The half Xanax Cassie gave me really knocked me on my ass. When I woke up it was like 2am in the morning and I was asleep alone on the couch. Slowly I made my way to the kitchen and it felt like my head was in a fog. If it wasn't for a copy of the order of protection sitting on the kitchen table, I would have thought it was all a bad dream. But it wasn't, I'm now living my worst nightmare.
I tried to push it from my mind as I warmed up some left over pizza that was sitting on the table. After I finished a few slices my mind started to really fog again so I chugged some more water, used the bathroom and retired to my bed for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is a day game so I set an alarm for 10am to make sure I'm awake with enough time to get to the ice. I barely was able to make sure the alarm was set before I was out again.
The next morning I woke up to my alarm going off. It took me a while to be able to get out of bed, the effects of the Xanax still present. When I was finally able to get my feet under me I walked into the living room and found Travis and Cassie sitting on the couch. They were both sipping some coffee while watching something on the TV. I was trying to get past them unnoticed but I hit the doorframe on my way out of the bedroom and their heads turned to me.
"How are you feeling?" Cassie asked as I walked over to them and sat in the middle of them on the couch.
"Like my head is in a fog, seriously how do you take a full pill?" I asked and leaned my head on her shoulder. Feelings be damned.
"A story for another day, Travis brought you a coffee. Also your mom called and said she managed to get out on an earlier flight so she will be here in a few hours." Cassie said and handed me the coffee cup.
"Also your coach called, he said he expects you to be in the stands cheering the team on before you go pick up your mom." Travis said.
"There's no way he will let me play today?" I asked deflated and took a few sips of the coffee.
"No, he doesn't want to run the risk of you getting drug tested and it coming back positive for the drug you're not supposed to be taking." Travis said and I sighed.
"What time is my mom's flight getting in?" I asked wanting to change the subject.
"We need to leave for the airport around five with your moms flight scheduled to land a little after five. The airport is only 15 minutes from campus." Cassie said.
"What time are you leaving for your game?" I asked Travis.
"You're stuck with me all day; we are playing after your team so I don't have to be at the rink till later." Travis informed.
I didn't say anything but just continued to sip the lukewarm coffee, I didn't have the heart to say it wasn't hot anymore. I just continued to sit on the couch sandwiched between my best friend and my roommate. Nobody really spoke, there was nothing else that really needed to be said, after I finished my coffee, Travis pushed me to eat the omelet he made. After it was gone Cassie moved the blanket she was using to cover my legs as well and I leaned into her. Her arm wrapped around my shoulder really letting me lean into her. Only a few seconds of leaning on her, Cassie started to run her fingers through the base of my head and I could only relax further into her. Hunger sated and nothing else to do for now, it didn't take long for my eyes to drop and I ended up asleep again.
When I woke up again it was to Cassie rubbing my shoulders. It took a few seconds for me to really wake up but when I did, it felt like the fog lifted more than before. That's when I noticed that I was looking up at Cassie, while I was asleep they must have moved me and my head is resting in Cassies lap. I was going to get up quickly when Cassie put her hand on my chest to stop me from moving.
"Getting up to fast will make your head spin. We wanted to wake you up because it was getting closer to game time." Cassie said quietly. I didn't say anything but just tracked her eyes. Her green eyes were still concerned but isn't as much as it was last night. I eventually nodded and slowly sat up on the couch. Travis wasn't on the couch when I righted myself and I was happy he wasn't as I have no doubts there is a blush on my cheeks.
Once I got up I went to the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face to try and push myself out of the medicated fog. After drying off I ran a brush through my hair and put it in a low bun before I walked to the bedroom to change. I slipped on my woman's hockey sweatshirt and a pair of jeans then grabbed my hat on the way out of the door. Cassie and Travis were waiting for me when I was done and Travis handed me a sandwich to eat. Even though eating was the last thing I wanted to do, I managed to get the sandwich down on the drive to the rink.
Since we are most likely leaving straight from the game to go to the airport, Cassie drove us. When we got to the rink I saw that there were a lot of people already in the stands. The rink manager saw me walk up and let us in without charging us for tickets. Travis took Cassie up to the stands to find a seat while I went to the locker room.
My stomach is in knots. I didn't know what coach told the team about why I wasn't playing today and I didn't know if I wanted to reopen the wound again and tell them. Everything was still to fresh in my mind. I felt like I was back in the house again, like I was just waking up from hitting the table. Clenching my jaw, I rushed to the bathroom and ended up throwing up the sandwich I had on the way over. After it was out of my system my stomach started to settle a little bit. I was happy I remembered to take a pack of gum with me before we left the dorm and I stuck a piece in my mouth.
