Finley
When I broke the news to Amelia that I decided to live with Elly and the girls instead of her, she was gracious and understanding, of course, but made me promise to visit as much as I could. So, I take Mom, Dad, and Bridget to visit her on Sunday, and it's a beautiful reunion. And my parents love her. (Not surprising.)
She tells us about the student moving in next week and makes us the most delicious BLTs I believe I've ever had. And after movie night with the girls and falling asleep in Harlyn's arms for the second night in a row, I have hope that everything will work out.
Harlyn is scheduled every day, so he's only able to join us once for a tour of the Cathedral Tuesday morning. Mom and Dad seem less agitated around him and Bridget grills him with all the questions she can think of about the cathedral. It's a tiny bit surprising, since I never thought she was a history buff. Either she's been hiding it, she didn't know herself, or she's being a good sister and engaging my boyfriend. It's the last possibility that shocks me to my core. Because I realize that's exactly what she's doing.
And Mom and Dad are doing it, too, in their own way. Other than a few comments from Mom about how I should've stuck with my plan to live with Amelia, they've been all smiles. They don't even complain when we go our separate ways at the end of the night so I can go back to the flat - my flat. Apparently their spontaneous anniversary dinner on Saturday night did some good - another thing I need to thank Bridget for - and I have a suspicion that they're just as entranced by England as I was. Still am. Even though I've wandered the grounds of Canterbury Castle and walked the top of the city wall from end to end, it doesn't get old.
Wednesday morning, we take the train into London, and I have to remind my overactive mind that I'm coming back. It helps when Harlyn texts when we're just outside the city.
Harlyn: I'll see you Friday, love.
There's so much I want to show them in London, but I can tell they're losing a bit of steam. So, we take it slow, taking the tube as much as we can while still taking in the sights. They had their requests, so we're sure to see Buckingham Palace for Mom, the Victoria and Albert Museum for Dad, and the Globe Theater for Bridget.
"Are you like a closeted history buff?" I ask as we wander through the museum part of the theater.
She chuckles. "Maybe. Or maybe I'm just asking Mr. Bixby for a recommendation for a campus job and, as you know, he's a huge Shakespeare buff that would totally take this as buttering up."
"Of course," I say. "I hope you get the job."
"I do, too. Gotta pay for school somehow."
A pit sinks in my stomach at the thought of looking for a job, but I stuff it aside. I can start thinking about that next week.
Our last stop on Friday morning is the Tower of London. It's the big finale so to speak, since it was on all three of their lists as somewhere they definitely wanted to go. I don't think they were prepared for all of the execution education, but it's still a huge success.
And then it's time. We pick up our suitcases from the hotel, take the tube to Paddington station, and find our way to the overground trains. They pick up tickets, and we stand rather awkwardly outside the stiles. This is a very public place for goodbyes. But it made the most sense. So here we are.
"Well, I guess this is where we say goodbye," Bridget says slowly. She actually has tears in her eyes. So does Mom. I don't know how to deal with any emotions from my family other than annoyance.
"I'm not going off to war," I joke.
Bridget rolls her eyes and gives me a tight squeeze around my waist. "Love you, Fin."
"I...love you, too, Bridg."
Mom squeezes me next. "Just...stay safe, yeah?" I nod.
Dad claps a hand on my shoulder. "You're sure about this, bud?"
"Absolutely positive," I say, puffing out my chest with as much confidence as I can muster.
"Alright then." He doesn't look at all convinced, but there's acceptance in his eyes, too. And not the kind of reluctant acceptance that was there when I told them I got accepted to Christ Church. Actual, legitimate acceptance. Progress?
Mom sneaks another hug in, and I watch them swipe through the turnstiles, wave one more time, and lug their luggage onto the train. And then I'm alone. In London. If I didn't have my overnight bag and I wasn't meeting Elly in an hour, I might take more time in the city. I'm already running late, so I hurry back down to the Underground. When I transfer onto the Overground heading south, I realize I have a lot of time to think. Too much time.
