Chapter 23: 23

Word Count: 2453

~Hunter

I step into Kaan's room, looking around.

Last time I was in this room, I was pressed against the wall and he was on his knees in front of me.

I press away the thought as I step toward his bed. This room is beautifully simple, although it seems so perfectly Kaan.

He makes it to the door moments later, rupturing my thoughts.

He pauses in the doorway, eyes widening at the sight of me perched on the edge of his bed.

"Hunter..." he drifts off, like he doesn't quite know what to say.

"Sorry, am I not allowed in here?" I stand up. It's late, and I realise I may be intruding. We haven't exactly had a good stream of conversation recently.

Especially not since the night at his grandmother's place...

"Of course you are." He sobers from his surprise, but not his wariness as he presses the door closed. "Whenever you like."

I smile tightly. This is probably a mistake. Being alone with him in a room has only proven to lead to some serious problems.

"Thanks for sticking up for me." I rub my arm.

"Was I not supposed to?"

He gives me a long look, passing me to sit on the bed himself. I back away a few steps, putting some distance between us. I just came here to thank him, not to spend the night tangled up in the covers with him.

I just wish he didn't look so mouth watering tonight.

He still looks jumped up on his anger from minutes ago. His muscles are taut and his eyes are dark and brooding. He doesn't just look beautiful, he looks...sexy.

"No...I appreciate it. Honestly." I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I didn't actually mean for him to come up to your room to seduce you. Had he actually done so, I would have kicked his ass," he explains, rubbing the back of his neck.

I smile a little. "Thank you, Kaan..."

Shifting uncomfortable, I search for anything in my mind to break the tension. There are so many unsaid words between us.

"Are we really going to have to consummate the marriage?" I blurt out.

His eyes widen and he shakes his head fervently. "No. I would never force you."

I know we are mates, and this is a normal tradition, but knowing our marriage is in a week, and I barely even know Kaan is terrifying. Marriage is a title, it's an obligation, but it doesn't have to go as deep as sleeping together does.

"They will expect it though, won't they?" I fight the urge to chew on my nails anxiously. I really need to kick that habit.

"Sure. But I don't care." Kaan shrugs, his eyes a storm of residual anger. "I'm the Alpha. What I say goes."

I nod. I wish he had that stance about everything, and didn't let his parents make so many decisions about his future. I mean, if he really had a say over his life, he wouldn't be marrying.

Kaan clears his throat, pinning me with his stare. "Unless this is you insinuating that you want it..."

"No! Ah, I mean, that's not what I meant," I stammer to add, grimacing.

Why can I never say the right thing around him? Before I couldn't care less, because I've hated everything about him until...well, recently.

I'm not sure what has changed, but my anger toward him for causing this injury is melting away into something unknown.

"Doesn't matter though, right? You're still planning on running away," he mutters.

"How-"

"I figured. You're running from something, and marrying me would keep you here, which is the last place you want to be." He swallows tightly, looking away. Part of him seems saddened by that.

"Marriage is a big commitment. Especially for Alpha's," I remind him.

His expression doesn't shift. "So is a mate bond."

I look down at my feet. I've been trying to forget that part of all this. Leaving him will be hard...harder than it was to leave my last fiance.

But so will losing everything I care about.

"I still feel terrible, Kaan. The medicine the nurse gives me every morning is the only thing that takes away the pain. And by nightfall, I'm back to having little mobility," I say in one breath.

Even now there is a persistent, raw ache in my back that has only gotten worse. The fact that I managed to get up the stairs is a miracle, and now I'm wishing I had the confidence to sit next to him on the bed.

His eyes soften. "You're still in pain?"

"I'm not getting any better."

I've made absolutely no progress in healing. The nurses are as confused as I am, with some concluding I may never see full mobility ever again. If I weren't so desperate to escape, then I wouldn't be so upset.

"Lie down, I may have something that will help." Kaan stands, gesturing at the bed.

I hesitate, narrowing my eyes.

"It's not what I think it is, is it?"

My mind flashes back to the night all those weeks ago when I was pressed against the wall, ready to agree to something I wouldn't have been able to come back from.

I sultry smile touches his lips. "No. Lie down."

This is probably a bad idea, but I lay down on the bed as he instructs. The covers smell like him, like something rich and masculine.

Kaan comes up behind me, straddling the backs of my thighs. I stiffen as he slowly peels the straps of my dress off my shoulders before pulling it all the way down until my back is revealed.

Despite it being late into the night, it's warm in here, or maybe it's me that's so hot. Kaan seems to have that effect on me.

Thankfully my bare breasts are covered from him, pressing into the bed. So is my face, which is flushed bright hot.

I can't tell which I would rather her not see...

His fingertips brush along the line of my spine. I flinch at the touch, at the soft smattering of sparks that flood over the surface of my skin.

He laughs roughly under his breath. "Touchy, aren't you?"

"I'm just not used to the spark yet," I murmur.

His fingers continue downward, and I can feel his eyes on the wound. His touch pauses, hovering just above my skin. I have to resist a sinful, evil part of me that wants to arch up slightly to get his hands back on me.

I can practically feel the guilt emanating from him. I haven't seen the wound, of course, so I'm not sure how bad it looks, but considering how painful it is, I don't think it's very nice for him to look at.

He clears his throat. "Is that why you freaked out on me the other night?"

"No...I don't know." I grimace. I can hear the smile in his voice. He probably thinks I'm insane, or there is something wrong with me for jumping off him so abruptly.

