I woke up at around 10AM, Riley was asleep next to me. I really owe her an apology, she's had to take care of me for the last two days and hasn't really had time for herself. She did, at least, get into something more comfortable before falling asleep after she had to confort me for losing my wedding ring.
I got in the shower and cried again. This felt so out of proportion, I knew that, but there was something so deep about losing that ring. So... definitive. When I got out, Riley was already up and eating room service breakfast.
"I ordered you some Belgian waffles, and scramble eggs. And also some hot cocoa," she said.
I dried my hair up and sat on the bed next to her. She was eating an egg white omelet, chicken sausages and oatmeal with PB. It's one of the things she always complained about the most. I can eat whatever I want and never gain weight. Riley, on the other hand, eats very big portions, but she eats very healthy foods. Making breakfast used to be a nightmare until she started doing this really annoying yet considerate thing. Every Sunday, she made this monstrosity of a breakfast. Tons of pancakes, bacon, toast with jellies and jams. We'd sat down and eat, just the three of us. It was the best part of my week. The rest of the week, we eat whatever she made, which was mostly 'clean' food.
"Thanks for ordering breakfast for me," I said.
"No problem."
"No, seriously, this whole weekend has been a complete disaster for you, and it's because of me."
The was half way to putting her fork in her mouth, when she stopped and asked "Disaster?"
"Yeah, you probably had plans, you know, sitting by the pool, drinking margaritas, all the girls losing it when they see you."
She laughed. "You really think that? Are you kidding me? This is the most time I've spent with you since I screwed us up. I... I'm really glad I got to spend the weekend with you."
She smiled, that flimsy, weak, nervous smile. I always loved that smiled. It made me feel like she wasn't always this tough, nonchalant, impassive woman. Every time she smiled like that it reminded me that she acted that way with people, but never with me. With me she was soft, and caring, and sweet. That's why losing that hurt so bad.
When she smiled at me I wanted to kiss her. I've wanted that for a while now. Feel her close to me, feel her hands on my skin. Have her inside me. Wow, that escalated quickly, huh?
"Thanks," I replied. "I'm really glad I got to spend the weekend with you, too. Although, it was a disaster, I lost my goddamned ring."
"Oh, come on Faye. It was a $20 silver ring. We should've changed them for better ones years ago, we just never got around to it."
"Yeah, I know, but still. It was our ring."
We finished breakfast and Riley went to her room to take a shower and change. We needed to prepare for pictures. I put on my maid of honor dress and went downstairs to check on Sheila. She was already in her dress and getting her hair done. The woman doing Sheila's hair was a beautiful tall blond, with gorgeous blue eyes, wearing a simple pink dress and an elegant bun.
"Faye!" Sheila said, not moving her head, looking at my reflection on the mirror in front of her. "You're just in time. We're almost done here, then she can do you."
I mean, a woman like that can do me or pretty much anyone she wants whenever she wants, but I'm a married w... oh, she meant my hair. Yeah, that makes sense.
I sat next to Sheila as she asked. "You got the ring?"
"Yeah, here. Why?"
I gave her the ring, she took it in her hand and looked at it for a moment. "Connor wants to take the pictures with it. I don't know if I'll agree to that."
"Wouldn't that ruin the moment in which you actually put it on?" I asked.
"Yes! That's what I've been telling him. So, because of that, I need a favor."
"Anything for the bride."
"All done!" said the gorgeous hair dresser.
"Could you give us like five minutes, then come back and do Faye's hair?"
The hair dresser nodded and replied "Like she said, anything for the bride," with a smile, and then left.
Sheila noticed that I kept my eyes on the woman as she left the room.
"Oh, no, no, no. You do not get to spend the weekend with Riley and then go home with my hair dresser."
"What are you talking about? I'm not like that!... But she is pretty though."
"I know, right?" she turned to me "I actually have a confession to make. Because I didn't think you two, I mean you and Riley, would be getting closer this weekend I... uhmmm, brought her for Riley."
"You what!?"
"Sorry, sorry! I didn't think you would care so much. She was a plan B, in case you didn't want to notice Riley, Connor and I thought it might be a good idea to make you jealous, just a little since, well, Riley is not the type to flirt with pretty much anyone."