I'm not sure how to feel about the last few days. I had a lot of conflicting feelings already about my family coming to help me settle in. Now, they're...even more conflicted. I had fun showing them around. They were...bearable. Enjoyable, even. All summer, I've been trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, saying over and over that they're trying. I'm actually starting to believe that. And yet...
I can't truly believe it. All I can think about is how...disappointed they seemed when I came out, like they loved me just a little less. How all Bridget seemed to be able to talk about this summer was them and how annoyed she was. Yes, we talked about other things, but if I hadn't complained with her or if I had given in to what my parents wanted me to do, she might not have kept coming to my room.
It seems to be a pattern in my life. I'm just...not enough for some people. I know that's my anxiety speaking. I know that I should be telling it to back off, reminding it that I do have people who love me just as I am. Like Harlyn. And Elly. And Max.
Max. Our goodbye had more tears than the one I just had with my parents. We haven't had time to call or anything yet, but he's texted a lot. And the group chat with us and Harlyn and Elly got a jump start. But even over the summer it felt like we were being yanked apart. He moved to Peoria. Got a new job. Made new friends. Got a girlfriend. It's stupid. I know it's stupid. It's so stupid that I call him, hoping the train Wi-Fi is strong enough for a video call.
"Sup, Fin!" Max answers.
I can't help the grin that takes over my face. He's sitting next to Dana, who's smiling at me widely, and they're both eating burgers on what I think is his couch. Everything's fine. We're ok.
"Hi, Finley," Dana mumbles around a fry.
"Hey guys," I greet.
"Everything ok?"
"Oh. Yeah. Fine." I scoot down in my chair. "Just dropped my family off at the station to go to the airport. I have a bit on the train before I get to Murkwood for the wedding. Thought I'd see if you were up to talk for a bit."
Max grins. "Obviously. I'm always up to talk to you."
I take a deep breath. I'm being silly. My anxiety is being silly. My parents are trying. Bridget is trying. And Max and I are just fine.
We talk until the train pulls into the Murkwood station. Elly's waiting on the platform for me, like the fantastic friend she is, and she immediately grabs my phone when she realizes I'm talking to Max. They don't get to talk long before the train moves on, the not-so-great-to-begin-with Wi-Fi is lost completely, and the call drops. I send him a quick text and then pull Elly into a hug.
"God, it's good to see you," I whisper.
"Mm. Didn't realize you'd miss me so much, babes," she says, hugging me back just as tight. "Rough few days?"
I hum. "Yes and no. It was...fine. Just happy to see you. And excited for this weekend."
She pulls back and slings her arm through mine. "I am, too." She tugs me down the station steps. "Alright. Dad and Thomas are at the hotel. We can drop your bag off there and go see your boy. Did you eat lunch?"
"Yeah, I grabbed food with my family before they left."
"Perfect. Then we can head right to the inn."
We swing by a little B&B, and I meet Elly's dad, a hulking man who looks just like Elly. He's quiet but has a kind smile and gives me a hug as a greeting.
"I see where Elly gets her hugs," I tell him.
"Mm. That's all her mother," he informs me, smiling wistfully at Elly over my shoulder
Her brother, Thomas, is tall and stick thin and lighter skinned. He greets me with a wave and Elly with a ruffle of her hair. It's first time I'm meeting Elly's family, and they seem to just...work. They're warm and smiley and snarky just like Elly is, and I like them immediately.
After a couple minutes of chatting, Elly pulls me to the second room, right next door to the one that Elly's dad and Thomas are sharing. It's small but cozy, a queen bed pushed against one wall and an overstuffed chair in the corner next to the TV.
"You think Harlyn's going to be jealous of us sleeping together?" she teases.
I choke on a laugh. "Only if you say it like that."
Murkwood is a quintessential English village. There's a narrow winding cobblestone road up a shallow hill to the church. Shops line the street, and even narrower streets break off here and there and lead to rows of brick houses. Elly points out Mel's family's inn as soon as we get close enough. It's at the bottom of the hill and lit up beautifully by strings of white Christmas lights.
A few frazzled men hurry past us with even more white Christmas lights tucked under their arms, and we just barely sidestep a couple teenagers with armfuls of garlands as we enter through the front door. The foyer is all dark wood and stucco, decorated with paintings. A steep staircase arches up and around to our left and a reception desk sits to our right.
