Harlyn
I jolt awake when my bedroom door bangs open and someone yells "Happy Birthday!"
It takes me far too long to orient myself, sit up, and make out who's standing in my room this early in the morning. It's Elly. Of course it's Elly.
"What the -"
"Diana let us in," she says, sweeping farther into the room. Finley appears behind her, looking a bit more sheepish than Elly at busting into my room and waking me from a dead sleep. "We both work and have classes today and won't be seeing you until later, so we thought we'd come surprise you early." Elly shoves a cup of something warm into my hands and sets a donut on a paper towel in my lap.
Sure enough, Elly is in slacks and black and white striped button up shirt, looking ridiculously professional for her new office assistant position. She shoves my legs over and plants herself at the end of my bed. Finley stays at the door, leaning against the jam and smiling.
I'm still trying to get my brain to catch up, so I take a sip of what turns out to be tea and a bite of my donut before I'm able to speak.
"Well, this is...a nice surprise." I move over on the bed and pat the empty spot for Finley to sit. He sinks next to me and snags my donut to take a bite. "Hey. That's mine."
He shrugs. "There are more downstairs." He plants a sticky kiss on my cheek.
"You stole the birthday boy's donut."
"I stole the birthday boy's heart, too, and I don't see him complaining." He shrugs again and Elly snorts around a bite of her donut.
"Actually..." I snatch the donut back, ignoring his indignant whine. "I gave you my heart. I didn't give you my donut. If there are more downstairs, go get your own."
Finley raises both eyebrows at me. "Feisty."
"Are you two done flirting? It's too early for this," Elly grumbles.
"You knew what you were getting, bringing Finley with you."
"Well, I have to go anyway. I really do have work soon." She slides off the bed and presses kisses on both of our heads.
"Short visit. Sad," I pout.
She waves her hand at me. "Don't worry. I'll see you later, remember? We're taking you to dinner."
"Right. Thanks for the donuts! And the surprise!"
"You're welcome! Happy birthday, babes." She waves again as she wanders out the door.
Finley settles farther into my pillows, and I turn to stare at his profile. It's been less than a week since our first "proper date." I still feel bad about making it awkward at the restaurant. Despite all of Finley's reassurances that it's ok that I'm still slightly uncomfortable about being out, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I thought I was alright. I thought I'd come to terms with it. I thought... There's nothing I'd rather do than take Finley out and show him off and brag to the world that I have the cutest, sweetest boyfriend ever.
And then I did that. And for most of the time, it was totally fine. When the waiter came over...it was like my brain sent out a DANGER message to the rest of my body, even though the waiter had been nothing but kind. I still cannot figure out why I reacted like that, why I was nervous the rest of the night that someone would see us kissing in the square or holding hands while I walked him home. I've been incredibly lucky that the people in my life have been so accepting. Maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But today is my birthday! I'm going to hope that work goes quickly so I can get to the celebrations Elly has planned tonight. And, of course, right now I'm going to enjoy my few minutes with Finley before he has to rush off to class. Even if that means sharing my donut.
I break a piece off and pass it to him.
"Mm. Thank you." He takes it carefully. "So...do you feel older?"
I snort. "No. I never do. But as of three oh six this morning, I am twenty two. That's strange."
"So old."
"Oi! I'm only eight months older than you."
"Still." He brushes his fingers on my paper towel. "Well, unfortunately, I also have to go. My class starts soon."
I let out a decidedly pathetic whine and grab his hand before he can stand. "Can't you stay a little longer? Campus is literally around the corner."
"I wish I could. But I'm already cutting it close." He stands despite my hand clutching his and leans over to kiss me. It's sweet and passionate and far too brief. "But I'll see you as soon as you get off work this afternoon?"
"Absolutely." I pull him in for one more kiss. "I'm done at five."
"Great. I'm off at four, so I'll have time to shower." He tugs his hand out of my mine against my protests and spins in a circle, seemingly searching for something.
"What are you looking for?" I ask.
His eyes snag on a sweater over the back of my desk chair. "It's just a little chillier than I thought it was going to be today. Can I borrow a sweater?"
"Course."
"Thanks." He grabs the sweater from my chair and pulls it over his head. As he smooths it down, he stares down at it. "This is the one you were wearing when you and Elly took Max and me to the bus station when we left in May, isn't it?"
I tilt my head to one side, trying to remember what I wore that day. "Um. Maybe? I don't remember. How do you remember?"
"Because I stared at you the whole day so I could just...burn that image into my brain." He brings the collar to his nose and inhales.
"Does it smell like me?"
"Mm. Not really." He shrugs. "But it...feels like you. Is that weird? It just feels like you're giving me a hug, you know?"
