~Achilles ~
"Are we celebrating Christmas together?" Xander asked me the next morning. We'd opened the blinds to see that there was thick snow falling in the area. It was only a few days away from Christmas but I'd been so wrapped up in preparing to come out and this new thing with Xander I'd barely noticed.
"Wow, Christmas. That's still a thing, huh?" I said, suddenly worried about the fact my tree wasn't up, how I hadn't even thought of a gift for Xander and I wasn't even sure if he celebrated it.
Xander was fidgeting with his hair, somehow when I woke up at night I noticed he was wearing a silk headwrap to bed wrapped in a bonnet. I wasn't even sure where he'd gotten those things but then he said he always had hair care items in his trusty fanny pack. "I normally go to Germany to visit my extended family. It's like a family thing but it's not a huge tradition. If I go, I'll probably leave Christmas Eve and come back after New Years." He replied while taking off his silk wrap and bonnet, fluffing out his hair with his fingers.
"Do you want to do Christmas together?" I said as I rifled through my duffel for something that wasn't wrinkled.
"Maybe we'll do it together next year." He said softly. His tone was odd and I looked up to say something. But, then someone knocked on the door.
Xander went to open it and I got a bad feeling when I saw a few men from the pack standing outdoors. Their faces were set hard and grim and I got the sudden desire to shield Xander.
By the time I got to the door, a few tense words seemed to have been said. Xander made space for me to stand beside him but his body was on edge.
The three men on my doorstep had always been trouble, wannabe alphas since we were all just pups. I remembered how they could be bullies when they banded together. Rick, Jake and Kolby. They were all unremarkable looking, Rick developing a beer belly, Jake with his receding hairline and Kolby more average than anything else. From what I remembered, one was a high school teacher, the other an attorney and then an engineer.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be." Kolby was saying, staring hard at me, and completely disregarding Xander.
Xander spoke up, voice dripping acid, "Don't make what harder than it has to be?"
Kolby looked at Xander for a quick moment, the disgust plain on his face. "There were children here last night when you decided to tell everyone you're gay, Lee. That was wrong on so many levels. The pack is the one place us shifters can be our honest selves and you just...Ruined that."
"I didn't ruin anything." I ground out between clenched teeth.
Rick's arms were crossed over his chest, "We have the right to ask you to leave the pack, or at least to stop flaunting your lifestyle. We've decided having your friend around makes the pack uncomfortable."
It was strange. This is exactly what I had been afraid of, the lack of acceptance, the judgement, being made an outcast. But, standing there, I was only angry. My nice relaxing morning with Xander had been spoiled because of their lack of acceptance.
"Get the fuck off my porch." I said, moving past Xander to stand in front of him. "Don't be a dick in front of my mate." I gave each of them a hard glare before slamming the door in front of their faces. Fuck, I'd wanted to do that since forever.
Xander's reaction was just a delicately arched brow and an amused quirk of his lips. "Wanna come to my place later? Sunny said she wants to come over. We can take it easy and watch a movie."
I was saying sure before there was more knocking at the door. I whipped the door open, glaring at the same three stooges on my porch.
This time Jake's thin, reedy voice stood out, "You don't get to act like this is normal. We're compiling a petition. After we get enough signatures, we'll be bringing it to the alpha. I don't have anything against you, Lee, really, I don't. But, my kids were there last night...I just don't know if being exposed to this is okay at their age. They were born here, this is supposed to be a safe space." He almost sounded sympathetic.
"I was born here, too, Jake." I said, gripping the door knob far too tight. "I deserve a safe space. Why should I have to go somewhere to be accepted? Why can't the people around me, just accept me? This is the last time I'm going to tell you guys to get off my porch." I felt something in me shift as I lost my patience.
The air charged with the heavy thickness that percolated before violence. My lips thinned into a snarl, growls emanating in a deep but penetrative rhythm from the back of my throat.
The degree to which they shrank back was just as fascinating as it was startling. I could see the sudden fear their widespread eyes and beneath that I felt our hierarchies shift. We weren't equals anymore, if anything my wolf was telling me to make them submit.