She did have a point. Whenever Riley and I broke up, it was me who went on flirting with people. Also, Connor was in on it? Good to know.
"Okay, I get your point" I said. "But other people have never been our problem. Whatever is wrong with us, is always been just us. I think knowing for sure that Riley is almost biologically incapable of cheating has covered a lot of sins for me."
She smiled. "I always found that incredible. Seventeen years and you've never cheated."
"Yeah, well, that's half-way true."
"What do you mean?"
"When you're with someone for such a long time, specially around your teens, you're not really good at communicating or compromising or conflict resolution, so you tend to break up every now and then. Mostly for really dumb reasons. Mostly for pride. Within does breakups we did fuck around a lot. Well, mostly me. I think Riley only did it once or twice. Once with a Politics major and another one with... oh, who knows. But I always do it. As soon as I break up I go and pick someone else up. Riley deals with break ups by retrieving into herself."
"Doesn't it bother her? That you are banging someone else days after you've broken up?"
"It used to... until she noticed they were distractions. Things to keep my mind off of her. She once said she'd be worried the day I actually took my time before sleeping with someone."
"Oh! That's why this time it hurt her. You waiting close to five months before getting in bed with someone."
I frowned. She was right, I hadn't noticed that. I had been so focused on processing the fact that I felt so unloved that I didn't just go around sleeping with people to distract myself. There was no distraction big enough to take my mind off Riley.
"Are you getting back together?" Sheila finally asked.
"Goddamn it, Sheila!" I stood up and walked to the window. It was a beautiful day outside. "I'm not sure. I miss her. I really do. And this weekend has been great, but... going back to my house, to live under the same roof, to sleep in the same room, in the same bed. It's too much right now."
"Then don't. There's not a specific way in which you have to do this. You can do it however you think is best. I'm sure Riley is gonna be happy either way. I actually envy you."
"You get to fall back in love with the love of your life. You get to date again, get to know each other again, woo each other again. Impress each other again. It's kind of nice."
I hadn't though about it that way. I know I very rarely consider that things don't always have to be all or nothing, black and white. Some times, things are gray, sometimes, things are completely different colors all together. I thought that if I were to get back together with Riley it would mean going back to being married, all in a shock. But maybe Sheila was right, maybe we could rebuild everything, from the very ground up and see if what we can build this time, is more solid that before.
"Yeah, but I still need to think about it. Please stop asking me about it."
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. I know you want what's best for us, but... what if that's not each other."
Sheila smiled and said. "Oh, sweetheart, you know better than to lie like that to me. I don't know if soulmates exist, but if they do, you're it. You're just cautious, 'cause you had your heart broken, so you're trying to prepare for every bad outcome not to get your hopes up."
When the hair dresser came back in, I no longer had eyes for her. She was, and for all I know she still is, a beautiful woman, but now I know two things. First, after talking to Sheila, the closest thing I would ever have to being in bed with her was when she sat me in front of the mirror and asked 'How I wanted it'. And second, by the end of the night, I'd end up hating that woman, having nothing but contempt for her, and I'm still furious she went to that wedding. If I ever see her on the street again I will tackle her like a big mama bear and slap her out of her mind and ask her "Remember me, you fucking bitch?"
As of that moment thought, I still thought she was a pretty hair dresser, who had done an amazing job with my hair and make up. It was classic and soft, the kind of make up that you can't really tell, unless you know, that someone has make up on, but it still makes you look incredible.
I left Sheila's room and went to look for Connor. Sheila had asked me for something and it had to be done. When I knocked on his dressing room, Riley opened the door. She was already dressed, too. She was wearing a beautiful elegant white shirt, blue dressing pants, and white leather loafers. Her wavy hair was brushed to the side and she smelled like heaven.
I looked at her up and down, she looked at me up and down, and we both said, at the same time "Wow."
"Damn," she added. "I mean, uh, c-can I help you?"
"I... Uhm, uh." I had to shake my head to get my thought in order. "Is- is Connor inside?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I need a favor. For the bride."
Riley understood what that meant and close the door behind her. "Okay."
"She wants you to tell the photographer to arrive late."
"Sorry, what?"
