Chapter 37: ──thirty four

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

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JAMES' HEAD IS POUNDING. It's due to multiple reasons, of course, like the blinding fluorescent lights, the back and forth swinging of Lucas' leg, the nervous tapping of Remus' feet, Sirius' unrelenting pacing. And the clock. James hates the constant ticking, reminding him how long he'd been sitting in the damn hallway.

"Hospitals smell weird," Lucas told him as he looked around, making James smile.

"Yeah, it does," James agreed. "Are you hungry?"

Lucas didn't even look at him as he shook his head, attention completely taken by the group of healers huddled together.

"Tell me when you get hungry."

Lucas nods again and James goes back to watching the continuous ticking of the clock. He wonders, asking the same question he has been asking since Olivia had been taken.

How do you forgive yourself for the things you did not become?

How does he forgive himself for not being there, for not being the man he promised her to be? How do you forgive yourself after allowing the woman you love to slip through your fingers?

Lucas' hand goes to his arm, clutching the thick material of his coat. James turned to the little boy who watches the solemn healer walk towards them. James' jumps to his feet, hoping against all hope that it would be good news that the healer came to deliver.

But James knew that was not the case if the look on the healer's face was anything to go by and he felt his heart beating out of his chest as he approached them.

"Mr. Potter," the healer greets, managing to give him a small smile as she sees the anxiety clouding the man's face.

"How is she?" James immediately asked. The team had arrived less than two hours ago and due to the fact that both Samuel and Olivia were unconscious, they both got splinched. This should have been easy enough to deal with but the fact that Olivia is carrying two children and is extremely weak made it fatal.

"Due to her injuries, we've decided to perform an emergency cesarean," the healer told him slowly, making sure he understood each word.

"But she's only seven months in."

"The babies will be premature," she says. "But with enough care and a few weeks stay here, we're certain they'll survive. They're definitely not the first to be born a little earlier than planned."

James released a sigh of relief before the excitement set in. He'll be able to meet his kids soon. They're on their way to him and he couldn't wait. He turned to Lucas and his friends, who had been listening in on the conversation and his heart melted at the new shine on the little boy's eyes, looking just as, if not more, excited than him.

"But, Mr. Potter, I need you to know that there's a very slim chance of survival of both mother and children," the healer continues, instantly making James turn to her. "Which is why if it came down to it, when we're faced in a situation where we can only save one, we ask the family of the patient."

James' head was spinning again as his brain processed the words. Slim chance of survival keeps repeating again and again and James feels his eyes tearing up. "Are you-"

He stumbled back as the weight of the decision fell on his shoulders and he suddenly had an urge to scream till his throat hurts because it's so fucking unfair. They didn't deserve this.

Sirius was instantly beside him, holding him up. Dimly, he was aware of his brother calling his name but his ears were buzzing and his head spinning. He registered the pity etched on the healer's face and that was enough to make him want to vomit all his stomach's contents. "Are you asking me to choose between my kids and the love of my life?"

"I'm afraid we don't have much of a choice, Mr. Potter," the healer said sadly. "It's her or the babies."

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OLIVIA COULDN'T FEEL ANYTHING WHEN she finally woke up. She tried moving her fingers but it was no use. She's stuck, restricted by her own body and there's no way out.

The last thing I remember was the sound of Amara's body falling to the ground and then the darkness. It was a perfect contrast to the white light that's engulpting her now. It felt warm, too warm and Olivia wants nothing more than to shield her eyes but even that, she's unable to do.

"Olivia," someone calls and she knows exactly who it is. She'd recognized that voice anywhere.

James! She tried to call back but it was no use. Her mouth wouldn't open.

"I'm so sorry, baby," she heard him say again and she can almost hear the tears in his voice. "I'm so sorry."

Stop!

"They made me choose," he cries. "And I-I couldn't-"

Olivia was more desperate than ever then. What did they do? What did they make him do? What the fuck happened?

"I love you so much," he says, his voice nothing but a mere whisper. "I'm so sorry. If I could change it, I would but I can't, baby. I can't."

Olivia could feel the light taking over now and she wanted to scream.

No, no, no. James!

"I'll love you for the rest of my life," he whispers against her ears.

And then the brightness took over.

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THEY SLEEP PEACEFULLY AND JAMES can't help but watch in awe. They're small, tiny even, but James be damned if they're not the most precious beings he's ever laid eyes on.

"They're so small," Lucas muttered from beside him and James smiled as he placed a hand on the little boy's shoulders, pulling him closer to his side.

"Yeah, they really are, huh?"

"What are their names?"

James points at the boy. "That's Maxwell. Maxwell Fleamont, named after dad."

"How about our baby girl?" Lucas asks, staring at the little thing wrapped in a pink bundle.

James smiles again. "We're not sure yet, but we'll figure it out."

"Mr. Potter," the healer in charge of the NICU called quietly.

Both James and Lucas responded, turning to the healer immediately. "Yes?"

The woman smiled kindly at the two. "She's waking up."

With that, the two instantly sprint to her room, with James eventually picking Lucas up on the way.

