Chapter 61: chapter 61

Z's POV------------I enter the special room that has been arranged for Jeremy in the hospital. It has facility more than other patient rooms. Through the window, the room has a view of woods situated a few kilometres away from the hospital. They say Jeremy can go home once he wakes up. Wake up, Jeremy!I replace the red roses in the flower vase with fresh Jasmine and then pull the curtains and open the window letting the morning rays kiss Jeremy's figure. I pull the chair and sit beside the bed, in front of him. I just take in his beauty for a few minutes before clearing my throat."Jeremy!" I whisper even though he is not gonna answer me. He is sleeping peacefully, pale but still so beautiful. Long hair braided, just like I love it. I remember telling him to cut his hair when I loved it just like this way. Was it so hard to tell him that he looked beautiful every day with long hair? I carefully hold his hands, they are as warm and delicate as ever, such a big contrast to my own which are rough and full of scars. "How have you been? I'm sorry for the last time. I couldn't accompany you after the surgery" I say. "But you see... I'll be here every day till you wake up," As I lean in to kiss his forehead, a huge wave of overwhelming feelings surges within me and I cannot stop them from flooding me. Before I can even avoid it, tears streak down my cheeks. I quickly wipe my face but the bloody tears won't stop. I'm in the most vulnerable state right now. I'm exhausted. It hurts everywhere. Body and soul. "It's been three days... How long are you planning to sleep?" My voice breaks and the words come out barely as a whisper. I swallow and brush off some hair strands away from his face. "And I've got a lot of things to tell you... Even the one you've always wanted to hear" "I will say it as much as you want...so- just... Just wake up already" I hate how much my voice is breaking at this moment, my lips are trembling and I no longer can utter a word other than breaking into sobs. I have been living, telling lies to myself. Damn.I love Jeremy so much. Was it so hard to accept it for me?I must have been the most cowardly person to think that loving him would hinder my work when Jeremy has been doing everything flawlessly despite being in love with someone like me and getting hurt most of the time. The fact that I only realised it after nearly losing him, tells me how ignorant I have been to him. I'm nothing compared to Jeremy. No matter how tough I appear, I'm just a coward. I slowly stroke his cheeks with the tip of my fingers."I will make up for all the moments I've spoilt between us. I will take responsibility for everything" I mumble, rubbing his chapped lips.Even if he gets angry at me, I will take it. I will love him unconditionally. This time I'll never let him go. "You love it... Don't you Jeremy, to be loved hard? I will do that. I will do everything" So, just wake up and talk to me. .......It's been five days Jeremy. Aren't you really going to wake up? It's going to be Fall soon. Your favourite season.Leaves are changing colours. They are turning red and orange. Just wake up and look outside the window. You'll be so mesmerised by the nature.They are also waiting for you to wake up and welcome you. I promise I'll take the most beautiful picture of you in the woods this time. I'll never get annoyed like before. It has become routine for me to visit Jeremy every morning, change the flower in the vase, clean his body and sit for hours staring at his calm face with the hope that he would open his eyes and talk to me but then leave the hospital late at night with the same result and with a heavy heart.  Sometimes, I don't leave at all. I talk by myself most of the time and I don't even feel that odd anymore. I told him about the boys and how they missed him. Sometimes, I play music for him for hours. I love you so much, Jeremy. No matter how much I tell you, it's not enough anymore. ------It's the ninth day Jeremy. I'm getting impatient. I can't sleep at night and I want to hold you so bad. Tell me what should I do?I envy Rodas. He is having a good time with Elora but they are also missing you so much. Everyone in the house talks about you every day. They are all waiting Jeremy. You would be surprised to see the welcome party once you wake up. The house is in a very peaceful state right now. Mason is still tied in the basement. Oh. And I killed Rei. It was his doing. You are in this state because of him. I have no regret in killing him, Jeremy. Forget about him. I want to enjoy the holidays with you."I'm sorry for everything Jeremy, Please give me a chance to say I love you... I love you so much!" ------The mere thought of losing you terrifies me to death. I feel paralysed and it feels like someone set a fire within me, it burns and never stops and your silence is like a dagger slicing off my skin. I'm bleeding nonstop. I think I'm going mad.   So, please stop now.Enough of the punishment.I've learned my lesson. I said I would love you with everything I have. I won't let you go ever again. So why? Why are you making me suffer this much, Jeremy?It's the fifteenth day...Aren't you gonna wake up?