I shook that thought away and closed the door, softly this time. I turned to Xander, wanting to know if he felt what I had, but his head was bowed over the desk, furiously writing something out on a pad of paper.
Walking over to Xander, he was singing softly in that low melodic voice of his writing out music notes that may as well have been another language.
A few minutes later, Xander's head shot up like he didn't know where he was. He stopped writing and blinked, looking for paper. "Ah, there's no more paper left. It's odd, I just can't place this song."
I stared at Xander for a moment, just kind of taking in that he was my boyfriend. It still made a bit light headed whenever I though about it, knowing that he was mine for the long haul.
I thought back to last night, flushing at how needy I was with Xander. Remembering how much I needed to mark him, the feel of his skin, the softness of his hair. I went over last night in my head but then I heard Xander clear his throat.
I looked up and he had an odd expression on his face, "I'm not jumping back into bed, so how about we get going?"
"I didn't suggest anything of the sort." I murmured.
Xander laughed, a short and soft sound. "It's your pretty brown eyes, Achilles. You've got bedroom eyes."
"Well," I said honestly, "I only have bedroom eyes when I look at you."
"Flattering." Xander said, but I saw he was struggling not to smile. His next words were even quieter, "You're strangely romantic, you know?"
Sometimes Xander would do something strange like that, act distant, or far away. Even when he was right next to me. I didn't like that. It didn't matter if we had slept together just last night, Xander wasn't the kind of person to truly bare himself to me. Sometimes, I thought he was insecure but I just wanted to really know him, the good, the bad, all of it. I hoped one day I would get there.
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After we left pack grounds, I spent my day doing some last minute Christmas shopping, decorating and attempting to inject the Christmas spirit into my bloodstream. Xander had gone to a university faculty benefit and came back that evening bit drunk and not making much sense.
He was curling up beside me in slacks that were probably more expensive than my last paycheque, a deep blue that were tailored to perfection over Xander's shapely thighs. Xander's hands were a blur as he tamed his riotous curls into corn rows against his scalp. His lips were pursed as he watched me, still braiding. "Achilles, love, I'm a bit drunk." Xander's voice was like a kiss, a bit rough, and a lot intimate. He moved into me on the couch, lips glossing over my ear, "Let's take a bath together."
But, the way my heart soared when he called me love I couldn't even begin to explain. I must have had a goofy grin on my face because Xander looked puzzled. "Meet me in the bathroom."
Xander got up, and I got up as well to help him prepare the bath. He moved smoothly, rarely bumping into anything as he put a bottle of wine into a bowl with a lot of ice cubes and transferred candles into the bathroom as well. Xander made a high bubble bath and then lit the scented candles around the bathroom before stripping unceremoniously and slipping into the bath with an obscene groan.
The lights in the bathroom were low, bathing Xander in a soft light that made his skin look more than inviting. I joined him in the hot water, liking the feel of his legs against mine and the fact we were both naked was definitely a bonus.
Mood:
"I didn't say anything weird, right?" Xander leaned back in the tub, water sloshing as he raised his wine glass to his lips, taking small sips. His eyes were heavily lidded as he watched me. "God, you're cute. You know that?"He put down his wine glass, "I'm lucky to have such a good boyfriend." Xander moved across the bath and kissed me then, his mouth still tasting of wine and then the deeper, sweeter taste that was all him. He stopped kissing me but nuzzled my cheek instead. "I've never liked anyone as much as you. You like told the door open for me when we go places. You don't like horror movies but you'll watch them with me anyways. You go to all my performances. You even decided to do vegan Monday's." He moved back to his side of the bath. Xander's voice was getting more and more somber and I realized that his eyes were full of not quite fallen tears.
"Are you crying?" I asked, more confused than anything else.
He blinked and one tear dropped down the left half of his face. "Why do you like me?"
"Because you're my mate." I said, tickling Xander's foot that was on top of my thigh.
