~Donât screw this up.~
That was easier said than done.
Especially when he was aware of two people listening in, waiting for him to slip up. Julian had been honest with Maya: he had no clue who he was.
Perhaps this was his opportunity to discover.
He was also desperate to learn something, ~anything~, about himself.
He entered the room with a rigid stride, immediately spotting Willow gazing out the window.
Julian hadnât really looked at her when they were all together; he had a feeling Maya would have clawed his eyes out if he had.
Now, with no one watching, he tried to get a better look, half hoping it might spark a memory. He genuinely had no idea who she was.
Maybe if she turned around and looked at him, it might help, butâ¦
No, she continued to stare out the window, like a bird trapped in a cage.
âWhy do I find it hard to believe they let you in here unsupervised?â she asked, her head tilting forward.
âThey donât see you as a threat.â
She laughed lightly. âYouâre going to need a better story than that, Julian.â
It was a tricky situation. She held the keys to his past, but he couldnât trust her. Not because he feared she might betray him, but because he didnât know who he used to be.
Was he a good person? A bad one?
Who was to blame for all the bloodshed, all the deaths? And for his injuries?
âThereâs a lot of shit going down. No one knows whatâs going on, so it seems like youâre the best bet,â he replied.
Finally, she turned to face him, and the deep sadness in her eyes threw him off balance for a moment. âYou really donât remember.â
Julian shook his head. âNo, I donât.â
âHow did you remember your name?â
âMaya helped me.â
âYour mate,â she said, her lips pursing.
Julian had a hunch that Maya could hear Willowâs tone through the phone without any trouble. They had a connection. Something intimate.
He could sense that, but she had mentioned they were from the same pack. He chose to believe that was the reason for the sensation in his chest.
But it wasnât.
Willow looked at him as if he had broken her heart into a thousand pieces. It was difficult to feel guilty when he couldnât remember her.
âI was so scared when I woke up alone. I thought âif I can find Julian, everything will be okay.ââ She sighed. âGuess I was wrong.â Her voice wavered with unshed tears.
Willow leaned against the wall, her shoulders sagging as she rubbed her hand over her chest. He wanted to remember. He wished he could.
There was a desire within him to comfort her.
But he couldnât act on it.
Especially not with Maya listening in.
âYou really donât know anything else?â he asked.
She shook her head, pulling her limbs closer to her body.
âJulian, if I knew more, I would tell you. Our pack had never been attacked before. We were so small. No one really paid us any mind.â
That statement alone was a hit to his pride, but he shrugged it off. The concept of a small pack didnât sit well with him, but he couldnât argue.
It went against his nature to hold himself back. Why did he do it? Besides the lame excuse he had apparently given her.
âHow did we meet?â
Willowâs throat moved as a faint smile crossed her lips. She hugged herself tightly, her fingers digging into the bare skin of her arms.
âIt was a few years ago.â Her chin lifted as she met his gaze, and he saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
âI was on a suicide mission after my mate was killed by another pack. I was attacking every wolf I encountered. You were the first one to talk sense into me.â
âHow did I do that?â The question slipped out before he could think it through. This wasnât the topic he was supposed to be discussing, but he couldnât help himself.
Helping someone dealing with loss... that seemed like a good thing, right?
Willow moved toward him, her arms dropping to her sides. She reached out a shaking hand toward him, her eyes locked on his face.
It felt like she was silently asking for permission to touch him.
He shouldnât let her.
Yet he didnât move, didnât speak. So she took it as a yes and grasped his forearm. âI didnât want to be weak. I didnât want to cry.â
Her touch didnât set off any warning signals or send his senses into overdrive. Instead, he found himself drawn to it.
There was a calming sensation, a warmth, that came with her touch. He knew he shouldnât feel this way, especially not with Maya close by, but...
He and Willow had once been more than just members of the same pack. Julian was certain of that.
âYou taught me it was okay to feel, okay to grieve. Youâd been through it before with your own family.â
Julianâs heart felt like it was breaking, a deep-seated pain tearing at his core. His family. People he couldnât recall, yet his throat tightened, fear welling up inside him.
âMy family?â
She nodded. âI donât know the details. You never shared them with me. I just know theyâre gone and you missed them. A lot.â
Could that be linked to his current situation? Was that why he kept his pack small? How could he understand anything when he couldnât recall his own past?
He didnât want to depend on fragmented memories. He wanted to remember on his own.
âDid I only say they were gone?â
âThey were killed. But I donât know who did it. Maybe another packâ¦â Her voice trailed off, her hand dropping to intertwine their fingers. She let out a slow sigh.
~Killed.~
By the same person who had tried to kill him? The one leaving a trail of corpses in their wake? There was no way for him to know. How could he? He simply couldnât.
Was this how he got caught up in all this? Seeking vengeance?
He would prefer that explanationâit would simplify things. Especially with Maya.
âI understand.â
Willow laughed softly, shaking her head as she looked away from him. He watched as she hugged herself tighter, a trace of sorrow on her face.
âWhat?â
She shrugged, avoiding his gaze. âYouâre not the same as before.â Her fingers absentmindedly traced the bare skin of her arm, her eyes dropping to the floor.
âItâs oddâfor me. To remember I need to keep my distance from you.â
What could he say to that? Should he apologize? He couldnât. Even if he hadnât lost his memories, she understood the importance of finding a mate.
Whatever bond they had, she must have known it would end once he found his mate.
This outcome was always a possibility, regardless of the unusual circumstances they were in.
But maybe it was harder for her because he didnât care. He didnât even know her. Julian couldnât give her a proper farewell to cleanly cut their ties.
âIâm sorry,â he said, almost cringing as the words left his mouth. He could already imagine the lecture he would get from Maya for that response.
She nodded, her arms falling to her sides. âDo you mind if Iâ¦I think I need some time. Alone.â
Julian hadnât learned much from their conversation. He couldnât say for sure whether she knew more or not.
But he didnât sense any dishonesty from her. She was clearly upset and wanted him to leave.
So he nodded.
He would have to try talking to her again later.