A young girl at the desk looks up and spots us. "Hi! Are you here for the wedding?"
Before we have a chance to answer, Diana comes hurrying down the stairs, carting a roll of cream tulle. "Elly! Finley! Perfect timing." She dumps the tulle into Elly's arms. "Elly, you can help me wrap the banister. Finley, Harlyn's in the backyard. I'm sure they can use some help."
I give a sloppy salute and wind through the inn as best I can. A few helpful people point me in the right direction to the back door and across the grass to a large wedding tent on a stone slab. I stop on the stone path through the backyard to take it in.
The tent has to be at least semi permanent because it looks like it's been up for months. I don't want to think about how much work it takes to keep it from blowing over or getting torn. It's worth it, though. The tent is huge and full of circular tables surrounding an open area that must be the dance floor. The tables are decked out in white and sage tablecloths and adorned with white, green, and gold centerpieces. The sun is just starting to set, lighting up the tent in pinks and purples, and the fairy lights are little yellow orbs glowing through the fabric. On the other side of the tent, the grass continues down a gradual slope to a little grove of trees. It's absolutely breathtaking.
Mel is the first to spot me as she hurries from the tent, hair thrown up in a sloppy bun and dressed in a full white jogging suit with BRIDE bedazzled on the back of it.
"Finley! There you are. Harlyn was worried he'd miss you," she exclaims, snagging my elbow and dragging me to the far end of the tent.
"Miss me?" I squeak, sidestepping once again to barely avoid taking out an old woman with a towering stack of tablecloths.
"We're leaving for the hen and stag dos soon - heading into London. He wanted to make sure he saw you."
When Harlyn turns from struggling to hang fairy lights on the edge of the tent and smiles at me as we get closer, I feel the warmth all the way to my toes.
"Finley!" he exclaims. The chair he's on wobbles precariously, and I suck in a breath and throw out my arms.
"Careful!"
He regains his balance and steps slowly off the chair to hug me. "I've missed you."
"I missed you too."
"Where's Elly? I thought she was going to come down, too." He pulls back but keeps one hand in mine.
"She was recruited by your mom to help wrap the banister?" I say, hoping that makes some sort of sense to the two of them.
Mel's face lights up. "Oh, if they're already doing that, they're way ahead! Perfect. We might be able to leave for London early!" She skips off, and I raise an eyebrow at Harlyn.
"She's a little excited," he says. "You wanna help? You can tell me all about London while you hold my chair."
"And help you not die? My pleasure."
I hold his chair steady while he hooks the last few strands of fairy lights, and I give a recap of the last few days. I keep most of the worry and anxiety to myself for now. There are a lot of people milling around, mostly chatting now that most of the decoration seems to be done, and I don't want to spill all of my secrets to the entire village of Murkwood.
Marley appears too soon and tells Harlyn they're leaving in ten minutes. He ruffles my hair as he leaves again, and for some inexplicable reason, I feel like I might cry. I feel more accepted among this throng of strangers than I have all week. And I feel even more confused than ever.
Harlyn must see the emotions written all over my face, because he cups my jaw in one hand and runs his other through my hair. He knows just how to soothe me. God, I love him.
I love him. Of course I do.
How haven't I put that into words yet? I've thought about it, right? Probably. But not when he's looking at me like this. Not when he's so close, and I want to just blurt it out right now. But there are still people around, and he has to leave soon. He starts talking before I say anything, anyway.
"How are you really doing, love?" He moves the hand in my hair to the other side of my face.
I give as convincing a smile as I can. "I'm ok. I'm excited for tomorrow. And I'm...living in the moment."
He squints at me. "Alright. I'll let that slide for now. But once this crazy weekend is over, we're talking more about this, yeah?"
"Ok."
I walk with him to the foyer where the bridal party is waiting for him. He presses a lingering kiss to my lips that gets a couple hoots from Marley.
"I gotta go. But I'll see you in the morning?"
"Yeah."
And he's swept out of the inn and into the night.