.
Wuxian joined Shenhua Clan as they continued their travel towards Cloud Recesses. What his future self told him about the abandonment of Gusu Lan Clan weighed a ton on his emotions and consumed his thoughts. Something must have happened to stop his soul-bond from seeking him.
Wuxian needed to mend that future before he attempted to fix the other stuff. One issue at a time.. That's what Yuxio advised him to do when he poured his heart out to her the night he woke up after getting the cure. One issue at a time..
Wuxian made his way into Cloud Recesses first, moving towards the area where he saw his soul-bond being punished before he left. He took the same stick Wangji was holding and kneeled in the same spot. Yuxio whispered to him: "I still don't think this is a good idea."
Zewu Jun found him first, as expected. He rushed towards Wuxian: "Wei Wuxian! What were you thinking?"
He approached the kneeling man to take the stick from him and help him up but was stopped by the hiss and show of fangs from Da Ziran. He took a step back, intimidated by her show of aggression: "Da Ziran, have I offended you?"
The snake continued to hiss, making Zewu Jun take a few more steps back.
The older brother was confused. All he wanted to do was help Wuxian. Why was his assistance so violently refused? He didn't have time to ponder his choices before Qiren, Wangji, Healer Shi and Jiang Cheng showed up. They all had something to say and didn't shy away from making Wuxian listen.
Qiren threw his hands in the air in frustration: "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?"
Healer Shi was less angry and more concerned: "Master Wei, you missed a healing session.. That's not good!"
Jiang Cheng was pacing: "We took our eyes off of you for a few days and you ran away? That was your genius solution to get our attention? YOU COULD'VE JUST ASKED!"
Wangji just kneeled in front of his soul-bond and looked desperately at him when the snake didn't allow him to come closer: "Wei Ying?"
Wuxian couldn't look directly at any of them. He felt his emotions ball up and get stuck in his throat.. Suffocating him.. Robbing his voice.. For the first time ever, his words failed him.
Yuxio wanted to stay silent and stand in support while Wuxian tried to make amends. From what she's witnessing, these bunch of idiots do not deserve her teacher's efforts. They were all yelling and talking over each other at Wuxian.
Wuxian was having a hard time holding the stick up. His hands were shaking violently from the cold and exhaustion but his will was stronger. This is the first issue that he needs to fix. He just doesn't know how to start with his voice trapped within him.
Wangji inches closer to touch Wuxian at the risk of being bitten. He didn't care about pain, he just wanted to feel his mate in his arms once again.
Yuxio snapped and planted her fire lit sword on the ground to block his advances. She screamed at the top of her lungs: "ARE YOU ALL SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
They were all silenced by her loud voice. Wuxian closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. This was his chance. They will listen.
Yuxio turned to look at Wuxian and saw his lips quiver. He was stuck.
She turned to glare at the men before her: "You have got to be the worst family in the history of all families if this is how you treat one of your own! YOU WON'T EVEN GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO BREATHE LET ALONE EXPLAIN HIMSELF!"
She turned to Qiren and pointed her finger at him: "Did you even notice what he's doing right now? He's punishing himself thinking that he deserves it. HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!"
She takes a deep breath to calm her anger a little: "He said that since you punished his soul-bond and brother then he should be punished too. A sick man, who just went out of his way to save your sorry asses is kneeling in the cold, holding a damn stick to show his solidarity for you bastards. All he gets in return are whiney idiots who pile more guilt over his mountain pile of guilt to the POINT WHERE HE CANNOT EVEN SPEAK!"
Qiren frowns at her: "Save our asses?"
Yuxio: "You thought he ran away? Do you have so little faith in his commitment to you that a simple push would have forced him to abandon ship? NO!"
