"Ladies and gentlemen. For the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Connor and Sheila Brenan," exclaimed the band before beginning to play the song that Connor and Sheila had chosen to be their first dance.
People applauded as Connor and his wife walked arm in arm towards the center of the room and danced to Endless Love. Seeing them dancing and staring into each other's longingly was... well, let's just say there's a reason people say it's easy to pick up women at weddings.
I could only think of Riley and I. How much I wanted to slow dance with her, of how long it had been since we had. Did we even dance anymore...? In the end, I mean. After Lake got sick, we stopped doing anything that wasn't about her. But I mean, before that, back when we were still relatively. Did we dedicate ourselves to each other as much as we should've?
Why am I asking that? We didn't even get the time to buy better rings. We were too busy running a business and taking care of toddler, and doing this and that and... Jesus, what were we even doing? Everything outside of our family seems so meaningless now.
As Connor and Sheila finished dancing and everyone clapped, Riley stood beside me. "Makes you a little nostalgic, right?"
I smiled and said, "Shut up."
As the band began to play a new song she turned to me, extended her hand and asked "May I have this dance."
I took her hand and we walked towards the center of the room where people were already dancing. She placed her right hand in the small of my back and pulled me closer. Her eyes were kind and clear. Her hands felt warm, she smelled spectacular.
As the song ended and we had a small moment of silence, I leaned forward on her ear and whispered. "You wanna get ou-?"
I couldn't finish my question. Someone was yelling Riley's name and trying to call her attention by waving at her. Sheila's hair dresser approached us and asked me. "May I steal a dance for a moment?"
Oh, no, you may not. Absolutely not! I was so close to ask Riley to come back to my room with me and you show up out of nowhere for no reason asking to dance with her? Who the hell do you think you are? I looked at Riley who looked at me expectantly. She also wanted to know if my answer would be negative. The thing is, if it was... I was admitting I cared, and I didn't have enough time to process that maybe showing that I cared, was a good thing, so I replied. "Sure.... no problem, I think."
I turned to Riley and I could see the look in her face. She was disappointed, even a bit hurt.
That fucking woman, proceeded to grab Riley by the hand, pull her away and dance with her. They talked and dance for three whole songs. Riley laughed at something she said and I noticed that every time Riley tried to rise her hand a little up this woman's back, she push it down further, and further until Riley was pretty much grabbing her ass. Did I mention I'm a jealous person?
By the end of the third song they danced together, she told Riley something and Riley walked away. The hair dresser came towards me and stand next to me.
"She just went to get us some drinks."
"Yeah, she's like that."
We both stared at the happy couples dancing and I noticed a certain air of hostility coming from her, which she hadn't had when she did my hair. Or maybe it was me who was behaving apathetic.
"I've had my eye on her since we got here," she said that almost as if to mark territory. On my territory! "I mean, I don't wanna be rude but, what a woman."
My jaw tensed as I replied, "You have no idea."
She faced me for the first time and asked, "Oh, you're close."
I faced her and asked, "Close? You're asking me if Riley Burton and I are close?"
She seemed as dumbfounded as she was when she first asked the question, and then it dawned on me. She thinks we're fighting for a random woman's attention. She has no idea who I am. And this was it, the moment I asked myself, 'well who are you? Who are you to each other? The life partner, or the ex wife.'
"I'm Riley's girl," I replied.
"What? I thought Riley was divorced... oh."
"Separated. Still my wife."
"Well, last time I checked, separated still meant broken up, so, fair game, right?" She asked rhetorically as Riley came back with two glasses of Hurricane.
As the hair dresser grabbed the glass from Riley, they both turned to me. Riley seemed troubled, like she was waiting for me to say or do something, on the other hand, the hair dresser smiled. Before I continue you might be wondering, 'didn't she have like a name or something?'. She did, and I do know, but I refuse to mention it and you will not learn it because SHE DOES NOT MATTER. Did I mention I'm a jealous person?
They walked away, and I just stood there, until I noticed they were leaving the reception. Oh, no honey, you are not bagging my wife right in front of me, not happening.
Not long after they walked out of the Banquet Hall, I ran after them, caught up to them in the hallway and tackled the hair dresser like a linebacker. Riley moved quickly to tore me away from the woman and stood between us while the hair dresser screamed at me. Did I mention I'm a jealous person? I pretty sure I must've at some point or other.
"You crazy bitch! What's your fucking problem!" she said trying to hit me, while Riley kept of as far away from each other as her arms could reach.
"You do not get to sleep with my wife you fucking bitch!"
I threw myself at her, but Riley stopped me from actually getting any closer. Then, while trying to restrain me, she turned to the woman and said, "You really should leave! She once threw a plate at a woman who asked for my number."
The hair dresser dusted herself up, rolled her eyes and walked away. I looked at Riley and said, "It was a paper plate!"
"Yeah but still. What is up with you?"
"You! You dancing with that woman in front of me! And laughing and flirting, and you were gonna go to her room weren't you?"
