Gwen's POV
My relationship with Sheena was the dream. I already visited the hospital for my therapies without her knowing. I've been having severe headaches for no reason. Minsan iniisip ko baka pagod lang sa school.
Sheena still had short temper pero nothing out of the ordinary. I think she has no clue with what's going on with me. After all, hindi niya pa ako nakikita in a difficult situation. Sabi nila, kailangan ko na raw sabihin sa kanya but I won't if I don't have to.
Not until I started getting symptoms.
"You okay?" she asked to my ear. I'm not. I can't see anything, and this is something I've never experienced before. I black out most of the time but not without movement. Each second had passed, increasing my fear. I breathed in and nodded, without looking up. Light was gradually fading in. I sighed in relief.
Agad akong tumingin sa mukha ni Sheena. Her eyebrows were furrowed. "You sure?" she asked.
I smiled and nodded. "Yes love, why?"
"You look pale bebe ..." dahan dahan niyang sabi. A few seconds after, she took my bag and my books in one hand and took my hand. Sinundo niya kasi ako dito sa University namin for our ice cream date.
"You okay? Iuuwi na kita." she matched my eye level.
"I'm okay! I forgot to eat breakfast lang." I lied. Hindi niya pwedeng malaman. Not right now.
Another episode happened. This time, we were watching a series at Sheena's condo. Her arms were wrapped around my torso and her head was resting on my stomach. Dahan dahan kong sinuklay ang buhok niya, massaging her sculp with my fingers.
"I don't know why you like this so much," she protested. We were watching FRIENDS. First time niya 'to but this was like my fourth time. "It's fucking unrealistic and hilarious, love."
Tumawa ako at mahinang tinapik ang ulo niya. "Eh? Why are you watching with me then?"
"Who told you I was watching?" she replied against my stomach. Baka natutulog lang siya the whole time I was enjoying the movie.
"Bebe ... wait, I have to pee." For some reasons, parang umuurong ang dila ko. I squinted my eyes and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and felt a tingling sensation in my hand. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman 'to. My left hand was shaking. I tried to close it tightly to lessen the trembling but it felt like I had no control over it.
I took a deep breath and stared at myself in front of the mirror. I got my phone and started typing.
To Mommy: Mommy? Something's wrong with me. I'm scared.
"You've been experiencing these symptoms in the last 5 weeks?" Dr. Gamboa asked.
I pursed my lips and slowly nodded. At first, akala ko dahil lang sa stress but when I started vomiting, I knew there was something wrong. Iniiwasan ko ang tingin nila Mommy and Daddy dahil ayaw kong makita ang mukha nila ngayon. I locked eyes with Valfer who's now looking at me worriedly.
"Vomiting, hard or swollen lymph nodes, hard lump on your skin, unexplained pain, feeling very tired or unwell, unexplained weight loss , yellowing of eyes and skin, build up of fluid in your tummy, tummy pain ..." nilapag niya ang ballpen niya at tumingin sa amin. "Alin sa mga symptoms na 'yan ang madalas mong maramdaman?"
"Vomiting, tummy pain, and feeling tired." I answered.
"Have yourself CT scanned. Just to confirm what this really is. Right now, since I checked your medical records, you're showing early manifestations of metastic melanoma." he said.
I looked at my lap, fiddling with my fingers. Pinagmasdan ko ang bracelet na bigay sa akin ni Sheena. Metastic Melanoma? Tinalo na kita noon, bakit bumalik ka pa ulit?
"Metastic Melanoma? Doc, nalagpasan na niya before 'yan, possible bang bumalik? She was doing okay the past years kaya hinayaan namin siyang pumasok ng school." my mom asked.
"Pwedeng bumalik 'yong sakit niya. In her case before, stage 2 palang 'yon kaya nadalian kaming agapan. This one, this one looks severe ..."
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to cry. I'm scared. For the first time, I'm actually scared for myself. My parents including Valfer were quiet.
"CT scan and MRI as soon as possible para malaman natin kung ano ang gagawin sa lalong madaling panahon." he finished writing on the paper.
Pinaglaruan ko ang bracelet ko, thinking of what Sheena was doing right now. Is she okay? How would I tell her? Would I tell her?
"You don't have to be scared, okay? I'll consult with some specialists and we'll make sure to lessen the need surgical interventions." Dr. Gamboa assured me.
I was hoping for my situation to get better pero nabigo ako. Mas lumala lang nang lumala hanggang sa kailangan ko na magsinungaling kay Sheena na busy ako sa school pero ang totoo, busy ako dahil sa check ups ko.
"If the drugs don't work on you, we would have to admit you in the ICU. Our main focus is to lessen the symptoms and pain without surgery because to be honest, Gwen, I don't think you can survive the surgery."
I sat on the closed toilet seat and covered my mouth with my closed fist. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko mula sa mga mata ko. I can't. God, I can't. I wiped my tears with my sleeves and covered my face.
Sheena. She can't lose me, sa akin siya halos kumakapit tuwing nakakaramdam siya ng pressure sa paligid niya. I don't want to go, please.
"Gwen?" katok ni Mommy sa pintuan.
I feel pathetic for crying inside the bathroom. Binuksan ko ang pinto at agad na niyakap si Mommy.
"Oh baby," she sniffed and I buried my face in her chest.
"I don't want to go, mom. Please. Please." I sobbed with my hands over my mouth.
"Kaya natin 'to anak, okay? You'll be okay. Baby ... everything's going to be okay." she brushed my hair and soothed my back.
"Mom? W-why does it have to be me? Magmula pagkabata ko, pinapahirapan na ako. I just started loving Sheena and my friends. I'm still not done with my life, Mommy. Hindi ko kaya." my lips quivered. Just as I started my future with her, it's already taken away fro me. She already lost her grandparents. I can't leave her.
I've thought about this. I don't want Sheena to suffer with me. I don't want her to be around when the time comes kaya kusa akong lumayo kahit ayaw ko. Nang mga panahong nagpapakahirap siyang kalimutan ako at laman siya ng bar, I badly wanted to see her and talk to her pero hindi ako pinapayagan. Home schooling na rin ako at madalas bisitahin ng mga classmates and prof ko.
Everything went smooth at kahit masakit sa akin ay nakakaya ko naman. But then, Mikha and Colet saw me with her kuya which was my assigned nurse together.
Now, she's here inside my hospital room, holding my hands tightly as our best friends were sitting on the couch. Walang nagsasalita sa amin pero naririnig ko ang mga matitipid na hikbi nila.
Lumapit si Sheena sa akin para tingnan ang mukha ko. "Gwen, bebe, ano ba talaga ang nangyayari?" I'm dying, Sheena.
"Is it worse? Bumalik ba ulit?" her voice softened.
I sobbed against her chest as she rubbed my back. "You knew?" I asked.
"Yes. My brother told me about it one vacation before Grade 11, nang magturo tayo sa mga bata." she told me.
It makes sense. Kaya pala palagi siyang may mga dalang pagkain noon na kapareho ng binibigay sa hospital noong nagpapagaling ako. That's why she she's so protective over me ... the sugar free foods she brings me, the less protein lunch. She already knew.
"Why did you stay with me? Alam mo namang may sakit ako." I said.
"My brother warned me about it dahil alam niyang hindi ko kakayanin. I witnessed my grandparents die, love. But I couldn't just stand here and wonder how it feels to love you." she painted a sad smile on her lips.
"Shee ..." I cried. "Love, I think, I'm dying."
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Hello! Sinong asa medical field dito? Usap tayo, I don't know much about metastic melanoma hihi bare with me, guys!