Finley
I sneak glances back at Harlyn taking pictures on the steps of the church until we're so far down High Street that I can't make anything out anymore. Elly has her hand hooked through my elbow and is smiling at me.
"You're so smitten," she murmurs. "I mean, I know that, but...seeing you two together again? It makes me happy."
"Thanks, El."
We're halfway to the inn when Elly says, "If you marry Harlyn -"
"Excuse me?" I choke.
"Purely hypothetical," she assures. "I mean, do I have a bet going with Max about when it's going to happen? Yes. And do I think I'll win? Obviously. But it's purely hypothetical."
"O-Okay," I stutter.
She nods. "If you marry Harlyn - or whenever you get married, I guess - do you think it will be anything like this?"
I think for a moment. I've only ever thought about my wedding once, when we toured Leeds Castle last semester and Elly mentioned that you can get married there. But it was in passing, a flash of wistful dreams that I'd never let myself think about before. Anything past that...well, to be frank, my anxiety didn't let me think past that.
"I don't know," I answer. "I mean, Murkwood is beautiful. A little English village wedding? Sounds nice. We wouldn't, uh, we wouldn't be able to get married in the church I don't think. I don't know. I've never really thought about it?"
"Getting married? Or what your wedding would be like?"
"Both, I guess." I shrug. "I... well, I tried not to hope for a husband, a lifelong partner. I didn't want to think about how my parents would react to that, how that would work out for me. If that would work out for me. And picturing my wedding? That was just...I don't know. Too much hope. Plus, I wouldn't even know where to start."
She hums. "Well, I can help with that. And I'm sure Francesca and Polly would love to help you Pinterest board your future wedding."
"Oh really?"
"Of course. I bet you both of them have, at the very least, ideas of what dress they want to wear."
"Well, I'm not really into wearing a dress."
"Your suit, then." She bounces a little. "We'll start when we get home."
I don't have the heart to tell her no. And honestly? I don't want to. I'm on a high. A wedding high. A Murkwood high. An I-met-Harlyn's-grandma-and-she-doesn't-hate-me high. A Harlyn high. A high not even my anxiety can tough right now. And that's beautiful.
***
Everyone praises us for our help with the pork roast. And even though I assure them all I did was listen to Renee and May, they insist on telling me how good it was anyway. I'm not sure who told them that I helped, but since dinner is just for the bridal party, family, and close friends, I guess there aren't many suspects to choose from.
I get to sit in between Elly and Harlyn at dinner in the inn's little dining room, and Harlyn holds my hand the whole time. It forces me to eat with my left hand. But I don't complain. Elly's dad and brother, Harlyn's parents, and Nan sit with us, and I get to hear stories of when Harlyn and Marley were young. Elly's dad has the funniest, since apparently Marley and Thomas spent a lot of time at their house when they were in school. A lot of his stories involve Elly's mom, and I listen extra close to those.
After dinner, I help with clean up.
"You don't have to, you know," Harlyn says, following me into the kitchen with a stack of plates. He lost his suit coat at some point, and I'm not sure where it ended up. He hasn't left my side since he got back from the church.
"I know. I want to," I tell him.
"It's a family affair, Harlyn," Diana says from the sink, parroting what everyone has been saying all day. "Finley's family. He gets to help. That's how it works."
I raise a cocky eyebrow at Harlyn and set my load of dishes on the counter.
The dinner guests move out to the tent after everything's cleaned up. It looks like it did last night, lit by the slowly setting sun and hundreds of fairy lights. Harlyn leads me to a table near the middle, just off the dance floor. Marley and Mel have their own two person table right at the mouth of the tent with a view of the tree line and the sunset.
The reception guests appear in waves, finding their tables and then flocking to the other end of the tent for snacks - bread and cheese and tarts and bites of cheesecake. Harlyn disappears without warning and comes back with two plates full of food.
"Should I feed you?" he asks.
"Um, no," I say. "No. The smashing cake in each other's faces in reserved for Marley and Mel today."
"Party pooper."
The maid of honor and best man give their speeches with just the right amount of corny jokes and tears of happiness. Marley gives an unexpectedly moving serenade to Mel. And then it's Mel's turn.
"I met Marley on my first day of classes in my first year of Uni. Just two kids from Kent trying to adjust to life up north. It was year one maths, wasn't it?" Marley nods in confirmation. "And we became really fast friends, often sharing notes even though neither of us had any idea what we were doing." The crowd laughs.
"It wasn't until the middle of our third year that I realized I liked him a bit more than just friends. And lucky for me, he felt the same. That last semester when Marley and I were first dating, I took a Shakespeare class, and we read Much Ado About Nothing. This line jumped out at me. 'For which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?'" She pauses, and Marley takes her hand.
"I know I'm not an easy person to love sometimes - most of the time. And Marley has certainly seen all my bad parts. But he loves me just the same. And I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life loving him, and having all my bad parts loved by him. I love you, Mar."
Marley jumps up and pulls her into a kiss, and everyone cheers. They wander into the middle of the floor for their first dance and look so ridiculously happy, eyes only for each other.