When she finally reached their room, James was panting but there was a big smile on his face. "Hey."

Olivia turned to him, her own smile forming as Lucas happily waved at her. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" He asked as they walked towards her bed.

"Like shit."

James laughed because he can actually laugh now. After long and miserable months, he can actually laugh again. "Should have expected that."

"Can I see them?" She finally asked, eyes pleading and James wanted more than anything to grab their babies and bring them to her but instead, he looked at the healer for an answer because Olivia's safety comes first.

The healer smiled at the young couple. "I'm sure we can arrange something. I'll talk to people at the NICU. Now, I need you to keep it low for now. No sudden movements and no strenuous activities. You need to let your body have the rest it deserves."

"Are my babies okay?" Olivia asked, seeming as if the healer's words went in one ear and out the other.

"Yes, Ms. Kinsley," the healer assured her with another smile. "The twins are doing great despite the fact that they're only thirty weeks in. Of course, we still have to monitor them to make sure there are no lasting effects and everything that needed to develop did. The fact that you and your babies all survived is a miracle in itself."

"You mean there could be?" James asked.

The healer nodded. "Yes. Your babies are what we call very preterm since they're born at less than thirty two weeks of pregnancy, but I'm sure it's not anything we can't deal with. They may have to be kept here longer than other newborns since they need a little extra care for now, but I'm sure they'll be okay."

Both James and Olivia released a sigh of relief at that. "Thank you so much."

"You did well, Ms. Kinsley," the healer says. "Congratulations. I'll give you guys a few minutes."

"She's gone," Olivia muttered as soon as the healer left .

It seems as if as soon as she was assured that her kids would be okay, her mind went back to the dark place it had been stuck in for weeks.

Lucas and James shared a look before they both gently climbed on her bed, cuddling each side of her as the woman started crying.

"She's gone, James," she sobbed. "My sister's gone. She's never coming back."

James understands that there's nothing he can say to make her feel better. It's simply impossible because he doesn't understand and he doesn't understand because he's never felt her pain. He's never experienced it and so he would be lying if he says he understands.

So he simply stayed there. He held her as she cried and comforted her. James doesn't understand but he's there. He's there and he's not leaving and somehow, that's worth more than understanding what she feels.

"We're going to be okay," he promised her as she sobbed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you, but I promise I won't let it happen again."

"She sacrificed herself," Olivia sobs. "She died for me, James. The same way Maxwell did."

"That's not your fault," he told her firmly. "None of it is your fault."

"Who else will die because of me?"

James didn't know the answer, because who the fuck does? Olivia's siblings had loved her so much, enough to die for her.

The Kinsley children, they don't always get along but they each held a strength that was incomparable to others and oh god, they loved each other so much. They kept each other so close to their hearts that they would rather die than lose each other.

Her siblings owned Amara's heart and even after she met Alexander, it was her brothers and sister that held the title as the loves of her life. She loved them, more than anything, more than herself or her future.

And that's the kind of love that lasts forever.

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"THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL," SHE MUTTERS AS she stared at the little bundles laying on their magic powered incubators. "Can I hold them?"

The NICU healer gave her a sad smile. "I'm afraid not yet. They're tiny and fragile."

Olivia sighs before smiling at the little beings again. "That's okay. So long as they're okay. I can wait."

"Do you have names?" The healer asks kindly and James and Olivia share a look.

"Maxwell Fleamont Potter for the boy," Olivia answered before turning to James.

She had already named one of their babies and that's the thing. It's their babies. He deserves to name the other.

"Amara Euphemia," James answered, smiling at her. "Amara Euphemia Potter."

The healer smiles at them again as she writes down the names before leaving.

"Three kids at eighteen," Olivia joked, glancing back to the bed where Lucas had fallen asleep. "We really took your mum's advice, huh?"

James only chuckled as he continued watching the sleeping infants. It's indescribable, the feeling of seeing your newborn for the first time. It makes everything feel real and then you feel the brand new responsibility of placing on your shoulders. You're responsible for these little beings, to keep them safe and alive and happy. Suddenly, there's a purpose to keep on, to fight, to live. You're not just living for yourself anymore.

And James Potter had never felt happier that he has Olivia to share that responsibility with. They're in it now, hopefully forever.

"Marry me," he says suddenly, turning away from the infants to face her.

Olivia stared at him for a moment too long and James started to worry that maybe he had rushed into this, maybe he had crossed a line. Her sister just died for fuck's sake and he's asking her to agree to a lifelong commitment. "I mean, you don't have to-"

Then she started smiling and James could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

"I seem to recall you saying once upon a time that if you propose, it's going to be spectacular?"

James released a sigh of relief as he let out a shaky chuckle. "Maybe I'll try again in a few days-"

"Yes," she said suddenly, cutting him off again. "I'll marry you."

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞:

not me being too soft

to actually kill off any

of her kids or olivia.

disclaimer: i know

nothing about giving

birth or premature

birth so this is just me

spitballing here.

especially since it's

a magic hospital and

i have no idea how they

deal with these things.