Chapter 34: New Normal

“Nurse Maya, at your service!”

Olivia clutched her elbows, her shoulders hunching inwards.

She had been expecting Alexander to return with the medical supplies. But before she could voice her surprise, the door swung open and Maya breezed in. Her smile was plastered on, but Olivia could see the strain behind it.

Her lips were twitching at the corners, and the grin seemed too broad.

With her hands full, balancing bandages between her chin and chest, Maya nudged the door shut with her foot.

She strode towards the bed, then spread her arms, letting the supplies tumble onto the mattress. “Alex mentioned you had a few minor injuries.”

“I thought—” ~Oh, great~. How could she phrase it without sounding…needy?

Maya nodded.

“He was going to, but I volunteered.” She let out a sigh. “You know I don’t mince words, Livy. He was pretty damn upset when he came downstairs.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to upset him. It’s just—”

“It’s been overwhelming? I get it. That’s why I thought it might be easier if you were awkward with ~me~ instead. Plus, it gives that big lug some time to cool down.”

Maya was fearless. It was perhaps easier to confide in her. She wasn’t Olivia’s ~mate~.

God. Had it been this way the whole time?

“Just so you know, I’ve been telling him to come clean with you for ages.”

“You knew?”

She nodded. “Before you get mad at me, it wasn’t my place to tell you. Even if I wanted to.”

“It makes sense now why he wanted me to join…”

“It’s been tough on him. I’m not saying things haven’t been messed up for you but… Let’s be real. Until you saw what a jerk that guy was, you kept choosing him over Alex.

“He had to deal with his mate preferring another man over him. That wasn’t easy. ~But hey~, at least he didn’t go psycho on you, right?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Okay, he did a few questionable things, but luckily for us, that beta set the bar pretty low, so.”

Ouch. So Alexander had spilled their little chat to Maya. Olivia probably had that coming.

It wasn’t like she had intended to suggest he wouldn’t hurt her. Her thoughts were a mess, her heart was heavy, and her mind—her mind couldn’t make sense of anything anymore.

“I never thought Will could hurt me.”

“Olivia. He was a jerk who hurt you, it doesn’t mean everyone is out to get you.”

“I know.”

Despite the fog of pain and confusion, she was aware enough to realize that all this time, she’d placed her trust in the wrong person.

She’d been distant with Alexander, she hadn’t always trusted the pack... but they had stood by her, ~he~ had stood by her. Meanwhile, Will had hurt her, used her, deceived her...

The rational part of her understood that.

But the sting of the betrayal was still raw. It made her say things that weren’t logical, but the pain was too much.

“Turn around and lift your shirt.”

Olivia complied, turning and raising her shirt enough to reveal her back. She knew there were injuries there, but she’d managed to block out most of the physical pain.

However, when Maya started cleaning the wounds, she couldn’t help but wince. ~Damn it~.

“So,” she gritted out through clenched teeth. “What does it mean, that we’re mates? We’re destined to be together? We don’t have a choice, a say?”

“Pretty much. It’s hard for you to understand because you can’t feel it. If you could, you wouldn’t—you’d want this too.”

“Will I? Feel it?”

“You should... eventually. If you start being who you are. Instead of who you used to be.”

Every new aspect of her had been branded as monstrous. She’d been locked away, and she’d ignored it as much as she could. If she hadn’t done that, she might have seen through Will’s charade.

And then she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t have done any of this.

“How do I do that?”

“What?”

“How do I let go?”

“Embrace who you are now, Liv. It’s the only way. It should be easier now that you’re here...,” she said, her voice trailing off as she stopped moving.

“It’s okay... I... I didn’t really believe I could return.”

Will had made it. She had no idea where he was.

She should inquire, but at the moment, she didn’t want to ponder about him. It made her stomach twist.

If Alexander was running the show, she was certain that Will wouldn’t be able to get close to her.

But what if he was released? And what about Jess? And the blood? The screams? She couldn’t resume her life from where she had left off. Especially if Will vanished or died. She couldn’t be completely alone.

Her previous life was over.

And ~packed away~.

Besides, where else could she go?

“Is it... is it okay if I stay here?”

Maya seized her shoulders, turning her so they were face to face. “Gosh, I don’t know. Do you think Alex would want it any other way?”

Right. He wouldn’t want her to go. She was his ~mate~. That term was still a lot for her to digest. “What if I never experience it? Whatever he’s feeling?”

“You ~could~ give him a chance.” She placed a hand on her head, messing up her hair. “Just take it easy. One day at a time. First, you need to get past this fucked up situation.

“But don’t obsess over it. Don’t let that asshole ruin your life more than he already has. And don’t let him ruin your opportunity with a decent guy.”

She reclined on the bed. “But ~remember~. It’s a lot more serious for him than it is for you. So don’t—don’t toy with his emotions.”

She had suppressed so much of that part of her that she didn’t know how she’d even bring it out. And Maya was right. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Alexander.

She knew all too well how it felt to be on the receiving end of unrequited love and she didn’t want to do that to him. He’d been there for her.

“So neither of us gets a choice. We’re just mates.”

Maya threw her head back, clearly fighting the urge to roll her eyes. “Again. You—you can’t ~feel~ it. If you could, you wouldn’t phrase it like that.”

“Well, I don’t feel it. I feel like crap. I was used, lied to, bitten, and now ~again~ I lose my home, my everything. Can’t return to my life, can’t return to my job…”

“Liv, you weren’t meant to have it both ways. You’re not supposed to be a wolf and a human. I understand, it’s tough. But in our world, you’re either on your own in the wilderness, or you’re part of a pack.

“You can’t pretend to be human like you pretend to play house. It’s just not possible. What would you have done if the chains had broken one day? Who’d ~lock~ you up now?

“What, you’ll wander freely when you can’t even control your wolf? You can’t have your old life. But you can learn to live this new one.”

She had spent a lot of time pretending that nothing in her life had changed. Will had taken so much from her, and although it had allowed her to continue living a somewhat human life, she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing.

Now that the ground had been pulled out from under her, she was more unprepared than ever. She remembered trying to have both, and now she couldn’t.

“If I’m so uncontrollable, what’s going to happen here?”

Maya grinned.

“Alex.”

“Alex?”

“~You~ might not be accustomed to the rules, you might not be governed by your instincts, but your wolf is. Trust me, when an alpha commands you to stay put, ~you stay put~. You won’t do anything without his approval.

“How do you think we keep the cubs in check?”

It made sense. Sure, the others were older, more experienced, but kids, whether they were human or not, were always a bit reckless.

They didn’t harm humans.

Alexander wouldn’t let her hurt anyone. She’d be lying if she said she liked the idea of being at his mercy, but if it meant everyone was safe, she could live with that.

“So, what’s my next move?”

“You let yourself feel.”

“I do what?”

“Tonight, you let it all out. Cry, mourn, do what you need to do. Then, you pick yourself up and move forward.”

“Just like that?”

“You don’t have a choice.”

Even though it felt like an insurmountable task, she knew Maya was right. What else could she do?

Lock herself in Alexander’s room and cry until she fell asleep? That wouldn’t change anything. She wouldn’t suddenly become human again.

She couldn’t erase her history with Will. Logically, she understood this.

But that didn’t mean it would be easy. It didn’t mean she’d wake up tomorrow feeling like her old self.

She’d worry about tomorrow when it came.

For now, she needed to let herself feel the pain.