I stare at the side of Harlyn's face as he watches them, a mix of joy and sadness on his face. And I think about the first time Harlyn saw me in the midst of a panic attack, sitting on the floor of a bathroom stall crying. We'd only known each other for a month, and still he crawled under the stall door and sat with me until Max came. He didn't know what to do, didn't know what was happening. But he was still there, holding me. I have a lot of bad parts and yet he stays.
Diana steps in to dance with Marley, and Mel's dad twirls her away. There isn't an MC or wedding coordinator that I've seen. It just seems that everyone knows their part and plays it. Dancing is no different. After watching the four sway for a bit, on some unseen and unheard cue, other couples join them. They fill the dance floor slowly, a quiet din rising as more food is collected and people wander through the grass outside the tent.
Harlyn turns to me. "You wanna dance?
"Uh. I-I've never, uh, danced with anyone. Slow danced. Well, with Max. But that's Max. That doesn't count and -"
"Finley," he interrupts, smiling. "Do you want to dance with me?"
I swallow and keep myself from glancing around. I've made it this far without freaking out. I can do this. "Yes."
He grins and pulls me to the outskirts of the dance floor. It takes an awkward amount of time to get out hands in the right places on hips and shoulders. I try to distract myself from the people around us. I don't think they're staring, but we haven't been this openly affectionate yet. I mean, I guess we did kiss while I was helping him decorate last night. But there weren't many people around. God, why is my anxiety rearing its ugly head now? Safely in Harlyn's arms? Surrounded by amazing people? I shake my head a little, trying to root myself in the moment. In the now.
Of course, Harlyn notices. "What's that shake for? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, of course," I whisper. I finally look around us. No one is paying us any attention. Well, Elly is staring, grinning from our table. But that's nothing new. "Just...new, you know? We haven't, uh, you know."
"Been out? Here?" he supplies.
"Yeah. I mean, we did a little in Paris, but not here."
He tightens his hold on me. "It's nice."
"It is." I search his face and find that same mix of sadness and happiness. "How are you, sweetheart?"
"I'm good, I think." He tilts his head to one side. "It's a happy day. But I wasn't expecting to be so emotional. I mean, they've been dating for years. They've been living together for forever. I've gotten used to Marley not living at home, that sort of thing. But this just... I don't know. It's weird."
"It feels like he's leaving again."
His eyes widen a little. "Yeah. I guess it does."
"Well, he's not." I hook my hands around the back of his neck. "And neither am I."
"I'm so glad."
I pull him in closer and press our cheeks together. "Have I told you how handsome you look?"
He lets out a breath of a laugh. "No, I don't believe you have. At least not today. And after I so graciously complimented you earlier."
"After I threatened you with a towel," I remind him. "You do. Look handsome. The suit is perfect, and the green brings out your eyes and -" He pulls back just far enough to press his lips to mine. It's a quick kiss, almost a peck, and then he moves back again to stare at me. "What was that for?"
"You're just...it's just nice to hear this not over a crappy Wi-Fi connection through a pixelated video call." He pulls me close again, moving his hands from my waist to my back. "It's just so nice to have you here."
I don't quite know what to say to that, so I don't say anything. I place a kiss to his jaw just below his ear just as the song winds down. His mom swoops in for the next one, and I retreat to our table, watching them sway back and forth and chat. There's still anxiety swirling in my stomach, but it's just an itch as I watch him. He smiles at something his mom says, twirls her under his arm, and backs up to purposely bump into Marley and Mel.
I love him. There are still so many people, so many eyes and ears. But I have to tell him, or I'll burst.
A new song starts, and Harlyn kisses his mom on the cheek before heading back my way. To my relief, he doesn't ask me to dance again. The song playing is a bit too upbeat for my dance moves. He simply sits back in his chair and takes a sip of water. I stare at his profile again, drinking in him. I can't seem to get enough.
He catches me staring. "What?"
"Nothing. I -" I take a deep breath. "I love you."
He freezes, eyes wide, a smile stretching across his face. Before I can start rambling, explaining myself like my anxiety so desperately wants to, he leans in and kisses me. "Say it again."
"Harlyn..."
"Say it again."
"No."
"Please."
I huff and fold my arms over my chest, feeling very exposed. "I love you."
He drops his forehead against mine. "God, I love you, too."
The rambling explanations still come out despite the elation coursing through my entire body. "You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I know it's kind of out of the blue. I just needed to. I -"
"Love," he says, pulling his chair closer so his knees bracket mine. "I'm not saying it because I feel like I have to. I'm saying it because I mean it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He tugs at my sleeves until my arms unfold and he can grab my hands. "I love you a lot. I've wanted to tell you for...forever. Just hadn't found a time to say it yet."
I blink at him. "For...forever? How long is forever?"
"At least a couple months." He shrugs. "I didn't want to say it over video call. I wanted to...kiss you. Hug you. And then...well, I was going to say it your first night here, but you fell asleep. And we haven't had a whole lot of alone time this week. Any, actually. And...you beat me to it, I guess."
"Sorry."
He raises an eyebrow. "You're going to apologize for saying you love me?"
"It's what I do, you know that."
"Well, you never have to apologize for that." He takes my face in his hands and kisses me.
It's a kiss full of hope and love and joy and...I don't even know what else. But I trust him. I'm terrified. I just opened myself up for so much pain if -
But no. Harlyn loves me for who I am, bad parts and all. I have to trust that.