Xander scrunched up his face, nose wrinkling as his mouth drew into a frown, "Is that all? Which part of me do you like best?"
"I like all of you." I said honestly, taking a long drink of wine. Xander really liked high class stuff and when I checked I saw the bottle was s merlot and from 1948. Sometimes I wasn't sure if he just liked expensive things.
He pouted, putting his glass on the ledge . "I like you because you're honest and you can be hard to read but you're open with me. I like the way you look at me like I can walk on water and how cute your dimples are and that you like sports even though I don't care about sports. And your chest hair is really soft and those are all reasons, Achilles." Xander was beginning to sound angry, lips tight and his arms crossed over his chest. "What am I to you?"
"You're my mate." I said again, holding up a hand when he tried to interrupt me. I moved close to Xander, letting my hands map out the soft, braids on his scalp. "It means that you're the first thing I think about when I wake up. My skin sings when you touch me and my favourite sound is your voice. I hate horror movies but I'll sit with you through them because you like them. It means I like listening to you practicing your instruments because I find anything that you do incredible. Because you're incredible. You're emotional and you cry a lot," I said, wiping away the tears on Xander's cheeks, "but I don't care. I like that you care about things and you're sensitive to things. So yes, there are a lot of things I like about you, Xander, I just don't say them all the time. No need to feel insecure." I said softly, not even sure why I was trying to reason with a drunk Xander.
He seemed happy with my response, giving me a reluctant smile and finally beginning to relax. But, then he picked up the wine bottle and drank straight from the bottle. He lowered it again, closing his eyes and swallowing. "I've been thinking."
"About..?" I said, wondering which direction Xander's thoughts would ping pong in next.
"Let's invite your family over to dinner. To get them to see that we're basically a normal couple. I'll cook, or maybe I won't. What do they like to eat? It can be like a little party. They'llâ" Xander's voice was shaking. "They'll come around. You're such a good man, Achilles, they have to."
I didn't want to think about how Anders hadn't spoken to me since that lunch, or how Harrison was talking to me more than normal, how my mother always sounded strange on the phone and Jim's strange absence.
I just wanted to be around someone who wanted me for me, and maybe that meant taking refuge in Xander's love. I was avoiding the inevitable but I was beyond caring. I opened my mouth, trying to think around the way wine softened the harsh edges of my world and made things seem so much simpler than they were.
Then, I looked at Xander, and the intensity of his green eyes as they begged me to try this out.
"I justâ" he licked his lips, "I know it's stupid, homophobes don't change, but they're your family and I want to try. And I can invite my mom, you can meet her, she's heard a lot about you."
That was another difference between Xander and I, he was always putting in so much effort into everything, even things not worth putting effort into. "Okay." I said softly.
I moved further into the water, pressing my hand on the back of Xander's neck, rubbing the uneven scar tissue of his mark and liking that Xander had let me do that to him. Xander had told me the scar was strangely sensitive and the noise he made only confirmed that for me as his eyes squeezed closed and his lips parted. "Let's talk about something else, Xander." I said quietly before pulling him in for a kiss.
I broke away from the kiss, "So, Christmas?"
"I'm going to Germany, my flight leaves tomorrow night." Xander said between kisses, focused on my throat, and licking at my jugular.
"OhâI mean, fuck, that's kind of distracting." I said, twisting away. "So we're not doing Christmas?"
Xander sat back, "We're never discussed anything. And I don't know Achilles, I think separate Christmases will be better this year. I wouldn't ask you to come to Germany when we started dating three months ago and I honestly don't think your family wants me around at your Christmas gatherings. After I come back, we can have our own little Christmas together. I still want to do something with you."
I sighed, although that did sound better. "We've seen each other most days since we started going out." I stared at the freckles on Xander's nose not wanting to meet his eyes, "I'll miss you. Even if it's less than two weeks."
Xander's hand crawled up my thigh as we kissed, "Aw that's sweet, Achilles. I'll miss you, too." And for the next little bit there wasn't very much talking at all.
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Overall thoughts?
Another longish chapter, I'm sorry ð¥