Chapter 18

Chapter 18

‘What kind of situation is this? Why am I about to lose my life? Still, this isn’t the right time to think about this and that.’

Amoide’s eyes became increasingly ferocious. My legs were shaking rapidly. It was really difficult for me to even stand on my own feet. So, in the end, I collapsed.

“Your Grace, please…” I looked at him desperately while folding my hands. My fingertips trembled.

“Pl-please spare me…” I was shaking with extreme fear. “I-I need to take care of my younger siblings… I can’t die yet…”

Despite my plea, he only stared at me coldly. The dagger was still in his hand.

“Please…”

At that moment, Amoide raised the dagger.

“Hiick…”

Swish… A silver light was reflected as the dagger was swung in the air.

I closed my eyes tightly. ‘Is this really the end?’ I had been trapped in a spiral of debt for so long. I thought that I finally found a lifeline, but it turned out to be just a broken rope. ‘I can’t even see my younger siblings for the last time…’ A lot of thoughts passed through my head in such a short time.

“…”

Even after some time, I didn’t feel any pain. So, I gathered my courage and opened my eyes slowly. He was still there, staring at me with the dagger in his hand. When I made eye contact with him, a thin smile appeared on his face. He brought the knife to his left arm and slit it.

“W-what are you doing… Ahhh!” I screamed when I saw the blood trickling down his left arm.

“You’re noisy.” He said with a frown. In the meantime, his blood kept flowing out. “Nevermind, keep screaming. It’s not a bad idea.”

“Ahhh…! Pardon?” Trembling, I asked back. My mind was a complete mess, and I couldn’t organize my thoughts properly.

“The maids must be out there.”

I couldn’t understand what he meant, so I just looked up at his face stupidly.

“It’s the first night of a newlywed. If it’s too quiet, they’ll feel suspicious.”

“…”

Amoide extended his bleeding arm over the white bedsheet. Drip. Drip. Blood began to fall over the snow-white linen. One drop, two drops. The dripping red blood began to form circles on the bedsheet. Confused, I could only stare at him blankly.

After seeing a few drops of his blood smear the bedsheet, he retracted his arm. Then, Amoide tore a piece of cloth from the shirt he was wearing and pressed it against his bleeding forearm. “Help me out a bit.”

“Pardon? Ah-yes…” As if possessed, I stood up and approached him. I took that torn piece of cloth, used it to cover the wound and stop the bleeding. As I saw the bleeding gradually stopped, I heaved a sigh of relief. “Erm…”

“What?”

Due to his abrupt reply, I flinched for a moment before asking, “May I know why is Your Grace doing this?”

He looked me in the face and said provocatively, “Do you want to sleep with me then?”

I lowered my eyes at his blunt response.

“Only when you manage to bear my child will you get the reward from the distinguished duchess.” He seemed to be grinding his teeth as he spoke.

“…”

“I don’t know what the duchess promised you, but you won’t be able to get what you want. So, keep it under your hat.”

“About this…” I tried to grasp the meaning behind his words. ‘He wants me to pretend that we did ‘it,’ right?’

He immediately added his words, “It means you won’t bear my child. Even in the future.”

It was a bolt out of the blue. The only goal for this contractual marriage was to bear his child. Bewildered, I asked him, “Doesn’t Your Grace want to have your own children?”

“That’s what the duchess wants.”

It felt strange to hear him referring to his mother as “duchess” in an affectionate tone. For a moment, I even wondered if he was not Camilla’s real son.

“She’s really my biological mother.” As if he could read my thoughts, Amoide added.

Surprised at his words, I stammered, “A-ah, yes.” I quickly turned my head and cleared my throat.

“At times like this, I’d rather not have my sickly blood passed to my children. It seems that she is worried that her son’s life span is decreasing, so she just sends a woman whom I don’t even know to my bedroom. Just to bear my successor.”

‘And I am the one who agreed to do that nonsense.’ I couldn’t even raise my head, although he was just expressing his disapproval toward Camilla’s decision because I was also a part of her decision.

‘What the hell am I doing…really…’ I heard that he was sick. So, I naturally assumed that he might not have much time left. Thus, I signed the contract with his mother to bear his successor. I was so busy thinking about my ever-growing debt that needed to be paid soon and my younger siblings’ livelihood, so I didn’t even try to think about it from his point of view.