"Faye..." she said, clearly angry.
I pushed her away and said. "And you know what? That's one hundred percent... my fault. And I know it's cruel of me, spending the weekend with you, and getting closer together without telling you if our marriage is over or not. And I know it's painful and selfish that I get to feel whatever I feel and make the decision, while you have to keep waiting in uncertainty, and god knows how much you hate uncertainty and I'm sorry."
"Faye..." this time, my name came out of her mouth with such subtlety. So soft.
"I'm really selfish."
"That's not true. Rushing yourself to make a decision when you're not ready just to get me away from someone, that be selfish. But, Faye..." she held me " I love you. And you love me. I know you love me. We can fix this. I just need you to believe that we can fix this."
Fix. Like a car that broke down, or a clock that stopped ticking. We're not things, we don't work like that. When a relationship breaks, they break you with them. They taint ever single thing you knew about each other, every single genuine memory becomes soiled. You become different people and once that happens, you can't go back to having the marriage you once had. Maybe we are just a little like cars, because when a car doesn't work anymore, you're just gonna have to buy a new one.
I pushed her away gently and replied. "I don't."
"What?"
"I don't think we can fix this. I think we need to talk... for real. Now." Riley's lip was trembling. She was scared, and so was I, but it was time. "I'm, uh, I need to wash my face a little. I'll meet you by the lake in ten minutes, okay?"
She didn't say anything, but I knew she had heard me.
* * * * *
As I walked towards the lake, I kept repeating myself what I had just now come up with, the things I was going to say and how. How I'd deliver the news would greatly impact how she'll take things. When I looked up, she was right there, sitting by the lake. Her shirt wasn't buttoned up to her neck now, but down to her breasts, her sleeves when folded up to the elbows. She sat on the floor with her legs curled and her forearms on top of her knees. She was staring at the stars. When she heard me coming, she glanced quickly and then looked back at the sky, where the first few stars were visible. I sat next to her and waited, I didn't wanted to disturb her moment.
"I think I've loved since the first moment I laid eyes on you," she said. "I was like ten. You and your mom took refuge in this little store where my mom and I were. You were carrying this nice little coloring book, and your hair was a little untamed from the rain. You didn't care, you just sat next to me, and began coloring. You remember that?"
"Can I tell you something? Looking back, that was the moment I knew I liked girls, because I sat next to you on purpose. You had your little wavy hair tied up in a pony tail and you were wearing a jean jacket. And I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen."
"We were good together, weren't we?"
"No, we were great. Better than great. We were perfect. If I could have another go at life, I would choose to fall in love with you all over again. And even after all the things that've happened, I don't regret anything. You were so worth it."
"Thanks," added, her voice quivering. She was going to cry as she said. "It's over, isn't it?"
"Yeah... but-"
She grabbed my face and said. "I'm gonna love you forever," before I could say anything, she stood up.
"No, Riley wait!" She didn't stop, she began to walk and I followed her. "Please stop!"
She walked faster and faster while she tried not to cry, but failed. "It's okay, Faye. I get it. I just, need to be alone right now." She ran her wrist through her face to cover her tears.
"No, please, just listen to me! Please! I've got a lot I want to say and I've been thinking about how to say, just let me say it."
"I don't want to hear it!"
"That's kind of the problem, isn't it?"
She stopped suddenly and turned to me. She wasn't even trying to stop herself from crying anymore.
"Faye, there's nothing that you can possibly say that will make this better. I feel like you broke my soul, and I don't blame you, but I do need to not see you right now."
"No, no, just, hear me out."
I took my wedding ring, showed it to her, and then threw into the lake.
"What the fuck! That's what you needed me to know? Like dude, I get that you hate me but that's fucking cruel."
"Just shut up!" I said. This time, she finally let me talk. "I was thinking that, we can't fix us. We're different people now, you can't fix a car with different pieces that don't fit it anymore. So what do you do when you can no longer fix a car?"
"I dunno, buy a new one?" she said, she was hyperventilating, but she was trying to remain calmed.
"Yes, you don't fix it. Eventually, you have to buy a new one. That's what I think we need to do. We should just buy a new car."
"I don't- I don't-" she was too hurt to properly process what I was saying, so I tried to phrase it better, and I knew how.
"Here," I said pulling out a small box. "These are the rings we bought for Connor and Sheila. Actual good rings, that we bought together while you covered my ass. The two of us, like always. Connor is your same size, and Sheila is mine."
"What...?"
"You're right. Our marriage is over. What I'm asking you is... do you want to start a new one with me?"
She started crying again and hugged me. "You should've led with that!"
"I'm sorry, I had this whole speech planned, but it counted on you, you know, listening to me!"
"Oh, my God, you're right." she said pulling away, like something in her head had just clicked. "I do have a problem. Whenever I feel something is gonna be painful I just avoid it."
"Yeah... a little. So, what do you say? Do you wanna start again?"
She smiled at me, and threw her own ring in the lake.