Aster's room had two king beds, one in each back corner. There was a large desk at the foot of the one farthest from the door with a china lamp and a mess of paperwork on it. Probably all the construction papers.
His walls were a plain beige color, and the beds were decorated with tan and white blankets and pillows. There was an arched window above each headrest, looking over a section of the forest. His room was on the third floor of the building, which meant that the only way out of here was through the door, and now Aster was standing in front of it, blocking my way out. He knew I still felt like I needed to run, and was keeping me caged up in the tiny room. I watched him warily, but that seemed to annoy him.
"Don't look at me like that," Aster snapped.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm an enemy. I'm trying to help me."
"You bit me."
"We've all been bit!" Aster protested angrily. "I- you know what, never mind. Be a good boy, go sit on my bed."
I crossed my arms. "Not until you stop calling me that."
"It's hard not to, it seems to get your attention."
Aster walked over to his bed and laid down, crossing his arms behind his head and stretching out on the neatly-made mattress. I wondered if he made it himself, or if they had maids here. Human maids working for werewolves seemed kind of... illegal. I wondered if the construction workers were humans as well, working twenty-four seven for the wolves. I had so many questions, the only question was if Aster would let me ask them all.
Aster closed his eyes briefly. "Ugh... I've been up for two days, watching your sorry ass." Aster beckoned. "Come here, I want to sleep."
"So why do you need me?"
"I slept better when I was with you. But that was not cuddling. And neither is this," he added pointedly. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the bed. I sat down on the edge of it and crossed my arms, sniffing every couple seconds to make out the different scents of the room. There was a strong female presence in here, and anger. Sort of smelled like an argument? How did arguments have a smell? I could smell Aster, strong and musky. I wanted to bury my face in his clothes and breathe until I passed out.
Aster frowned. "I can't sleep if you're not next to me."
I arched my eyebrow. "Better get used to it beefcake, I'm not going to sleep in this place every night. I don't like how it makes me feel. Like there's a cat inside me scratching at my arms and my stomach and shit." I shivered. "I'm never coming back after today."
Aster frowned. "You have to."
"What, why?"
Aster flushed slightly, even though the room was fairly chilly. "I just- I just, don't take this the wrong way, but I need you here. It isn't safe for you to be by yourself when you shift for the first time, or when you start running around in your wolf form. This is why we have so many kids, because when some of the members shifted for the first time they were near a kid's birthday party. I had to round up the ones that were bitten from the hospital. That's why we had to leave, we had to get them away from the people that knew they were like this. We gave the parents an oppurtunity to join them, and others we had to explain to them that they had to leave their kids behind."
"That's horrible!" I gasped.
Aster shook his head. "They didn't have a choice. A non-werewolf can't raise a werewolf kid. Especially one as young as that. The parents were guaranteed to get turned by them sooner or later, and we told them as such. Keeping their children wasn't an option, so we gave them the opportunity to just come with us.
"Do the kids remember?"
"Loki does, but she doesn't really mind. She only got bit on the foot, the others weren't so lucky. A couple of them died before they could start healing, which meant that we had to carry their bloodied bodies to their parents. It was a mess. I couldn't have done it without some of the pack."
I felt sick to my stomach. "That's so... horrible," I repeated. "I don't know how else to describe it."
Aster nodded. "It's very rare to have a kid werewolf."
"How come?"
"Well, werewolves can't get pregnant unless they're impregnated as a wolf and stay a wolf for the nine months they're pregnant. Shifting tends to cause a miscarriage, so since you can only get pregnant in wolf form, then humans can't really give birth. There have only been a handful of instances where it worked, and in most cases the woman pregnant dies while giving birth. Sometimes because she gives birth to a wolf, or a werewolf in wolf form."
I covered my mouth with my hand. My eyes felt wet, and I wasn't sure why. Aster instantly looked guilty. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have started the Q and A portion with something so grim. I just- it gets upsetting, seeing those kids everyday and knowing they're here because I couldn't keep my pack members under control."
"So you blame yourself."
"It is my fault."
I couldn't tell him otherwise, but I could try and comfort him. I sidled up to him and laid my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat thumping steadily against his chest, and then quicken. I curled up next to him on the bed, trying to steady my uneven breathing. I never got this close to people, but it felt like Aster needed physical reassurance, and I was the only one around. I closed my eyes, snuggling into the dip in his side as his arm catiously wrapped around me. Aster moved his head to the side and rested his chin on the top of my head.