Once I took a few more deep breathes, I left the bathroom and finished the familiar walk to the locker room. I scanned my key fob and waited to see the green lights appear before I pulled open the door. When I walked down the hall into the locker room I saw the girls are all dressed already, wearing the home reds and I sighed, wishing I could be wearing my own.
It took the team a few seconds to notice me lurking in the doorway. Our goalie Nicole saw me first and she nodded to Lilly who was standing next to her and then all the girls turned my way. When my eyes scanned the locker room, that's when I noticed they were all wearing my eye black. I spent the last 24 hours crying more than I had in a long time, so I thought I was cried out by now but I was wrong. I tried to keep my tears in but once I saw that my line mates have my number 21 written in black on their cheeks the floodgates opened again and I had a hard time holding in the sob.
Toni came over to me first and pulled me into her for a hug. Becca followed and soon the whole team was around me and I felt all the love, there love for me. One of the biggest differences I have I noticed is that playing with other woman they get the emotional toll life takes, while when playing with the guys it was more of a surface level understanding. When we broke apart I walked into the center of the room and just looked around at everyone.
"The last 24 hours have sucked but walking in right now and seeing you all like this made it a bit easier. Just because I'm not on the ice with you all today doesn't mean anything. You guys are here to win and show the other team no mercy. I want a win today and I won't take anything less." I said.
"Gather around ladies." Megan said and all of my teammates came together in a circle and put their hands in. "Win on three, one, two, three, win!"
"WIN!" The whole team yelled back. Nicole led the team out onto the ice while Coach Decker stayed behind.
"We had a team meeting before practice about your absence for today's game. I didn't think it was my place to tell them what was going on in your personal life but they wouldn't gear up for the game unless I told them so I do want to apologize for that. I just told them the brief version of the story and tried not to go into to many details. If you need anything please don't hesitate to give me a call or come down to the house any time." Coach said.
"Thanks coach." I said and tried to push the tears away again.
"No problem. I do have an extra sling here from Marissa if you want to wear it in the stands so people don't question why you aren't on the ice." Coach said and pulled it out of his pocket.
"That'll probably be best." I said and took the sling from him. I put it on and watched coach walk out to the bench. I stayed behind for a few minutes, standing in the tunnel, not being able to be seen by anyone outside. I stood in place and watched the team started to warm up only wishing I was out there with them. As the time on warm ups started get closer to game time, I turned and left the locker room and found Travis and Cassie sitting middle ice with the guys team. They all came out to watch our game before they needed to go get ready for their own.
When I got there Cassie got up from her seat next to Travis and nodded upwards. I followed her lead and we sat behind the guys team further up in the stands, away from a lot of the fans in the arena.
"How'd it go?" Cassie asked after we settled.
"As good as it was going to. Have the guys been making comments?" I asked.
"No they haven't and if they did Travis would have shut them down quickly. The sling was a nice touch." Cassie said and poked at it with her finger.
I gave her a smile and let her know it was all coaches idea. We didn't talk for too much longer as the national anthem was played and the game started. My team looked off as the first period got under way. They had to shuffle the lines with me not playing and it took them most of the first period to find their feet. My absence was noticeable as Becca would send passes where I would have been if I was on the ice. The first period came to a close and I was confident that my team will come out stronger next period now that they worked out who would play in my spot while I was out.
Stronger was an understatement. They opened the scoring two minutes into the second period and a smile found my lips. It only took another 4 minutes before Becca light the lamp and bumped the score to 2-0. Things settled for a little bit before the other team managed to get a shot past Nicole making the score 2-1. Just before the period was ending Megan managed to get a breakaway chance and buried a shot into the net.
When the girls went back into the locker room for the second intermission I went down to the locker room to cheer them on. I got them hyped up during the intermission and had them super pumped for when they returned to the ice for the third period. I followed behind coach and watched them from the bench for a few minutes. Just as I was leaving the bench Toni scored and I had to be there for the cellie. I jumped on the bench and yelled out for her and she pointed at me.
"That one was for you!" Toni yelled as she hopped over the boards and I got off the bench. I didn't stay too much longer as it was getting close to the time we needed to go so I said a quick goodbye to coach and left ice level.
Just as I was going to go back up to Cassie in the stands I saw her waiting just outside the locker room waiting for me. I gave her a smile and she got off the wall she was leaning on and walked over to me.
"We need to head out, are you ready?" She asked.
"When you are." I said.
Cassie and I left the rink right after that. The drive didn't take long and soon we were waiting just outside the terminal. I took the sling off and hopped out of the passenger seat after I got a text from mom saying that she just got off the plane. Cassie stayed in the car as I walked into the terminal to wait for my mom. I sent her a text to let her know I was waiting inside and checked the board of new arrivals. I saw her flight number and checked my phone again to see if I got a new text.
