I waited until the door shut behind him before I collapsed.
Sobs wracked my body as I sank onto the floor and finally let the full flood of my tears flow.
The words echoed in my head like a taunt, as did the image of Christianâs face before he left.
The agony in his eyes. The torment in his voice. The brokenness that I felt as surely as if it were my own because it My heart had splintered into a thousand jagged pieces, and they cut and cut until I couldnât stop bleeding.
It was very possible I might die right there, with my knees drawn to my chest and my trust in shambles.
I believed he was sorry, and I believed he loved me in whatever way he knew how.
But they didnât change the fact that our relationship had been built on a lie. He how much the stalker had traumatized me. How much I hated the invasion of privacy and loss of control over my own life.
Christian did what he did before the stalker showed up, but heâd sat on those files for years and never told me.
Heâd held all the cards while I held only the scraps he gave me.
Our power imbalance wasnât about money or security; it was about trust. Iâd always given more than I received from him.
The thought of him sitting at his desk and poking through the most intimate parts of my life with a mere press of a button sent another shiver down my spine.
I pulled my legs tighter to my chest and buried my face in my knees.
Iâd seen all the warning signs and ignored them because Iâd been too caught up in the excitement of falling in love for the first time.
I shouldâve been happy Christian was gone. Instead, my heart hollowed in my chest while a barrage of memories played in my head.
One week ago, weâd been in Italy, and weâd been happy.
Part of me wished Iâd never stumbled across that secret compartment or looked through those files. Then weâd still be happy, and I wouldnât be sitting in the ruins of what we used to be.
Christian was the only safe space I had, and now he was gone.
My gasping sobs filled the cocoon of my arms and legs. Iâd been crying so hard and for so long that my ribs hurt and I couldnât draw enough oxygen into my lungs.
I couldnât breathe. I couldnâtâI neededâ¦
âStella?â
I heard Avaâs voice followed by a knock, but the sounds were muted, like they were traveling to me underwater.
I was drowning in grief, and I didnât know how to pull myself out.
âItâs okay.â Avaâs voice was closer. She mustâve entered when I didnât answer. âOh, sweetie, itâll be all right. I promise.â
She wrapped her arms around me and rubbed soothing circles on my back while I leaned my head against her chest and cried until I ran out of tears.
Part of me had anticipated this crash from the beginning. My relationship with Christian had been too perfect, and nothing that good could last forever.
What I hadnât anticipated was how much the crash would break me.
But the most terrifying part wasnât my broken heart. It was the possibility that I might never be able to glue the pieces back together again.