I couldn’t imagine what his thoughts about this contract would be. I should’ve considered how a man would feel if he was forced to sleep with a woman whom he didn’t love, just to bear his successor.

“I’m sorry…I’m really sorry…hngh, hngh…” My tears fell on the piece of cloth wrapped around his forearm.

“Why are you crying?” He asked bewilderedly.

“I’m just…”

He looked at me silently.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…hngh…” My words were blurred due to my sobbing. Nevertheless, I kept apologizing again and again. ‘I’ll go to the duchess and ask her to annul this marriage. Yeah, I’m such a crazy woman. No matter how desperate I am for money, how could I sign a contract to bear someone’s child?’

At that moment, the faces of my younger siblings popped into my mind, one by one. I still could remember their eager eyes and gleeful laughter.

[ Sister, can I really go to school? ]

Edgar, who was especially smart, looked as though he had the world under his feet when I told him that he could finally go to school. He never expressed it before, but I know it had been his lifelong wish. Lilyn, the second child, had always liked books. Since there were only a few books at home, she just read them over and over again until the corners of the books became worn out.

[ Sister, this is so delicious. ]

The twins, Melia and Tina, had good appetites due to their growth spurts. Austin, the youngest, was only five years old and still needed a lot of care. If it weren’t for the money sent by the duchess, they would collapse right away. Even the small house they were living in now was provided by her.

I couldn’t bear to take these away from them. I wouldn’t have the courage to sign the contract in the first place if it wasn’t for my younger siblings. However, I could make ends meet if I go back and I work as hard as before.

But that was all. There was a limit to what I could do. Expensive tuition, new books, and delicious food. Even if I work my fingers to the bone, I couldn’t provide them with all of those things since I needed to pay the never-ending debt as well.

“Please…” I raised my head as I pleaded.

Amoide’s gaze followed me. I lost. In front of him, I begged on bended knee. He stared at me with narrowed eyes.

“Please don’t tell the duchess about this. Today, I’m…”

“Of course, I won’t tell her.”

“Y-yes?” I raised my head in surprise. I tried to read his countenance, yet I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.

“I said I wouldn’t tell her. Why do you think I did that?” He glanced at the red blood smeared on the bedsheet.

“Well…” ‘To prove that you spent the night with me? Hmm…come to think of it, he had no other reason to do that.’

“Everyone in this mansion will think that you and I had spent our first night.”

“Why? Why is Your-”

“If I don’t prove that I spent the night with you…” Amoide cut me off. “The duchess will continue to send the other women to my bedroom. And I’ll have to endure this nasty feeling all the time.”

“…” Only then, I realized why he did such a crazy thing. Red blood smeared on the white bedsheet. It was a clear proof that I did ‘it’ with him. In fact, it was something that only the newlywed couple could know. Nonetheless, the smeared blood was a straightforward way of informing the whole world that we had our first night.

After knowing his intention, I was relieved, and my mind became clear. Tomorrow morning, the maids will enter this bedroom to change the bedding. Then, they would see the trace of blood and assume that we already had our first night. Naturally, it would reach the duchess’s ears, too.

My tensed body gradually became relaxed. I had been under pressure ever since I entered this bedroom. The extreme nervousness from seeing him taking the dagger slowly faded away. My body began to lose its strength.

“Now that we got what we want…” Amoide leaned over and said, “That’s all I can do for you.” He turned around and walked away.

As if I was sentenced to death, his words lingered in my ears for a long time.

* * * * *

“It was a terrible night.” I heaved a deep sigh as I recalled what happened that night. It wasn’t a delightful memory, to him and to me. I used to feel guilty deep in my heart every time I was reminded of that night, and the guilt has plagued me throughout my marriage for the past two years.

A duchess that couldn’t act confidently, either in front of her husband or the others in this mansion. I had to pretend to be a real couple with him, and I had to deceive Camilla that we did the couple duty. However, not only to her, I had to deceive everyone as well. The maids, the servants, the butler, and the doctor, Raymond.

Had I told the truth about that night, the contract would be terminated right away, and I would be kicked out of this mansion. ‘Then, would I be able to survive outside with the huge debt?’ It was something that I could never know.