Chapter Eighteen
"I can't believe this! No, screw that â I can't believe him!"
"What a freaking asshole! What are we still in high school and people still give a crap about their reputations?"
"Right! Who does that? What a freaking douchebag."
Stephanie and Savannah are both pacing back and forth in front of my bed while Megan remains still on my right. All of them are sporting raincoats. Stephanie in a yellow one with bright pink rain boots, Savannah in a blue one with her long hair slicked back in a high ponytail, and Megan in a green one with her light brown hair pulled back into a small braid. I probably look like a drowned rat compared to all of them with my still damp sweatshirt, untamed wet hair that I don't feel like brushing, red rimmed and blood shot eyes from crying, and a flushed nose and cheeks also from crying.
A little less than a half an hour ago Stephanie found me in my pathetic curled up state in front of the building and brought me back up to our dorm. She then called Megan and Savannah, in which they both came rushing in a few minutes later with a huge bag of starbursts and dumped it on the bed in front of me. After I gave them all a brief run through of what happened they all began their ranting while I stayed and still remain on my bed, silently watching.
"I mean I don't even understand, like, why would he even say that?" Stephanie asks throwing her hands up in the air as she walks.
"Because he's an assholeâthat's why," Savannah answers unzipping her jacket in one swift fluid motion.
"But it doesn't make sense. I saw the way he looked at her. You can tell he liked her!" Stephanie continues.
"He still probably does," Megan says, but Savannah and Steph are oblivious to it.
"Why the hell are guys so insecure when it comes to girls? Like, why can't they admit to their friends that they actually like one?" Savannah asks crossing her arms as she walks one way and then uncrossing them as she walks another.
"Yeah! Instead they have to act like freaking dicks who say they go around screwing everything with a pulse," Steph says running a hand through her curls that still look perfect even though she went out in the rain.
"Guys can be such asshats," Megan mumbles then out of nowhere Stephanie and Savannah halt their pacing and all their gazes turn to me. I already know it's because I haven't said a word this whole time which is ironic considering I'm the one who should be ranting the most.
"Sorry," I squeak clearing my clogged throat. "I'm still in the denial stage just give me like five minutes and I'll be yelling along with you." Once I finish my sentence all their faces seem to soften.
"I'm really sorry, Lacie," Megan says as her gaze casts down to my comforter and Stephanie and Savannah nod as if to say the same thing.
I shake my head and stare at the rain drops on my jeans as I swipe a finger under my nose. "It's not your fault."
I reach over and rip open the bag of starbursts, peel open a pink one, and pop it into my mouth. As I decide to slowly suck on the chewy candy instead of chewing it, I feel my hip vibrate. I look down at myself confused before reaching into my sweatshirt pocket and pulling out my cell phone. Seeing Red Velvet splayed across the screen, I feel my fingers tighten around the edges before I quickly end the call and shut my phone off, slamming it down on my nightstand.
"Alright," I say with my mouth still half full with candy. "He's an asshole."
Stephanie grins. "Damn right he is! Say it again!" I swallow my starburst and turn back to all of them.
"He's an asshole."
Savannah cups her ear. "I'm sorry what was that?"
A smile breaks out across my lips. "He's an asshole."
"Wait, what? I can't really hear you," Megan says taking a step closer and I sit up on my knees.
"He's an asshole."
"How big of an asshole?" Stephanie asks and I spread my arms out.
"A huge asshole," I find myself standing up on my bed. "He's a gigantic asshole!"
"Major league!" Stephanie yells back.
"Tremendous!" Savannah throws her hands up.
"Colossal!" Megan adds.
"He is the biggest asshole on the freaking planet!" I yell.
"And he doesn't deserve you!" Stephanie adds and I nod.
"No! Because he's an asshole!"
"Hey!" Someone yells and I jump hearing it from the wall behind me. "You're an asshole!" I freeze and we all share a look for a second before bursting into laughter. I bend over clutching my stomach as Stephanie holds on to Savannah to keep from collapsing on the floor.
As my laughter dies down to faint giggles, I look down at my feet and notice how they're uncomfortably sinking into my mattress and causing some starbursts to spill out of the bag. Sighing, I sink back down against the pillows that are propped up against the wall and bury my face in my hands.
"But I really liked him..." I mumble meekly and hear Stephanie sigh.