"McKenna" I heard my mom's voice and turned around.
Standing behind me with a duffle bag around her shoulders is my mom. Once I saw her my eyes started to water and it only took her another second before I was wrapped in her arms. A round of tears came from my eyes as my mom tried to calm me down. We ended up holding onto each other for a few more minutes before she pulled away and wiped my face.
"We should get back to your dorm room Mac" Mom said as she wiped away a few of her own tears.
I just nodded and took her hand in mine to lead her out of the terminal. Cassie was waiting for us when we got there and I climbed into the back taking my mom's bag with me while she took the passenger seat. As Cassie pulled away from the curb, I reached my hand up through the center console and my mom intertwined our fingers. Once I took her hand I let out a sigh and rested my forehead against the back of the passenger seat.
Having my mom here is finally bringing some relief to my anxiety. To know she is safe and away from Boston and any potential risk of my father coming after her makes me feel like I can finally relax. It didn't take long for Cassie to get us back to the dorm. After we got out I looked at Cassie.
"Aren't you coming?" I asked.
"I'm going to head back to the rink and catch some of Chads game. I'll be back later tonight." Cassie answered.
"This is your dorm room too Cassie, I'm not going to let my fucked up situation make you feel unwelcome in your own room." I said.
"You're not McKenna, I'll see you guys later. Go spend some time with your mom." Cassie said and smiled. It was the first time since I came home yesterday that she didn't look worried around me.
I just gave her a small smile and closed the passenger door. I watched Cassie pull out of the parking lot again before mom and I went into the dorm building.
"So what's going on?" I asked after mom put her bag down.
"Apparently he has been on his best behavior and the judge approved the request made by his lawyers for parole. But the judge also made the temporary order of protection permanent. It was one of the few conditions of his early release. He is under strict house arrest where he is monitored by an electronic ankle monitor and he is only allowed to leave his apartment to go to meetings with his parole officer. The courts also put a tracking device in his car to monitor the drives. If he comes anywhere near us he will be picked up and be sent back to prison." Mom said after she took a seat on the couch.
"The court does realize that he is a drunk ex-cop who beat his ex-wife and child?" I asked suddenly furious at the situation.
"Hence the permanent order of protection. If he shows up at any of your game's, call the police and he'll be arrested. I brought a few more official copies of the order so just keep one with you. McKenna, this actually happened in the middle of the week and he hasn't been seen. He doesn't live in the same neighbor as we do anymore. Once I found out he was release I packed a bag and have been staying in Dawns basement apartment with Frank. I'll probably stay there for a bit to let things settle before I go back home." Mom answered.
"I don't understand how you are so calm about this." I said and paced in front of the coffee table.
"McKenna" Mom said suddenly blocking my path. She put her hands on my shoulders and forced me to sit next to her on the couch. "You can't let him control your life like this. What he did is in the past. I know you will never forget it, or the pain it caused you. I know it still haunts you and gives you nightmares but he hasn't left his house. Malcolm is keeping tabs on everything that comes out of his parole meetings. I know it's the last thing you want to hear but you can't let him being out of prison control you."
Mom is right. Deep down I know she is right. I came here to Wisconsin to play with the number one ranked women's ice hockey program. Because of my father, I just missed today's game and will sit out again tomorrow. My father already cost me my junior year playing season in high school, I can't let him do it again. The fear of having him out of prison will never go away and it will be something that I need to learn to live with. This isn't me. I can't live in fear of something that could possibly never even happen. The right people around me know about what happened with my father and I know they will be able to help me if something comes up.
I took a few deep breathes and tried to let it go and enjoy the fact that mom is here with me. I settled into the couch some more and moved closer to her. I think mom read my mind because she threw her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes when I heard a sigh come from my mom. I turned my head a bit to look at her.
"I just wanted to say, Cassie was really worried about you when she called me. Is there something going on there?" Mom asked.
"There isn't anything going on, we are just friends." I said trying to ignore my growing feelings from coming to the surface.
"You know it's okay for you to fall in love again. I know things with Bri didn't end well because of everything that happened with your father but everything is different now." Mom went on to add.
I sucked in a breath when I heard my ex-girlfriends name and tried to push those feelings aside. Just when I thought I had my emotions under control, mom said something else that brought them right back up. Maybe having mom come out to visit wasn't the best idea.
a/n: song on the side is called Agape by Bear's Den. How do we like Felicia? i'm excited to have her pop in for this chapter and the next one. we will get to see her again later in the book but for now it's just a little piece of the bond between mother daughter and everything they have been through in the home life they had.