "Speak."
"What do you mean?" Zhao Heng raised her head in surprise, her voice tinged with a hint of panic.
After a moment of silence, Li Wen Jian spoke slowly, "Speak about the story you haven't fully shared."
"Your story with Little Silang."
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Author's note:
Little Ning: I'm so sad...
Little An: I'm so sad...
Little Li: I'm so sad...
Little Zhao: I'm so sad...
Little Ba: I'm also so sad... *sobbing*