"Apparently Connor wants to take the pictures before, because of the light and he also wants to wear the rings. Sheila only wants to wear the rings after they are officially married. You know, make it meaningful."
"That's it?" Riley asked, acting as if maybe she could've solve the problem with a more elegant solution. "Come in."
We both walked into Connor's room and while I stood by the door, Riley approached him with at a firm, rapid pace and proceeded to smack him in the head. Connor cried out load. "Ow! What the hell?"
"What is wrong with you? You're about to marry the love of your life. Whatever she wants, she get, so you are gonna be a good boy and take the pictures at 4! After the wedding!"
"But the light..."
"Who gives a fuck about the light? You know who's job that is? The photographer, not your goddamned problem. So he's gonna show up, take pictures of your friends and family getting ready for the ceremony, and then, after the official ring exchange, take the pictures of you and Sheila, by the lake. Got it?" Connor didn't reply fast enough, so Riley asked again. "Did. You. Get. It?"
"Ma'am, yes ma'am," he said with a military salute.
"Good."
Riley walked me out of the room and said "Solved," and smiled before closing the door. Damn, that was hot. I went back to Sheila's and told her Riley had smacked some sense into Connor and she no longer had to worry about it.
Lunch came and went, the photographer did his job, asking to record messages for the happy couple and taking pictures of the altar. By 2 people were already taking their places and seats. Riley was with Connor and I was with Sheila and her sister.
"Oh, God... it's time, isn't it?" She asked.
"You can still call it off," her sister said. I'm not sure if she was legitimately joking.
I knelt down in front of Sheila, held her hands and said. "I know you're nervous and this is a big thing, probably the second biggest decision a human being makes... but down that altar, is going to be waiting for you, the guy that won't ever let you fall again. Not on your own. Who's always be there to pick you up. You're not alone. We're all here for you."
Sheila smiled and said, "Thanks Faye, I'm so happy I asked you to be one of my maid of honor."
I nodded and stood up. She looked at herself in the mirror, her dark skin glowing, her eyes wide awake, her breathing agitated; and will a turmoil in her heart, she stood up and gave us the 'it's go time' look. We both left and allowed her mother to walk in. We were to take our place by the altar.
As I walked in from behind the decorations, I stood in front of Riley. She was her bother's best man. She didn't share that position with anyone, mostly because Connor didn't have many friends, partly, because it was Riley who gave Connor the courage to ask Sheila out. He would've never done it left to himself.
As she stood in front of me; tall, beautiful, strong, stoic, she gave me a little smile. I felt my cheeks blush and my heart rate increase. My hands began to shake. How is that possible? Twenty two years I've been in love with this woman and when I see her, I still feel all of it. Or maybe it's the distance, the space between us after all this time apart what makes me aware that my knees get weak when she looks at me for long periods of time. That I keep looking at her hands, and her arms, and her shoulders, and the way her neck moves when she swallows, how her nostrils flare when she takes deep breathes in. How she licks her lips. I had to look away, I just had to, I knew she could tell. I had to look away but I couldn't, because she laid eyes on me and wouldn't look away either. Problem is her skin doesn't betray her as mine betrays me. I'm white, as in like Snow White. She's not, she has a bit of a tan skin color, almost olive, but not quite, and definitely doesn't show blushing as unequivocally as mine does. But she has other tells, the way her lips part ever so slightly when she stares at me, at my legs, my hips, my chest, how her eyes water a little, how she starts to rub her fingers with her thumbs. Yeah, I know all her tells, too. I needed her, if this would've happened while we were alone, there would be no clothes on either of us by now. I know that sounds drastic but... it is the truth. I was able to control myself because of the ceremony, and thank God it began.
By share shock, it made me look away when the piano began to play and Sheila stood in the door, arms entwined with her mother. Everyone stood up, and Connor, very sweetly I may add, rearranged his suit to make sure he looked his best. And his eyes were glowing when he saw Sheila. The way I was sure my eyes glowed when I looked at Riley. She walked across the carpet slowly and elegantly.
Sheila's mother gave her away to Connor while she said. "Take good care of my girl."
"Of course," he replied.
They stood side by side and smiled at each other. I looked at Riley, we smiled at each other, too.