She turned to point at each man present: "NO! NO! NO! He knew that Healer Shi will not find the cure in time. It will incapacitate him, allowing the future he saw to come to pass. The last vision he saw while he was here confirmed it. Hanguang Jun's stubbornness was going to force Shenhua Clan into action, causing most of you to die and his kidnapping. He left so you wouldn't suffer that inevitable fate. HE THOUGHT YOU WILL COME AFTER HIM. WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL HERE?"
Zewu Jun puts his hands up, trying to calm the seething woman: "Yuxio, it is not as simple as you think. We have clan leaders here. We sent disciples out to look for Wuxian but we have to stay for our clan's sake."
Yuxio stomps her foot on the ground: "Bullshit! He is your Treasure and the one chosen by the Earth Deity. Are you telling me that politics are more important than him? ALL OF YOU HAD TO STAY TO KISS SOME CLAN LEADER'S ASS?"
Zewu Jun: "We were not idle. We.."
Yuxio puts her hand out to stop him: "Spare me the "peace and responsibility" speech. The snake asked for your help the last time because you were the most likely person to listen. You heard his words but you did not listen to anything he asked for. All you had to do is fix it but instead you told him to just bear with it. Even you must realize that what he's carrying on his shoulders is too much for one man to bear!"
She turned to face the rest: "Did any of you bother to ask him what he wants? You made him your treasure, you built him a room, forced him to do chores, forced him to share his gifts, you picked his clothes, picked his food, picked his guardian, his students, his assistant, his doctor, his father and consultant. You told him when to sleep, when to work, when to travel and when to speak. You even forced him into the spiritual container treatment with guilt. You rob his choices and corner his thoughts to the point where he no longer sees himself anymore. He's his Excellency's soul-bond, Gusu Lan's Treasure, Jiang Cheng's brother, his students' teacher, Hweiru and Sizhui's father. What happened to Wei Wuxian? Where did he go? The only things he had a say in was bonding with you!" She points accusingly at Wangji, "and adopting his little girl. Everything else was piled on his shoulders until he drowned in it."
She kneels down and gently takes the stick from Wuxian's struggling hands. Her eyes shed a few tears when he continues to look at the ground in shame.
She sighs and whispers loud enough for them to hear: "He had a vision while we were away. He saw his future and learned that the moment he left Cloud Recesses was the last moment he saw you all. He deceived Shenhua Clan, lied and struggled to return and make amends. His future self thinks that you abandoned him but this Wuxian.." She removes her coat and wraps it around Wuxian's shaking form: "This Wuxian refused to believe it. He left to save you and came back to make sure that he will never be abandoned again."
She turns to look at Wangji. The devastated look on his face was not enough: "Do you know why he asked me to join him? I'm the only one who doesn't want anything from him. I believe in him completely; without question or restraint."
She chuckles darkly and says: "Do you know what he said when I asked him what Wei Wuxian wanted?"
Wuxian grabs the hem of her robes and pulls gently. She turns her sad eyes at him: "I'm sorry, Grandmaster Wei. They need to know how deep this thing goes."
She sniffs and says in a clear voice: "He told me that he wanted to die."
Qiren covered his face in shame. Zewu Jun closed his eyes and ducked his head. Healer Shi bit her lips in frustration. Jiang Cheng tightened his hold on his sword, while Wangji's eyes widened in horror.
Yuxio: "He wholeheartedly believes that this world is a much better place without him. That all of you are better off without him. The only thing stopping him is his soul-bonds to Hanguang Jun and Wen Ning. He doesn't want his failures to be their doom. Everyone wants something from him and he's frustrated over his inability to comply. He is riddled with guilt, loss of control and responsibility to the point where he allowed you to walk all over his pride and choice. This is it.. this is the limit to what he can give. If you don't stop what you're doing, he will break."
Wuxian wavered in his place, eyes rolling to the back of his head. He was about to crash into the ground when two strong hands caught his descent. He recognized these comforting hands.. Wangji's warm hands.. The last word that crossed his mind before darkness consumed him was: 'home'.
.
Note:
It will get better soon.
Have faith in Wangji/Wuxian :)