"Well, that's good. I'll be giving you a hug all day." I stumble out of bed a bit ungracefully. "I'll walk you out."
He looks like he wants to protest but doesn't. He just turns and starts toward the front door. I follow, and Mum meets us at the bottom of the stairs.
"There's my birthday boy!" she exclaims, pulling me forward to kiss me on the forehead. "Happy birthday, darling!"
"Thanks Mum."
"Thanks for letting us in, Diana," Finley says as he finishes sliding his shoes on and hiking his backpack up his shoulder.
"Of course! I'm sure it made him happy."
"It did," I confirm. I kiss Finley before he can slip out the door. "Bye, love."
"Bye."
I turn from closing the door to find Mum smiling at me. "What?"
"Nothing. You two are just cute." She pulls at a stray curl on my forehead. "Oh, Marley said he called, and you didn't pick up."
"Probably because he always calls at three am and I'm asleep."
"He just wants to call -"
"At my exact birth time. I know. He's a weirdo."
"He's your brother."
"He's your son."
Mum smirks. "Touché, darling. I made you pancakes. Of course, this was before Finley and Elly brought donuts. So, if you want to wait -"
"No, I'm down for birthday pancakes."
***
No one at work says anything about my birthday, which I'm completely alright with. And when I'm finally done, I head straight to Elly and Finley's.
It's not my first time using my key, but I still call out a "Hello?" when I walk through the door. It still feels strange to walk into someone else's house, no matter how much they say it's ok.
"Harley!" Elly chirps from the couch. "I didn't think you'd get here until later."
"I told Finley I'd spend some time just the two of us before we go to dinner tonight."
"Should have guessed. He's in the shower. But I think he's almost done. Wanna sit?"
I sink onto the couch next to her and chat with her about our days at work while she shows me TikToks and memes. She's wanting to really deck out her room, so she asks my opinions on the inspiration board she has on Pinterest.
"I just...I mean, I decorated my room at Dad's, but that was years ago. I think it's the same color you helped me paint it in Year Nine." She clicks on another post, a picture of a queen bed draped in deep turquoise and gold. "I know I can't paint since we're renting. But there's temporary wallpaper. And pillows and Command hooks to hang stuff. I really want to take advantage of being here for more than just a few months."
"That sounds great, El. If you need any help putting stuff up or...well, you know I'm not great with design elements, but I'd be more than happy to go shopping with you and smile and nod."
She smiles and rolls her eyes. "My favorite kind of shopping trip, honestly.
"I'm sure Finley and the girls would love to help, too."
"What would we like to help with?" Finley appears in the living room doorway, rubbing a towel over his hair. He has my sweater on again.
"Decorating Elly's room."
"Oh, we've already had a whole roommate consultation on it," he informs me.
Elly makes an excited little noise in the back of her throat. "We also started Finley's wedding Pinterest board. Had a whole conversation about it over dinner the other night."
I turn a stunned look on Finley, who blushes to the tips of his ears. "Wedding?" I choke.
"Just a bit of fun, Harley. Don't get your knickers in a twist," Elly chirps. "Don't tell me you've never thought about how your wedding will be?"
I run a hand over the back of my neck. "Um. I can't say that I have, actually."
"Hm. We'll have to rectify that." Elly pumps her eyebrows at me.
"Another time. Wanna come upstairs with me?" Finley interrupts. He's lounging against the doorframe still, clearly enjoying my discomfort, but he's still blushing hard.
"Take him." Elly practically shoves me off the couch. "I'm sure you have some fabulous, sappy birthday present for him waiting up there."
If possible, Finley blushes harder and ducks into the stairwell without responding. With a shrug at Elly, I follow at a more leisurely pace. And when I catch up to him, he's standing in the middle of his room, absentmindedly scrubbing at the back of his head with his towel.
"You alright, love?"
He spins to face me and blurts, "I didn't actually get you anything."
"Oh. That's ok," I say, blinking at him. He's got that jumpy look in his eyes that I hate.
"No, it's not."
"Yes it is."
He sighs deeply. "No, it's not. You're my boyfriend. This is our first birthday together in person. You got me a lovely present and -"
"I sent you English chocolate and a lame card," I remind him, stepping forward to put my hands on his biceps.
"And I got you nothing. Nada. Zip. God, I'm pathetic. You should just dump me now." He spins away and flops dramatically on his bed face down.
I snort. "I'm not going to dump you."
He turns his head to mutter, "Why not? I'm giving you an out. You can avoid future crappy and/or nonexistent birthday presents."
"Finley, calm down. Look at me." I sit on the bed next to him and push his damp hair out of his eyes. "What's this all about?"