"The more I touch you, the better it will feel," he assures me, resting his palms on my back.

I let out a breath, forcing myself to relax. His fingers start to knead into the muscles of my back. I nearly let out a groan of pleasure, my back so tight from favouring my right leg, which took the brunt of issues.

"This should relax your muscles," he breathes.

His fingers work around my neck and down, concentrating on the muscle close to my spine. It's painful in the sweetest way.

"You don't have to do this for me." I have no plans of telling him to stop.

"I want to. It may help your mobility." His voice has dropped to a deeper, almost sultry tone.

Letting out a long breath, I try not to get too wrapped up in how good it feels to have him drawing his hands over my skin, pressing into my back with careful but firm precision.

"If my mobility comes back, I'll be able to escape sooner," I remind him.

"I'm hoping you won't. Not because you physically can't, but because you chose to stay and get to know me," he murmurs softly.

He digs his fingers into an especially tender spot and I let out an involuntary breathy moan.

Kaan stiffens, his fingers pausing. The silence stretches out, long and tense.

"It's getting harder to resist you," he lets out. "It's getting harder to think about anything other than you."

His admission stuns me. He quietly resumes massaging me while I consider what he's said. This is the first time he has spoken in such a vulnerable way. The Alpha façade has dropped leaving only Kaan in its place.

A man I still don't know.

"How can you say that?" I whisper. "You hate me."

"You know I don't hate you." He shifts from his fingers to the heel of his palms, rolling them over the muscle adeptly. "It is your feelings for me that must be reconciled."

My eyes flutter closed. He's right, it is my feelings that are the problem. It's hard living in constant pain, of having something as simple as walking normally taken from me without holding onto some resentment.

Yet, it goes deeper than that. I've grown up around monsters, around people like Kaan's family who have wanted me to conform when I haven't wanted to.

The thought of staying here, of playing into someone else's fantasy frightens me.

And so does being caught and dragged back to a man far worse than Kaan...At least my mate is thoughtful, gentle and won't harm me now.

"You shot me in the back. I don't think it's unreasonable that I'm still deciding whether you're worth trusting," I say, trying to add a lilt of humour to my tone.

"That's not why you don't like me. Or, you don't want to admit that you like me, and are trying to convince yourself not to." I can feel him shaking his head.

"There is so much you don't know," I breathe.

I wish I could tell him. I wish I could trust that he wouldn't use the information in the wrong way, even unconsciously. There is too much at stake, so I must suffer now to preserve my future.

"Then tell me, Hunter." Despite his plea, his hands remain slow and steady as they massage me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I can't."

He shifts his hands to my hips, rolling me onto the back so I'm underneath him. I immediately wrap my arms around my chest, covering my breasts as best as possible.

That doesn't seem to be his focus as he leans forward, holding either side of my face in a firm grip so I'm forced to look into his verdant green eyes.

"Stay...Marry me," he insists.

I shake my head as much as possible amongst his grasp. "Kaan..."

"I just want to know you'll stay. That you will give it a chance." His dark hair falls over his eyes, which are swirling with desperation.

He doesn't want to be parted from his mate, which is nothing he can be blamed for. I don't want to have to lie to him, but any other alternative has terrible consequences.

"Okay. I will." The lie tastes miserable in my mouth.

His hand grips my jaw, shaking my head a little. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

I squirm underneath him, seeking an escape, but his body is too large, too strong. His legs pin me, giving me a glimpse into a situation that could be completely different if I just reared up and pressed my lips to his.

"If you run, I will stop at nothing until you're found." His gaze dips down to my lips like he can read my mind.

"I may not have much success running, but I think I'm pretty good at hiding," I bite out, glaring back at him in hopes that I at least somewhat match his intensity.

There is so much I want to say to him. Words that are not actually meant for him, but the man I left behind.

"No more hiding." Kaan's hand glides from my jaw and into my hair. "No more running."

It sounds like a tempting proposition, but one I'm not sure I can ever commit to.

"I'll think about it."

His gaze doesn't soften, and he makes no move to get off me. Instead, he just stares me down, like he is trying to get into my head, to reveal the secrets he knows I'm keeping from him.

I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want to kiss him, to feel those hands all over me again.

Lifting my head, I aim for his mouth, knowing that once I kiss him, there is a chance this goes further than I'm ready for. Against my better judgement though, I want it.

I want him.

My lips barely brush against his before he leans back, letting me go.

His rejection immediately cools any heat gathering in my body. Not once do his eyes stray from mine, even as I realise my arms have fallen away from my bare chest.

"You can have any part of me you desire, Hunter, when I know you're staying."

He hops off me, standing straight. I immediately scramble to pull the straps of my dress over my shoulders again, my blushing not from the pleasure of his hands anymore, but from the string of rejection.

"I'm sorry. You're right," I stammer awkwardly.

He grabs my forearm before I can race past him, pulling me close so he can lean closer. "Please consider staying. You have no idea how worth it I'll make it for you."

Something twists in my stomach, my heart racing.

I nod numbly, because I'm not quite sure what else to do, before I rush out the door.

The relief in my back from his massage is no consolation, overpowered by my embarrassment.

Since when did Alpha's have such honour? I wanted to tear his clothes off.

I shake my head as I walk back to my room, replaying his last words to me. There is no doubt within me that he could deliver on his promise to make staying worth it.

I just hope I make the right decision.

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