"You're much snugglier than you look," I mumbled against his chest. His body was warm, slightly sticky from sweat but I didn't care, and he still smelled like the manifestation of outdoors itself. I could breath it in for hours.
Aster scoffed. "This isn't snuggling. Or cuddling. I don't know where you get these words from."
"You can admit you like cuddling," I said softly, smushing my face harder against his skin. His pecs were hard, and made a flat surface for my to rest my head on. His arm was solid, but gently against the small of my back as he held me against him and kept me from falling out of bed. "You asked me to do this, after all beefcake. Can't get mad that I'm just stating the facts," I sighed.
Aster shuddered. "Don't breathe on me like that. It feels weird."
I exhaled. "Does it really?"
Aster pinched my neck. "Stop," he said, half-amused, half-serious.
"Do I get to ask my questions now?"
Aster exhaled slowly. "I'm so tired... you can ask anything until I fall asleep, okay? I probably won't remember what I said when I wake up."
"Okay. So... why am I going to turn into a werewolf?"
Aster shrugged. "No one really knows how the bites work. It could be something with saliva, like getting a werewolf's saliva into your bloodstream causes the transformation. Some people have tried to do research, but it gets tricky to know what's real and what's not. People will write anything for attention and claim its real."
I nodded. "Hey, why did you bite me?"
Aster tensed. "I..."
"Come on, you have to tell me! I need to know."
Aster sighed. "Most attacks aren't invoked by the victim, most werewolves end up biting or attacking people because their wolf tells them their in danger or because their wolf tells them they need blood. Humans are easy prey, but it's up to the human half to realize how ridiculous that is."
I frowned. "You're not answering my question."
Aster huffed. "Look, I thought you were attacking the pups. Like I said earlier, Suki ran away from the burror and I went to go look for her. When I returned, I smelled a human and I smelled the pups. I put two and two together and figured someone had found the burrow, and you don't really have time to think when one of your own are in danger. They could've been dead when I arrived. When I first started biting you, it made me feel so horrible when you screamed. The only reason I kept biting was because I thought you had hurt the dogs. Then you started petting me, and smiling, and when I saw your eyes I just- I couldn't do it. It was only after that the others told me you were being as gentle as possible and were just playing with them. They told me they weren't in any danger. Suki let me have it for biting you."
I smiled at the thought of a tiny pup like that yelling at the gigantic alpha. Aster looked down at me. "You're not... you're not mad?"
"Not really. I love those little pups, I figured you would as well."
Aster made a choked sound in his throat. "I just- I can't forget how you looked. Your face streaked with tears, your eyes so bright and pained. Your screams were so agony-filled, and I saw the way you tried to keep the pups away from me, for their own safety. I just-" Aster pressed his head into my shoulder. I let him. "I felt so terrible. You were so... precious, and I had done something like that to you. I'm forcing you to go through this change, and I wouldn't have if I had known."
I winced. I appreciated the sentiment, but I wasn't really the type of person for all of this comforting. I cared about Aster because of what he had turned me into, I was sure of that. And even though I felt safer with Aster than I should, I still didn't want all this touching. My skin felt itchy, like I was covered in bug bites. I wriggled away from Aster when my chest started tightening, the feeling of a panic attack approaching. Aster rubbed his eyes with his hands.
"No, I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that burden. I feel bad for everybody that I've bit, the ones that made it and the ones that didn't. I feel bad for anyone bitten unprovoked, because no matter how much the werewolf may apologize or they're still forced to become a monster that society can't handle. Human minds can't comprehend our existence, and now we're forcing them to. I shouldn't make you get used to all of this, I should just let you go back to normal, but that's almost as bad as the bite itself. Letting you figure it out on your own. I don't want you getting taken away by the government or something."
I sat up. "I still don't get it. When do I turn into a werewolf? The full moon?"
Aster nodded. "That is when your first shift will probably take place, the urge is strongest then. Even the most experienced werewolves can't resist the urge to transform on these nights. It'll be... painful. I'll take you away from the house for this, away from everyone else. I can't guarantee you'll be yourself when you shift, and it may take a lot to bring you back to your original form. But I'll be with you every step of the way." Aster yawned widely, and settled back down against his pillows. "Good night... Red..." he murmured.
I sat back, leaning against him for support. I was a werewolf now, it seemed to finally start sinking in. I closed my eyes, and listened to Aster's breathing as I drifted off into a deep sleep.