She shuffles over to my side and taps my arm, "Move over." Without pulling my hands away from my face, I move over, giving her room to sit beside me, while feeling the end of the bed dips as Savannah and Megan take a seat in front of us. I let out another breath before dragging my hands away from my face and running one through my hair.
"And I'm not just upset because I liked him and we weren't officially dating, but yet dating. It's because... we got to know each other you know? He wasn't just some guy. He was..." I trail off losing my voice.
"Your friend," Stephanie softly finishes for me and I lean my head on her shoulder.
There are three stages to having your heartbroken.
Denial, Anger, and sadness.
And somehow I managed to go through all three of them in a matter of fifteen minutes.
****
I take in a slow breath while also trying to control my rapid heartbeat.
Okay, Lacie, you can do this.
Gripping the handle to the door I slowly push it open and step inside the lecture room immediately locking eyes with the person I've been dreading to see.
I spent the rest of the weekend just hanging out in my dorm sometimes alone and other times with the girls. If I was a normal person I would have just decided to skip philosophy for this week, but the nerd in me didn't want to have to miss a class. Plus I didn't want to be one of those girls who has a fall out with a guy and all of a sudden stops living their life. But standing here right now I really wish I was back in my bed in the safety of my dorm and not under the scrutiny of those damn green eyes.
I duck my head down and walk to the opposite end of the room, picking a seat towards the front. I still feel his gaze and can't help, but see the slight hurt in it when I sit down in my not usual seat. Opening my notebook I turn to the newest clean page and try to keep myself from looking in his direction because if I do, I know I won't be able to look away.
As more people file into the room though and begin sitting in there usual seats I feel the eyes of the people who normally sit in the section I'm in. The judgement is written on all of there faces because I decided to change my seat a little more than half way through the year and I find myself slouching further down, willing myself to believe that I made the right decision.
"Hello everyone," Professor Collins says as he enters the room and immediately picks up a piece of chalk. When it lets out a shriek against the green board everyone finally turns away from me, moaning in annoyance and he shushes them quickly. However as I pick up my pen, one gaze is still left lingering on me and my whole body burns from all the attention. I lean forward in my seat, allowing my hair to fall over my face, and block me from the burning heat of his gaze.
So much for trying to be unnoticed.
****
The second Professor Collins dismisses us I'm up and out of my seat like the devils hot on my heels and I guess if you reconsidered Trent's recent actions it would seem he kind of is. I maneuver through the large crowd by the door, but even then I still feel his presence not far behind me. Even though I probably look like a crazy person I continue to speed walk out of the building like a madwoman and just when my foot hits the last stone step he calls out to me.
"Lacie, wait!"
I take a few more strides toward the pathway before something in me clicks. I stop walking, causing a few people to divert around me, and turn around. Not realizing my movements, Trent almost smacks into me, but quickly steps back and I have to suck in a breath as my brain finally registers that he's standing right in front of me in all his usually glory. I keep my face neutral as I finally drag my gaze up to his and am a bit taken back at the hurt in his eyes. My jaw tightens. Why is he hurt? He's the one who said those things not me.
"Lacie," He breathes before running a hand through his hair. "Lacie Iâ" He reaches out taking a step forward, but I take one back and he drops his hand in defeat. "I'm so sorry." I can hear the ache in his voice and I want to believe the earnest in his words, but I can't.
That's the thing about words. In our heads we can think anything we want, but once we say them out loud we can never take them back. They can never be forgotten, or unsaid.
I look back up into his eyes as my face remains unchanged. "No worries." I go to walk away, but Trent's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"Wait," he shakes his head before looking back at me, "what?"
"I said no worries." Trent continues to stare back at me baffled, so I continue. "Its fine, Trent, I'm over it." This just makes the crease between his eyebrows deepen and he opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off, keeping my tone neutral. "You go do what you gotta' do and I'm just gonna' keep doing what I do. It's all good." I take a step back as his face contorts into something that looks a little like pain, but I keep my face straight. "Have a nice life." I turn around meeting eyes with Steph who was waiting for me a few feet away across the lawn.
"Lacie?" Trent asks, but I start walking away without a glance back.
Wordlessly, Steph and I walk back to our dorm and she leaves a few minutes later for her own class. Once she's gone I feel my eyes begin to sting. I will it to go away, but when it doesn't I reach into my back pocket, pulling my phone out, and go into my favorites. I click on a contact and put the phone to my ear before taking in a ragged breath.
"Hello?" The person answers and I finally allow the tears to stream freely down my face.
"Mom?"