Sheena's POV
Gwen decided to take up Veterinary Medicine at De La Salle Araneta University as she had always planned, while I continued pursuing my course in CEU. We promised that even if we didn't see each other every day, we would do our best to make our relationship work. That no matter how hard it would be, we would always fight for each other.
I thought everything was okay between the two of us. Well, of course, not being together most of the times was a big adjustment, I didn't think that it was enough to ruin us, as our love was bigger than any problem that would confront us.
I guess I was wrong. Everything changed.
Our daily updates became thrice a week. Our Sunday dates became once a month, minsan nagmamadali pa siya dahil kailangan niya na raw umuwi at mag-aral. I am very supportive at gusto kong inuuna niya ang pag-aaral niya kesa sa akin. I want her to grow and to reach for her dreams. Pero minsan, hindi ko maiwasang tanungin ang sarili ko kung nasanay nalang ba siya na andito ako, na kailangan niya nalang ng mapagsasabihan tuwing hindi niya na kaya ang struggle sa academics.
Hindi ako nagsasalita, madalas dinadaan ko sa jokes at pasimpleng mga banat ang nararamdaman ko. But deep inside, I am this still this young little Sheena Mae who seeks for a little attention and love.
I sip on my latte as I scan my notes. Hirap din naman ako sa school and studying almost every night wasn't my thing. Ginawa ko pa rin because giving a comfortable life for Gweneth became my motivation. Sunlight streams through the window, casting a warm glow on my face. A smile tugs at my lips as I read Gwen's text.
Love: Thinking of you. Miss you. Can't wait to see you tonight :)
My heart flutters. It's been years, and yet, Gwen still has this effect on me. We've been through thick and thin together, our love is constant amidst the ever-changing world. Siguro naman makakayanan namin ito. Pagkatapos naman siguro ng College, magiging okay din ang lahat.
My condo buzzes with activity. I hurries around the kitchen while cooking and setting the table for two. The scent of garlic and basil fills the air with a familiar comfort.
Gwen walks in, her shoulders slumped, a tired sigh escaping her lips.
"Hey there, love! You look beat. School rough?" I asked cheerfully as I welcome my girlfriend with a cheerful smile.
Gwen manages a weak smile. "Yeah, deadline hell. But this smells amazing."
We sat down, digging into the pasta. But I can feel that something is really off. The usual easy conversation is strained. I tried to engage Gwen but my girlfriend seems distant, her answers are always short and vague. Minsan natutulala rin siya na parang may malalim na iniisip.
I held her hands above the table and looked at her, concern. "Is everything okay, Gwen? You seem...off."
"Shee ...." she hesitantly called.
"Yes, bebe?" I asked.
"I think .... I just need some time, Sheena. To think." she uttered in a low voice.
A cold dread settles in my stomach.
"Think about what? Is it... us?" My voice started shaking.
Gwen looked away. Pain written in her face. "Maybe. I don't know, Sheena. Things have been crazy lately, and..."
Dumating na ang kinakatakutan ko. I stood up and went closer to her. I hugged my girlfriend tightly while crying on her neck. "Gwen, please don't do this to us. I love you so much."
"I do love you too. So much ... but it's not enough anymore." she said.
"I'll skip classes. Let's talk about this. Let's talk about us. What's wrong, love? May nagawa ba ako? May mali ba sa ugali ko? Did I disappoint you again? Gwen, tell me, babaguhin ko. Hindi na ako nakikipagbasag ulo, love. Hindi na ako nanghihingi ng unnecessary things sa parents ko. I'm saving money na rin for our dates. Nag-aaral na akong mabuti. Ano pa bang kulang? Tell me, gagawan ko ng paraan. Just don't leave me, Gwen. Hindi ko kaya .... hindi ko kakayanin." I said in the middle of my sobs.
She didn't answer. I know she's sobbing too. Ramdam kong mahal na mahal niya pa rin ako. Where did we go wrong?
"Pinaglaban kita sa kuya mo, Gwen. Humarap ako sa parents mo and promised them that I'll never do shits that will ruin us. Hindi na ba kita naaalagaan? Hindi ka na ba masaya? Pagod din ako sa acads pero hindi ko naman naisip tapusin 'to." I looked like a mess now, I know. But it's the least of my concerns now.
I can't lose her. I really can't.
Gweneth stood up and pushed me lightly. Akala ko lilingon siya to help me get up but she didn't. She ran away. The love of my life ran away.
I stood up and ran after her. Kasabay non ang pag-ulan ng malakas habang nakikipaghabulan sa kanya sa harap ng building namin.
I started shaking from the chilling cold and my clothes are fully drenched but still, I refused to go back to my unit. Nag-aalala akong magkasakit si Gweneth kapag hindi ko siya naabutan at mahila papasok sa unit ko.
I tried to run faster and reach for her hand to hold her.
"Gwen, bebe, I'm sorry if I haven't been the perfect girlfriend. If I haven't given you all the attention you needed. I promise I'll do anything. Please." I said, still crying a mess.
"That's not what I need, Shee. I need space, a break." she said. "J-just let me go ...."
I felt all my energy drain from me, in a cold tone, I spoke, "You might as well ask me to stop breathing."
We both stood silent, staring at each other for a few beats. Only the sound of the harsh rain cutting thru the deafening silence.
Gwen sighed and pulled me back to my condo. I felt myself melting to her hand.
"Shee, I'm sorry, but this has to end." she said.
"Why, Gwen? This love, the love that we have for each other, this only come once in every lifetime. Not every one finds their soulmate, my true love, best friend, love, all rolled into one. I found you, and I'm not letting that go."
Gweneth started to cry.
"I love you. Please don't let me go." I repeated over and over again. I kissed her eyes, cheeks, every part of her face, as if I could communicate the love that I am trying to fight for.
"I love you so much. Lahat iniintindi ko, ni wala kang narinig na reklamo sa akin. I always cheer for you. Kahit alam kong cold ka na madalas, andito pa rin naman ako. You know what's worst? Umiiyak ako every night with the thought that when the morning comes, baka dumating 'yong araw na iwan mo ako. At ngayon, nangyayari na." I whispered as I felt my body collapsing.
I woke up the next day to an empty bed of mine and a letter on the bedside table.
Dear Shee,
Thank you for loving me. You are my best friend and my great love. Sadly, while ours is a love that great novels are made of, it has to end at this point.
I ask you to trust my decision. Someday, you will understand.
I hope you come back and I pray that our fate would conspire that we are still free to love each other.
Please don't hate me. Goodbye my love, I will love you forever.
Gwen.
So, this was the end... I folded the letter and cried. Maybe time does change everything. Maybe even the strongest love can't withstand the relentless tide of life. I got in my car and drove fast while chasing the sunset. I found myself looking at it in the seaside of MOA with the thoughts in my head.
'SOS' I told my friends and sent them my location before turning off my phone.
I don't know what the future holds, Gwen. But one thing's for sure, my love for you will never fade.