Sheena's POV
Everything was going fine. The smile on Gwen's face was starting to be a constant, lalo na noong pinakita ko sa kanya si Nael wearing a pink bowtie. She really wanna dress our boy with girlie stuff. She wanted me to go home so I could take care of him, but I was here to take care of her. Halos two weeks na sa ICU si Gwen. The symptoms were still showing but it was going fine.
Until today.
Today, I, with extra excitement in my body, repeatedly pushed the elevator button. Pinunasan ko ang pulso ko na may bagong tattoo. I got it yesterday. Nagpasama pa ako kay Aiah at Mikha para rito. I was excited to show Gwen because I knew she would love it.
All the excitement was replaced with anxiety when I saw Tita and Tito standing outside Gwen's room, with Tita's hand placed on her forehead while Tito's looking down. Anong nangyayari?
"Tita ..." I softly called. Agad siyang humarap, bakas ang mga luha sa mukha niya. She engulfed me with a hug as I stood there, without any expression.
"Gwen collapsed again after experiencing severe stomach ache. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari, Sheena. She ... she suddenly closed her eyes, her mouth .. it... i don't know what's happening."
I forced to swallow and sat on the floor. "They had to slip her into a medically induced coma para hindi lumala ang nararamdaman niya." tita explained.
Coma? I furrowed my eyebrows, not letting my tears fall as I maintained my breathing. "She's ... she's not gonna wake up?" Tumingin ako kay tito and he nodded.
"Not until her pain stops." he replied.
Agad akong tumayo at kinausap ang doktor ni Gwen. "Doc. How ... how is she?"
"Her CT just showed a progression. We had to put her into a coma para hindi lumala." he said. I blinked rapidly as the first tear escaped from my eye.
I was about to answer when Colet tapped my shoulder. Behind her were our other best friends looking worriedly at me. "Wake her up, please. I can ... I can give you a position here. My parents own this hospital. We can do something about it."
I fiddled with my car keys and put it on his hands. "Or. Here, take my Jeep. Just please..." a sob escaped from my lips. "Please heal her."
The doctor placed his hands on my shoulder. "Sheena," he called. "If we wake her up, mas lalo lang siyang mahihirapan."
I frowned and wiped my cheeks frustratingly. "Okay naman siya ah? She was ..." I breathed shakily. "She was doing okay... my fiancé was doing okay."
"Iyon ang pinapakita niya. Every second, her disease feels like it's eating her alive. Ganoon kalala ang sakit niya, Sheena. She's hurting but she didn't let you see it." the doctor said and excused himself.
Gusto kong manakit. Gusto kong magwala at magalit sa mundo. Fuck this shit! Hindi ko ba deserve sumaya? Ganito na ba ako kasama sa mata ng Diyos para pahirapan ako ng ganito? Kung oo, ako nalang. Ako nalang ang kunin.
Umiyak lang ako nang umiyak hanggang sa dalhin ako ng mga paa ko sa rooftop ng hospital. I opened her phone and directly went to her voice memos.
"Wow, day 2 ka na love? Hi, Shee." I already regretted opening this voice recording. Limang oras na akong nakaupo sa rooftop at limang oras ko na ring tinititigan ang voice recordings niya. Ngayon lang ako nagkalakas ng loob.
"Why did you open this? Am I currently asleep, or hindi na ako makapagsalita?"Â Â You're asleep, love. Really asleep at hindi ko alam kung kailan ka ulit gigising. "Hoy. Takot ka na naman siguro, Sheena 'no? You're scared that you haven't heard my voice today,"
I bit the inside of my cheek as tears continued flowing down my face. I am scared. I still am. Takot na takot ako, Gwen eh. Paano kung hindi ka na magising? Paano kung hindi ko na ulit makita ang mga mata mo?
"I know you cry at night, when the lights are low and when I'm fast asleep. Nararamdaman ko 'yong balikat mo. And I say to myself, I don't want to go. Not in a few days, not in a few years. I don't want to be the one to leave you. I've seen how you smile and how you cry. You're week, Sheena. I love how you don't try to hide it when you're with me. And that's okay, you know? Vulnerability makes us easier to love."
"I love you ... with every bit of me, with every flaw and every tear inside me." I captured my breath as I felt my chest tighten in pain. Physical pain.
"I love you. I love you so much," mahinang bulong ko sa hangin.
"Love, you are the flame that I'm willing to be consumed in, the ocean that I'm willing to sink in." Gwen was always good with words. She knows how to make one's heart flutter.
"I'm sorry. "Â Â she sniffed. "For meeting you in the wrong time, for loving you in the wrong lifetime."
I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed forcefully. "I love you, my Sheena. Huwag kang matatakot, okay? Gwen's here. I'm not going anywhere."
"Sana ... Sana gumaling na ako. I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we've suffered enough."Â I frowned while sobbing. Fuck. Fuck this.
I folded my legs up to my chest and buried my face in my arms.
I'm slowly losing her.
"I've been warped with the darkness of the night, for too many times. But the only times that matter are the times when you and I were watching the sunset to be over." I read from my journal. Naka upo ako sa upuan na nasa tabi ni Gwen. The doctors think that she can actually hear me, and I might help with her condition so I've been reading my journal to her for the past five days. After visiting hours, umaakyat ako sa rooftop para panuorin ang paglubog ng araw at makinig sa mga recordings niya.
I am currently reading the one during our College days when we're invited to our friends' gig.
Flashback
I saw her eyes close while swaying. She was so engrossed in the music. "Girl, you could be with anyone," I mouthed the lyrics to her. "So why you choosing me and not leaving me on my own?"
Gwen rolled her eyes playfully while smiling and placed a kiss on my cheek before dancing along with the chorus. "You can keep me warm on a cold night. Warm on a cold, cold night."
She brought her hand to her lips and stared at me. "I love you," she mouthed.
End of flashback
"The cold nights without you do not count, only the ones when your sunset-shaped eyes give out warmth like the sun itself." sinara ko ang journal ko pagkatapos basahin ang mga huling linya.
Pumasok ang nurse, indicating that the visiting hours were over. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead before walking to the door. Lumingin ako para tingnan siyang muli.
Wake up, Gwen.