"I wanted to get you something per- " He cuts himself off and swears under his breath.
"What?"
He sighs heavily again and sits up against his pillows, hugging his knees to his chest. "I did exactly what I told you not to on our date last week. I wanted to get you something...perfect." He shoots me a sad smile. "But I couldn't think of anything. Everything sounded too lame or weird or...I don't know. And I just kept thinking and thinking and then it turned to worrying and panicking. And so, I didn't do anything. Nothing. Here we are. I'm having an anxiety attack on a day that's supposed to be about you, and I don't even have anything to show for it. If I came up with something good at least my anxiety would be useful."
"Hey." I lay a hand on his knee and squeeze. "First of all, I don't care about presents. I don't need anything. I have you. You're a pretty amazing present."
"I know I say this a lot, but I believe that's the sappiest thing you've ever said to me." He covers my hand with his, still in a tight ball and chewing his lip.
"Good. Constantly outdoing myself. Second, just because this is our first birthday together doesn't mean it has to be perfect. I get it. That's how last week felt. It was our first real date. And it feels big. Everything feels big and new and like it's the first and last time anything will ever happen. But we'll have more birthdays."
"Yeah, I guess." He's quiet for a moment but finally uncurls his legs and sit crisscross with my hand cupped in both of his. "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for? I just covered it all!"
"I'm being all weird and making your birthday about me."
I scoot closer to him. "Love, no. I know this is how your brain works. And you're making my day about how much you love me. You love me so much that you panicked about getting me the perfect gift. That's pretty amazing."
"I panic about everything. It's kind of my thing."
"Will you just let me comfort you?" I chuckle.
"Sorry." But he smiles, ducking his head to play with my hand. "Well, how about this? We have a couple hours until the girls will be ready to take you to dinner. If you could do anything right now what would it be?"
"Take a rocket ship to the moon."
He folds farther forward and laughs, pressing my palm to his lips. When he sits back up, he says, "Let me rephrase. If you could do anything - in Canterbury and preferably rather inexpensively because I am a broke Uni student - what would it be?"
"Hm. We could walk along the river. Share a milkshake. Or go see a movie after dinner. We can always do something another day, too. It doesn't have to be right now."
He considers for a moment, tracing the lines on my hand. And then he jumps up. "Ok. Then let's go."
"Wait, where are we going?"
"I'll surprise you." He grabs both of my hands and pulls me up. "But first -" He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips. "I haven't kissed you yet."
I happily drown in his mouth, forgetting about everything and everyone outside of our little bubble. When Finley pulls back and doesn't dive back in again, I stare at him, catching my breath.
"That-That can just be my present, if you want."
He giggles. "I think you'll like my idea. Come on."
Elly reminds us to be back by seven as we pass her on the way out the front door. And then we're off, winding through the streets. Finley has my hand and is pulling me along, practically jogging and rambling on that he can't believe he didn't think about this earlier. When we cross over High Street, I have an inkling of where he's taking me, but I don't say anything until we're standing in front of the Eleto Chocolate Café, the very place I told him I thought about kissing him for the first time.
He grins at me before pulling in and up the stairs. We snag the table we were at last time and order milkshakes and chocolate covered strawberries to share. He quips about having dessert before dinner, and we talk. And talk. And talk. And over the empty glasses and plate, I press a quick peck to his lips, not even looking around first. It's less than a second. But it feels big to me. And it seems it's big to Finley, too, because he grins the rest of the time we're there.
When we get back to his flat, Polly and Francesca thunder down the stairs to tell me happy birthday. And then we're off again, Elly sweeping us out of the flat and to Old Weavers, a nice restaurant on the river that I've been to a handful of times. There's laughter and catching up and teasing Francesca about her boyfriend who I've only met once even though I've known her for almost a year and I'm at their flat every other day.
Elly informs me that they'll be "taking me out properly" to a club this weekend and that they would've tonight, but since it's a weeknight they decided it wouldn't have been very responsible.
"Since when are you responsible?" I demand.
She throws her balled up straw wrapper at me. And then she turns to Polly to ask which club they're going to choose.
I turn to Finley where he's tucked under my arm as close as he can get. "Are you going to come?"
"Of course. We're celebrating you."
"Are you going to be alright? You know...at a club and everything?"
His face softens. "I'll be fine. I know what to expect this time. And as long as you don't lose me in the crowd, it'll be great."
I gaze at him, and it hits me. It was like I was telling Max the other day: Relationships are hard. And weird. We're both worried about messing up or doing something wrong. But we're both trying, putting ourselves out there. That's all we need to do, right? Try. And we're trying.